Long before Freddy Krueger, The Twilight Zone brought us the beautiful, voluptuous, and deadly "Maya," a character in a man's dream determined to literally scare him to death. "Perchance to Dream" plays like a carnival dark ride, full of cheesy fun, nightmarish imagery, and low-rent thrills and chills. Richard Conte plays Edward Hall, a man terrified to fall asleep lest the exotically seductive Maya take him away in his dreams to a place that will cause his weak heart to fail. It's a story perfect for The Twilight Zone, helped by the series' low budget, black and white cinematography, and make-do special effects. It plays like German Expressionism done with a distinctly 1950's rural American vibe. Highly recommended!
Reviews
11 Reviews
Let's Bowl
(2001–2002)
Twisted Genius
28 August 2006
"Let's Bowl" started out on local television in the Twin Cities. It came on late at night, something you'd stumble across while channel surfing after your 7th bottle of Hamm's.
Even the ads were locally produced, featuring Wally outside Grumpy's Bar, holding a microphone and stammering nervously -- "Ahh...over to you, Steve Sedahl." Not sure why, but that one always made me laugh.
There was a bowling contest featured under the guise of settling a dispute between two bowlers, but the game was secondary to the commentary and clips. Sedahl played it straight, counter-balanced by Rich Kronfeld's bizarre and hilarious "Wally Hotvedt." Highlights included segments like "How to Properly Dispose of an Old Bowling Ball" (chuck them into a lake) and "Tips on Dating," where the duo "date" a couple of hookers and Wally ends with the bitter complaint, "I could have done that myself!"
Another segment -- what the duo did on their days off -- featured Steve in beer can strewn hovel, pigging out from the fridge while Wally struggled to climb the cliffs at Taylor's Falls, dressed in his tight pale blue blazer and over-sized headphones. Hilarious!
Wally's awestruck comments about "league bowlers," and his struggle to apply the correct euphemism to various splits were also highlights.
"Let's Bowl" was picked up by Comedy Central and had some good moments, but the network never really knew what to do with it, running it during prime time and emphasizing the bowling "competition," which was never the point of the show. The constant commercials interrupted the flow and the side characters (Ernie, the Pig, Butch, etc.) were more distractions than anything else. The whole thing seemed rushed and kind of forced. Even Jon Stewart dissed Let's Bowl on the Daily Show -- (not enough lame, snide jokes?) -- an ignominious treatment for a show that deserved far better.
How often does a "Let's Bowl" come along in the world of modern television, a locally flavored mix of comedic genius and total crap? The networks have the "total crap" part down cold, but it's a sad thing to watch them kill such a dark, strange, funny little gem like "Let's Bowl."
Here's hoping they'll put it out on DVD.
Even the ads were locally produced, featuring Wally outside Grumpy's Bar, holding a microphone and stammering nervously -- "Ahh...over to you, Steve Sedahl." Not sure why, but that one always made me laugh.
There was a bowling contest featured under the guise of settling a dispute between two bowlers, but the game was secondary to the commentary and clips. Sedahl played it straight, counter-balanced by Rich Kronfeld's bizarre and hilarious "Wally Hotvedt." Highlights included segments like "How to Properly Dispose of an Old Bowling Ball" (chuck them into a lake) and "Tips on Dating," where the duo "date" a couple of hookers and Wally ends with the bitter complaint, "I could have done that myself!"
Another segment -- what the duo did on their days off -- featured Steve in beer can strewn hovel, pigging out from the fridge while Wally struggled to climb the cliffs at Taylor's Falls, dressed in his tight pale blue blazer and over-sized headphones. Hilarious!
Wally's awestruck comments about "league bowlers," and his struggle to apply the correct euphemism to various splits were also highlights.
