Reviews

It's no wonder Atari buried thousands of these cartridges in a landfill. Not only did it drive the once mighty Atari company out of business, but it even caused the great video game crash of 1983 that nearly destroyed the entire business. Yes, it was truly THAT bad.

Your objective is to guide ET across multiple screens on a single level to collect three separate phone parts to phone home and escape planet Earth, all the while avoiding government agents and scientists trying to hinder your progress, as well as holes inexplicably dug everywhere. Your life meter is displayed at the bottom of the screen. If it reaches zero, Elliot comes along to revive you. If you lose three lives, it's game over. That's all you do.

It's painfully obvious that the production for this game took a mere five weeks. First of all, the gameplay is totally aggravating. You'll be constantly falling into the holes that are not only numerous but very difficult to avoid due to their size and prevalence. The bad hit detection and clunky controls only made it more infuriatingly difficult. But that's not all. Even for an Atari game, the graphics are bad. ET is just a sickly green blob with eyes. The level designs are completely dull and bland, the sound effects are poor. You get the idea.

In the end, this was just a disastrous attempt at a cash grab of an otherwise awesome and successful movie. Even if you're a hardcore ET fan, don't even play this for free. Just stick with the movie.

This was one of my all-time favorite N64 games from Rare while growing up. It may not have been as successful as Banjo Kazooie or Goldeneye, but it still shares a special place in my heart. It's an interesting and fun sci-fi game with bothaction/adventure and shoot-em-up elements.

In the distant future, an interplanetary insectoid tyrant named Mizar and his army of Drones has invaded the planet Goldwood and enslaved a peaceful bear-like species named Tribals. Fortunately, the remnants of Jet Force Gemini, consisting of twin siblings, Juno and Vela and their canine companion, Lupus, arrive at the planet to defeat Mizar, save the Tribals, and eventually, planet Earth itself.

You'll travel across 15 diverse worlds, such as Goldwood itself, a forest world, the barren and cold Cerulean, through the innards of a gargantuan space worm on the volcanic world Eschebone, and Ichor, a Drone military base with a swanky nightclub. These huge levels providing plenty of opportunities to explore and are split into separate zones interconnected by doors that act as checkpoints.

You are given access to quite an armament of futuristic weapons to combat Mizars forces, such as a laser pistol, machine gun, shotgun, and the ever popular and lethal Tri-Rocket launcher. Throwables, such as grenades, remote and proximity mines, and flares are also available. You'll have the chance to collect ammunition crates and Gemini containers to increase your overall ammo capacity and health respectively. You'll need them.

The music was by far the best aspect of the game and is some of the best you'll ever hear on the N64. Robin Beanland. Graeme Norgate, and Alistair Lindsay all outdid themselves composing such a majestic and awe-inspiring space opera esqe soundtrack that'll remind anyone of "Star Wars". "SS Anubis" and "Sekhment" were the best in my opinion.

Unfortunately, this game isn't without noticeable flaws. The controls are wonky, especially when dealing with certain enemies that require manual aiming, such as shield or sniper drones. Even today modern controls barely mitigate the difficulty.

There are several minigames that are either enjoyable or infuriating to play. The enjoyable ones are classic 2-D racing game in the arcade at the "Big Bug Fun Club" 3D at Mizar's palace that shares similar features in "Diddy Kong Racing" released in 1997. But the non-enjoyable ones are the five Floyd missions. The narrow corridors, tight turns, multiple small pickups and atrocious controls make these infuriating. Worse still, you're required to complete two of them to beat the game.

But the most aggravating part of all is saving the Tribals, which is your primary objective. Some being harder to save than others makes this especially tedious and time-consuming objective, because if even one dies, you must start over again. The worst part of all is that you must rescue every. Single. One in order to beat the game.

Despite these flaws, Jet Force Gemini is a great game and a must play for retro gamers who enjoyed Rare's other releases.

There were several gems on the N64 that are forgotten today to some extent. Blast Corps is one of them. While not the most famous game released, it was its first released on the N64 and undoubtedly helped make their mark on the platform.

You control a Blast Corp. Recruit clad in green clothing. Your primary objective is to clear a path for a runaway nuclear missile carrier by any means necessary to prevent it from detonating.

You'll control an assortment of vehicles ranging from a bulldozer, muscle cars, a dump truck, and even thirty-foot tall robots. Occasionally you must exit your vehicle to quickly commandeer another one to accomplish your mission

The music, composed by Graeme Norgate, is quite good. It mainly consists of a lively and metallic mix of 70s style pop music and urgent music you'd hear in disaster movies. There are even a few particularly catchy fan- favorites, such as "Time to Get Moving" , "Simian Acres", which has a country, Cotton-Eye Joe sort of vibe, and the "Replay" is quite notable too.

The sound effects and graphics were great. You'll hear realistic tire screeching from your vehicles, explosions and crashing sounds throughout as you plow through buildings.

There's more to the game than destruction and puzzle solving. Given the sheer size of the maps combined with hidden features, such as satellite dishes and scientists add a bit of adventurism and exploration.

My main complaint is the difficulty in controlling certain vehicles, especially the infamous Backlash with its frustrating skidding attack. There's also the repetitiveness. Of course, the fun factor of smashing things with construction vehicles holds up for a while, but not forever.

Although it didn't reach the same level of success as Banjo Kazooie or Goldeneye (also released by Rare) it's still a cult classic that is fondly remembered by many players who grew up in the 90s, including myself. I highly recommend this to people with a Nintendo Switch with an interest in Retro games.

Having enjoyed the first two games and the cartoon as a kid, I excitedly rented this game on the spot from Blockbuster, expecting another wacky, fun game. Instead, I was introduced to a disappointing and unsuccessful transition from 2D to 3D that essentially destroyed the Earthworm Jim franchise.

