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danny_friel
Reviews
40 Days and Nights (2012)
Don't do it...
Seriously, if reading this before watching the movie, don't do it.
As other reviewers have pointed out, this was a poorly written, poorly acted low budget movie. The actors should have been screaming "Noooo" from the high heavens at the awkwardness of their lines and direction.
There is so much wrong with this movie, I don't know where to start. However, they should have spent a few bob on:
Acting lessons
A continuity person
A military advisor. In no military would a lieutenant be cheeky and/or grumpy to an admiral.
Lessons in co-ordinated lurching
Decent models. The models were so very obviously models.
An overcoat for the lead female character. She kept going out in thundering rain in a plunging round neck string t-shirt that hid nothing.
Nice to have would include;
An explanation as to why a geneticist would be conduction mechanical repairs.
An overcoat for the lead female character.
A less obvious rip-off of 2012
Apologies for the extra spaces between lines but this platform has a mind of its own and refuses to accept correction. Perhaps the devs could look at that.
Not so much a disaster movie as a movie disaster.
The UFO Battle of Los Angeles (2023)
Hard going
I have to admit, I like a UFO story. As an example, Secret Space UFO's: Apollo 1-11. This was full of audio transcript, photos, filmography, interviews, analysis of of all this and was really interesting. Dr Stephen Greer, always entertaining.
It doesn't have to have any conspiracy about it, just analysis is enough.
This program has been one of the most difficult programs I have ever watched.
In a nutshell, a UFO was discovered flying over Los Angeles 3 months after Pearl Harbour. The Americans went all American and lobbed 1440 artillery shells into the air and later said it was a "Weather balloon".
That's it. That's all there is really. The rest just feels like padding taking 2 hours and 12 minutes to tell the story. So far I am 1 hour 10 minutes in and am in 2 minds as to whether to continue.
As stated, I like photo/film/interview and a bit of analysis, this program delivers nothing of this.
Points that really annoyed and put me off include...
1. The Narration: this sounds as if the narrator has been ran through one of those voice disguise programs. Very robotic and uninteresting.
2. Pregnant pauses: They watched too much X Factor. I timed one pregnant pause of "xxxxx stated..." as 27 seconds before the speech continued.
3. The music: They went for the "eerie music" but it fell short at "really annoying music". Lots of too loud electronic music that simply gave me a headache.
4. The graphics: Expecting redacted documents, grainy photos, jittery movies, and interviews? Nope. 1 hour 15 mins and and so far I have seen lots of pictures of trees with clouds scudding across the sky, men in silhouette smoking, pictures of fields, Mount Rushmore, telescopic radar dish with the sun setting behind it , an asteroid heading toward Earth, a really bad alien mask etc etc. To be honest, none of the graphics related to the narration and they were oft repeated and never, ever interesting.
5. Documents: it mentions memos and notes etc, but doesn't actually show you them. The narrator just tells you what was supposedly in the note.
Take out the narration, and this is a perfect show for new age relaxation. Whiny electronic music and supposedly relaxing visuals.
I'm as bored writing this as I am now bored of this program Amy advice would be: give this a miss.
BloodRayne (2005)
Oh dear
I'm reminded of a Britney Spears song, Oops I Did It Again. I didn't check IMDb ratings before pressing play.
There is so much wrong with this movie that I don't know where to begin, however I will have a stab...
Dialogue: From the opening scene, the dialogue just sounded wrong. We've all seen those foreign movies where the sentence structure just didn't work. This movie is the same. The lines just sounded so bad. One of the pieces of trivia says the cast re-wrote most of the lines and that is definitely believable.
I kid you not, this was actually in a scene
Actor 1: They are all dead
Actor 2: Are there any survivors
Acting: the less said about this the better. Picture every single badly acted move scene you have ever seen, roll them all together and you will get a hint. All that is missing is an evil round of Ming The Merciless mwahahaaha laughter. Michelle Rodriguez plays her stereotypical angry young woman. She just has this natural angry demeanour about her.
Outfit: usual game stuff. Lots of exposed flesh on Kristanna Loken and Michelle Rodriguez with not a lot of protection. Trousers hanging off the hips, wee crop tops with plunging necklines that wouldn't be out of place in an Ann Summers shop but definitely out of place in a pre-industrial movie. To be fair, the cleavage is usually the best thing in most scenes. Except the sex scene. That was so bad nothing could save it.
