Reviews

"New film! Johnny Depp, Tim Burton, Michelle Pfiffer, vampires; it must be great!" That was basically the line of dialogue that went through my head while I watched the trailer for the first time. Now, I've been away at school, and since then, I haven't watched any television. I was shocked at how many things I was completely lost on! "Dark Shadows" was one of them. I had enough money to see ONE movie when I came home for the break, and I chose "Dark Shadows" because of the cast. This is my review. Please keep in mind, that I have not seen the original TV series. I hadn't heard of it until the movie came out.

Plot: I thought the plot was rather interesting, but with a star-studded cast, a plot isn't really necessary, right? Everyone just wants to see them interact with each other. The flashback in the beginning was nice, and set the mood very well. I was kind of disappointed with the loose ends they left. Not sure if they are opening for a sequel (I hope not) or what. Then again, Tim Burton likes to let your imagination do the work, so it may just be his artistic signature. Like with the entire Victoria/Barnabas romance? I understand that she's a doppelganger-type love (similar to Dracula), but it's rather spontaneous, and the entire plot at the end is rather unfulfilled, in my opinion. I think they mostly did it, because they couldn't come up with a good way to end it. :P Don't get me wrong, I thought it was entertaining to an extent. Most of the jokes fell short with me, but I was entertained by the situational humor. Watching Barnabas try to interact and blend in with the 70's was my favorite part of the film. However, I thought there were a lot of very unnecessary things in the film that put a damper on it; such as the sexual moments. I realize they're supposed to come across as humorous or "O.o?!", but for me, they were disappointing and ruined segments of the film. I thought it terribly unnecessary, distracting, and disgusting.

Characters: I am not a fan of Helena Bonham-Carter, but I very much enjoyed her character. (Minus the lewdness with Barnabas) The teenager in the house (whose name escapes me) was funny and not annoying. I especially loved the scene with her and Barnabas when he is seeking dating advice. The little line about 'birthing hips' had me in giggling fits. I ADORED Michelle Pfiffer's character. She starts out seeming to be with evil intentions, but in the end, she is the protective one. I really liked it. I thought everyone was cast well, minus Eva Green. She definitely looks the part, but when she opens her mouth, I found her annoying.

Miscellaneous Notes: Profanity wasn't horrible, I'm pleased by its absence. Random plot twist with the werewolf? Okay... *puzzled* Unresolved ending? Fine, fine, Timmy does that a lot. I found more humor in the situation and in the little expressions on character's faces much more than the actual pokes that were put into the script.

All-in-all, I give it a five. I found the plot to be rather boring, and I only stayed to watch the characters interact. I knocked it down from its original 7 because of my disappointment with the tasteless sex scenes. I'm starting to feel that Tim Burton should back off a bit, and concentrate on doing less films, but making them of higher quality.

Not looking forward to seeing the next 'slip up' in the Twilight 'Saga', I went into the movie theater again with little to no expectations. And I must admit, I was slightly surprised...

Not much can be made from a lousy script, but a lot of character development was made. Kristen Stewart got a little better at portraying "Bella". But half of the credit has to be given to the script writer, who actually decided to give Bella a personality this time around. The writer goes more into Bella's 'fun-loving' past, such as vacations with her mom, and the jokes between them. Kristen also did a much better job of keeping her gaping mouth shut. She actually uttered a full chuckle instead of her little scoffing noise that she usually makes when trying to laugh. Nice step up, but still way below the normal standard of 'good acting'.

Edward stayed the same; not a lot of development. However, the chemistry between Edward and Bella seemed stronger, especially coming from Edward. Instead of looking at Bella like a delicious entrée, (I KNOW he's a vampire; ignore my pun) he looks at her like a true lover would. He also has some good comedic timing in his few jokes with Jacob.

Jacob...now there's a nice improvement. Still being all about fun, yet mature and serious, Lautner gives a very believable performance. 90 percent of acting is reacting, and Lautner did very well with reacting to the situations around him; taking advantage of every moment he could to dangle Bella in front of Edward's face.

The heart-to-heart that Jacob and Edward has was interesting, and went over better than I thought it would. But again, the scriptwriting was lazy. I predicted roughly 60 percent of their conversation almost word-for-word.

Rosalie's past was a WONDERFUL insight to her present actions. Reed does a very good job of keeping her 'snobby girl' facade even after she lets Bella in on her feelings and past. Her story makes you feel bad for her, which is something that the audience desperately needs to feel for Rosalie. There's a reason she acts the way she does.