Jim has been rendered comatose by a falling cow and is bed-ridden at a hospital. Jim's brain releases his super-ego, which descends deep into the depths of his mind in a last-ditch effort to prevent total insanity. The game takes place entirely inside Jim's mind, which is divided into four different hubs: memories, happiness, fear, and fantasy. In traditional 3D platforms at the time, Jim's main objective is to gather golden udders and green marbles to restore his sanity. You can easily see a similarity to collecting notes and Jiggys in Banjo Kazooie respectively.

The game lacked the imagination of the previous Sega Genesis titles. I find this inexcusable, because of the game took place within Jim's mind. The creative possibilities were endless, but what we got was bland and unimpressive.

The music isn't terrible for the most part, but I found most of the songs to be too short, so you'll probably hear them loop multiple times on any given level. This can become outright annoying on levels like "Coup D'etat" and "Hungry Tonite". They really should have cut down on the accordion.

The gameplay was a mix of third person run and gun and a collectathon, which wouldn't be bad if not for one glaring flaw you'll soon learn about. And, as befitting an Earthworm Jim game, you have access to an arsenal of wacky weapons besides our hero's standard blaster. You can wield a meat cleaver launcher, laser gun, and an old-fashioned six-shooter.

The sound effects were good, consisting of an amusing mix of Jim screaming, animal noises, kooky weapon sounds, and others that gave it the typical "Earthworm Jim" feeling. Plus, the voice acting from legendary voice actors, Jim Castellaneta, Jim Cummings reprised their roles from the cartoon was a nice touch for me.

The graphics are acceptable for an N64 game, which could only hold so much memory on that cartridge. Even so, most of the level designs are large, barren, and unpolished. The character models looked chunky and untextured. Jim's mouth isn't even visible.

The controls for Jim are manageable for the most part. But I CAN'T say the same about the horrible camera controls. The camera is cumbersome occasionally even gets stuck on corners. I think I spent more time wrestling with and adjusting the camera than actually playing the game.

The worst part of the game is the boss battles. Instead of conventional fights, Jim uses a pig as a surfboard to engage his enemies in a marble collecting match. Not only is this concept dull and tedious, but the horrible pig controls and flawed camera make the boss battles outright agonizing. For me, this was the final straw and I quit playing when I was unable to beat Psycrow.

Overall, this is a mediocre game that even hardcore Earthworm Jim fans found difficult to enjoy. Poor Jim simply didn't make the cut in 3D gaming, and the franchise remains dead to this day.

This was one of my favorite Sega Genesis games while growing up.

Within just sixty seconds, I was enticed by the game's weirdness. You play an earthworm in a super suit traversing across a city made up of junk. Hungry crows and vicious, frothy mouthed dogs try to kill you and you launch a cow into the air via catapult. And that's just the very beginning.

You'll fight your way across seven levels and seven bonus stages in a run-and-gun/platform adventure, such as Junkyard City, Heck, an underwater city and a massive laboratory as you guide Jim in his quest to rescue Princess-What's-Her-Face from Queen-Slug-For-A-Butt.

The animation is fluid and cartoonish at the same time with goofy sound effects and the music has a cool sci-fi/techno feel to it.

The game can get frustrating though. The difficulty increases steadily as you progress, and some of the levels, such "For Pete's Sake" and "Buttville", are quite frustrating.

While not as good as Sonic the Hedgehog, Earthworm Jim is a fun classic that still holds up today for retrogamers.

This was unquestionably Earthworm Jim's peak.

Princess What's-Her-Name has been kidnapped by Jim's Arch-Enemy, Psychrow, and it's up to our detrivorous, supersuited hero to reach stop the fiend before he forces the princess to marry him at a quick, non-consent marriage center in the Lost Vegas system.

You'll traverse across 10 wild levels, and not just in the typical run and gun/platforming style but there are lots of gimmicky stages as well.

If you thought the previous game was weird, try this one on for size. The wackyness is cranked up to 11. I'm talking about Jim playing in game shows while dressed as a blind salamander, rescuing puppies with a giant marshmallow, using cow milking machines to open gates, and much more.

The enemies and traps are just as goofy, such as falling old women, electric chairs, hopping file cabinets, giant sentient salt shakers. The list goes on.

The controls are smooth and fully responsive, though some hidden items can be tricky to reach at times. Plus, Jim's hover ability has been replaced by a sentient booger named Snot who acts as a parachute or grappling hook to reach certain areas. You can even use a manta ray for a shield to give Jim a few seconds of invincibility.

You'll have access to new weapons, such as the homing missile launcher (which fires actual houses), the barn blaster, a three-finger blaster, and, as a joke, a bubble gun.

The soundtrack, courtesy of Tommy Tallarico, consists of catchy and quirky tunes that fits the series like a glove, from the nifty techno in "Anything But Tangerines" to Beethoven's soothing Moonlight Sonata in "Jim's Now a Blind Cave Salamander".

The graphics and backgrounds are colorful and well-rendered. I liked the blind salamander the most with the light changing and enclosing around Jim and the wavy background.

The sound effects are an amusing mixture of cartoon and sci-fi noises, from the weapons and enemy sound effects to Jim's voice clips.

The difficulty is taken down a notch from the original, though that helped endear the game to more players.

I've played Flash games on Newgrounds released in 2003 that were better than this. This isn't even a game. It's half-finished, glitch infested garbage that people only play out of morbid fascination at how abysmal it is. Say what you will about Bubsy 3D, Superman 64, and even Atari E. T, but at least those titles were finished, albeit badly.

You're given a selection of only four trucks to drive. None of them differ in performance. You'll have a mere five racetracks to choose from, and the fourth one is so flawed the game crashes if you select it.