"Let's Bowl" was picked up by Comedy Central and had some good moments, but the network never really knew what to do with it, running it during prime time and emphasizing the bowling "competition," which was never the point of the show. The constant commercials interrupted the flow and the side characters (Ernie, the Pig, Butch, etc.) were more distractions than anything else. The whole thing seemed rushed and kind of forced. Even Jon Stewart dissed Let's Bowl on the Daily Show -- (not enough lame, snide jokes?) -- an ignominious treatment for a show that deserved far better.
How often does a "Let's Bowl" come along in the world of modern television, a locally flavored mix of comedic genius and total crap? The networks have the "total crap" part down cold, but it's a sad thing to watch them kill such a dark, strange, funny little gem like "Let's Bowl."
Here's hoping they'll put it out on DVD.
Batman Forever
(1995)
Jim Carrey Destroys this Movie
2 March 2004
Carrey is absolutely relentless in Batman Forever, clowning, mugging, doing his schtick. He wore me out after five minutes. Give the man some ritalin already. If Robin Williams can turn off the juice long enough to do some serious acting, then Carrey should be able to do the same.
And Tommy Lee Jones seemed to get caught up in the act, heaping more mania and blithering idiot hysteria on top of Carrey's exhausting "performance." This film grated on the nerves like no other I've ever seen.
Kilmer was a decent Batman and provided a little rest from Carrey, but the film was just too annoying to suffer through. I'd rather be locked in a cell with an insurance salesman (ala Woody Allen) than watch this gawdawful film again.
No stars.
And Tommy Lee Jones seemed to get caught up in the act, heaping more mania and blithering idiot hysteria on top of Carrey's exhausting "performance." This film grated on the nerves like no other I've ever seen.
Kilmer was a decent Batman and provided a little rest from Carrey, but the film was just too annoying to suffer through. I'd rather be locked in a cell with an insurance salesman (ala Woody Allen) than watch this gawdawful film again.
No stars.
Psycho III
(1986)
Tedious, Disjointed, Implausible Mess
9 December 2003
It's strange how Hollywood takes a brilliant, classic movie like Psycho and trots it out ala Mrs. Bates, lifeless and stuffed with sawdust, for a few cheap thrills and a quick buck. "Psycho" is now an official Hollywood cash cow, a franchise to be exploited and run into the ground. Norman Bates action figures and souvenir ash trays cannot be too far behind.
The movie revives Norman, his Mom, and their haunted house hotel and serves up victims left and right. Between the incessantly noisy students, the crazy nun, the brassy reporter, and the guitar-playing loser, Norman's cup runneth over in the slasher victim department. The scene with the naked guitar player, doing his seductive "lamp dance" has to be seen to be believed.
Meanwhile, Norman putters around, not sure whether he's a killer, a victim, or a necrophiliac (he plants a big kiss on a dead body in one scene). Despite his legacy of madness and murder, people are drawn to his house like it's an amusement park ride. The nutcase nun does the Martin Basalm jig down the stairs. The reporter inexplicably pokes around the dark house until she encounters Norman and then runs around, shrieking to him the "truth" about his past while he chases her around manically with a knife.
The experience manages to be both laughable and incredibly tedious rather than scary or suspenseful.
Just kill 'em all, Norman, and put us out of our misery already.
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More Psycho movies? Oh GOD, MOTHER, SEQUELS! SEQUELS!
The movie revives Norman, his Mom, and their haunted house hotel and serves up victims left and right. Between the incessantly noisy students, the crazy nun, the brassy reporter, and the guitar-playing loser, Norman's cup runneth over in the slasher victim department. The scene with the naked guitar player, doing his seductive "lamp dance" has to be seen to be believed.
Meanwhile, Norman putters around, not sure whether he's a killer, a victim, or a necrophiliac (he plants a big kiss on a dead body in one scene). Despite his legacy of madness and murder, people are drawn to his house like it's an amusement park ride. The nutcase nun does the Martin Basalm jig down the stairs. The reporter inexplicably pokes around the dark house until she encounters Norman and then runs around, shrieking to him the "truth" about his past while he chases her around manically with a knife.
