Reviews

Film critics (and aspiring amateur pretenders) never cease to amaze me. They love nothing more than laying into "dumb" Hollywood productions for a lack of plausibility yet consistently let foreign productions off the hook for the very same mistakes. Many called this quiet little Swedish film a masterpiece. You have got to be kidding me? Let me see now, if this was a Michael Bay production do you think they'd overlook these corkers? Read on.....

Eli has a guardian figure who murders innocents and collects their blood. You get the impression Eli and him have been around for quite some time. This moron decides to abduct and murder a young man yards from a main road. His attempts to extract blood consist of a funnel and a makeshift bucket. It's so idiotic it's embarrassing. Naturally he's spotted and has to bolt. We then see him sitting on a train holding his waterproofs which are splattered with blood. In full view of everyone. Unbelievable. This clown wouldn't last a week in this line of work.

It gets worse. This same philistine decides to try again. This time in a SCHOOL. Yup, you read that right. He hangs a lad upside down in the changing room, primed for throat slitting, bucket at the ready. He doesn't even gag the boy. What happens? The boy has friends waiting for him outside and he starts SHOUTING for help. Mr Murderer really is as dumb as they come right? This time he's cornered. Solution? Pours acid on his face so the police won't recognise him and garner a lead to Eli! Hahaha. Masterpiece right?!!

Not only that, if you're going to murder people for blood why not just let Eli feed there and then? Why wander around with waterproofs, funnels and buckets when she can just come along??! It's so dumb it hurts.

There's more. There are dead bodies dropping left and centre. We even have a man witness Eli maul his friend. Yet there is no discernible police investigation, no one reports anything to anyone. The stupidity of every character is mind boggling.

A local woman is attacked and infected by Eli. She survives but is now a vampire. She and her husband both know full well who attacked her. The young, creepy looking girl who stays just over there! Yet they tell no one. She's never interviewed and her husband doesn't crack a light to anyone. He has his own little revenge mission which also ends in complete and utter farce. No surprise there.

Oskar's relationship with his dad is never fleshed out and has absolutely no bearing on the film at all. Why was it even in there? Another mystery not explained.

We see Oskar at the end heading to pastures new with Eli in a box. Haha, another belter. I'm sure his mum was happy to just let her 12 year old boy leave home, no questions asked. Perhaps he's fled of his own accord? On a PUBLIC train! One call to the authorities and he'd be picked up at the very next station. It's so stupid it's borderline offensive.

I could go on, really I could. Here we have a film where the characters commit the same cardinal sins which normally have critics rolling their eyes in disdain. Yet they turned a blind eye this time. Don't be fooled. This is not a masterpiece in a million years.

*Minor spoilers*

What a beautiful, beautiful film this is. What interests me is here we have a film that is essentially a love story with no sex, no kissing, no falling out and falling back in again, no bickering. In fact a love story so subtle the protagonists barely even TOUCH. So why is this my favourite love tale ever? Well that's the beauty of Zhang Yimou's mesmerizing direction. I can't really explain why I love it but I'll try. This is a film of few words and maybe that's the point. Yimou captures your heart using images. Just the way Zhang Ziyi walks in this film is enough to thump me in the heart. Yimou gives the film amazing room to breath using only lush scenery, coupled with stunning photography, which pulls you into the film and allows you to bask in it's beauty. It's here the film gets at your emotional core. Yimou is a true master of the art and surely the best film maker alive at the moment. This simply has to be seen.

10/10

*SPOILERS*

Flicking through the other reviews here it's becoming clear to me those who didn't read the book are having trouble with the ending. Sean Devine kind of shrugging off Jimmy's crime. He doesn't, it's just at that point he realises he has nothing on Jimmy and is completely unsurprised by his actions. The little gun shot with the hand at the very end and Jimmy's reaction tells you all you need to know. Devine isn't letting Jimmy away with anything. Those moaning about the dark ending, unlucky. This isn't a sugary Hollywood happy, driving into the sunset kind of film. That should have been obvious from the start. Those wondering where Annabeth's sudden burst of hard cored bitterness arose from should have watched more carefully. She's morally ambiguous throughout the whole film, never being anything more than there. Her comments at the end were her introduction to the film. Before that she was largely irrelevant and that was the intent. People say she "turned". How did she? She was never portrayed as being anything until the scene at the end revealed her true character. She's a Savage remember. It would appear the viewers who got this film had read the book. So that would allow the naysayers to slam the film makers for failing to create a fluent film for those who hadn't read the book. I disagree. If you're appalled by the moral tone of the film and supposedly moral characters being nothing of the sort then you won't like the book either. It's pretty much what you see. The message is clear. You should never be surprised by what people are capable of, regardless of how they may appear. That's life, that's the book and that's this film. Well done I say.

8/10

Niz