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Reviews
Rise of the Black Bat (2012)
Bat-mask-man!!
If you ever find yourself with too much faith in superhero flicks, "Rise of the Black Bat" is here to bring you crashing back to Earth. It's like they aimed for Batman but landed on, well, Bat-mask-man?
Tony Quinn, our hero, is a lawyer turned vigilante, sporting a batman mask with the ears cut off.
The villains, are about as scary as a basket of kittens. The fights are so underwhelming, you'll root for gravity or common sense to win. And the plot? It's like they put a bunch of superhero tropes in a blender and forgot to put the lid on.
Watching "Rise of the Black Bat" is an experience. It's the perfect film for a bad movie night where the drinks are strong, and personal standards don't exist.
Metal Man (2008)
So bad it deserves two one-star reviews!
Alright, let's get real. "Metal Man" is the kind of movie that makes you wonder if someone lost a bet. Kyle, our 'hero,' looks like he raided a thrift store and a junkyard to assemble his superhero suit, which is less "Iron Man" and more "Aluminum Foil Boy."
The plot? It's like the director threw darts at a board of superhero clichés. Kyle wears his gloriously tacky suit and wanders around fighting evil-or, more accurately, mildly inconvenient-villains who have less menace than a sleepy house cat.
Every scene feels like they couldn't decide if they were making a serious action movie or a slapstick comedy, resulting in something hilariously in-between. The special effects seem to be powered by someone's leftover fireworks from last New Year's Eve, and the fight scenes look like they were choreographed during a lunch break.
Watching Kyle try to save the day in his clattering, clunky suit, you can't help but cheer him on-he's so earnest, so hopelessly outmatched by his own costume. "Metal Man" is a masterclass in ambition outstripping ability, a film that's worse than 'so bad it's almost good'.
The Amazing Bulk (2012)
A Purple Haze of Hilarity
Strap in and brace yourself for "The Amazing Bulk," the cinematic equivalent of a fever dream fueled by grape soda and bad decisions. This film, lovingly crafted with CGI that makes early video games look like high art, invites us to witness the adventures of a purple giant who looks like he's escaped from a discount Halloween store.
The plot? It's there, somewhere, between the eye-wateringly free backdrops and the dialogue that sounds like it was Google Translated through six languages. Our hero, Hank Howard, turns into the Bulk to fight crime-or at least to amble awkwardly across screensavers from the '90s.
In a world where even B-movies have standards, "The Amazing Bulk" joyfully tosses quality control out the window. It's a must-watch for anyone seeking to marvel at how gloriously bad a movie can be. If nothing else, you'll come away with a newfound appreciation for the color purple and the magic of a shoestring budget. Grab your popcorn (and maybe a blindfold) and dive into the madness!