The experience manages to be both laughable and incredibly tedious rather than scary or suspenseful.
Just kill 'em all, Norman, and put us out of our misery already.
------------------------------------------------------------
More Psycho movies? Oh GOD, MOTHER, SEQUELS! SEQUELS!
Falling Down
(1993)
Uneven Remake of The Swimmer
7 October 2003
"Falling Down" is remake of the 1968 film, "The Swimmer," in which a man sets out on a delusional quest to reclaim his past. Michael Douglas plays Bill "D-FENS" Foster, a quiet, passive, seemingly decent man whose desire to see his daughter on her birthday begins to unravel into an urban journey of violence and madness.
The film touches on social commentary, showing how civility and decency can be ripped out of a common man by an American society that is rude, greedy, predatory, and violent. Foster, the protagonist, has taken and bottled the slights for too long. Armed to the teeth, (completely by circumstance and not by premeditation), he takes matters into his own hands. It's an interesting twist, how the super straight Foster has to become an unstable, gun-toting nutjob in order to walk down the street unmolested, to be treated with courtesy at a fast food restaurant, or to buy a can of soda without being ripped off. In this way, the film touches a raw nerve with the average American, exploring the rage that flows like an undercurrent from a frequently cheated populace.
Robert Duvall plays a detective, a mirror character to Foster, who shares the same desires for civility, courtesy, and respect in an increasingly uncivilized world. Duvall's quest is simply to get out of the game, to retire from the police force with his sanity intact before he too is pushed too far.
By the end, Duvall and Douglas are pushed into an inevitable showdown. The sympathy that the film has built for Foster is then thrown out, as he is revealed for what he is, a failure of a man on what amounts to be little more than a violent temper tantrum. The film's early power seems drained away by this revelation and the audience is left feeling cheated and exploited. Instead of standing for decency and justice, Foster is ultimately revealed as a weakling and a coward. He says, "So I'm the bad guy?" without ever realizing why. It's a dissatisfying end after such an interesting and powerful start. It's a shame that the film raises interesting questions without having the stomach to tackle any of the answers.
The film touches on social commentary, showing how civility and decency can be ripped out of a common man by an American society that is rude, greedy, predatory, and violent. Foster, the protagonist, has taken and bottled the slights for too long. Armed to the teeth, (completely by circumstance and not by premeditation), he takes matters into his own hands. It's an interesting twist, how the super straight Foster has to become an unstable, gun-toting nutjob in order to walk down the street unmolested, to be treated with courtesy at a fast food restaurant, or to buy a can of soda without being ripped off. In this way, the film touches a raw nerve with the average American, exploring the rage that flows like an undercurrent from a frequently cheated populace.
Robert Duvall plays a detective, a mirror character to Foster, who shares the same desires for civility, courtesy, and respect in an increasingly uncivilized world. Duvall's quest is simply to get out of the game, to retire from the police force with his sanity intact before he too is pushed too far.
By the end, Duvall and Douglas are pushed into an inevitable showdown. The sympathy that the film has built for Foster is then thrown out, as he is revealed for what he is, a failure of a man on what amounts to be little more than a violent temper tantrum. The film's early power seems drained away by this revelation and the audience is left feeling cheated and exploited. Instead of standing for decency and justice, Foster is ultimately revealed as a weakling and a coward. He says, "So I'm the bad guy?" without ever realizing why. It's a dissatisfying end after such an interesting and powerful start. It's a shame that the film raises interesting questions without having the stomach to tackle any of the answers.
The Hollywood Knights
(1980)
Lame
29 September 2003
An obnoxious, inane, alleged comedy for Tony Danza fans. Lots of gross-out stuff that might amuse the odd 8th grader. There's no charm to any of it -- the movie just kind of lurches along. The fat guy from "Hee-Haw" is filmed taking a dump.
