I judge a movie by how many times I needed to fast forward through it. Joker set a record for me. I spent $6 on Amazon to watch this dull and duller movie. It is painful to see how many people wrote positive reviews. Who are they? What did they see? What did I miss? Yeah, I get the comments on society, etc., but so what?
Reviews
30 Reviews
True Detective
(2014– )
Lots of Filler
17 December 2019
The core of this show is pretty good. The filler material is right of the "how to make a series" handbook. You will become tired of Woody Harrelson's demeanor and relationship with his wife...filler material. In sum, I'd advise to watch it for free, but do not pay to watch.
Goldstone
(2016)
As boring as the landscape
18 December 2018
The "hero", if there was one, wore the same raggedy wife-beater top for the entire film. Did not shave or shower, apparently. Rarely spoke, too, meaning whoever wrote the dialogue had an easy job. This movie contained no wit, no excitement, no action, and no resolution. If this is what our Australian friends deem entertainment, they must lead dull lives. Some reviewers laud the landscape shots. Desert, scrub, dust, and a few sandy hills...wow! Watch it for free, I guess, but you will still waste, as I did, two hours of your life.
Pi
(1998)
Pretending to be deep
14 July 2017
For people who know little about numbers, this might be an interesting sci-fi movie. It is not. Pi tries to make mathematical patterns interesting. Patterns can be interesting, of course, but not mind-bending. This movie panders to pseudo-intellectuals/mathematicians. Watch it a pretend you get some subtle message. By doing so, you become a genius, supposedly. If you like to identify with smarties, you might better watch Good Will Hunting. Pi is a composite of weird sounds, funky camera shots, and B.S. that, to some, might make it appear deep. It is pap.
War Machine
(2017)
Dull and pointless
30 May 2017
The acting was bland, there was no action, the dialogue was uninspiring, and there was no message or deep conflict of philosophies. I suppose that some will praise Pitt's gravely voice, with which he says nothing. Some think of this movie as an anti-war statement. At best it was a mild statement about how poorly our leaders and military understand the situation in AFGH. That lack of understanding can be no shock, given Vietnam, Iraq, Somalia, and too many others. Luckily, if one has a Netflix subscription, one may watch if "for free". A waste of time, however.
Affliction
(1997)
Agony
27 April 2017
If you can survive the first twenty minutes, you are as patient (and as dumb/curious)as I. You will not be justly rewarded for the patience. Nolte is a drunk in real life, so does a good job as a reprobate in this movie. All the sappy reviews aside, this movie is a dud, something you might find behind a horse in a parade. This is a two hour movie, 90% was space filler...dead mom, ex-wife, pointless daughter scenes, dysfunctional dad, girlfriend, cemetery scene, etc. The writer should be indicted for wasting our time. Somebody used a software "how to make a movie" application, and this show came out the other end. I watched it for free. Someone owes me for the time spent.
Man Down
(I) (2015)
Understandable why some disliked Man Down
4 April 2017
An excellent movie, though certainly not uplifting. Reviewers and others who hated it probably did so because the movie is not "pretty", contains no car chases, no nudity, no digitally enhanced B.S., and no sappy, contrived, over-the-top drama. To paraphrase part of the movie, it's all real". Worst of all for many who would prefer to live without acknowledging facts, it reminds us that America does not support its troops; America discards its troops. As the end credits declare, there are hundreds of thousands of discarded, homeless vets. Many with PTSD roam untreated, likewise discarded. We likely do not report those men/women as injured. The next time you feel all rah-rah about the U.S. sending troops into battle for reasons unclear, think of this show. Excellent acting, dialogue sometimes tough to understand. Those of you who want to "fight for America", know that those who sent you to war will not fight for you.