The graphics and level design are completely dull, grainy, and lifeless looking. There isn't any sound except for the truck's engine. There isn't even any music.

Your vehicle has no limit to its speed. You can actually accelerate indefinitely by driving backwards. Gravity and physics are non-existent, so you can drive straight up 90-degree angle hills and walls. The truck is partially intangible, so you can simpky drive through trees and buildings. You can even drive right off the map.

Although this is supposed to be a racing game, the opposing truck doesn't move at all, so there's no actual competition involved. And once you reach the finish line, a text appears reading "You're win" appears. You're win? Seriously?

This felt more like an early tech demo that was very prematurely released. Whoever gave it the green light to be distributed must have been totally drunk when doing so.

Apart from Sonic Adventure, this was the first Dreamcast game I ever played, so it was a fairly special part of my childhood gaming years. Basically, it was a futuristic and more actionized Resident Evil.

In the year 2018 ESER officer Elliot G. Ballad (Brian Drummond) is on a Christmas vacation when a meteor suddenly hits Dinosaur Island and creates a massive energy dome that surrounds it. Elliot makes it ashore to discover the island is overrun by monsters created by the meteor impact. Concurrently, a mysterious alien being named Nephilim appears and accompanies Elliot for unknown reasons (at first). Assisted by a ship captain named Dogs Bower (Dean Bristow- RIP) and security guard, Janine King (Lani Minella), Elliot must uncover the reason for the disaster and prevent it from spreading any further.

The graphics were great, and the levels were large and had full 3D rendering, which was uncommon at the time. They looked good but rough in some areas, and some of the layouts were confusing and easy to get lost in. The character designs are smooth and well designed, but their animations are limited. The enemy designs and sounds were legitimately frightening and fitting for the survival horror setting.

The soundtrack had an urgent and cinematic feel to it that would keep you pumped and ready for action, except for the supermarket section that played jarringly cheery Christmas music that quickly became grating.

Following the same basic formula as Resident Evil, the gameplay was solid and fun: you fight monsters, collect items, and advance further by finding keys or defeating bosses. But rather than the traditional fixed camera angles, there's an uncontrollable third-person styled camera that was frustrating at times, due to it often getting stuck on walls. Nephilim frequently blocking it as she follows you around didn't help matters.

Another element that mitigated the survival horror aspect was the monetary system. Defeating enemies would cause them to drop coins you could use to purchase weapons, ammunition, and health items from vending machines.

You'll have access to an extensive and cool arsenal of melee and ranged weapons. These range from basic, like handguns, crossbows, and baseball bats to advanced, like a railgun, bazooka, ray sword, and even a napalm launcher.

To me, the main drawback of the game was the voice acting. Despite having a respectable cast, the voice actors completely phone in their performances and sound ridiculous half the time. They pause and talk over each other frequently as they engage in cheesy B-movie style dialogue.

In conclusion, Blue Stinger was a pretty solid adventure game for the Dreamcast, and while it didn't reach the level of success as Resident Evil, I still remember it fondly.

Being a big fan of Turok and Starship Troopers, I thought this game would be awesome, so I tried it as a kid. I can't say it was particularly fun or impressive though.

The plot is simple: humankind is at war with an alien race of giant, vicious insects who seek to conquer Earth. A group of power-armored super soldiers called the Armorines is tasked with infiltrating multiple alien nests and killing the queens within in order to stop the bugs from eradicating mankind.

You have the option of choosing between two playable characters: Tony Lewis and Myra Lane. Both characters have different weaponry and equipment built into their armored suits, though Myra was the better choice.

You'll battle your way across twenty different levels that tend to be fairly well designed, but also large, bland, and empty. Poor lighting in many areas makes navigation and combat difficult. Making matters worse, there's no map feature or any checklists for the nests you destroy, requiring a lot of backtracking.

Combat is flawed due to the loose aiming system, but the auto-aim setting can mitigate this. Your armory is limited to only five other weapons besides your standard one, but given the fact your basic weapon has unlimited ammo, you'll probably spend limited time using them anyway.

There's only a small variety of alien enemies you'll encounter, and their AI isn't very good, but their designs are legitimately creepy and well animated. There's a certain horror aspect coming from the bugs as they crawl across walls and ceilings or fly toward you in swarms, especially in darker areas.

The sound effects are pretty cool, from the futuristic pulse of your weapons to the ferocious screeches and roars of the bugs. You'll also hear horrified screams from human victims being carried off to their doom if you don't rescue them. The graphics and animations are good as well, both from the player character and the enemies.

However, the music tends to be suppressed and boring, doing little to contribute to the experience.

Finally, the enjoyable multiplayer mode made the game worth at least a rent.

But overall, this was a solidly average FPS that was easily overshadowed by the vastly superior Turok series, but still worth playing if you were bored.

As a kid, I loved "Superman the Animated Series", which this game was based off of. Needless to say, this was a huge disappointment for me. In fact, if I had to name the worst game I ever played, it's this one. It's a broken, half-finished mess that should never have been made.

Lex Luthor has kidnapped Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Professor Hamilton and trapped them in a virtual version of Metropolis. Now Superman must enter this virtual reality to save his friends.

Right off the bat, the game throws you into a timed-ring course with no tutorial on how to control Superman at all. You don't even begin with all of his abilities, only flight and super strength. You'll spend half the game in these ring courses, which are infuriatingly difficult given the awkward and unresponsive controls. The pathetic draw distance due to "Kryptonite fog" limiting your vision only makes this harder. You'll even find this fog within the interior sections of the game!

