C-Ant's Reviews

Playback (II) (2012)

1/10

Don't believe the hype....If there is any!

6 February 2012

Warning: Spoilers

What a heap of crap! That should be enough of a review as their are no redeeming features to this mess.

The worst thing of all is how it's marketed to suck you in to see it in the first place, I mean IMDb's description 'A cop investigates the case of a missing local teen.....' is very misleading - yes a cop does investigate - for about 5 minutes of the movie. In fact the only reason this description is used is because the cop in question is played by Christian Slater, and of course it's Slater's name that carries the movie, the only reason why you might want to watch this.

That being said, Slater's role is very minimal, he basically plays a sick pervert cop for a very brief part of the movie - yup, not the impression the description would have you believe.

The story is predictable from the start, contains only 'jump' scares and well.........nothing more to say really, this really is crap. What happened to your career Slater?

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Psycho Ward (2007)

3/10

Low Budget, Lower Writers

20 December 2009

Slasher horror we've all seen before, but we've seen it better.

The story is very simple, a bunch of teens led by Dr. Richard Magellan visit an abandoned prison, which the Doc believes to have been used by the government to conduct experiments using serial killers as guinea pigs. The Doc wishes to document the place and find out the 'truth'. They enter the prison and that's when people start getting bumped off.

Despite its low budget the general filming and editing is quite good, some nice effects used in places, the gore scenes (plenty of them) are done well with no cgi, though most kills are off screen the results of the brutal attacks are shown and look pretty good. Unfortunately this is were the good stuff ends.

The acting is weak, almost all the characters are weak and/or annoying - in fact the only 'likeable' character is 'Studs' and it seems like he was the character we're supposed to hate! The lead actor playing the doc is simply boring and virtually monotone. 'Sarah' is so annoying I wanted her to die in the first 10 mins, actually that goes for most of the characters.

There is near zero back story or character development, the story pushes an expected twist - which doesn't happen and most annoying of all is that there is no answers, no conclusions!

The door has been left open for a sequel, I really hope the people involved don't bother.

Well filmed, good make-up, bad characters, crap story.

3/10

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The Echo (I) (2008)

5/10

Oh no, It's a pale Asian lady......again!.........scary stuff

4 November 2009

After reading the other reviews I feel compelled to right a comment on this movie.

The other reviews describe it as a future 'cult hit', it is compared to 'The Exorcist' and how it is so realistic - 'something that may have happened in reality'?

Really! Well no, not at all, on any level. It is far too generic to be a cult hit, seen this type of film a million times (think 'Grudge' or 'The Ring' or any other east Asian remake), it is not even slightly like 'The Exorcist' (the build up really isn't that slow) and why the comparison is made I'll never know, as for realistic - gimmie a break, it's realistic if you live in 'spooky Asian ghost land', and last time I checked that place wasn't real.

So, in a nutshell what we have is a half decent ghost story that we've all seen before. If you've seen any of the other East Asia movie remakes then you know what to expect. In fact the 'scary' parts are identical in all the remakes - pale Asian lady and/or child pulling scary faces and moving about a bit strange.

I find it strange that when Hollywood remakes an Asian film they transplant China or were ever the original was made for the USA (Grudge being an exception), make all the characters Caucasian, but leave the scary people as Asians! Were the scary people in the Asian version Caucasian? No, so why not transplant the whole thing, I mean it's almost racist, and Asian women walking weird aren't scary!

Anyway, rant over, overall it's OK as a rental, but nothing to shout about.

5/10

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The Offerings (2009)

1/10

Crap

22 June 2009

Holy crap! Or should I say spiritual crap, actually, I'm just gonna go with plain simple - crap! This is a movie about a pretty teenage maid who takes a job house keeping for a couple of women - Chinese women! Yes, it's the east Asia thing again, because of course that's what makes a scary film isn't it? No of course not, but every other horror director in the US thinks it is! Why don't they just set up a camera in Beijing, the fear factor would be immense.