Death Sentence
(2007)
Death Wish Redux
5 July 2015
Once some movie director/mogul finds a successful movie, it seems as if every studio piles on to copy the plot. Revenge movies, of course, appeal to the moron class of movie watchers. In fact, is there a larger genre than "revenge"? Kevin Bacon over-acts this one, not because he is a poor actor, but because the director wanted him to emote. The entire premise is absurd. Son gets killed by a crew of about six creeps who are apparently trying to rob a ghetto gas station/junk food store. If we were looking to score big-time, would we pick such a place? All the Doritos you can carry! Naturally, the bad guys had to have threatening facial tattoos and talk viciously to the point of slavering. DO NOT pay to watch this trash piece. You can watch it for "free" on a couple sites on the net. It was so tiresome and predictable that I turned it off before Bacon did the Bronson thing on all the scumbags. Boring and insipid.
Powder
(1995)
Predictable pap
17 June 2015
Another movie created from a sure-to-succeed formula. Take a kid who does not fit the mold (albino), make a bunch of idiots dislike him, give him super-powers and an exceptional IQ (though he never displays it), play lots of tear-jerk music, etc., etc. Bingo
a hit! It would have been an even bigger hit if there were shooting, blood, a car chase, pointless sex scenes, big hooters, and an alien. Are moviegoers this simple minded or have movie studios trained us to appreciate slop? I suppose if all one has ever eaten is porridge, a basic burger is wonderful. This movie was not close to being a basic burger. It might be a stale bun. The kid's "super-power" was that he was a semi-telepathic super-magnet. Hope that does not ruin the movie for you. It should not...the movie was a ruin from the get-go. The end was as sappy as the movie, so at least it was consistent. Yuck.
Taken
(I) (2008)
Another cookbook movie
10 May 2015
A movie that should have been direct to DVD or Netflix. How many revenge/kidnap movies are there? I'd guess over 500? Hyper-scared kidnapped teenage daughter and friend, in Paris alone, poker-faced dad, ex-CIA, divorced from mom...pick characteristics from the "how to make a movie" plot list. Push the "go" button and, Bob's your uncle, you got a new movie. I have no idea what happened at the end. Guess: shoot up, karate kicks, lots of female screaming, "love you dad's", grateful ex-wife, and, if we are lucky, dad falls into an open manhole and dies. But, wait! There are two more of these "Taken" movies, so dad did not really die, he just fell down a manhole and landed softly on a rat's nest! Yeaa! Who watches movies like this and feels fulfilled at the end? Whoever they are should never have children...too dumb. I want my $2.99 back. Why can't I learn to avoid such slop? I guess I'm too dumb.
Léon: The Professional
(1994)
A movie for morons
6 May 2015
Really, who enjoys a pap movie like this? Illiterate, supposedly cold-hearted 40 year old killer who drinks lots of milk (what's milk got to do with anything - movie was funded by the dairy lobby?) befriends a 12 year old girl whose family (all morons who deserve death) was gunned down by a lunatic drug dealer and his gang. I suppose giving the girl a place to live was OK. However, to teach her how to kill? Come on! No evidence that she went to school. I could not watch more after an hour and only lasted that long because people gave it good reviews. I assumed something almost intelligent or exciting would happen. Lots of sad music backed scenes of people doing nothing. If one cut out the dull moments, this movie would last 10 minutes, if that. I stopped after the girl professed her love for the killer. This movie, as many others that receive high marks, is an IQ test. If you liked it, you failed the test.
The Weather Man
(2005)
Slop
7 April 2015
I like Nick Cage and he did OK in this low-rate film playing a confused, self-centered jerk. The story was shallow, pretending to be deep. Fat daughter, semi-loser son, distant father, cute ex-wife...all the elements of a contrived plot. I have almost a normal IQ and could not figure out what message this movie sent, other than that some lives are empty. What were the bows and arrows about? I thought maybe we'd see a ripoff of "We Need to Talk About Kevin" or "Nineteen Minutes". We did not. No love, no action, no humor, no ideas, nothing. Take out the stuff that made no sense and there would be no movie. M. Caine is normally wonderful, but played a semi-comatose father of Cage. Why is Caine dying of cancer? "Why?" would be a question applicable to every aspect of this movie. If you think to pay to watch it...beware. Watching it for free is a waste of time.