The graphics were atrocious for the time. The character models are blocky and rough. The virtual Metropolis buildings look bland and untextured, and the lifeless streets below are entirely flat and look like children's playmats. The interior sections are no better with basic designs and textures only marginally better than outside. The sound effects, such as enemy attacks, explosions, and whooshing sounds during flight are repetitive and annoying.

There's bugs and glitches everywhere. You'll find yourself flying through walls, getting stuck in between buildings, falling through the floor, and while trying to solve one particular puzzle, suddenly drop dead for no reason. It's ridiculous.

Outside the infamous ring courses are other tasks that are boring or totally frustrating. During combat, Superman does little besides swinging wildly at random mooks. The bosses are laughably easy, as they possess crappy AI and do little to actually fight you. Even Darkseid (who is inexplicably working for Luthor) is a pushover.

Needless to say, this game was an absolute disgrace to the Man of Steel that deserves its reputation as one of the worst games ever made and definitely the worst game ever released for the N64.

This is definitely one of the worst video games I have ever played. Even though I only rented it from Blockbuster way back in the day as a kid, I still can't emphasize how much I wanted to return it and get my money back after playing it for only twenty minutes.

The plot is pretty simple. Bubsy Bobcat is abducted by the Woolies in their attempt to invade Earth and steal all of its yarn. However, Bubsy manages to escape and must fight his way across 18 different, Woolie infested stages, and find a way back to Earth by collecting atoms and space rocket parts.

Basically, this game failed miserably in every way Super Mario 64 and Crash Bandicoot succeeded when all three came out in 1996.

First of all, Bubsy is completely insufferable. His character model is ugly, and his big, toothy grin is borderline creepy. His voice is the most annoying I've ever heard in a video game. Seriously, every time he spoke, it felt like someone was puncturing my eardrums with needles! His constant spouting of lame jokes and cat puns only made me despise him more.

The graphics were terrible, even for its time. The animation was low-framed and jerky. And the level designs and landscape were largely bland and untextured, making them look completely dull. In fact, it felt like the game was only half-way finished and a very clunky prototype was rushed onto the shelves.

The tank controls made Bubsy's movements stiff and awkward, especially when jumping from one platform to another. Combined with the confusing camera angles, this made navigating through the poorly designed levels a nightmare.

The music is repetitive and almost as annoying as Bubsy himself. It gets even worse whenever an enemy is nearby, which will probably make up half the time you waste time playing this heap of garbage.

Whether it's on an ancient but functional PS1 or an emulator, do NOT play Bubsy 3D if you value your time and sanity.

This is undoubtedly one of the worst animated movies I've ever seen. Plus, as a big fan of both James Bond and Sir Sean Connery (RIP), it was very disappointing to know that this was his final film before he passed away. Plus, with the unacceptable amount of sex appeal and profanity, this was definitely not a kid's movie.

The film takes place in Scotland where humans and andromorphic animals co-exist. For some inexplicable reason, Beavers are illegal. Sir William "Billi" Sedgewick (Sean Connery) is a veterinarian who lives om the town of Catterness, Scotland with a goat named Gordon (Alan Cumming). After a truck full of Beavers being forcibly relocated to Norway crashes, releasing the animals, an animal hating cop named McKenzie (Ford Kiernan) begins to hunt them down. Now Billi and his friends must band together to save the day. That's about all I bothered to gather from what I could bear to watch.

Seriously, the story is so incoherent and difficult to follow, you'll probably get a headache trying to figure it out. It feels like it's just a compilation of Connery's previous films mixed with barely any original material into one gigantic mess. The introduction alone is obviously based off of the opening credits of "The Spy Who Loved Me" for you James Bond fans out there.

The animation and scenery are terrible, only slightly better than "FoodFight" released the same year. The character models, both human and animal, are off-putting and poorly designed. All of the female characters have exaggerated curves that clash with their ugly faces. The animal characters are so sloppily made, they're hard to identify as either rabbits or beavers.

The voice acting and dialogue is as bad as the animation. Connery himself, who was in his 80s during production, sounds exhausted and pitiful, muttering his lines as if from his own bedroom in his pajamas right after waking up. Sometimes, it's hard to even understand what he's saying. Everyone else sounded no better and the child actors were outright annoying with their constant ear-piercing screams.

Overall, this was a horrible sendoff for Sean Connery, who should have retired for good after "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" which was a mediocre film unto itself, but still much better than this hot mess and at least it turned a profit. Instead, his career ended on a very bitter note that he didn't deserve.

I never actually watched this in theaters (thankfully). But I've heard so much bad stuff about this film, read many negative reviews about it, and heard how much Halle Berry regrets it, that I just had to see it for myself to see if it's truly that bad. And it was undoubtedly the worst superhero movie I've ever seen so far, surpassed only by "Steel".

Halle Berry plays a timid graphic designer named Patience Phillips who works for a cosmetics company, Hedare Beauty. Upon discovering a dangerous product being marketed by the evil and greedy George Hedare (Lambert Wilson) and his wife Laurel Hedare (Sharon Stone), Patience is murdered to cover it up, only to be revived by an Egyptian Mau cat, which grants her supernatural powers and thus she takes up the crime-fighting alter ego, Catwoman.

First of all, the film is shamelessly unfaithful to the source material. Except for the film's title, there are no ties between this film and the DC universe. Catwoman's alter ego isn't named Selina Kyle. There are no other DC characters involved or mentioned. The story doesn't even take place in Gotham City. In fact, the city isn't identified at all.

Besides being nothing like Selina Kyle, Patience's new and completely unnecessary feline traits render her character laughable, such as sleeping on shelves, hissing at dogs, gobbling down sushi and tuna, etc. She's not even a true cat burglar, she's only stealing jewelry because cats like shiny objects. Not to mention an incredibly lame pun she utters while thwarting a robbery: "What a purrrrrfect plan". Ugh...