Of course, as the women are Chinese it is only right that they are very spiritual and follow the ancient ways (blimey, it's so stereotyped I was just waiting for one them to pull out nun-chucks and perform a spinning back kick!), and it just happens to be 'Ghost Month'. So rituals are performed every night to keep the scary demons at bay, until of course the maid cleans up some charcoal! Then the scary stuff begins, or at least tries to.

Terrible cgi, bad makeup and worst of all, no scares. A few 'jump' moments are there, but they hardly register on the fear factor. Acting is appalling, back-story is dreadful and unneeded well, unneeded in the way it was done here anyway. The 'twist' isn't really a twist as you can see whats coming a mile away.

Overall, this is the worst horror movie I've seen for a long, long time. Avoid at all cost 1/10

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Friday the 13th (2009)

1/10

Friday the Police Academy on Elm Street

4 June 2009

Strange title to my comment? Maybe, but I'm simply pointing out that, although it's supposed to be a remake it isn't, it is simply the next installment, and like 'Police Academy' and 'Nightmare..', 'Friday The 13th' didn't need multiple movie sequels, put it to bed.

Billed as a remake, or reinvention or whatever, I expected to see a movie explaining a little about Jason beyond what we already know, a little more background or something, you know, something just to get us interested again, a bit like the 'Halloween' remake which had a good 20mins showing us how little Michael developed into a psychopath - that was a good remake. Here we have a back story that lasts maybe 3mins, then it's - Welcome to Friday The 13th part 47 or whatever. Same old stuff, different day.

No surprises, no twist, no story, no nothing, just Jason chopping people up.

And the Hollywood happy stuff, god damn that's got to stop! I don't wanna give anything away in case you want to watch this piece of crap movie, but good lord why? And 6 weeks before he noticed the locket! The film writer is a moron! I say the film writer, because Jason can't be a moron, it's gotta take skill and mental agility for a bloke to efficiently use bows, machete's, throwing axes, be able to leap on buildings in a split second and come back from the dead.

If you want to watch brain numbingly boring horror that you've seen a million times then this for you.

0/10

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The Burrowers (2008)

6/10

Cowboys and Indians.....oh and Monsters!

21 April 2009

Basically a Horror Western with heavy overtones of racial morality.

But is it worth watching? Well, in my opinion yes. It has suspense, horror, action and of course - cowboys and Indian's, what more do you want? Monsters? Well it's got them too. And yes, it really is as silly as it sounds. But overall, it's a good flick to rent.

Nothing in this film is top drawer, but it's not far off. The characters are a little over the top with stereotypes, eg. Henry Victor - the Indian hating military commander (quite comical at times, whether this was intentional I don't know), the Irish settler, the 'token' black guy. The overtones of racial morality are present throughout, almost as though this is supposed to be a tale about 'loving thy neighbour'. I can understand why they did this, It's set in the late 1800's and the Indians were the bogeymen at the time, but it's a bit overdone IMO. Anyway, it's not about 'loving thy neighbour' it's about monsters...keeping it real.

Overall, Cowboys, Indians and Monsters (just missing the voluptuous blond I guess). Grab a few beers and rent this film.

6/10

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The Watch (2008 TV Movie)

5/10

Had Potential

29 March 2009

First of all, this film is the first horror for a long time to give me chills. Some scenes are genuinely spooky. Unfortunately it peters out in the last third! The setting is perfect, a young woman isolated in a forest, completely alone. It is built up slowly, but felt just right, the early 'shock' moments work well. In fact, it built up perfectly, so much that I was thinking this could be a great film! But then, there is always 'the twist'. Most twists are at least intriguing, some are brilliant, this one kills the film. And the ending is well....kinda not in the film.

If I was to draw a graph on the films enjoyment level, it would be a slow consistent incline, then a sharp decline in the last 3rd, kinda like a ramp.

could of been so much better.

