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The Exorcist (1973)
The exorcist is the scariest movie of all time period.
People were screaming, people were crying, people ran out of the theater, people were vomiting, and people were grossed out. This is what happened when they say The exorcist. The exorcist is the scariest movie of all time period. I can't think of any other film that was as scary as this or what film played with your religion so much.
The exorcist is about a fourteen year old girl who is becoming stressed and she's acting unusual. She's cursing, she's throwing tantrums, and she yells. We find out a demon is taking control of Reagen.
Now it is unbelievable of how scary this film is. Did you know The exorcist came out before all the horror classics? It came out before The Texas chain saw massacre, A nightmare on Elm Street, Jaws, The shining, Stephen King's It, Friday the 13th, Child's play, and more. Yet, it's still scares the crap out of you. The director first sets the movie in Iraq and then sets the movie at the house with Reagun. Now we see Reagun as just an ordinary girl who enjoys being with her mother. Then we see her with a demon inside her.
People that say this movie isn't scary probably didn't see it in 70's when it came out. I even find that hard to believe that you didn't even jump once during The exorcist even by today. I saw this the second time today and it scared the living crap out of me. The exorcist has a great story, amazing acting, and a well use of CGI. Everything looked believable.
Overall The exorcist still stands today as the scariest movie of all time, period.
Wanted (2008)
Wanted is a cool, action movie that is kick-butt from start to finish
Before seeing Wanted on DVD I though "Well this might not be a good movie". Boy was I wrong. Wanted was a pretty cool movie and the action sequences were shot in slow motion so that you can actually see every detail of gore in the kills. If you are looking for hard R material, pedal to the medal action then Wanted has it.
Wanted is about a man named Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) who's life has gone down the toilet. He has a mean boss, his girlfriend is sleeping with his best friend, and he swallows pills like candy. Then Fox (Angelina Jolie) meets Wesley Gibson at a store and invites Wesley to come join her and Sloan (Morgan Freeman) to the Fraternity which was where a league of assassins would work. His father was also the greatest assassins who ever lived.
Now Wanted does start out a little slow. But that's okay because after the first 10 or 15 minutes it's non-stop fast paced action. After that in the middle of the movie it actually gets better and by the time the movies done it turned out great. A lot of people are hating on Wanted was because of the ending. So what every ending has to be good? Another thing. They say it takes itself too seriously. It's just a movie. What were they expecting? The dark knight or something? Give me a break.
Every action sequence in Wanted is shot very unique. For example in one scene Wesley someone with a keyboard and the letters spell out 'FU'. Every single time someone shoots by curving the bullet the sometimes have names on the bullet like 'Goodbye'. I thought that was really cool. Just how they take the action sequences in slow motion was just amazing.
Overall I think Wanted is a cool, action movie that is kick-butt from start to finish. It delivers everything a fan could want. You see a bare back shot of Angelina Jolie with her tattoos, Morgan Freeman drops f bombs which never happens, and very cool action sequences.
Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh (2008)
Another dysfunctional Christmas family movie that is a stinker
The latest Drake and Josh movie was not only unoriginal, it just wasn't good period. The movie tried something different, but just failed and the jokes were unfunny. It seemed like we weren't seeing a Drake and Josh movie just a stinker.
Merry Christmas, Drake and Josh is about Drake and Josh spending time on Christmas Day, but he promises a girl named Mary Alice to have the best Christmas ever and since Drake and Josh are framed for a crime they have to give Mary Alice the best Christmas ever or they go to jail.
I thought this film was just boring. The film didn't take us in anything new or special and when the film would feel tired it would try to insert a repetitive joke or try and create another conflict. If there was any movie that is hard to make it would be a Christmas movie. You don't believe me? For example Four Christmases, Fred Claus, Deck the halls, Unaccompanied Minors, Santa Clause 3: The escape Claus, and should I continue?
Overall I thought Merry Christmas, Drake and Josh was a poor, boring effort that could have been better than what it was.