1941
(1979)
Notable for one thing...
31 October 2002
1941 is the only comedy movie I've ever seen that was utterly and completely devoid of humor of any type. Jaws was much funnier than this movie. Carrot Top is funnier than this movie. Staring at a pile of sand is funnier than this movie. I sat stonefaced, completely numb while the noise and crashing images cascaded down upon me. The effect was weird, like watching the last episode of Seinfeld. A dentist could have removed my wisdom teeth without anesthetic and I would not have felt a thing.
Stupefyingly awful.
Stupefyingly awful.
The Spy Who Gagged Me
23 October 2002
Juvenile, tedious, strange, sleep-inducing...
If midgets, fat guys, and potty humor turn your crank then this is your movie. I gave up after the big scene with Austin drinking something that was "not coffee." Yuk yuk (and YUCK). Hand me the Windex so I can powerwash my eyeballs. I gave up on this movie and went to bed, mostly in self-defense.
A movie for 7th grade boys.
If midgets, fat guys, and potty humor turn your crank then this is your movie. I gave up after the big scene with Austin drinking something that was "not coffee." Yuk yuk (and YUCK). Hand me the Windex so I can powerwash my eyeballs. I gave up on this movie and went to bed, mostly in self-defense.
A movie for 7th grade boys.
Vegas Vacation
(1997)
Good natured fun
23 October 2002
Often derided, Las Vegas Vacation is still my favorite of the series. The movie effectively captures the mood of the suburbanite in Vegas, ditching wife and children to cut loose with smoking checkbook and ATM card in hand.
The mood is light, the lines are funny, and the movie is well directed. Favorite moments include Clark at the top of Hoover dam, Rusty's transfiguration into Nick Pappagorgio, and Clark leaving the ATM with wad of cash in hand, filmed in slo-mo with Jimi Hendrix playing in the background! Also, the discount casino bit was hilarious ("War? Pick a number? Eddy, these are my games!")
And while the original Vacation dealt with the dark side of the American vacation and sometimes stepped over the line, this movie was wise to keep it light and create a funny, somewhat bland, definitely entertaining ride -- kind of like Vegas itself.
"I bet a quarter I win a car, I bet a quarter I win a car, I bet a quarter I win a car, I bet a quarter..."
The mood is light, the lines are funny, and the movie is well directed. Favorite moments include Clark at the top of Hoover dam, Rusty's transfiguration into Nick Pappagorgio, and Clark leaving the ATM with wad of cash in hand, filmed in slo-mo with Jimi Hendrix playing in the background! Also, the discount casino bit was hilarious ("War? Pick a number? Eddy, these are my games!")
And while the original Vacation dealt with the dark side of the American vacation and sometimes stepped over the line, this movie was wise to keep it light and create a funny, somewhat bland, definitely entertaining ride -- kind of like Vegas itself.
"I bet a quarter I win a car, I bet a quarter I win a car, I bet a quarter I win a car, I bet a quarter..."
A dissenting voice
22 October 2002
Warning: Spoilers
Spoiler alert! (I write that just to protect myself in the event that I reveal anything to the 15 people left on the Planet Earth who have NOT seen this movie).
The original Star Wars was brilliant, full of humor, adventure, and astounding special effects. It was a worthy tribute to the spirit of the old movie serials, the cinematic equivalent of the World's greatest rollercoaster ride.
But "Empire" is faced with the unenviable task of filling in the cracks, of providing exposition, of tying up loose ends and establishing subplots. As a result, the film is uneven and not as much fun as the original. The special effects are fantastic, especially the Battle of Hoth sequences, but the humor is gone and the timing is off. Even Chewbacca's howls, so funny in the first movie, serve only to grate on the nerves.
Many people cite this movie as being "dark," and thereby more weighty by default than the original. But "Star Wars" was a fairy tale, not a dark drama. We're talking homage to Flash Gordan and Wizard of Oz, not Blade Runner or Alien.