The rest of the cast is no better. Detective Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt) is a clueless moron who is oblivious to the fact that Patience and Catwoman are the same person. Wilson is a stereotypically pompous British jerk, and Stone is barely even trying to fulfill her role.

The story is boring and out of place. An evil cosmetics company pumping out anti-aging cream with dangerous side effects feels like a jarring plot for a superhero movie.

The effects are truly terrible, especially the overused and unconvincing CGI. The Egyptian cat that bestows Catwomans powers onto her looks cartoonish, as do the seagulls seen afterwards. Catwoman's CGI model looked as if it came from a poorly textured video game, and the directors' obvious attempts to cover it up by covering Berry with make-up only made it more ridiculous.

The practical effects are no better. During the final battle when Laurel falls to her death, it's obviously a dummy. Poor editing and quick cuts only worsen the experience, especially during the aforementioned battle. Theres also the films failed attempt at slow-motion effects that only leave sloppy motion blurs, such as during Catwomans motorcycle scene.

There's only one truly cool moment in the movie where Patience teachers her obnoxious, party-animal neighbors a lesson. Plus, the films' main theme, "Who's in Control" by Natasha Shneider, is much more enjoyable than the film itself. Those are the only real highlights.

I doubt even the most hardcore Catwoman fans will find any enjoyment in watching this.

While doing some research on bad animated movies, I happened to spot this near the bottom of the list. After seeing how abysmal it's IMDB rating was, I let my curiosity get the best of me and I watched it for free on YouTube Movies to see just how bad it was. That was a mistake...

The very first painful minute alone made my jaw drop at how horrible this movie was. We see a couple of dead-eyed fish, Joy and Muggles, swimming in sluggish animation with a bland background and perpetual smiles that look borderline creepy. They engage in hollow sounding chatter with their annoying voices, Muggles makes a lame fin pun, and gives off a VERY annoying laugh that made me cringe. The scene is ended by a bubble scene change that feels like it was ripped off from SpongeBob SquarePants.

After another forty-five minutes through, I simply couldn't bear to watch anymore of this garbage as my brain started feeling numb. But I saw enough to realize this was a painfully boring expeirence.

EVERYTHING about this movie wasterrible. The animation is completely bland and repetitive, the characters and their voices are annoying, and they sound unmotivated, and the plot is basically the two protagonists learning a bunch of bible lessons and they didn't even find Jesus at all despite the film's title. There was even a sushi roll character that was shamelessly racist towards the Japanese.

This is nothing but a "Finding Nemo" rip-off mixed with Christian themes that even the stoutest Christian children won't enjoy watching. Its rating is completely deserved, and I felt truly angry that I wasted forty-five minutes of my life that I could have spent watching grass grow instead. And now, I'm warning you, do NOT expose your kids to this, not matter how Christian you are.

As a lifelong Tarzan fan, of both the books and the movies, I gotta say watching this as a kid on VHS was disappointing. I only watched it again many years later because I just happened to stumble onto it while curiously skimming over Casper Van Dien's filmography and decided to make this review.

In 1913, John Clayton aka Tarzan (Casper Van Dien) is preparing to marry Jane Porter (Jane March) in England. But suddenly, he receives a vision sent by a shaman named Mugambe (Winston Ntshona), informing him that explorer and treasure hunter Nigel Ravens (Stephen Waddington) is plundering African villages in search of the lost city of Opar. Now, Tarzan must return to Africa to stop Ravens while Jane follows him to assist on his adventure.

The plot is pretty straightforward but shows little faithfulness to the source literary material. For example, the origin of Tarzans name came from his tribe of apes, not the natives. Jane is American, not British. And Opar is portrayed almost completely differently as a gigantic pyramid instead of a city. Furthermore, Queen La and the Oparoids are completely absent. Finally, with the uncharacteristic supernatural elements it felt like it was trying to emulate an Indiana Jones type atmosphere, but it falls completely short.

First of all, the cast don't fit their roles. With his build, Casper Van Dien made an acceptable Tarzan, but he lacked the height and the rugged face of Johnny Weissmuller and Christopher Lambert from past incarnations, and his awful fake British accent didn't help. Jane March is a run-of-the-mill damsel in distress who mostly just complicates things for Tarzan. Steven Waddington is basically a Rene Belloq wannabe who isn't tough or intimidating enough to impress the audience, let alone challenge the King of the Apes.

The special effects were poor for the most part. Tarzan's ape friends were men wearing ridiculously fake looking suits and Mugumbe's CGI Cobra form is very cheesy, even by 90s standards. Speaking of which, what did Mugumbe even need Tarzan to fight the bad guys for if he could turn into a snake? And even bees?! It doesn't make any sense.

The action scenes are sloppy and muddled up by excessive slow motion, choppy editing, and close ups that make them hard to enjoy.

There were some redeeming qualities though. I did appreciate the beautiful landscape of South Africa where filming took place, from the lush jungles to the savannah fields. And the massive pyramid of Opar itself, which was made with practical effects, is impressive. There was also some pretty nice footage of real animals to counter the fake gorillas, including a Chimp named Jebba.

In the end, this was an ambitious but failed attempt to create a modern Tarzan in the 90's that damaged Casper Van Dien's reputation in Hollywood. Don't watch this unless you're either bored or a massive Tarzan fan.

As someone who played and enjoyed Bloodrayne in the past, this was an aggravating disappointment and only proved that Uwe Boll is a lousy director with a special "gift" for creating deeply flawed video game adaptations.

