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Perhaps the best Star Trek film to date
29 January 2003
Warning: Spoilers
Star Trek: First Contact represents, at least to me, the pinnacle of the Star Trek movie franchise. This film was, in my opinion, -by far- the best of the "next generation" outings, and perhaps the finest from the entire collection of silver-screen Treks.

The Borg, a futuristic race of half-man, half-machine cyborgs from the other side of the galaxy, try once again to conquer the Federation, by attacking it at it's very core, our beloved Earth. This time, however, the Borg have a "plan B" up their sleeve. After the destruction of their main vessel, they send a small group of Borg back in time to 2063, a time when Earth is vulnerable after suffering massive casualties due to World War III. Once there they intend to prevent "first contact", an event that dramatically changes the course of human history, when friendly aliens discover humankind has learned how to travel faster-than-light, and make contact with the inventor of the warp drive, Dr Zefram Cochrane.

Of course the Enterprise crew must once again save humanity from certain destruction, by "following them back and repairing whatever damage they've done". When they reach the 21st century, however, the Borg find resistance is not so futile, and begin to take over the crippled Enterprise, deck by deck. Directing every move is the evil Borg Queen, played excellently by Alice Krige.

Patrick Stewart is, as always, fantastic as Captain Jean-Luc Picard. Stewart's background in the dramatic arts shines as he convincingly portrays a somewhat troubled and vengeful Picard, determined to destroy the insidious Borg once and for all.

The direction of Jonathan Frakes is flawless considering this film was his first attempt at directing on the big screen. In a few scenes I get the feeling that Frakes was committed to squeezing the absolute best out of Stewart, and this he did, apparently with ease (earning him the nickname "Two-Takes Frakes" from production members).

This film has it all. A well-conceived, intricate and dramatic plot, excellent acting, fantastic special effects, and real emotion on-screen. Picard's chilling "the line must be drawn here" monologue to Lily represents a scene with such dramatic quality that is rarely seen in science-fiction films. You can completely suspend disbelief and feel the anger, the pain, the sheer hunger for revenge in this broken man. You are there with him, the future of humanity is on the line, and not for a second will you think otherwise.

Whether you are a "Trekkie" or not, this is a film you will enjoy, and while there are references to previous Trek happenings in the film (such as when Picard was captured and assimilated by the Borg several years earlier), non-Trekkie's should definitely be able to follow what's going on.

All-in-all this is one of my favourite films of all time, and one that I can watch over and over and never get tired of. If you haven't seen it, why not grab a copy and check it out? I give it a well-deserved 9 out of 10.
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Signs (2002)
1/10
Craptacular
3 January 2003
I went to see this film with the highest of hopes and the greatest of expectations after witnessing such an impressive trailer. The very notion of intelligent beings from other worlds visiting our own has always intrigued me, and I will usually hurry to the cinema if any new film has even a hint of extraterrestrials in it.

And so with glee I rushed to the theatre to see Signs... oh sorry, signs (without a capital is the "proper" way)... I got there early, I managed to snare a great seat - for once free of obstructions like tall men and women with bee-hive perms - and what did I witness? Did I witness pure genius? Did I witness a theatrical masterpiece? No. I was subjected to almost two hours of *COMPLETE AND UTTER CRAP*.

I will spare you all the horrible, horrible details of this film so that you may see just how craptacular it is for yourself. Watch it with your own eyes. *Marvel* at the intricately crafted plot holes and inconsistencies. *Gasp* at the screenplay which could be written more intelligently by most three-year-olds with a set of Crayolas. *Scream* in horror when you discover that the signs aliens, yes, intelligent beings who have mastered the trivial notion of interstellar travel, are seemingly at a loss when presented with a one-inch thick wooden door.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! You will be *BLOWN AWAY* when you learn that our humble aliens can be killed by WATER! Yes, good old common H20 is the equivalent of sulphuric acid to our alien fiends, and somehow, in their infinite knowledge and wisdom, they decide to use their incredible space travel technology to visit little old Earth, A PLANET WHICH CONSISTS OF OVER SEVENTY PERCENT WATER!!! OH MY GOD, SHYAMALAN, YOU ARE A GENIUS!

I want my two hours of life back!

1 out of 10
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3/10
What a disappointment: 3/10
13 October 2002
As a fan of the first two Austin Powers films, I was eagerly awaiting the release of Goldmember. After seeing the film however, I am very disappointed.

The movie, to me, seemed very 'incoherent'. The plot did not seem to run as smoothly as the last two. It seemed to be just thrown together haphazardly. It is although the producers thought "oh oh, what was funny from the last one? ok, that bit was, we'll put that there... and this bit there... and we'll slightly change that bit and put it there... and we'll add a couple of new things here and there." And that about sums up the movie: tired old worn-out gags and jokes, and a couple of new things for a chuckle or two.

The 'plot' itself, if you can really call it a plot, was introduced incredibly fast, with no real reasoning or explanation. I guess it's a case of "yes, we're the bad guys, and we're going to destroy the world" once again, but at least in the last two movies they actually seemed to mean it. In this one, it was as though Dr. Evil and Co. weren't even trying.

The best part of the whole movie, in my opinion, was the opening sequence. Very funny and very witty - pity the rest of the movie didn't follow suit. If you do see this movie, see it for the first five or ten minutes, then walk out or switch it off.

Goldmember himself as a character was just... very, very odd. I don't know that many Dutch people, but I'm sure the producers have never met one in their life judging from their "typically Dutch" Goldmember. He didn't really do anything dramatic throughout the whole movie until the very end, and seeing how the film's title was "Goldmember", you'd expect him to feature just a little more than he did.

Other flaws I noticed include:

* What happened to Heather Graham's character after the last movie? Has she just vanished? I have heard she was supposed to get a cameo but they cut it.

* Where was Mustafa? With all the re-used bits from the past two movies, surely they could have thrown him in there too for a couple of chuckles.

* I didn't mind Austin's Dad being there so much, but something I learned a long time ago is that when family members of main characters in a TV series or in films start being introduced, it's usually a sign that the TV or film series is dying. If this movie is anything to go by, I'd say that Austin Powers' days are extremely numbered.

* A certain play-on-words joke failed in Australia because we don't have a product on our shelves with the same name... the audience worked it out after a little while, but it didn't have the desired effect... they need to be more careful with word gags like that... with the last two movies they picked things that were more well known.

Finally, perhaps the biggest flaw of all: AUSTIN DIDN'T GET A SHAG! The poor old chap! Third movie and he's over the hill, eh? He had the incredibly attractive Foxy Cleopatra at his side throughout the entire movie, and not once did he jump on a revolving bed and say "DO I MAKE YOU HORNY, BABY? DO I MAKE YOU RANDY?" Not once! Oh well Austin, time to hang a certain Swedish "adult product"... looks like you won't be needing that anymore.
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