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Reviews
Hostel (2005)
Worth every "Dolla"
One of the scariest and grossest films ever made. With a chilling soundtrack and freaky and haunting settings, the 1st delivery of the Hostel trilogy sets the pace for a world of horror, suspense and yuckiness.
I don't know if most people would realize, but the errors in geography were very noticeable and off-putting when it comes to the movie (it was shot in the Czech Republic).
When the guys are cruising Amsterdam, the first glimpse you get is of the streets of Prague (AMS and PRG are NOTHING alike at all!!!). Then you have Paxton speaking German with the hostel owner (instead of Dutch, as it should be in the Netherlands), then you see how everything in "Slovakia" is read in Czech (the town used for the movie was the Cesky Krumlov famous for its music festivals). Yeah I know, for the average viewer this is a whatever comparison but those of us who've been all through Europe will find this ridiculous.
Not to mention the Czech train station plastered with German signs (to make it look like it was Austria, yet had Czech signs all over).
Going back to the movie: It is interesting how two Americans would get so concerned over some Icelandic guy they've met like 2 days ago. Like Paxton says in the movie "this is how people do it here" but in America they have that tendency to do that as well. Anyways, the desire to get laid is what get them dead in the first place. There is no explanation at all as to why there's a hunting club, who manages it or why is the hostel involved (that is solved in Hostel Part 2).
SPOILER: While it is very unlikely that Paxton would be able to leave Europe after killing 14 people in his rampage, we feel happy for him once he leaves -fingerless- to his country.
This movie rescues something that had been lost for decades when it came to the horror genre. After the thrillers from the 70's and 80's, the 90's felt to deliver good horror flicks. They came across as humorous and tacky. While Hostel in 2005, rescued some of that including some movies coming out at the same time like Ringu, The Grudge or REC. Gore sells.
Anyways, despite the horrific geographical errors (to sum it up.. you can certainly TELL the difference between the Netherlands and Germany - both 1st world countries- and the Czech or the Slovak Republic which are notoriously poorer and less advanced) this is a movie worth watching every time, and as the head of the Bubble Gum Gang said, worth every "Dolla!!!!!"
Hostel: Part III (2011)
Should have been called "Hostile"
How can there be a "Hostel" sequel with no hostel on it? and in Vegas? The charm of the other two movies was much more than just the lodging house... it was the atmosphere of powerless Americans in eastern Europe, in a strange land where people are cold and you don't understand the language. The whole freaky setting was enough to prepare the terrain for two outstanding movies.
Hostel III would have made an EXCELLENT 2-part season ender for CSI. The story was well executed, the movie was interesting, the acting was decent, the plot turn-arounds were huge. As a movie by itself, it was very good. That is why I gave it 8 stars.
However, as a "hostel" sequel, it fails to deliver everything. The director is good.. I believe that by naming the movie Hostel III it did more harm than it did good. Had it been a whole new franchise he would have gotten more recognition because like I said before, the movie was... good.
I don't know who I hated the most... Carter (the lead) for selling his friend's life, or that freaky geeky-looking Hunter's Club assistant, who looked right straight out of Hogwartz.
Also, the target victims in the original Hostel movies were much younger.
And to sum it up.... a 20-story building in the middle of the desert with gory activities passes unnoticed?? With the level of paranoia of the government? Yeah, right.
PS. Brief cameos by two Ukrainians don't make up for the lack of eastern block freaky factor.
PS2. Casting was good. Nikki and Kendra were HOT.
Mean Girls 2 (2011)
"Mean" Girls? Really? Should have just been called.. Girls 2.
A lot of people don't seem to understand why "Mean Girls" is a cult movie. It is not the average cutesy butterfly-ish teenage movie. It is a brilliant piece of pop culture, adapted from a book by none other than the marvelous Tina Fey. That makes enough for witty, brilliant and real circumstances.