John Wick
(2014)
Dumb - reprise of every poor movie of its ilk
14 February 2015
Opening - Apparently, his girlfriend is killed. We do not know why. Johnnie baby lives in a fine, modern apartment/condo. How does he pay for it? Your guess.
Then, he receives a puppy and a note from his dead ex?. Puppies always matter to us morons. Sniffle, sniffle, cry, show us how deep you are. Puke. However, the dog cannot sleep on the bed. Why not? Who cares and who knows?
8 minutes in, we know this is a slop show. He lets the beagle out for a crap in an apparently unfenced yard. Beagles will never come back. Dumb.
By 10 minutes in, you know this is a garbage movie, but, well worth paying big bucks to watch not. If a movie needs a cute dog, the studio knows that the movie sucks.
Of course, John drives a macho car how else would we know he was some sort of stud?
Then, of course, we experience an encounter with a foreign jerk yadda, yadda. And then, lots of burning rubber from his macho-mobile.
I stopped watching at 13 minutes. This is truly a movie for idiots. If you paid to watch it, too bad. I did, based on a recommendation. My bad.
When you read reviews of anything, recall that 50% or more of reviewers have IQ's below average.
Then, he receives a puppy and a note from his dead ex?. Puppies always matter to us morons. Sniffle, sniffle, cry, show us how deep you are. Puke. However, the dog cannot sleep on the bed. Why not? Who cares and who knows?
8 minutes in, we know this is a slop show. He lets the beagle out for a crap in an apparently unfenced yard. Beagles will never come back. Dumb.
By 10 minutes in, you know this is a garbage movie, but, well worth paying big bucks to watch not. If a movie needs a cute dog, the studio knows that the movie sucks.
Of course, John drives a macho car how else would we know he was some sort of stud?
Then, of course, we experience an encounter with a foreign jerk yadda, yadda. And then, lots of burning rubber from his macho-mobile.
I stopped watching at 13 minutes. This is truly a movie for idiots. If you paid to watch it, too bad. I did, based on a recommendation. My bad.
When you read reviews of anything, recall that 50% or more of reviewers have IQ's below average.
The Long Riders
(1980)
Low grade, shallow, waste of time
31 December 2014
Too many reviewers extol this western. Apparently those folks have not seen The Wild Bunch, Silverado, the many Eastwood spaghetti westerns, or other excellent westerns. Or, positive reviewers simply have no taste. I rented Long Riders on Amazon. I fast forwarded through the dancing, extraneous bar scenes, family gunk, blabbering, etc. This 90 minute movie easily condenses to about 20 minutes. The rest is fluff. If you are determined to watch it, check it out of your library for free. Even then, you will waste your time. The movie wasted its stars and offered simplistic dialog. Most of the violence was clearly written in to attract the action freaks. Wild Bunch had a lot of violence. However, it all seemed a logical part of the movie.
Blue Ruin
(2013)
This movie is its own spoiler
7 October 2014
The "hero" of this movie is a dweeb. The movie is a reprise of every revenge movie you have ever seen, except that the avenger is a moron. He's also weak, wrong, and a klutz. Sort of like Sarah Palin for vice-president. He's "just like us". The people who wrote/produced this movie must have been thinking "straight to video".
The IMDb requires at least 10 lines for a review. How many words does it take to describe a pander-to-idiots movie? Maybe three? Challenge: See how many adjectives we can use to describe this shallow, non-thrilling, piece of pap. It's not worth spending the time. If you can watch it for free, go ahead. Even then, you will have spent time better spent. This movie is an IQ test...those who thought it was good failed the test.
The IMDb requires at least 10 lines for a review. How many words does it take to describe a pander-to-idiots movie? Maybe three? Challenge: See how many adjectives we can use to describe this shallow, non-thrilling, piece of pap. It's not worth spending the time. If you can watch it for free, go ahead. Even then, you will have spent time better spent. This movie is an IQ test...those who thought it was good failed the test.
