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1/10
Without exaggeration, in my top 3 worst movies
19 December 2010
Warning: Spoilers
Top 2 being the Bill & Ted movies.

Thinking about the forty minutes of life and oxygen I wasted watching this film is truly depressing. I can't even begin to describe the sheer awfulness of this movie.

For starters, it is full of clichés, unnecessary lines that don't make any sense and annoyingly, plenty of product placement for Nintendo. I kid you not - SPVTW is more like a badly written and drawn out Nintendo ad.

All of the characters are irritating, stereotypical and lacking in substance. Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) is a whiny, freaky little nerd who just happens to know enough martial arts to kick the living daylights out of the 'seven evil exes', all of whom, I may add, have super-powers. There is no indication that he is capable of self-defence (HE IS A LOSER FOR GOD'S SAKE) and no explanation as to where he learnt it. The revealing of this is, for lack of a better word, completely random. His character also sends out a terrible message to society: cheat on your girlfriend and it doesn't matter because apparently, you have found your 'one true love' (after like, one date and having met twice).

Then there's the issue of Scott's high school girlfriend. Knives Chao is a screechy, annoying girl who does nothing but squeal throughout most of the film as well as having been cast as an extremely unfunny Asian stereotype. His ex and the drummer in his band, Kim, is no better and throws in more unfunny one-liners with an expression less lively than one you would find on a corpse. And Ramona? Typical, broody, 'I'm-so-deep-and-misunderstood' rock-chick who has absolutely no personality and bad hair.

Aside the crap characters, there's the storyline (or lack thereof). The film does not flow at all - there is absolutely no build-up to any of the main events which leaves the audience lost as to just what the heck is going on. Then of course you have the cheesy, terribly done fight scenes which have been shot in a 'comic book' style. When these strange fights are occurring (I mean fireballs, kung fu, flying around, baddies turning into COINS at the end, the works!), no one seems perturbed in the slightest. Other cast members and characters do not even react - not so much as a "what the heck was that?" which further makes the storyline completely unbelievable, unrealistic and nonsensical.

I don't understand how anyone, who is not a 14-year-old gaming nerd, could have rated this above a one. Truly DIRE!
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Vampires Suck (2010)
1/10
'Vampires Suck' ... SUCKED!
13 July 2010
So far, the Twilight films have been extremely disappointing and they have all received pretty low ratings from me. I decided to check out Vampires Suck, thinking it would be a good laugh. Unfortunately, I could count the amount of times I laughed on one hand.

The film was full of cheap gimmicks, badly written lines that were not even close to being funny and actually, much like the Twilight films themselves, terribly structured with mass chunks of uneventful time filling.

The lead actress is a fantastic Kristen Stewart impersonator - literally every twitch, facial expression and bodily movement is spot-on. Even her voice is extremely similar! Having never seen her in anything else however, it remains to be seen how far her acting skills actually stretch.

There is really nothing much to comment on, simply because there was nothing in the film that was really worth noting. Don't bother seeing this one - simply AWFUL!
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