Jasper's past was a great flashback as well; I was half hoping that more of the movie would revolve around his and Rosalie's past. They were much more interesting than the love triangle that was happening at the time. (And as a third-party observer; Jackson Rathbone looks SO FINE in that Civil War uniform!) The wardrobe department needs to fire a few people. Putting the ENTIRE Cullen family in DENIM-colored TRACK-SUITS? Honestly? *sigh* The Finale was nice and action packed. Just enough of the werewolf/newborn battle and just the right amount of Edward/Victoria showdown mashed together. There's been a bit of controversy about re-casting Victoria, and personally, I saw no difference. Other than the voice change, Howard did a great job of keeping Victoria's revenge-filled personality alive. Even Riley, who played a major part, was absolutely horrifying and devious.

I was slightly disappointed with Jane. From New Moon, we know that she's absolutely threatening, sadistic, and insane. But Dakota didn't relay it that well to the audience. Her lines are emotionless instead of horrifyingly quiet. There is a way to be quiet and terrifying, and Dakota couldn't hack it. The rest of the Volturi guard was fine.

It was a lot to shove into a single Twilight movie, but it was done tastefully. All it needs is a better actress for Bella, better scriptwriting, and more scenes with the Volturi. I absolutely cannot WAIT for Breaking Dawn pt. 2, so that Michael Sheen can re-enter the scene and show these teenagers how it's DONE!

First off, let me state that I am not a Twilight fan. I'm not what you'd call a 'hater', but I'm not a fan. That doesn't mean that I'm not well educated in the irritating realm of Twilight...This is the first movie that I have actually laughed until I cried. The script is nothing to be proud of, but the comedic timing of all of the physical gags were precise and hilarious.

My analysis: Jen Proske, (the girl that plays Bella--ahem--Becca) is BRILLIANT. She has Kristen Stewart's facial ticks, vocal lilts, and stoned expression down to a 't'. I was very impressed. This young lady has a bright future in acting. Matt Lanter, (Edward) does a GREAT Rob Pattinson impersonation; especially after he saves Becca from the careening van. Thumbs up to both of them.

The rest of the cast played very minor roles, but they did well too. A special star goes to Ken Jeong, for his impersonation of Aro...uh...Daro. A touch of Michael Sheen with a spin of his own. Brilliant and entertaining.

Now, for the content. The continuity was better than the actual movies! Pacing, scene transitions, even the switching of events makes more sense than in the legitimate movies. Interesting...Most of the jokes depend on the audience's knowledge of the series. For example: we all know that vampires 'sparkle'. *dry heave* And there's a scene where all of the vampires are standing out in the sun, and only Edward is sparkling. Most of the jokes in the movie are like that. But there are plenty of other jokes for audience members that don't know anything about Twilight. (If that is still humanly possible...)

Since this movie was made by the same people that made the "Epic Movie", I was waiting for a lot of dirty humor. There is definitely less crude humor in this movie than in the "Epic Movie", but there are still some really nice cover-the-eyes-of-your-children moments. Unnecessary and distracting.

If you can get over the dirty humor, then this movie is a screaming laugh. Charlie and Billy have great lines and scenes with each other. Becca and Edward have WAY better Chemistry than Kristen and Rob could EVER have with each other, and the movie is all-in-all, pretty short.

I would've given it a 9/10, but the over-the-top dirty humor knocked it down to a 7.

To start this off, I am a fan of the series. Not a HUGE fan, but a fan nonetheless. When the trailer first came out, I was already skeptical and frustrated. I knew that it would be hard to make a movie out of a series. I walked into the theater with a few expectations. Only one was met.

Let's start with the plot: The entire plot is scattered, and the dialogue is no better. Unless you're a fan, you will have absolutely NO idea what is going on. The scriptwriter tries to throw in significant events, (such as Yue's sacrifice) but they come across as time-fillers to the audience members who haven't seen the show. The only reason I saw the significance of lines, scenes, and locations was because I was familiar with the series. Most of the actors were very flat, but not to the point of dull. Aang, (pronounced Ahng in the movie, ARGH!) Plays a boy that has been in hibernation for a century. When he wakes up, I was expecting him to be a little disoriented like he is in the series. Turns out, he's bubbly, and childish. Don't get me wrong, Aang is supposed to be those things, but the way the actor delivers the lines makes Aang seem like an idiot. Katara and Sokka tell him many times what is going on, and he seems to keep brushing it off.

Katara and Sokka were a little better than Aang. Katara did a good job of making Katara seem annoying, yet not overbearing. Her lines were a little rushed, but they match the actress who voices Katara in the series. Sokka does a good job of being jumpy and fidgety. He didn't offer nearly as much comedic relief as he is supposed to, but he does have a few funny moments. A few of my acquaintances say that Sokka doesn't consider himself to be funny, he just does things, and makes everyone think he's funny. I only partially agree with this statement. I was waiting for Sokka to complain about being hungry. Unfortunately, he never did. :( Zuko: now there's disappointment. The Slumdog Millionaire kid? Seriously?! Bad choice. The Fire Nation was made up of Mediterranean looking actors, giving them a distinct look. Zuko's scar was BARELY NOTICEABLE. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that it was just a skin problem. His acting is bitter and harsh, but without reason or motivation. There's no pain behind his voice when he talks about his past. Especially when the little boy answers his question about Zuko's banishment. Show some emotion, would ya? And the Fire Nation commander? Don't even get me started on how harmless he was...

