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Stormy (2024)
Fascinating insight into the Stormy affair
Seeing the events of the time through Stormy Daniels' eyes is truly fascinating and not a little scary. The fear she experienced as a result of the hateful barrage of abuse is palpable. On top of this the dirty tricks from the powerful people she upset are really eye opening.
The film does not editorialize, instead letting the events speak for themselves. Stormy is not portrayed as anything but herself, certainly not as a hero, but as her personal life is slowly torn apart it's hard not to feel sorry for her despite her mistakes. What's clear is that she was abused, and then punished for it, and her family was torn apart by the flak. There are no winners here.
L'umanoide (1979)
Star Wars meets Monkey
As an undiscerning child of 8, still high on fumes from Star Wars and consumed with a voracious appetite for anything to do with spaceships, laser guns, and cute robots, the TV-aired trailer from The Humanoid produced the desired effect: I nagged myself and a friend into being escorted to the local cinema by my dad. Through those eyes, the movie provided a suitable fix, despite feeling a little flat over all. But hey, it had a cute robot dog, space ships and lasers all the way through! Thirty five years later things appear very different. In fairness, the technical quality of the DVD copy I purchased is pretty poor but it's clearly not an official release. However, there are some details in the extraordinarily poor production values that with even with the most generous and forgiving attitude I can't ascribe to anything but a cynical disregard for quality by the director. Another spectacular facet of this movie is how many scenes appear to be nothing more than Sweded versions of identical scenes in Star Wars. The recipe for this entire project can be summed up as:
1> Select some iconic scenes from Star Wars.
2> Reproduce them using funds from coins found down the back of the sofa.
3> Wrap a vague plot around them - don't worry too much about the details.
4> Fill the gaps with mystical nonsense - if it is spouted by an Asian child then it becomes all the more reasonable.
5> Season with a liberal sprinkling of cleavage and nipples to taste.
Overall it's worth watching for the lulz, and as a cultural artifact which demonstrates how desperate everyone was to cash in on Star Wars at the time. Watching that pathetic robot dog attempt to emulate R2D2 as it hobbles across the dessert is really quite tragic.
In keeping with the tone of the previous reviews, it has to be said that I will re-watch this classic of terrible cinema, which is more than I can say about The Phantom Menace.
P.S. "Star Wars meets Monkey" is an entirely accurate summary of this movie that sadly I can't take credit for. A friend of mine described it thusly after watching chunks of it on You Tube.
Contact (1997)
Really?
So, 26 minutes in she's already slept with a Jim Morrison looking vicar, had her facile back-story explained with sledgehammer flashbacks involving herself as a Cute Kid(TM), and now the cartoon villain has taken away her funding and is probably about to tie her to a railway track... It began to seem unlikely that I would finish this cloying, formulaic, cinematic fart, but perseverance did pay off.
There are some interesting ideas at work, and an unusually strong emphasis on science, albeit blurred at times by a clumsy attempt to lever religion into the argument.
If you can overlook the many clichés, 1-dimensional characters and the some of the miserably cringe-inducing moments in the script, it's actually quite enjoyable. But it will never be a classic of any genre, least of all Science Fiction.
Class Reunion (1982)
But...it's really good!
National Lampoon have a checkered history of film-making - for every Animal House, they produced a slew of Van Wilder level trash. But this one is definitely in the Animal House camp. I'm astonished that it's taken such a panning on IMDb! It's a stupid film, full of ridiculous characters, but I defy you to watch it without laughing. As well as some excellent performances, it has some absolutely brilliant lines (note that it was written by John Hughes), some beautiful comic vignettes, and Chuck Berry is in it! What's not to love?
Another review referred to it as a "slasher movie spoof"; it is not. Nor is it trying to be. If you want to see a slasher spoof - go and see Scary Movie 12. If you want to sit giggling in front of your TV after you get back from the pub one night, give this a try. Ignore the haters.
Condorman (1981)
Somewhere good between awful and awesome
It's comforting to see others have the same, fond, childhood memories of this film as I. Watching it again for the first time in well over twenty years, I have to say it holds up really well. It's got a ridiculous plot, hammy acting, dodgy accents, and lame jokes - just like every James Bond film before 2007. But it's fun, and funny, and full of all of the cool spy stuff that I still love as a 38 year old little boy of 10. And in the 30 years since I saw it in the cinemas the theme tune has not left me - it remains as apt, exciting, hummable and ridiculous as it was at the time.
As if you needed any other reasons to love this film, there are two words that guarantee it: Oliver Reed. What a baddie!
If you have a 10 year old child, nephew, or niece, it is your duty to ensure they watch this wonderfully silly action film.
Tight Trousers (1990)
Bizarre, funny and memorable
It's wonderful to see that others remember this superb short film. To my knowledge this has only aired on (British) TV once and that was many years ago. I was lucky enough to tape it and kept it ever since, which means I can and do revel in it on a regular basis. Occasionally I meet people who saw it on that sole airing and have as much affection for it as I. Vas Blackwood and Eddie Osei are brothers on a magical night out. Vas Blackwood's character is sceptical that there is any magic around and cynical about everything else. I can't describe any more about this film without ruining its wonder; it's a film and needs to be seen. All I can really do is urge whoever owns the rights to get it released on DVD, and correct the previous reviewer: she wasn't dressed as a pack of cards, she was dressed as a Walkman that supplied the music for Vas Blackwood's "some enchanted evening" solo. The closing title music is especially good too, consisting of some beautiful African hornage.
Code 46 (2003)
Pretentious twaddle
Take a simple idea about a possibly nasty consequence of a current controversial topic, say genetics, and then drag it out for an hour and a half. Fill the gaps with pretentious over-stylised shots of cities and deserts; dull pictures can be made more "filmic" by distorting the colour balance and contrast. Add a shot of a shaved vagina and bingo! - an "intellectual love story".
Only missing was the Michael Nyman or Vangelis soundtrack, but they cunningly added a strategic musical guest in the shape of Mick Jones from "The Clash". The death knell for a sitcom is when they start introducing guest stars into every episode. Looks like they didn't take any chances here.
What was Tim Robbins thinking ?
Run away! Watch Gattaca!
The Chain (1984)
All human life
You may be mistaken for thinking this film has a religious heart. OK, it is a story of the seven deadly sins, but that's where the religion ends. In fact it is the story of humanity, expressed by describing a day in the life of a removals team. The chain of house-movers encompass all of the virtues and sins of the world. Not only do we see the upward transitions from affordable house to newly affordable homes, we see the fundamental impact a house-move has on the movers. We also see how similar the different classes, cultures and sexes are when faced with one of the most significant upheavals a human can endure: moving home.
Brilliant actors, brilliant screenplay, brilliant concept.
A superb movie that will have you belly-laughing.