Bride of Chucky (1998)
Bride of Chucky is a weak entry in the long going series
Bride of Chucky is a weak entry in the long going series
*1/2 out of ****
Now when you look back at the first three Child's plays did you notice something? They all were the same films because Chucky kept killing where ever he went and the audience would get a kick out of him. Now Chucky returns in Bride of Chucky but what's new? Now he has a bride and everything you remembered from the first three films are completely gone now. From implied violence to on-screen grotesque violence, more cussing, and a little sensual. I have to give the director credit for trying something new instead of having the same plot over and over. But Bride of Chucky is a weak entry in the long going series. Why? The film tries to be funny and scary when it just can't be both. The new characters are just dumb and they look like they don't know what they are doing. Bride of Chucky may have some decent kills but other than that it's just a pile of crap that shouldn't have been invented. I have to admit I'm the biggest Chucky fan and tried to give this every chance I could but it was just bad. I admit this isn't the worst movie I've seen and it's not even that bad but it got poorly reviewed from me because the film could have been so much better and since Chucky now has a bride it just made things worse. Short and simple Bride of Chucky is a weak effort and the director shouldn't have messed with Chucky.
Boogeymen: The Killer Compilation (2001)
Overall a majority of the clips are wonderful chase scenes from the classics we've come to appreciate
Here are the list of the clips that are played:
Clive Barker's Hellraiser, A nightmare on Elm Street, The Texas chainsaw massacre (1974), Scream, Child's play 2, Candyman, Leprechaun, The ugly Wishmaster, The guardian, I know what you did last summer, The dentist, Phantasm II, The puppetmaster, Psycho, Jason goes to hell: The final Friday, Halloween
What is this?
A video tape/DVD that contains clips of your favorite slasher films that were nearly about 4 minutes.
Movie review:
Overall a majority like 70% of the clips are very well-made and still creepy taken from various recognized slasher flicks. I think the creepiest are Halloween and The Texas chainsaw massacre (1974). The reason is because those are both things that can actually happen. Without gore or blood the brain is the scariest and that is what makes these films stand out. Some of the films like 30% however are just ridiculous and are very stupid. Including Leprechaun and The puppetmaster. God those are awful. Leprechaun is stupid because he's a short midget and you can kill him in a second. At least Leprechaun was funny and playful but puppetmaster was just stupid and almost all the puppets look fake. Despite that prepare to be scared. This a must own for any horror fan.
Mirrors (2008)
What could have been a good horror film fell short
You're probably thinking that a film by Alexandre Aja will be good since the French director created the masterpiece of 'High tension' and the intense creepy 'The hills have eyes'. Well his third film 'Mirrors' surprisingly a film that falls short and a twist that leaves you angry. The film might look like a good horror film since Alexandre Aja is directing it, it has a jaw ripping scene, and a good plot.
Mirrors is about a night watchmen that watches over a place with thousands of mirrors. He thinks that the mirrors are a portal to another world and that it's trying to tell him something.
Don't get me wrong I love Alexandre Aja and a big horror film. But as much as I tried to like it. I didn't. The acting is really bad. Kiefer Sutherland screaming 'Damn' and punching the mirrors and slamming them on the ground is crazy enough. If you are looking for a gore fest there are only four gory scenes with the jaw ripping scene being the goriest. Now the plot itself is weak. The mirrors trying to tell him something and Keifer Sutherland breaking mirrors, painting mirrors, and screaming is not perfect acting. If the film was screened by critics the film would have been trashed. Honestly I wouldn't recommend 'Mirrors'. I would say wait for DVD.
Bone Eater (2007)
Bone Eater is absolutely the worst movie I've seen.
Now before I tell you the synopsis this is a non-spoiler review. Bone Eater hits its mark for being the worst movie of the year. I don't know how these movies even get onto DVD. If I saw this in theaters I would get extremely upset. Bone Eater is about these people who dig up an ancient burial ground and find some bones. It's the 'Bone eater' and the more bones he eats the more powerful he gets.
First of all I thought okay well the DVD artwork looks creepy and it sounds creepy. When I rented it and looked at the DVD label it looked scary. But then when I played it in I could agree on one thing- the title 'Bone Eater' is better than the movie itself. Tell me what's more stupid? A bone eater that just attacks by throwing a bone ate you and you disappear? Don't worry that's not a spoiler you see that happen in the first 5 minutes. Or is it more stupid that 'Bone Eater' has a horse? You know what I think is the stupidest? The whole movie.
The CGI is awful. Yeah I thought the idea of 'Bone eater' was creepy but once you see the actual thing you think this is some kind of action movie or just a cruel, mean joke. The film felt longer than Titanic and this was half an hour. Once the film actually has its moments of suspense it just stops. I admit the acting was not the best but actually decent and that the violence wasn't over-the-top but everything else is a stinker.