5/10

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Watchmen (2009)

5/10

Review By non-comic Fan

13 March 2009

OK, first up I wanna make it clear that I'm a movie fan, not a comic fan! I say this because the majority of reviews on this title seem to be from comic fans who are overwhelmed by the fact their favourite comic has been put onto film, and that seems to cloud their judgement - scoring it 8-10 and complaining about the ending and making huge reviews about how it varies from the comic! Fact is, tons of films are taken from literature, whether it's a short story, novel, comic or whatever. It's not about comparing material, it's about the film. OK got that off my chest.

So here it is, nice and short....the film is very average. Stop spitting on me! I say it how I see it! Not going into the story.

The film starts off very dark, a refreshing change for a 'super hero' yarn, and the characters are certainly interesting. The main story kept me gripped, the who 'dunnit' theme keeps it very interesting.....then it falls apart! It turns from a 'real-life' super hero flick, into something that resembles 'Power Rangers', I liked the 'Dr. Manhattan' thing, but it got very silly, very bad.

I read the comic book ending, and the argument about a different ending is negligible, it's proper geek turf, the ending is basically the same.

If this didn't kill 2.5 hours of my life I'd score it 7/10 But since it did, it's a 5/10 for me.

back off all you comic jockey's.........and get a girlfriend!

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Babysitter Wanted (2007)

6/10

Evil, but very holey

10 March 2009

Warning: Spoilers

Before I watched this movie I was expecting a bog standard slasher, which I don't mind, but this one caught me by surprise....for a while at least.

We start off with 'Angie', a dedicated Christian, starting college in a new town far from home. We soon learn of the recent disappearance of a teenage girl, which kinda underlines what we expect from the a film - a teenager fighting for her life. Before we know it, Angie is being stalked by a man in the shadows. She decides to take a job as a babysitter, that of course is when the trouble arrives.

OK, sounds bog standard right? But then comes the twist, quite early in the film, which is a good change. It goes from straight forward stalker/slasher movie, to full on gore-fest supernatural horror (not quite as dramatic as say 'Dusk till Dawn', but has the same feel - the twist I mean).

One point of the movie I really enjoyed was the nonchalant way the 'parents' talked to Angie and each other while carrying out despicable acts, the dialogue at this part really is very good.

This movie will definitely satisfy shock and gore fans, but falls apart when scrutinised for substance...even an 'A-Team' fan would frown at the plot holes (big enough to fly a Jumbo Jet through with a blind, limbless pilot at the controls), loose ends and needles 'filler'.

For instance, why are we shown that 'Angie' is a dedicated Christian? why is the Priest stalking 'Angie' and making dodgy phone calls? What was the point of introducing the junkie room mate? Or for that matter the need to get a bed? Who and why are the couple the 'parents'? The list can go on and on!

Overall, if you ignore the holes and filler parts its OK 6/10

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House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

3/10

Cult Classic - My Arse

10 October 2008

Warning: Spoilers

In a nutshell...very disappointing.

The problem for me is that I saw 'Devils Rejects' before I saw this. And this movie pales in comparison.

I've read a few of the other reviews, and many point out that it's a homage to 'Texas Chainsaw...'. That's the first drawback of any horror film. The fact is, although 'TCM' is a 'cult classic', I've seen so many 'cult classic' movies that I know understand that 'cult classic' actually means 'crap movie'. OK, it's not a 'fact', it's just my opinion, but just ask yourself, why did you enjoy 'TCM', was it the crap camera work? The awful acting? The non-story? The zero scares? Come on, give me a clue here. So, to make a homage of a bad movie (only got 'cult' status because it was banned in so many countries in my opinion) is like somebody making a movie glorifying Derby FC's Premiership performance last season.

A review by Olympia states: 'Anyone Who Hated This Movie Should Not Be Watching Horror Films'. Olympia is clearly a 'Horror Snob'. He's the kind that will claim a crap-hole movie filmed with a 4mg pixel cam with shoddy sound is the best ever, and that the people who don't like it, just don't understand it. I digress.

