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daniel-1759
Reviews
Role Models (2008)
Raunchiness isn't the best part of Role Models
I just got back from seeing Role Models, and I must tell you that, first and foremost, it is excessively crude and vulgar, which is not my cup of tea. However, it is extremely funny and the laugh out loud moments out-weighed the "Huhs?" probably 2 to 1.
The plot revolves around Danny (Paul Rudd) and Wheeler (Seann William Scott), two guys who work for an energy drink company Minotaur, fashioned after Red Bull. Their job involves them going to schools and Danny will give a tepid stay-off-drugs-but-drink-Minotaur spiel as Wheeler prances around in a Minotaur mascot costume. Wheeler is the party guy and Danny is a bit uptight, but it's Danny who snaps after he realizes he's in a dead-end job and his girlfriend Beth (Elizabeth Banks) won't marry him after his lame, desperate proposal.
After attempting to save their Minotaurmobile from being towed, Danny and Wheeler are in legal trouble but instead of jail they get . . . (dramatic pause) . . . community service. They are sent to a Big Brothers knock-off program called Sturdy Wings, run by a crazy ex-drugee played by the great Jane Lynch, who plays the part of ultimate den mother crossed with perverse eccentricity.
Wheeler is paired with Ronnie (Bobb'e J. Thompson), a little kid who makes the children of South Park look to be choir boys and Danny is given Augie (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) a Dungeons & Dragons caliber of nerd. Shenanigans ensue, no one likes each other at first, but Danny and Wheeler have to make it work or they go to jail.
The eventual destination is a foregone conclusion the guys and the kids will bond, teach each other lessons, etc.
Here's the frustrating aspect about Role Models for me: it's a comedy with a heartwarming message about family, kids, and fitting in, but at the same time it's so utterly perverse that no kid should ever see it. Teens and young adults who enjoy dirty comedies will doubtlessly love it. I suspect that toning down the sexual humor and crass language to PG-13 concentration and Role Models would fall into that Adam Sandler-movie category when it's safe for teens and parents and it's still kinda crude and (sometimes) funny.
This isn't some sort of call for censorship by any means, but although the profanities and lewdness from the kids garners some laughs, the bulk of the laughs come from Danny's venture into the medieval realm of L.A.I.R.E. with Augie. Danny's interactions with "King Argotron" (Ken Jeong), culminating with an applause inducing entrance that I don't want to spoil, is by far the show-stealer. And all those scenes totally didn't need hard R-rated material to be funny.
--Daniel J. Roos (film.ispwn.com)
Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster (1965)
Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster - how'd MST3K miss this?
The film involves a mission to Mars scheduled to be manned by a single crewmember, Capt. Frank Saunders. Like many a low-budget sci-fi film, NASA is run by two or three people at the most. In NASA's headquarters, which bears a striking resemblance to any given high school with a "John F. Kennedy Space Center" banner drapped over the entrance, Frank is unveiled in a press conference the day before the historic mission to no less than three, semi-attentive reporters. In the middle of the conference, Frank completely freezes, and is rushed off by two scientists. The reporters are curious, but quick thinking General Bowers offers them drinks, and their desire for a good story is outweighed by the urge to get some free booze.
It turns out that our boy Frank is really a half-man robot (pronounced "robut" by his creator, Adam Steel), a sort of modern Frankenstein, if you will. Despite the fact that Frank has malfunctioned and become completely unresponsive two minutes into his unveiling at a press conference, he is sent out into space the next day as planned after some mild tweaking.
Meanwhile, a malicious, insipid race of aliens is coming to Earth for a single purpose. It seems their planet has been destroyed by a nuclear holocaust, and these saps are the lone survivors. The aliens are led by, Princess Marcuzan (who, you would think would be queen now) and Dr. Nadir, who informs the crew: "We are extinct as a race, unless of course we can find some good breeding stock to repopulate the planet." Wow.
The aliens mistake Frank's spaceship for an attack, and blow it up. Frank crashes somewhere in Puerto Rico, where he emerges damaged and begins to wander the countryside attacking random people. (Incidentally, Frank at no point resembles a classic Frankenstein or the guy on the cover of the DVD he looks more like a bargain-basement version of Batman villain Two-Face than anything else.) The aliens also land in Puerto Rico, and start capturing girls that don't look Puerto Rican in the slightest.
The film's idea of incorporating a Puerto Rican into the story comes when hero-scientist Adam Steel (love that name!) needs to make a phone call and struggles to communicate with a native. "Telephone?" Steel says, and the native is confused. Steel puts his hand to his ear in traditional phone-mime and says, "El telephono?" and the guy understands. Yikes. I'm one of the whitest white people alive and I'M offended.
Fortunately for our evil alien friends, all the Earth girls are remarkably easy to capture, and beyond shrieking periodically they provide no resistance whatsoever. The first girl is caught while on a beach in a bikini, sees her boyfriend edited out of the movie before her eyes (I think it was implied that he was blown up via ray gun), and once on the ship is totally compliant and mute. She doesn't even get cheesy lines like, "Gee! Are you from outer space?" Instead, she just kind of stands there and does as she's told as the Princess and Dr. Nadir leer at her in creepy, exploitation movie fashion.