Side Effects
(I) (2013)
A movie for the gullible
7 April 2014
Warning: Spoilers
The premise sounded OK, so I watched it on Netflix. Nothing new or surprising occurred in this flick. Maybe I've seen too many gimmicky movies for one more of the same to impress. There were no plot twists. I suppose some dullards thought this movie was deep or intelligent...it was not. One needs to believe that a woman bent on killing her husband would visit a female psychiatrist, become involved in a fake lesbian affair with her to obtain info on depression, and then use that info to obtain drugs. Those drugs, in turn, would provide the woman with "cover" for killing her husband. Why she did not simply divorce him was never explained. In all, a pointless movie. If you must watch it, watch it for free. This movie exploits our Rx drug culture, our fear of "side effects", and our gullibility about anything connected with mental illnesses. Given mental illness, real or faked, movies can portray anything and most idiot viewers will buy it. A waste of viewing time. Those who rated this movie highly expose their low IQ's.
Political Animals
(2012)
Over dramatic and bland
2 April 2014
This show has "everything" that has been plagiarized from events and other shows: gay son (why?), straight son with a fiancé' who is bulimic (why?), semi-alcoholic grandma (Ellen Burstyn with whom I am in love, but why this role?), an asshole cheating over-sexed ex-president, his ex-wife secretary of state, international crisis, blah, blah, blah. Maybe it was inspired by House of Cards, a much superior series. As a soap opera, this might have worked, but if one seeks a glance inside Washington politics, excellent acting, intelligent dialog, search elsewhere. I lasted until the end of episode 2. We would assume that the first couple of episodes of any series would be really well done, but not here. Did it get better? Maybe, but I doubt it. One can watch it "for free" on Netflix. Go ahead if you have a N.F. subscription. Don't pay to watch it. I had high hopes, dashed.
Justified
(2010–2015)
Justified - Season 5
20 March 2014
I'm up to episode ten. What happened to the writing after seasons one through four? Did E. Leonard's death impact the quality? Season five consists of a farrago of inexplicable activities. Art is suddenly more angry at Raylan for no discernible reason and, early on punches Raylan! Why? No answer. Eva's incarceration goes on and on and on, providing, apparently, an easy partial plot device for writers. The Crowe family remains nuts with sister Crowe, supposedly a lawyer going along "for family" while her son enjoys frequent mental abuse and exposure to the Crowe insanity. Nothing like a loving mom. It is impossible to understand why Eva remains in danger, or even in prison, given Boyd's power to affect lives. What's the motivation behind the nurse/guard's actions? So much occurs without background/explanation. Characters seem to be drawing cards at random to determine their next lines/moves. Winn Duffy flutters around the edges as do his buddies in Detroit, essentially doing nothing except filling plot time. Season five appears to be the Keystone Kops version of Justified. Too bad. We were spoiled by seasons one through four. Season 5 is a dud.
The Killing
(2011–2014)
90% filler
21 November 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Use a stopwatch, pencil, and paper to measure the length and number of wasted scenes. You won't need paper to record the humorous or exciting scenes. After a while, you will begin to count excess drama (grieving parents, over and over and ...). How long does it take a viewer to figure out that the parents are upset? Talk about overdone! Too many relationships that no normal person will care about. Female detective and a butt-head of a partner; husband and wife and their kids; sad and bullied girlfriend of the dead girl; detective and her fiancée and her spoiled kid; detective who has already determined to move to CA, but hangs around Seattle to solve the crime. Her persistence drives her moron fiancée crazy. Why does she love this selfish man? Maybe because she is not very cute and has a dull personality. The entire first season could easily have been a 90 minute show by taking out the repetitive, phony drama, artsy shots of Seattle area, the dad's money problems, you name it. Did this show have no editor or did the writers have to fill time? Some obvious trails ignored by the detectives early on. This series was tailor-made for people who love Family Feud, Martha Stewart Living, or any other show that requires the brain activity we associate with sleep.