The film is full of violence and gore, but not much plot. The main problem is that there is no payback. I'm all for the non-Hollywood ending (ie. the bad guys winning), but this is just watching torture! The whole thing makes you hate the bad guys, but no one even challenges them! Thats why I love 'Devils Rejects', the sheriff in that is just a sick as the bad guys, and I was rooting for him all the way. Even 'The Hills Have Eyes' had some incredible payback.

If you want to watch people get killed without fighting back, then this is for you, in fact you'd consider it a 'cult classic'.

3/10

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Nympha (2007)

5/10

odd but gripping

11 September 2008

Weird, a little confusing, but oddly gripping.

The movie is straight to the point, Sarah (Shepis) is entering the nunnery in the opening scene, no back story for her or anything. We're given the impression that this is indeed her vocation, to live a life of solitude as a nun. Within the first few minutes there are spooky things going on, but with no explanation.

Throughout the film we are shown flash backs of two men bickering about a garden, the flash backs get progressively darker and more sinister. As all this is happening, Sarah is being put through her paces, enduring physical and mental torture - this way she'll become closer to god!

For a while the film will keep you confused, but this just makes you want to watch it to the end to find out why, who or what!

A strange film all round, dark and sinister - with a lesbian romp thrown in for no reason whatever - but will keep you watching 5/10

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No Man's Land: The Rise of Reeker (2008)

5/10

basically a remake

26 August 2008

In case anyone doesn't know, this movie is in fact a sequel (the first simply called 'Reeker'), and this time it follows the plot, well...almost identical to the first one.

This is a major problem.

In the original film there is a rather large twist at the end, and if you don't already guess it, it is a great twist. This film follows the exact same twist, so if you've seen the first, then there's not much to see here. It's basically a remake, with slightly different circumstances.

On a plus point, the baddie does have a little bit of background, unlike in the first movie, but that really is the only plus point.

In my opinion, this is a sequel to a film that didn't need a sequel, so again, if you have seen the first film this might be a little boring to watch.

On the other hand, if you haven't seen the first film you might just enjoy it. Even though it is a sequel, it stands alone (as I said, it's more of a remake) and there is no need to have seen the first one.

so, if you saw the first it's 3/10

if you didn't see the first it's 6/10

So overall (and being generous) it's 5/10

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The Strangers (2008)

6/10

Cheap Scares....thats all

23 August 2008

The trailers for this movie are awesome, they intrigued me and looked very scary (the whole family wearing masks...kids wearing masks...that gives me scary chills). And - to a degree, it works. But, like many movie trailers, it is very misleading, well to me it was.

From the trailer I thought this would be something like 'Funny Games', but it turns out to be your average horror/slasher movie. The scenes from the trailer ie. the family of masked assailants are shown in this way for about a good 10 seconds.

The main problem with this movie is the lack of 'who' and 'why'. OK, we learn a little about the 2 lead characters, from the movies 'this is what happened cos it's a true story' thing at the beginning, and a few scenes of 'this is what happened before they got were they are'. For the 2 main characters, this is enough. The assailants however, have no motive, no identity and pretty much nothing is told about them. They just kinda kill people! I've seen b-movies with better reasons for bad guys.

On a good point, Liv Tyler does a great job...ye she's limited to screaming for her fella and hiding in closets...but she does it well

6/10 cheap scares, nothing special

And finally a message to Jason Kiff. Ever heard of Mininova?

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Felon (2008)

8/10

It'd be a Felony not to watch

11 August 2008

I was a little sceptical before seeing this movie, I'd recently seen Kilmer in 'Conspiracy' which was awful, and seen Dorf in 'Botched' which was hilarious (in a good way). This mix - funny and bad - surely couldn't work in thriller, could it?

Well yes it could, and does perfectly. Val Kilmer, although looking a little strange sporting a bushy goatee fits his role well as the inmate mentor. It takes a little time to get used to him in this role as he isn't the action hero you automatically expect. Dorf is convincing as the well-to-do family man (sort of) wrongly imprisoned.

At the start of this film you may get flashbacks of 'An Innocent Man', but this film is far grittier and pulls no punches.