Weapons: already mentioned in previous reviews, poor. My wee man's foam swords would not look out of place here. One guy actually grasps a sword by the blade when handed to him.
Weapons that are in hand one second, then gone, then back again a second later. Not through magic, just really bad continuity.
Someone needs to show Michael Madsen how to use a whetstone.
One scene has a knife sinking in water, with the weight of the handle taking it down, rather than the blade. Foam floats 😀
I'm going to leave it at this and try to find something better, like, zombie alien nazis.
Good Witch (2015)
One day I will learn...
...to come here first.
This series, from the outset, deserves 1 star.
I've never watched the movies so have no basis for comparison but this is dire.
As folks say, it's filmed in a very picturesque city but they use one aerial scene, over and over ad nauseam. The interior scenes are so obviously manufactured beyond belief that you can't take them seriously.
The acting is pretty much on par with the sets. It's as if someone looked at all the cheesy Christmas movies they churn out and thought "ooooh". Lots of lingering looks held to long, stares into distances, and smug looks passing between females.
As for the script, I don't think there is a single line in the show that would be used in real life. And most of the lines are cringeworthy. Which matches the storyline for pretty much every episode. Folks come to stay at the b&b, they have issues, Catherine Bell manipulates them into resolving their issues and everyone leaves happily ever after. Apart from several episodes about whether a plant would flower or not. Yup, it's as bad as it sounds. The interactions between the characters, in every single episode, just doesn't flow.
Catherine Bell. Following proudly in the footsteps of every other annoying female lead. Smug looks, coy tilts of head, attempts at being mysterious but you mainly just think "the lips". Weird shape, and they just don't seem to work right. Looks like the filler solidified and isn't showing any sign of relenting. Might explain why her kisses look uncomfortable.
The show is top heavy in female roles and they are pretty much all annoying. Depth of character seems to be an alien concept. Catherine Disher, as the mayor, is entertaining in a "I want to kill her" but she is quirky fashion but the rest are just "I want to kill her as she is so annoying". Manipulative busybodies who, in real life would be told where to go after their opening line.
The researchers for the show dropped the ball over and over and some storylines simply didn't compute. A top surgeon becoming a small town doctor who then also runs a major hospital by doing surgery. A woman with a sore ankle diagnosed as having Plantar Fasciitis. A woman says "it's gonna be a nice night, you won't need a jackets" so folks gormlessly grin and head off without checking the weather.
Good points:
1. The leading man comes across as a nice character cringing inwardly and thinking of the money. Emasculated, poor lines, paired with a woman between whom there is zero chemistry. Meh.
2. The anticipation of some disaster wiping out the entire cast.
3. The mayor is funny and yet you still hope to see her running from a zombie. Zombie, werewolf, ghoul, lich. Anything to make the show less dire, really.
I'm gonna end here and also end watching too. Having read the reviews it appears this, despite previous belief, actually can go further downhill.
Cuckoo (2012)
Season 1, aye. Rest, no.
I was on a stand-up comedy bint and the breadcrumb trail led me here.
Season 1 was good with Cuckoo driving Greg Davies bananas. Lots of belly laughs and laugh out loud moments.
Season 2, bizarrely, dropped Cuckoo and just went downhill. Whilst Season 2 was still funny, it just didn't live up to season 1 standards.
Season 3 was ok with the odd laugh. By this stage Rachel and Dylan were quite annoying
When they introduced Andie McDowell, I switched off. This woman, for me, ruins everything she touches. The program simply stopped being funny.
On top of that, they turned Rachel into a lesbian and that just seemed to take over. It did nothing to progress any storyline and seemed a nod to the pic brigade.
Watch season one but take your chances with the rest.
Solar System: The Secrets of the Universe (2014)
The topic saved it
I've always had a fascination with space so, she it popped up on my Netflix homepage I decided to give it a whirl.
My word, it was annoying.
The first annoyance, pointed out by many people, was the fact he simply read the material off an auto-cue. His eyes flicked side-to-side constantly and was very off-putting.
Next came the accent. Pronunciation of some words was simply wrong. Petty perhaps but it spoiled the immersion.
