Reviews
Queen of the Damned (2002)
A steaming heap of crap
I am so sorry that I paid to see this movie. Bad dialogue, bad plot, bad acting, bad special effects (the heart that Akasha bites into? Why so cheap and unconvincing? Why??) It's so lame that I can't think of one nice thing to say about it other than Aaliyah is gorgeous. Rent Romeo Must Die instead. That movie is watchable at least. I can't believe this movie has such a high rating! I know tons of people (me included) love Aaliyah. But this movie is just terrible!
Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 (1987)
I couldn't decide whether to give this movie a 1 or a 10.
This movie is so awful it's fantastic. It has everything -- a lead actor who moves his eyebrows up and down to convey strong emotion, unnecessary (ludicrously unnecessary) nudity, idiotic death scenes (the best one is when Ricky shoots a car with a handgun and it flips over and explodes). Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, and the script is outstanding. Watch for a provoked Ricky saying, "Punish!!!" and "Garbage Day!"
If you get a chance to see this one, don't miss it. It's one of my favorite movies ever.
Mission to Mars (2000)
Completely idiotic
I don't even know where to begin on this one. I was so angry at the gross factual errors during this movie that I actually began to shout at the screen. Don't worry, I was at home, not in the theater. But seriously. Anybody with a BASIC level of education in the biological and physical sciences will be offended by the stupidity of the plot and dialogue of this movie. Especially when they see the DNA sequence and one character exclaims, "That's HUMAN DNA!!!" Oh. My. God. Yes, of course I forgot that you can tell the species to which a small sequence of nucleotides belongs just by glancing at it. Seriously, couldn't they have just run this script by someone who has been to college?
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Lord of the Borings
This movie was a grandiose waste of time. Beautifully filmed, boring as hell. I agree that it's based on a fabulous story. But the book was reekingly badly written and dragging. Couldn't they have condensed the boringness into two hours instead of three excruciating ones? I could forgive it if it were shorter because the last hour was exciting. However, the first two hours were so dull that I looked at my watch every ten minutes. By the time the film really started, I was too disgruntled to care. Feh.
Pulp Fiction (1994)
Quentin Tarantino SHOULD NOT be allowed to act...
I love this movie. However, Quentin Tarantino should stay on the other side of the camera. I love his work but yikes! He comes off whiny and obnoxious, and the nasal quality of his voice is not too pleasant. Otherwise, though, it's a creative and joyous mess. I adore it.
It (1990)
Eh
I first saw this movie when I was 11. I liked it then, except for the end, which is really weak. Having seen it again recently, I have to say It is a decent adaptation of the novel for the first half. It starts to reek during the second hour, however. The climax will be soooo disappointing to anyone who has read the novel. The cast is talented but don't seem to really get into their roles, which isn't to blame them because the screenplay has none of the depth of the book. Trying to turn a Stephen King work into something that will not offend middle america and is suitable for network television will probably inevitably yield crap like this. It just can't escape the cheesy early 90's Teevee movie world it was born into. Overall, I'd say don't bother unless there's nothing else on...