Everybody loved Mean Girls not only because of the stellar acting (probably Rachel McAdams' most famous role ever) but how all of us identified with every character, regardless of our age. Cady was naive, Janis was the outkast, Damien was the lonely guy who pretended he didn't give a damn. Gretchen the insecure gossip, Karen the one who just went with the flow, Regina the all around bossy conceited *itch.
But in Mean Girls 2, the writing and directing fails to deliver this. First of all, Jo (Meaghan Martin) is not naive at all. She is a smart girl, strong willed, with her character all put together. She is tall, sexy and beautiful. A girl like that enters any school and one day 1 she is immediately popular, even with her auto mechanics hobby. First mistake: The lead character should be somebody the audience will relate and root to.
Abby was the one I related to in the movie.. she was likable, sweet, and all around push-over. You could say it was all about her. But then again, the movie was STILL about Jo.
As for the plastics, the original ones were likable and full of quotes. We all loved them. Heck, to this day I still joke to my friends about how somebody CAN'T SIT WITH US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at some random event.
But Mandi, Chastity and Hope are as cold as northeastern Russia. The movie does not give us anything about their characters to identify with. Chastity as a second Karen is not funny. Hope as a germophobic is not funny. And Mandi was no Regina. Mandi was the devil. One thing is bullying and scheming. Another thing is just being nasty and perverse, like Mandi was.
Jo takes no time at all to discover the plastics' true intentions which kinda ruins the movie. The pranks get sillier and sillier (the Ipecac joke was already made in a TV show called "Popular"), there seemed to be no obstacles between the love couples and the Jo groupies appeared out of nowhere with no explanation, no lead lines, no nothing.
I believe the worst thing about the movie was Quinn (she was a stalker, a psycho, name it) and in the end, she ends up being a plastic? I doubt she'd had the mental strength to hold it up.
Movie was very unreal or kind of "car movie" you watch in the back seat of your SUV on a Sunday... I agree with most people here. The movie was not bad by itself.. but it did not live up to the original Mean Girls, specially when you know somewhere in a hall in North Shore high, the original Kylie George is still prancing around.
Sex and the City 2 (2010)
Embarrassing and Botoxy at Best...
I was a fan of the show. The first movie, not as good as the show. Not as funny as the show. But it was entertaining.
The 2nd film was made with the sole purpose of cashing in some money and I wonder if they actually did... Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda are... how do I put it... too OLD.
I could not concentrate on the movie because I kept looking at those bad bad BAAAD botox injections trying to be hidden by lavish hairstyles, lots of make-up and flashy clothes. These women are well past their prime. The show as on top about 12, 13 years ago!! It is no longer fun to still portray Samantha as a whore when she is over 50, the arghile scene was let's say, humiliating at best. Charlotte complaining while her face couldn't move and Miranda looking 200... They looked like a complete parody of their former selves.
There is a reason this show was a hit... Sexy, professional adult women in the big city.
This Abu Dhabi film made it looked like retired, desperate women looking to have sex or complaining about their husbands and flashing clothes and their lifestyle and etc.. Sort of like "Real Housewives of UAE".
BTW.. it hurts like hell to say this.. but the guys in the film -in real life- would never ever hit on a woman like Samantha.. not like the one in the film. She looked 70.
Cloverfield (2008)
I think....
I didn't care about the hand-held camera stuff. The story, was... OK. The acting was quite.. good. The plot was... interesting.
What disappointed me the most about the movie was the monster!!! What the ?? I had seen this drawing of the Cloverfield monster (Spectacular, creepy, impressive whale-thing with bugs all over it), then I was told it was a fake, but then I assumed the real monster would be even more impressive, given the dimensions of the destruction (skycrapers falling, explosions, the noise, etc.).
Instead, we are treated to this anorexic version of the Harry Potter troll!! only thing missing was the log in his hand.
So when you see this effeminate monster strutting its Naomi Campbell legs all over Manhattan, with a head made of poop, you think again... can this flaming monster cause so much destruction? It didn't even look big enough.