Next, it seemed to be a translation rather than natural English. Thus, the narrative simply didn't flow and the syntax was just slightly off. Another off-putter.
For a program supposedly set in 2057, why use archaic language such as "scientifical"?
There were repeated attempts at humour, but as he was simply reading a script, there was none of the required delivery for actual humour.
It insulted your intelligence on more than one occasion. "It's 200 light years wide. That means if you could travel at the speed of light, it would take 200 years to get from the left border to the right". D'uh. He then repeated the explanation to explain light hours.
Last but not least, the hair and make up department dropped the ball. Every time the camera angle changed, so did the direction of the narrators hair. Worse, it simply looked lank and greasy in every scene.
It really deserves 1 star but the material itself is quite interesting.
30 minutes in, I gave up and went to youTube.
Portals (2019)
Oh dear
I feel my Netflix subscription may be ending soon.
The drivel they are serving up, e.g. This movie, is unbelievable.
As other reviews say nothing happens. Except some inane screaming.
Combine your worst zombie meets invasion of the body snatchers...
Dragon Day (2013)
Oh dear
Half-way through, turned off.
Usual low-brow drivel they seem to keep churning out. Bad plot, bad dialogue, bad acting.
The only reason I made it halfway was to see an actual invasion but I was thwarted.
Lost in Space (2018)
Absolute drivel
Lost in Space seems to have morphed into Stuck on a Planet with Sixty Others. Hardly a surprise when a ship aimed at going to Alpha Centauri runs on petrol.
I don't know what it is about modern shows but they all seem to be aimed at feeding the same boring format to mindless audiences.
This one ticked all the boxes for the new format. It picks an old show loved for how bad it was and just changed it so it would simply be bad and unlovable.
Dr Smith was changed from a conniving old man to a woman which sets the tone for the rest of the cast with it being predominately female. This on its own wouldn't be bad but they are all really annoying female characters. The studios seem to equate "strong woman" with "really annoying woman who will ignore sensible advice because it come from a a man and go do something stupid whilst delivering really bad lines". They should really allow actors to say "really? I have to say this?". Affirmative for pre-check clearance. A genuine line, I kid you not....
That takes us on to the male characters, most of whom aren't worth discussing as they don't get much of a part.
Mr Robinson is the only male character to get much of a part and that seems necessity more than desire. Totally sidelined character whose opinion is never sought and always ignored. He may as well not be in the show. He doesn't even get to play with power tools as his wife single-handedly repairs the ship because, obviously, she has a ph.d in engineering. An ex-US Marine, undefeated on the battlefield gets his nuts easily sliced off by a scriptwriter.
That brings us to the script which also seems to follow the new template. Have the really annoying female characters cause and/or stumble from one implausible disaster to the next even more implausible disaster whilst delivering the worst lines in the world and ignoring the men. Blah blah. Such a tired format and it's only a few years old.
Then the scriptwriters made the ultimate transgression. They messed about with the Robot.
By episode 3 I was simply wishing they would start killing people off but even that wasn't to be. It was just so boring I simply turned it off.
Iron Fist (2017)
Dire, in every respect
I started watching this to round out my Marvel character base. Growing up as a DC fan, I didn't know all Marvel and Iron Fist seemed to be gaining traction.
I tried, I really did. I suffered through 13 episodes in an effort to try to love this but I simply couldn't.
Everything is seriously flawed.
The acting is dire, the story weak, the dialogue is horrific, the bad guys are unconvincing and the character depth can be measured in millimetres. And the speed of the story is snail-like.
Feel free to give it a go, but Season 2 can remain a mystery.
The Thing Below (2004)
This movie certainly delivered
Now, call me strange, but I like to watch the occasional gash movie and I have to say, this movie tops it.
Yes, the script was so cheesy mice were asking where party was, the cgi looked like they were done on a ZX Spectrum, the acting was appalling but it was great. For gash, it was the gashest. Had to watch it over three nights just to fully appreciate how delightfully bad this movie was.
You have to wonder who read the script and said "This is good.", as every rotten line in creation was stuffed into it. And the actors were obviously giving it their all, which just made it funny.
Worth a watch if you want a laugh, but definitely not worth taking seriously, and definitely not worth getting annoyed about. Good grief, even the synopsis of the movie was telling you it was gash.