It goes without saying that the aliens have themselves a monster locked up in a cage, which looks like a Mexican wrestler in an ornate costume.
Naturally Steel and Karen find Frank in some isolated cave and calm him down a little, leading us to assume that his killing spree is over and he's somehow "good" again.
Steel sends Karen off to get help, but she is nabbed by those pesky aliens and taken to their spaceship. Speaking of the spaceship, it's one of those cases where the exterior makes the ship appear no bigger than a one bedroom efficiency, but the interior seems to have endless room for cockpits, hallways, and holding cells. Then again, we're talking about Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster, so who am I to complain about such technicalities? The pulse-pounding chuckle-inducing conclusion sees Frank freeing the Earth girls and Karen, and fighting the spacemonster. This is where the title feels like false advertising, because Frank and the spacemonster do not meet, per se, as the title promises; they just start fighting. What a rip-off! One can only imagine the stimulating conversations these two might have, but instead they do some lackluster fighting that would have benefited from REAL Mexican wrestlers in those costumes. Frank finally gets a ray gun and starts firing randomly, until he blows up the whole idiotic alien race in what is intended to be a self-sacrificial moment.
The special effects are pretty hideous even by B-movie standards. I know they had no budget, but the spaceship in flight appears to resemble a Christmas ornament leaking gas. The director intersplices stock footage of the military liberally, which only makes his sets and actors look all the more fake. To really put things in perspective, Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster was released in 1965. Four years later, Stanley Kubrick's epic 2001: A Space Odyssey was made, with special effects that hold up better than the "state of the art" digital effects in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
This cheap, exploitative schlockfest actually tries to deliver an anti-nuclear war message, a la a genuinely excellent science fiction classic The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951). Sadly, such attempts are thwarted by the fact it is a dim-witted movie titled Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster. If you are a Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan (like me), or if you enjoyed Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space (like me), you need to see this movie. For the rest of you: Stay very, very far away.
Daniel J. Roos (film.ispwn.com)
Red (2008)
Red is Gold (figuratively speaking, of course)
The movie is called Red, and it's currently in limited release in theaters, which means it's nowhere near theaters in my beloved Charlotte, NC. Red was available locally though to order via pay-per-view for a slightly higher than normal price, but I figured, what the heck, it's cheaper than driving to the theater and buying a ticket.
Red stars the great actor Brian Cox (The Bourne Supremacy) as Av Ludlow, a sullen widower and veteran who takes the afternoon off from his country store in an unidentified mountain town and goes fishing with old dog named Red. The peaceful fishing trip turns sour when Ludlow is visited by three teens out hunting, and their proxy leader, Danny (Noel Fisher) decides to rob the old man. Ludlow does not resist, but when he has nothing of value, Danny shoots Red out of sheer spite.
Ludlow buries Red, and goes about finding the boys who killed his beloved dog. When Ludlow finds who Danny is, he goes to the boy's father, a rich man named McCormack (Tom Sizemore), who believes his son's denials rather than the old man's claims. Ludlow wants justice and an apology, but when he doesn't get it he goes to the local sheriff, an old friend (Richard Riehle the guy who invented the "jump to conclusions mat" in Office Space), who can't convince anyone to prosecute the powerful McCormack kid.
Things escalate when the sheriff recommends that Ludlow tell his story to a local TV reporter (Kim Dickens) to put public pressure on the D.A. to press charges. Ludlow agrees, and after the piece airs a series of escalating retaliations begin as Ludlow and the McCormacks come closer to impending tragedy. A rock is thrown through Ludlow's window, Ludlow begins to follow the teenagers, and that's the tip of the iceberg.
The story unfolds on a small scale, at an unhurried pace. Nothing feels staged or inauthentic, even the ultimate showdown.
There are a lot of elements at play in Red, and it's not just about cruelty to animals, though that message is part of it. The TV reporter who does a feature on Ludlow states in the piece: "It has been said that the greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be measured by the way it treats its animals." While Ludlow certainly is defending the rights of his dog who couldn't defend himself, there is no implication that the dog's life is more valuable than the life of the perpetrators, which I have to appreciate. Not that killing a dog isn't a despicable thing worthy of punishment, it's just that during the recent Michael Vick dog-fighting scandal I was dismayed by how many people seemed to regard the crime as worse than murder or rape. It's not.
Ludlow's affection to his dog is in part due to the fact that Red was a gift from his late wife. The scene where Ludlow tells the reporter what happened to his wife and two sons is genuinely heartbreaking. It's a lengthy speech delivered by Cox in a low-key, melancholy fashion that is utterly riveting, shown without visual flashback gimmicks that may have been tempting to the dual directors (Lucky McKee and Trygve Allister Diesen).
Ludlow's dogged (if you pardon the expression) stand is motivated primarily by wanting justice rather than revenge. When the sheriff suggests he can file a civil suit against the McCormacks, Ludlow is dismayed because that would only win him money. Danny has committed a crime, and if he won't admit it and ask forgiveness Ludlow will accept nothing less than justice.