It's full of violence with a splash of emotional drama, predictable but still fun to watch 8/10

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Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008 Video)

5/10

Shoud've Been Better

18 July 2008

This is a film I had to see, I mean, 'Lost Boys' is a classic! And the fact that a sequel has been made! Well, like I said, I had to see it.

To follow up a film like 'lost boys' it's gonna have to be something special. When I first heard about it I thought 'It'll be just some B movie fan film', but then I found out both Corey Feldman and Corey Haim are in it, plus the other actor that played the other Frog brother (can't remember his name) in the original film. On that basis I believed this could do justice as a sequel to the cult classic.

How wrong could I be! First up, Corey Haim and 'the other Frog brother' are both credited at the end of the film, but I don't recall seeing either of them in the film, in fact Edgar Frog (Feldman) mentions that his brother has died! And second, they tried to capture the humour of the original film and simply failed.

This film is more of a homage then a sequel, it follows the original story with only minor adjustments, eg. this time it's a brother and sister rather then 2 brothers, and this time it's the girl that gets seduced rather than the fella.

Another point - you would have thought that after 20 years since the first film the effects would be spectacular, but they're not, they could've been lifted from the original, which shows they're budget must have been tight.

Overall this film is very average, should've been a lot better, but then I've seen worse. I rate this a 5, it's watchable and no were near as poor as 'prom night' or 'doomsday'

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Paranoid Park (2007)

7/10

Moody but Mild

12 July 2008

I didn't know what to expect from this film, but in the end a quite liked it, problem is, i'm not sure why.

The film is based solely on one kids perception of a horrible accident, his emotions and his way of dealing with it.

Being a fan of films such as 'Saw' and 'The Ruins' (you get the idea), it's probably a good job I didn't look up what this film was about. It's very broody, very dark, the pace is slow from beginning to end, it is full of skateboarding cut scenes and moody music.

The cinematography is very good, most of the acting is good, especially since it is mainly a very young cast, and a brief gore scene chucked in there for effect (although it really wasn't necessary for the story in my opinion).

The time-line is broken up and this gives the film a sort of mild intensity that will keep you watching until the end.

Overall a good film, I've seen better, but I've seen much worse.

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Shutter (I) (2008)

1/10

Shutter your eyes....and go to sleep

6 June 2008

In a nutshell - awful.

It appears Hollywood threw all the 'big guns' at this movie - the sexy blond (can't even remember her name!), the teenage girls favourite actor - Joshua whats his face from that crap kids drama, and some decent special effects - and came up with urm...nothing! All in all, she looked great, the bloke looked handsome and effects were good. Problem is, the film sucked harder then a vampire on a vegan trying to find the meaty bit! No scares, no jumps, no gripping intrigue or suspense.

There is a twist at the end, but it's 'too little too late', by this point i was only watching because i hadn't managed to find a rusty fork to stick in my eyeballs.

Don't waste your time on this film, juggling 'rio snappers' would be more frightening.

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Doomsday (I) (2008)

1/10

Doomsday - The day I saw this film

8 May 2008

This movie had so much promise. OK, the idea - a virus turning people into psychos - isn't exactly original, but (to me at least) recent efforts, like '28 days later' and 'I Am Legend' have been above par. This i'm afraid, lacks everything the 2 movies I just mention had.

'28 days...' had you on the edge of your seat throughout, had all the jumps a horror flick should have, and of course enough gore to keep your average sadist happy. '..Legend' had the mystery, the hope, it had you routing for the good guy. This has none of those qualities.

This film seems confused within itself, it doesn't know what it want's to be - a zombie film? a post apocalypse film? a crappy Excalibur remake? maybe even a James Bond flick! It has all those elements, but delivers in none.

It's a though the director wanted to make several films, didn't have the time, so bunged all his ideas in one film.

If your expecting some kind of 'infected people horror flick' then don't. The way the story changes without relating to each part you'ld be closer expecting a crap version of 'Time Bandits'

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