Overall Bone eater is a film you can skip. If you like interesting movies with great creatures, great CGI, and suspense 'Bone Eater' is a film to skip. If you like bad movies no matter how cheesy they are then 'Bone Eater' will satisfy.
The Strangers (2008)
Don't let the attractive cast, scary trailer, and 'inspired by true events' fool you. The strangers is a practical joke.
I must not take someone else's credit that was Richard Roeper's line for the At the movies show. I couldn't agree more. In case you didn't know The strangers is about a couple that just came home from a wedding reception but then all the sudden three masked strangers are trying to kill them.
Mind you this is Bryan Bertino's first film. I admit the film was well-done. But this is a joke. There is no scares or no thrills. When The strangers come they do absolutely nothing. They just stand in one place and they chase you. But they never take any action. It's really stupid. If that's not stupid what's more stupid than leaving your girlfriend in the house standing in the woods where a stranger could just pop up. And the second worst thing if you have a knife just don't leave it around the house. Use it. I remind you these aren't spoilers. By the way before we get this 'horror' we get 30 minutes of meeting the characters.
Meeting the characters is boring. All they do is talk about how much they just 'love' each other. And then there's some kissing moments. Seriously don't spend a perfectly wasted half hour on just a couple. It's ridiculous why films do this. Once the strangers come your completely comfortable, the mood is quite, and this is a piece of junk.
I loved 'Funny games' because when the psychopaths came they actually did something. What was more scary is that they acted nice but got intense. I also enjoyed 'Vacancy' because the characters weren't stupid and they actually did something while killers were trying to kill them. The problem with 'The strangers' is that the characters or killers they don't do a single thing.
Well I gave the film a 5/10 which in my book is just average because some techniques of scares were done well like a girl just standing in the kitchen washing dishes while a stranger is standing right in front of here. Also most films today use the 'gore' factor and I'm glad I didn't see a lot of that.
But the ending is just awful. I wouldn't spoil anything but let's just say it's not something to cheer for. Yes the endings for both 'Funny games' and 'Vacancy' were like that but you know what both films actually had good endings within them because the film was good from start to finish.
Overall if you liked 'Funny games' or 'Vacancy' which are similar to this movie you'll sadly be disappointed by 'The strangers'. It might not have that gore level were tired of and might stand out as a unique film it still isn't scary of terrifying. Despite that I think that Bryan Bertino might not be the best director but he's okay considering this is his first film.
Meet the Spartans (2008)
More like Meet the no talents
Meet the Spartans is about these 13 Spartans who have to battle through Ghost rider, Rocky, Paris Hilton and so many celebrities. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (Date movie, Epic movie) have taught me that you don't need talent or skill to make a movie. It doesn't even have to make sense or a cohesive flow or costume changes. As long as there's profit Meet the Spartans could be stupid as it gets.
Even if you enjoyed 'Epic movie' or 'Date movie' Meet the Spartans doesn't have even one joke to laugh at. Epic movie and Date movie at least had some jokes. So far instead of parodying 300 they parody Stomp the yard, Happy feet, Starbucks, American Idol, Dancing with the stars, Deal or no deal, Gatorade, Casino Royale, Borat, Britney Spears, Rambo, Spider-man 3, Donald trump, Transformers, Shrek the third, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and you see where I'm going with this. Meet the Spartans doesn't even seem like it's trying to be funny. 'Epic movie' and 'Date movie' tried to be funny but failed miserably. Sadly Meet the Spartans has absolutely nothing to laugh at.
Meet the Spartans only runs an hour long. The credits are half as long as the movie. That's sad isn't it? It's even more sad that the 'I will survive' musical number in the credits is better than the entire movie put together. And you know what's even more sad the Spider-man 3, Donald Trump, and Rambo parts are not in the movie only the credits. Meet the Spartans is filled with poop gags, spit gags, vomit gags, gay jokes, sex jokes, puss jokes, and the list goes on with painfully unfunny jokes.
May I remind you that these unfunny jokes keep repeating. The stupid gross-out humor- actually it isn't humor uses up for 75% of the movie. The 25% rest of the movie are jokes that 3rd graders would find funny. The only reason why Meet the Spartans was PG-13 was because there were some sexual references. If there was none this would easily be PG. Meet the Spartans isn't a 'teen' comedy or an 'adult' comedy it's easily not comedy at all. I think instead of 2 of the writers of Scary movie we need 4 writers back and leave Jason and Aaron out of it.