The film takes place in the eighteenth century. A dhampir named Rayne (Kristanna Loken) is a kept as a circus freak before escaping to avenge her human mother who was raped by a Vampire named Kagan (Ben Kingsley). Along the way, she meets a trio of vampire hunters, (Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez, Matt Davis) whom she convinces to help her take Kagan down.

First of all, the story is almost completely different from the game. Instead of the 1930s, this story is in the 1700s, but it strangely looks like the middle ages. The plot is as clear as mud and progresses at a slow and weary pace that'll leave you confused as to what's happening. The script and dialogue were pathetically awkward and didn't convey the characters emotions properly.

The action scenes are too fast paced and blurry to appreciate or are simply badly edited and unconvincing. Plus, the special effects, both practical and CGI, are painfully bad.

Worse still was the aesthetic which didn't match the game at all. The costumes aren't very impressive and even Rayne's outfit seemed mediocre. The weapons look almost as ridiculously fake as the wigs worn by several characters.

The acting was the worst part of all, despite consisting of a good ensemble, somehow including Ben Kingsley. The cast completely phone in their performances. Loken is the only one who makes any kind of half-decent effort, but her acting still lacks the witty and sarcastic spirit that Raynes voice actress, Laura Bailley, delivered in the games. Bailey herself even said she hated this film.

The rest of the actors were largely apathetic and lazy in their roles. Ben Kingsley has a blank or troubled expression as he spends most of his screentime sitting on a throne, probably thinking "What the hell am I doing here?". Michael Madsen is clearly drunk in all of his scenes. Michelle Rodriguez's fake British accent is horrible. Billy Zane's dubbing is as unconvincing as the wig he wears. It's like they didn't care at all and just wanted to get paid and go home.

Sadly, this is only the first of three horrible Bloodryane flicks directed by Uwe Boll in his six-year campaign to eviscerate the franchise, which undoubtedly pissed off a few fans of the games.

This is nothing but a shameless and unsuccessful attempt to cash in on ET's past success along with advertising McDonalds.

A family of aliens living on a barren desert planet stowaway on a human satellite and wind up on Earth, particularly California. Upon arriving on Earth, they escape from a NASA sight with ridiculous ease. While the parents and younger sibling flee into the desert, Mac, the older sibling, hitches a ride aboard a station wagon driven by a family moving in from Chicago. Soon, Mac befriends a wheelchair bound boy named Eric, who helps the former find his family and eventually integrate into human society.

The acting is completely dull. All the human characters sound bored and their performances are unconvincing. The aliens are borderline criminal, as the father steals a security guards' gun and waves it around dangerously inside a grocery store late in the film. Plus, unlike ET, they're also complete idiots who make no attempt to conceal themselves from the humans despite being on the run from the government.

Mac himself isn't very sympathetic, being a mischievous troublemaker. Early into the film, he gets Eric into trouble and even nearly gets him killed by mistake.

The alien designs and animatronics here are as unimpressive as they are repulsive, also unlike ET, who is cute and ugly mixed together and was played convincingly. Mac and his relatives have gaunt builds, bulging eyes, and their faces are stuck in a constant shocked state with o-shaped mouths. Mac himself sometimes cuts between a kid in a suit and a very unconvincing animatronic. Combine this with their ungainly movements, they're outright disturbing to look at.

The rest of the effects are equally cheesy, such as the space shuttle landing and the stop motion effects in the very first scene which set the stage for the rest of the flick.

The only real bright side is that the soundtrack was composed by Alan Silveresti, who was far too good to be involved in a third-rate film like this. The pop songs "You're Not a Stranger Anymore" and "Take Me I'll Follow You" are especially notable but even that isn't enough to save this movie.

If you thought "Mac and Me" was bad, try watching this next. Or better yet, don't. I sure wish I hadn't. The only reason I bothered was out of morbid curiosity after watching video reviews made by "Double Toasted" and "The Cinema Snob". Now I'm writing my own review to warn you not to watch it.

Two alien brothers, Nukie and Miko, crash land on Earth. Nukie arrives in Central Africa while Miko lands in America, where he is promptly captured by a NASA stand in called Space Foundation. Using telepathy, Miko contacts Nukie, begging for help. Nukie sets out to save his brother. Meanwhile, Space Foundation scientist, Dr. Harvey, is sent to Africa to locate and capture Nukie with the help of Christian Missionary, Sister Anne. Concurrently, alcoholic hunter, known as the Corporal, tries to capture Nukie for a quick buck.

Everything in this movie is awful and unoriginal. The plot, the acting, the visual effects, the music, the sets. But the two alien siblings are undoubtedly the worst aspect of all.

Nukie is absolutely repulsive! He looks like a cross between an obese brown monkey and a walking tumor. And to top it all off, he's super annoying with his high, tinny voice and constant whining as he wanders around Africa. Miko is just as bad as he constantly shrieks for Nukie to rescue him. The alien suits are as shoddy as they are ugly. Nukie's eyes don't function properly, his mouth barely moves even when he speaks, and there's snot constantly running from his nose.

The lack of consistency with Nukie and Miko's powers only makes the film more ridiculous and confusing. Nukie and Miko both possesses telepathy, telekinesis, energy blasts, and even have the ability to transform into balls of light and fly, even through space, but inexplicably don't use them when they would be most useful, such as Nukie seeking to hijack a helicopter despite his aforementioned flight. Or Miko wanting to escape captivity.

Meanwhile, in a sub-plot, Miko even easily escapes his holding cell, only to return after befriending and convincing a computer named E. D. D. I. to turn against mad scientist, Dr. Rhinestone.

The other characters are no better, being either dull or nearly as annoying as the alien brothers. Hell, the animals that Nukie can speak to are more fleshed out than the human ones! Along his travels, Nukie meets a talking chimp named Charlie whose voice is only slightly less irritating as his. The most likeable characters are a couple of native boys who somehow speak fluent English whom Nukie befriends after saving them from a lioness and they offer to help him get to America, despite having no clue where it is. He even gives them a random dance sequence.