The most egregious flaw is the introduction of Yoda, the wise seer, the most powerful of all the Jedi Knights, the mysterious being that everyone wants to see!...but who unfortunately turns out to be a Muppet. How could they follow Obi Wan, played by the distinguished Sir Alec Guiness, with GROVER from Sesame Street? It was a flaw I could never get past. The "cuteness" of R2D2 was bearable in the original Star Wars because of the movie's light touch. But Miss Piggy-Yoda-Grover only foreshadowed the adorable awfulness yet to come in future movies, particularly the Ewoks and the hideous Jar Jar.
Add the lame "to be continued" ending and you get the beginning of the end for the Star Wars movies. Empire was truly a "dark" movie in the sense that it served notice that the original Star Wars magic was gone.
The original Star Wars was brilliant, full of humor, adventure, and astounding special effects. It was a worthy tribute to the spirit of the old movie serials, the cinematic equivalent of the World's greatest rollercoaster ride.
But "Empire" is faced with the unenviable task of filling in the cracks, of providing exposition, of tying up loose ends and establishing subplots. As a result, the film is uneven and not as much fun as the original. The special effects are fantastic, especially the Battle of Hoth sequences, but the humor is gone and the timing is off. Even Chewbacca's howls, so funny in the first movie, serve only to grate on the nerves.
Many people cite this movie as being "dark," and thereby more weighty by default than the original. But "Star Wars" was a fairy tale, not a dark drama. We're talking homage to Flash Gordan and Wizard of Oz, not Blade Runner or Alien.
The most egregious flaw is the introduction of Yoda, the wise seer, the most powerful of all the Jedi Knights, the mysterious being that everyone wants to see!...but who unfortunately turns out to be a Muppet. How could they follow Obi Wan, played by the distinguished Sir Alec Guiness, with GROVER from Sesame Street? It was a flaw I could never get past. The "cuteness" of R2D2 was bearable in the original Star Wars because of the movie's light touch. But Miss Piggy-Yoda-Grover only foreshadowed the adorable awfulness yet to come in future movies, particularly the Ewoks and the hideous Jar Jar.
Add the lame "to be continued" ending and you get the beginning of the end for the Star Wars movies. Empire was truly a "dark" movie in the sense that it served notice that the original Star Wars magic was gone.
Brazil
(1985)
A bloated, pretentious, self-indulgent mess.
15 October 2002
Not sure what it is about this movie that I find so loathsome. The visuals are lavish, as if the studio gave Gilliam a blank check and said "go nuts," but for what end? With such a weak story and poorly executed plot, the visuals simply make Brazil the cinematic equivalent of a sodden cake covered in three feet of frosting. Bleah.
Everything is overblown and overdone, from the din of stormtroopers crashing through the walls, to the embarrassingly inept "love story" that Gilliam slams into the middle. It's like being stuck on an ornately decorated carnival ride that looks good but leaves the rider nauseated and wanting to get off.
The film plods, churning away without subtlety or any lightness of touch, until Gilliam finally (finally!) flips off Hollywood with his big depressing finale. I left the theater feeling cheated, of having been subjected to something vulgar and poorly crafted instead of something brilliant and misunderstood.
Sorry, Brazil fanatics, but the Emperor has no clothes.
Everything is overblown and overdone, from the din of stormtroopers crashing through the walls, to the embarrassingly inept "love story" that Gilliam slams into the middle. It's like being stuck on an ornately decorated carnival ride that looks good but leaves the rider nauseated and wanting to get off.
The film plods, churning away without subtlety or any lightness of touch, until Gilliam finally (finally!) flips off Hollywood with his big depressing finale. I left the theater feeling cheated, of having been subjected to something vulgar and poorly crafted instead of something brilliant and misunderstood.
Sorry, Brazil fanatics, but the Emperor has no clothes.
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