I loved Red, though I don't expect everyone will embrace it. If you liked the pointless though flashy Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, you'll probably hate Red. Red is a drama without a major star; the action occurs in sudden, bursts of violence; and there aren't any particularly happy characters. This isn't fun escapism, it's a serious, tense, meditative drama.
Brian Cox is terrific in the lead. Cox has been a marvelous actor for a long time, the man who actually portrayed Hannibal Lecter before Anthony Hopkins in the 1986 Michael Mann film Manhunter. If you don't know Cox's name, you will recognize his face when you see it he's provided strong supporting roles in such films as Red Eye (no relation to Red), X-Men 2, 25th Hour, Long Kiss Goodnight, and countless others. Given a rare opportunity to be the star, Cox delivers a performance worthy Academy Award consideration for Best Actor.
This is a great movie, easily the best I've seen since the Dark Knight.
Daniel J. Roos (film.ispwn.com)
Mansquito (2005)
Mansquito
I think the makers of Mansquito had too easy a road of it, as a matter of fact. So confident were they in the strength of their title that they didn't spend sufficient time on story, casting decent actors, direction, and script. Granted, these elements aren't nearly as important as a title, but they do ultimately assist in making a good movie. Although, let's face it, when you pitch a movie to the Sci-Fi Channel what do you really need other than a gimmick and a snappy title? All the filmmakers (while on break from their primary job working at Arby's) needed to do was show the studio executives the Arby sauce stained napkin where they'd scribbled "Mansquito," and the vast resources of the entertainment conglomerate that produced such masterpieces as Raptor Island and Pterodactyl were at their disposal.
Let's talk about the story of Mansquito. It's tough, but frankly, they don't pay me the big bucks just to make fun of movie titles like Mansquito, so I actually decided to watch Mansquito. (I realize I'm overusing the title, but I just love typing "Mansquito" even though my spellchecker is none too fond of it. Stupid spellchecker, thinks it's intelligenter smarter than me! Just to teach my spellchecker a lesson: Snubblefurtzinkip. Ha. Now my computer knows who's boss.) In the world of Mansquito, a nationwide virus has spread via mosquitoes. In an effort to kill off the existing mosquitoes, scientists develop a super breed of super mosquitoes in the hopes that they'll kill off the other mosquitoes. Apparently, the mad scientist lobby convinced the government not to simply buy a lot of bug repellant Off!. The maddest of the mad scientists (Jay Benedict) at one point reminds his attractive, not entirely mad female associate (Musetta Vander) that out their people are "dying," emphasizing "dying" with the most unnecessary use of air quotes any actor has ever employed.
To test the new mosquitoes to make sure they aren't lethal to humans, a lethal human in the form of a convicted, mass murderer (Matt Jordon) is brought in. For this important prisoner transport, no less than three guards take the human guinea pig in the back door without bothering to check if the prisoner has misused his standard issue prison paperclip to release his cuffs.
True to his name, the mass murderer murders masses, before being inadvertently exposed with super mosquito gasses. Man + Mosquito = Mansquito!!!!!! What follows is a transformation akin to The Fly starring Jeff Goldblum, though without any particular drama or style. Obviously Mansquito is a poor knock-off of the Fly, with the twist being the mutant is a rampaging killer rather than a generally decent scientist. But where the Fly was a grotesque, disgusting, high concept horror movie, Mansquito is a grotesque, disgusting, no-concept horror movie. The good news is the gore (which would probably give nightmares to impressionable children, in fairness) is so poorly done that it's laughable to jaded adults like me.
Honestly, I think it's a surprise that there is any story at all in Mansquito, as the point is simply to see some giant rubber monster suck the blood of overacting extras. You wouldn't need a script to get lines of dialogue like, "He's more man than mosquito now!" Nor is any clever writer required to come up with the ingenious plot twist that Mansquito wants to mate with our heroine. Let me be the first to say: Ew.
Mansquito is ideal for lovers of ineffective, goofy monster movies that take itself far more seriously than its budget allows it to be, and skippable for any other segment of the population.
Worth noting is the success of Mansquito has inspired me to develop the following screenplays in hopes of getting greenlit by the Sci-Fi Channel: Mantato A man falls into an experimental government potato patch and turns into the diabolical Mantato before being stopped by a good-looking scientist (played by Christian Slater) and a gorgeous local girl.
Bearodactyl a gentle bear is bitten by a radioactive pterodactyl and goes on a rampage before being stopped by a hunky scientist (played by Dean Cain) and a gorgeous local girl.
FemAle an attractive female falls into a vat of gamma irradiated ale and turns into the deadly FemAle before being thwarted by a handsome scientist (played by Casper Van Dien) and a beautiful local girl.
Craptor a cloned raptor falls into the septic tank of at a nuclear facility becomes the putridly extinct Craptor, running amok before being killed by a heroic scientist (played by Lorenzo Lamas) and a local beauty queen.
I'm also in the infancy of developing the following projects: Galligator, Poison Guyvy, Womantis, and Catmandude. These ideas are copyrighted by Film Is Pwn and are too stupid to be used without express written consent of Major League Baseball.
Daniel J. Roos (film.ispwn.com)