That was my pet peeve with the movie.
Eragon (2006)
Stay away if you are a film lover (WARNING.. SPOILERS AHEAD)
These are 2 hours of my life I am not getting back (not to mention the 12 bucks). Awful movie! Full of clichés, predictable scenes, poor poor dialogue and some "what the..." scenes that did not help in improving the movie.
I did not know there was a book, so I never knew anything about the story and yes, the movie was still BAD.
Basically this is a movie about this Harry-Potter kind of kid who found an egg that this princess seems to have laid in the forest. Then I don't know for what reason, Lord Voldemort hires Senator Palpatin as a black magician who loves to eat dry Quik off spoons (hence his dirty teeth) and their mission is to stop the boy Eragon and his Muppet-looking dragon Shakira (hips don't lie).
Then you see Voldemort and Palpatin finding the fort of the Three Wise Men (Melchior, Gaspar and Balthazar). Melchior is the ruler of them all and for some reason he has a daughter about the age of Eragon, who suddenly appears in the movie wearing designer clothing and sashaying around the fort while everyone else is worried about the upcoming war. Then when everyone is all protected in their armors, this girl shows up in this Versace armor... I don't get it.
Then we have Jeremy Irons, who was kinda saving the movie until.. well you know.
So we have Eragon riding this dragon who keeps mouthing off clichés from every imaginable fantasy movie, characters coming out of nowhere, and these murderers/fighters made of moth or ants or whatever chasing him all over.
The silliest scene in the movie: Eragon dreaming about the princess who is running like Peasant Barbie in the forest and screaming 'save me!' while she runs away barefoot and listening to tunes in her IPod.
Oh, and it gets better... there will be a sequel which I will definitely WON'T see.
Sorry for being so harsh but I needed to vent out. They did know how to market trailer of this excuse of a movie.
Groove (2000)
Not outstanding, but definitely good
I watched this movie because of a trailer I watched on HBO. Never heard of it before, but it seemed interesting.
Point is, I loved it to the point of even recording it and recommending it to my friends. I was in the rave scene during the mid 90's, when the likes of Scooter, Faithless, Robert Miles, Mark 'Oh and many others were at their peak.
I truly enjoyed this movie and felt I was there the whole night. This movie is definitely not meant for anyone, much less for those who still don't understand what indie films are about. This was certainly not Arakki or Aranofsky, but I have to commend director Greg Harrison for this piece of work.
This movie starts with the sound of a modem connecting to the internet... sooooo 1998! It was funny. Then you see all these fast stories about weirdos and their lives.
The plot was definitely secondary in this movie. I could not care less about Leyla, or Colin, or whoever... But I guess that wasn't exactly the point.
Although the party was somewhat different from what I used to go to, its structure was basically the same: Clandestine party, where you need maps and bribe a few guys to know exactly where you're going; the different levels of music throughout the night, from slow-beat clubhouse to orgasmic trance; the amount of drugs, the doped people, the escape from it all.
There were pointless scenes, like those gay guys trying to get to the party (there was already a gay moment between Colin and that masseuse guy.. poor Harmony!). I recognized Rachel True, the gorgeous girl from "The Craft", I had no idea she was on this.
I agree with the one who commented that John Digweed would never play in a party like this.. Actually I laughed when he made his cameo... So what was next? Tiesto? Johan Gielen? Paul Oakenfold?
This movie was also a reflect of how these parties were about 5-10 years ago. Yes, the electronic scene has become much more commercial, specially in Holland and Belgium. I guess that it's not so special to me anymore, now that virtually everyone has discovered it.
And yes, once the party got busted, there's no way they would have gotten away with starting it again!
When the party is over, the movie is over, leaving the viewer with the SAME FEELING most ravers had when leaving... "Now what?" After an amazing night of "everything", you have to realize that it's all over and life must goes on... at least for most of us.