Europa Report
(2013)
Yerrgg!
17 November 2013
Another drama packed space movie. How many can movie makers possibly create? I assume "Gravity" was stolen from this movie and this movie from any number of space marooned/disaster shows. The dialog was simple-minded, one space vehicle malfunction after another, and lots of seeming space bloopers. Sometimes people are operating in near zero gravity, sometimes in what appears to be normal gravity. If they are in the orbit module, there s/b artificial gravity as there was in most shots. If in the Europa lander, there would be some gravity, enough so that one of two chess players was not hanging "upside down". If there was little enough gravity to permit people floating about sometimes, how do we explain the weighted ice drill and falling through the ice? This movie never reached the level of a grade B soap opera, much less a real movie. Don't even borrow it from the library.
Diggstown
(1992)
First rate, smart B-movie
26 September 2013
A perfect vehicle for wise guy James Woods, Bruce Dern, and Lou Gossett, and Oliver Platt. All deliver on the spot roles. Drama, humor, con men, boxing, surprises. Great lines from Woods..."I'll bet you $10 against five minutes with your mother...". Buy it, borrow it, watch it if you possibly can. Fun!
Why ten lines of review? OK - Woods, conman, gets out of prison and seeks a scam. Finds it in Diggstown where hot-cheese Dern runs the show and is a small time boxing promoter. The bet is that Gossett can fight any ten local boxers in 24 hours and beat them all...$100,000. Lot's going on in this intelligent show. But, it's not so subtle that our majority moron movie watchers won't get it. Watch it twice if you need to. I did, and it was even better the second time.
Why ten lines of review? OK - Woods, conman, gets out of prison and seeks a scam. Finds it in Diggstown where hot-cheese Dern runs the show and is a small time boxing promoter. The bet is that Gossett can fight any ten local boxers in 24 hours and beat them all...$100,000. Lot's going on in this intelligent show. But, it's not so subtle that our majority moron movie watchers won't get it. Watch it twice if you need to. I did, and it was even better the second time.
Margin Call
(2011)
First rate financial thriller
12 May 2013
There is no filler/slop in this movie; no gratuitous sex or violence. The dialog is intelligent and the script provides insight into how Wall Street works. Jeremy Irons and Kevin spacey tear it up, as do others in the cast. A young risk analyst in the firm who happens to be a true PhD rocket scientist discovers that his firm has over-invested, short-term, in shaky mortgages. Something we all discovered about Wall Street eventually. He and subsequently his firm appear to be the first to notice. Loss to the firm if the mortgages decrease in value a bit is more than the firm is worth. What to do and how to do it to save the firm? At what cost to buyer/seller relationships in the future? Who gets blamed? What sort of money is the firm willing to pay to save itself. The numbers boggle the mind. Yikes!
The Great Gatsby
(1974)
Boring and pointless
12 May 2013
I'm not a fan of F. Scott, but was convinced to watch this movie on Netflix by my friend who loves it. You know how we guys do stuff to please our lady friends. Watching this movie stretched the limits. You need to be very in love to watch it and to pretend you enjoyed it. The dialogue is trite, repetitive. The recurring theme music becomes tiresome soon, though it's a good song. Any good song can be overdone and The GG achieved overdone. People think that Mia Farrow was gorgeous in this show. To me, she looked weird. Redford is, of course, a major good-looking pygmy. Would I trade my height for his looks? No. OK, it's a story about the shallow lifestyles of post WWI rich Americans. The takeaway point is...so what? Daisy (Farrow) is a ditz, caught up in being rich. Nick, the narrator, seemed like an OK dude, but essentially pablum. The garage owner was essentially retarded. Bruce Dern was the best actor in the show. If the newest (2013) GG is about as well-received as this version, do not bother!
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