In the end, Nukie is the worst ET rip-off I've ever seen. It has no redeeming qualities at all. At least in "Mac and Me" there was some good music composed by Alan Silvestri. You'll find no such thing in this God-awful mess that should never have been made.

I rented this way back in the day when Blockbuster was still around. I'm surprised this was made by Tobe Hooper, who gave us "Poltergeist" in 1982 and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" remake in 2003, both of which were better movies. He could have done better.

Anyway, a group of eight college students and their dog take a boat trip for spring break in a remote swamp in Southern California. Their all-typical late teenagers or twenty somethings in a B-movie: self-absorbed, and obnoxious party animals with barely double-digit IQs. There, they discover a nest of huge eggs, most of them already smashed the previous night by a couple of nasty redneck fishermen, and steal the last one remaining. Little do they know, the eggs belong to an enormous, 100-year-old, Nile Crocodile imported from Egypt named Flat Dog. Needless to say, Flat-Dog gets pissed and she begins to stalk the gang.

Meanwhile, the crotchety old sheriff (Harrison Young) discovers the remains of some of Flat Dogs victims and recruits the help of Crocodile Dundee wannabe, Shurkin (Terrence Evans) to kill the beast.

First of all, very few of the characters are sympathetic. Brady is a two-timer, Sunny is a promiscuous drunk, Duncan is obnoxious and a bad friend to Brady etc. They rarely, if ever, mourn their fallen friends as they become Croc chow one by one. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they deserved to die, but I won't be shedding any tears for them.

I found myself sympathizing more with Flat-Dog. She's not a villain in the typical sense, she's just a wild animal trying to protect her young and probably wouldn't have gone on a rampage if her eggs were left alone, as Shurkin mentioned twice. In fact, once Claire returns the stolen egg, Flat Dog departs and spares the surviving characters.

The acting and dialogue was dull at best or annoying and gross at worst, mainly consisting of the crotchety sheriff giving stern warnings, the partygoers drunkenly talking and laughing or bickering and screaming at each other as things go pear shaped, and the two hillbilly alligator farmers speaking in their two stereotypical southern drawls, spitting out chewing tobacco and feeding dead chickens to their gators. Ugh...

The setting was bland and composed almost entirely of the Southern California swamps, barren hills, woods. Nothing too interesting.

The effects were terrible, even by sci-fi original standards. The animatronic crocodile was stiff and unimpressive, and the CGI, for Flat Dog and an exploding boat, was ridiculously bad. Plus, the shots of the Clemens hotel is obviously a matte painting.

The soundtrack consisted of a few rock and pop songs that were fitting for a spring break film. Other than that, there was some original boring music that gave little real feeling to the film, such as low guitar riffs when the sheriff was onscreen and soft, overused, violin strokes.

Overall, it's just another dime-a-dozen killer croc B-movie. Don't watch it unless you're really bored and enjoy bloody monster flicks full of unlikeable characters getting chomped on. If you're looking for a more decent killer crocodile film, watch "Lake Placid" or "Rogue" instead.

Don't watch this movie. Seriously, just DON'T! I don't care if your a die-hard Adam Sandler fan. After debuting in something this appalling, it's nothing short of miraculous that he even had a career at all. Even moreso than Arnold Schwarzenegger after starting off in "Hercules in New York".

Sandler stars as an aspiring stand-up comedian named Shecky Moskowitz who works as a waiter aboard a cruise ship named "Ocean Spirit". On board, he completes with the ships comedian Dickie Diamond (Scott LaRose). After Dicky accidentally locks himself in a bathroom and is presumed dead, Shecky takes his place and inexplicably succeeds as a comedian. Later, in an unnecessary sub-plot, the main villain named General Noriega (Burt Young) seeks to kill one of the models, Miss Australia, for insulting him and sends two of his men crew to hijack the ship, forcing Shecky to save the day with the power of laughter.

First of all, the film runs on a shoestring budget that Shecky himself informs the audience via breaking the fourth wall. All the effects are amateur at best or pathetic at worst, especially the camera work. A group of high-school film class students could make a better film than this.

The characters are boring or obnoxious. Dickie, despite being the alleged better comedian, is as much annoying, talentless, jerk as Shecky. In fact, the lack of real humor from either so-called comedian is only worsened by a few moments of gross-out humor, such as seagulls defecating in obnoxious people's drinks, Shecky's low brow urinate joke, and a rock star with a serious case of meth mouth. Yuck!

The only remotely good part of this flick, besides all of the beauty queens providing eye candy, was the song "Girlie Girlie" by Sophia George being played several times, even though it was wasted on this mess. There's also a few notable cameos, such as a heckler named Dave (Billy Bob Thornton) who rightfully tells Shecky he has no talent as a comedian, and King Neptune (Billy Zane) who gives Shecky a pep talk. Those are the only reasons I gave this a 2 instead of a 1.

In the end, the film is nothing more than a pathetic mix of foul language, annoying characters, gross out/toilet humor, and unfunny jokes that'll leave you feeling disgusted and angry at having wasted your time watching this. I certainly did, even though I couldn't bear to even watch the entire thing.

I've seen many superhero movies in my time, both good and bad. But "Steel" is undoubtedly the worst. It makes "Batman and Robin", "Supergirl" (1984) and even "Catwoman" look decent in comparison. Say what you will about them, but at least the leads were played by actual actors, not athletes with no business starring in pictures. In fact, it was so horrible, it nearly killed off the superhero film genre.