Now you know what's even more sad? That every single movie made by these two hacks are always panned for critics and end up on their worst films of the year list. Yet these directors keep making the same movies. I don't care if the film is 'R' rated and not funny at least we have something interesting here. If you have a 'PG-13' that's not funny and purely no language, no violence, and no nudity leave you into the worst movie in cinemas.
Even if you didn't pay to see this movie and seeing it online. It will still feel like you spend $100 to see this movie. Meet the Spartans clearly lacks humor, originality, solid performances, and so much more. Clearly the same audiences keep seeing these bomb shell movies. The teens. Seriously if you see a 5/10 or higher rating that's the teens for you. Even I wouldn't know how anyone would think this is entertainment.
Overall I think that the teen audiences always see these parody movies when there are so many better films out there that get well reviewed and are playing wide release and some of the movies are for their audience group. Yet the ignore it and see something that looks funny but ends up turning incredibly stupid start to finish.
I wish I could give Meet the Spartans 0 out of 10. Even 1/2 out of 10. Sadly I could give it only 1 star.
Persepolis (2007)
Persepolis is charming and beautiful... but needs improvement in some spots
First of all don't worry the review contains minor spoilers and I will try not to say any major spoilers. But I will tell you the content of the film and some of the themes.
Persepolis is about a girl that has to deal with situations like the war going on and as she grows older she stumbles in relationships, punk, and falling with the out crowd. But apparently there is a bit of humor that makes this enjoyable.
Persepolis is really charming and I don't blame the critics for calling it 'The best of 2007'. Truly this was a masterpiece and it was really moving. It dealt with situations in the eyes of a child and then how she grows up and how her life turns out terrible. Especially in the ending. Although I couldn't give this 10 out of 10 because there are some slow spots. I thought the beginning started out really slow because all the time something was interesting and building up a climax it stayed that way. There is also a little humor that goes on here and there. But it's really hard to give this a PG-13 when it deals with issues about sex, drugs, and violence. Persepolis might not be the best film of a decade but it's enjoyable for about 90 minutes.
A Wrinkle in Time (2003)
Book-to-film adaptions and effects don't save this film
I have read the whole 'A wrinkle in time' book and then saw the movie. The movie contained all the elements in the book but since the book was 190 pages and the film was 2 hours it felt really crammed in with too many effects and bad acting.
A wrinkle in time is about a girl named Meg, Charles Wallace, and Calvin must team together to find Meg's father and get off the island Camazotz.
The beginning of the film is really a stinker. The acting is awful, the direction is laughable, and so far the situations aren't necessary. I really was crushed to see the same person Madeleine Engle that wrote the book and created the movie, made a great book, and a terrible film. The acting is worse than any straight-to-video acting. Yes, I got to admit there was cool effects. But seriously they were all done terribly and not serial in any way possible. If you read the book you will be crushed by the movie. I wish could give it a 0 but sadly I can only give it 1. A half could have been useful.
Prom Night (2008)
Prom night is probably the worst film of 2008
Prom Night is about a girl named Donna (Brittany Snow) who is being chased by a psycho killer trying to kill her at her prom night. And by doing so killing her family, friends, and her enemies.
Now before I begin let me say have you been tired of PG-13 horror movies that haven't been scary lately. Are you tired of stupid girl dialog 'Oh my god' and talking about girlish things. And are you really tired of girls in relationships and then crying. And the last thing are you tired of the US remaking Asian, Japanese, and Chinese films. That pretty much sums up Prom night but I'm still not done with the review.
The only reason to see 'Prom night' is to crack a laugh at the kills. If not, don't see Prom night. You never see the kills an only hear screaming and you see some blood on the wall. And by the way the deaths are repeating like 24/7. So not only aren't they scary but it's obnoxious. By the time I met the cast I think I was ready to hurl. Too much girl talk, too much guy talk, and lots of 'Oh my gosh. It's our prom'. I understand it's fun but seriously is it too much to ask not to concentrate.
If I were to put Prom Night on the list of worst films of 2008 without seeing the other films I'd be the first one too. I'm not going to be surprised if it gets released on DVD for cheap and quick. Seriously don't spend your money or the time for dull acting, cheap scares, and a 'Night to die for' when watching the film.
1 star out of 10. (P.S. If I could give the film zero stars I would).