One of the only expectations I had was concerning Zuko's sister, Azula. I was waiting for the trademark voice, and demonic facial expressions. This expectation was dashed. The actress has a high pitched voice that makes her seem not threatening. Not looking forward to Book Two: Earth.

The rest of the cast was fine, Iroh, Katara's grandmother, the Fire Lord, Yue, etc.

Hardly any 3D at all; not worth paying four extra dollars for a few effects that aren't that interesting anyways...

There was one little scene that I was very impressed with. Even though the character Yue was only introduced a few minutes before she was sacrificed, she made a good enough impression that it made you sad when she gave herself to the moon. Sokka's reaction is genuine, and also heart-wrenching.

All-in-all, you will only like this movie (if you can get past its bad points) if you have seen the series and understand what's going on, but then again, you will hate this movie if you've seen the series. The opposite goes for the unenlightened audience. If you've never seen the series, you'll be lost completely.

5/10 because of the special effects and compensating acting from Sokka, Yue, and the adults.

All right, so I'll try to be kind about the acting given by the inexperienced teenagers.

Kristen Stewart: I never expected much out of her, especially after her mediocre performance in Twilight. And, I was smart not to expect anything. She didn't improve AT ALL. Her lines are still rushed, and emotionless. Bella's character hasn't developed at all either.

When Edward walks towards Bella, or enters the scene, her face doesn't even light up like a real love-struck teenager's would. With Jacob, it does. I do not approve of being a part of the 'teams' that they've invented for Edward or Jacob, but as a third-party observer, she has much better chemistry with Jacob. When Edward leaves her in the woods, do you think that she would shed ONE BLOODY TEAR?! She doesn't even appear to be affected. And when she is 'depressed' for three months, could you fix your screams so that they don't sound like you're going into labor and giving birth? Thank you.

Now Robert Pattinson: His accent was MUCH better. He didn't sound like he had a speech disability this time around. The only beef I have with him is his lack of understanding of Edward's emotions while he says his lines. In the scene when he leaves Bella in the woods, the way he relays his lines makes him sound like he enjoys leaving her. Even though I struggled through the books, I do remember that Edward is supposed to be 'pained beyond description' while breaking up with Bella. And let us not blame Robert for his lack of abs. We all know that no one can compare to Taylor Lautner. (Stifles a laugh) His fight scene with the Volturi was very entertaining to watch, however. That might just be because I enjoy watching Edward getting his trash kicked, but whatever...

Taylor Lautner: The only thing he had that met any expectation was his muscular figure. His lines were very poorly delivered, but his chemistry with Bella was good. A lot more noticeable than Edward's. Jacob does deliver a few witty lines, but they are almost thrown away due to his rushed delivery. I liked him better with the long hair too. According to 'Indian' tradition, cutting your hair is disgraceful to the culture.

I was suffering through the entire film, thinking that there was no possible hope of redemption, UNTIL, the scene with the Volturi rolled around. Despite the fact that it is not NEARLY long enough, I was absolutely blown away by Michael Sheen's acting as Aro, the leader of the Volturi. Even Cameron Bright, who played Alec, only had one line, but delivered it very well. Dakota Fanning played psychotic Jane very well, but the only suggestion I would have to her, would be to input some dramatic pauses in her dialogue. It makes the audience hang on her every word. The few she has, anyway. I'm looking forward to the expansion of her role in Eclipse. Bella's lack of emotion while Edward is being tortured by Jane's 'pain' power just screams how horrible of an actress she is. Christopher Heyerdahl and Jamie Campbell Bower do a wonderful job of playing Aro's wings; Caius and Marcus. Jamie Campbell Bower's glare that rests on his brow adds GREATLY to his character development. I'm almost tempted to skip Eclipse altogether, just so that I can see Michael Sheen again in Breaking Dawn! But then again, I would be missing Peter Facinelli and Elizabeth Reaser, who never disappoint. The rest of the Volturi guard, Felix, Demetri, and Heidi, also did a great job of making a good impression with little dialogue.

So when it boils down to it, every character in the movie, including minor ones like Charlie, and the Cullens, do very well. The only ones I cannot stand are the three main ones: Bella, Edward, and Jacob. If you can get around those, then this movie will be mildly entertaining. I only bought the DVD so that I could watch the Volturi scene over and over again!