The film is only very loosely based off of the Superman character Steel. John Henry Adams (Shaquille O'Neil) starts off as an advanced weapons designer for the US Military. After an accident caused by another soldier named Burke (Judd Nelson) leaves Adams friend, Sparky (Annabeth Gish), paralyzed from the waist down, a disillusioned Adams resigns and finds work at a steel mill. Soon enough though, Burke begins selling Adams weapons to street thugs on the black market. Discovering this, Adams designs and builds a superhero suit at the steel mill and becomes a vigilante crime fighter with Sparky as his sidekick.

Don't get me wrong. I've got nothing against Shaquille O'Neil. He's a great guy, was a first-rate basketball player, and has lots of onscreen charisma. But he just wasn't cut out to be an actor. You'd think he'd realize that after his equally disastrous film "Kazaam" released only a year prior to this. His acting is dull and wooden. Even his relationship with Sparky feels forced and fails to illicit anything from the audience. It doesn't even become romantic despite the chemistry between them.

The rest of the cast is only marginally better, putting up a sub-par performance. Judd Nelson seems bored and delivers his lines almost as poorly as Shaq. Only Annabeth Gish and Adams soufflé obsessed grandmother (Irma P. Hall) are half-way good or humorous. Another unintentionally funny tidbit comes from a random thug (Kevin Grevioux) screeching "NOOOOO!!!" before being killed by a grenade but that's about it.

The effects are totally cheesy and unimpressive. The weapons look like nerf guns painted black to look more real. Even Shaq's suit of armor outfit is clearly made out of grey rubber, and he actually looks ridiculous wearing it. His stunts are boring and even laughable at times, such as when he slowly rappels up a building to escape the police or when ascending an escalator. Yawn.

The only logical reason to watch this is for a cheap laugh at how bad it is.

I had the displeasure of having this shown in science class back in 10th grade. What the hell was my teacher thinking? I didn't laugh once throughout the entire viewing. It got to the point where I was genuinely wondering how this was even meant to be funny, let alone the least bit educational.

Bud Macintosh (Pauly Shore) and Doyle Johnson (Baldwin) are a couple of dim-witted slacker college students who have just been dumped by their environmentalist girlfriends. On their way home, the two goons stumble upon the eponymous biodome on its opening day. Mistaking it for a mall, they go inside to use the bathroom, only to wind up sealed inside with five scientists as part of a yearlong experiment. What follows is nothing short of mind-numbing chaos as the two idiots wreak the scientists experiments and generally make their lives a living hell.

Bud and Doyle are outright insufferable. They're probably the most obnoxious, insensitive and idiotic duo I've ever seen in a movie. They're trying to be "Dumb and Dumber" but completely lack the charm, humor, and chemistry that Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels had. They're so annoying, just hearing them speak makes me cringe, especially Pauly Shores laugh. They engage in all kinds of destructive antics, and even sexual assault on two of the female scientists! How is anyone supposed to like or root for these guys?!

I completely understand why Dr. Faulkner (William Atherton) lost his marbles and tried to kill everyone. To be fair, he kind of brought it on himself by refusing to simply let them out and reset the timer. Anything would have been better than having Bud and rampaging throughout the bio-dome and come perilously close to destroying a multi-million-dollar project that took years to set up.

Sure, the duo came through in the end to repair and save the bio-dome, but only because they trashed it in the first place. And perhaps so they could win back their girlfriends.

All in all, Bio-Dome fails in just about every category: plot, casting, music, acting, etc. And to top it all off, it completely fails to deliver any meaningful environmental message to the audience.

Leguizamo's appropriately named character, Pestario "Pest" Vargas , is a proud con-artist living in Miami. Pest owes a $50,000 debt to the Scottish mob and needs to find it fast. In a karmic twist, the young scammer is in turn scammed by a psychotic Neo-Nazi named Gustav Shanks (Jeffrey Jones), who tricks Pest onto his own private island so he can hunt him down and mount his head on his wall. With the help of Gustavs abused son, Himmel (Edoardo Ballerini), Pest manages to escape back to America with Gustav in pursuit, eventually culminating in a final showdown.

The first five minutes alone sets the films theme and establishes just what kind of character Pest is with his shower song "Voodoo Mambo", and going through a dozen costumes and impersonations. It only gets worse from there. As for our protagonist, Pest isn't funny, or even likeable. He's an obnoxious, self-centered, and unscrupulous scam artist who cheats on his girlfriend at a party, sells one of his friends out to save his own ass, and is disliked by most of his family, whom he endangers with his actions. Sure, he defeats the bad guys and rescues his family in the end, but there's no indication that he'll give up being a scammer, meaning he's probably learned nothing from the experience.

The only reason Pest is even the protagonist is because he's pitted against a far worse character: a ruthless Neo-Nazi who hunts people for sport based on their race and is abusive towards his homosexual, snake-obsessed son. But even so, more than a few people must have wished Gustave or the Scottish mobsters succeed in taking Pest out. Hell, Gustav himself finds Pest to be supremely annoying.

The humor is so low-brow and outdated, it's more likely to make you cringe than laugh. Half of it consists of Pest overusing highly insulting racial and cultural sterotypes, especially towards Asians. The other half is just toilet or vulgar humor such as farting and vomiting. There's barely any plot besides Pest fleeing from Gustav. There may be a few mildly amusing moments here and there, and you may find "Voodoo Mambo" catchy, but for for the most part, I had a straight face at best. At worst, I was just frowning in disgust at Pest's antics.

It feels as though John Leguizamo was trying to emulate Robin Williams or Jim Carrey, only to fall flat. I'll admit he has energy and gave it all he had, but it just didn't take for me.

So, unless you're into highly immature and offensive humor that would never fly today, don't watch this movie, not even for free on YouTube. You're just wasting your time.