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The 'Burbs (1989)
Forgot how dumb this was
Saw this when it came out or shortly after if did in late 80s and just remember it was a pointless, humorless, annoying, obnoxious flick. Just saw it again probably for first time since then and that opinion has been reinforced.
It is awful and every character minus Carrie Fisher is irritating and bizarre. Including Hanks and the other neighbors. Everything that happens is pointless and just odd as heck. I don't know if there's supposed to be good guys because they are just constant spewing a fingernails-on-chalkboard act.
This is barely memorable and what is, is for the wrong reasons. Just a waste.
Echo 3 (2022)
A new worst ending of a show
Like a lot of people I thought Game of Thrones ended terribly but the worst show finale for me has been Dexter.
Well step aside. This moronic attempt at some sort dramatic, deep character wrap up is the biggest turd of an end I have ever seen. Everything through first 9 episodes was solid enough. Some weak moments but still engaging.
But what we're they thinking when "fleshing" out Amber, our main female lead? She's got a somewhat annoying quality about her throughout the series but in the last episode, it is amped up by a factor of 10.
After her husband and brother literally risk everything to rescue her, she is immediately ungrateful and even insults the husband like he's a deadbeat. At one point, she blames him for letting her get kidnapped. I mean what the serious heck?!
Husband still tries but she dumps him immediately after he saves her and the show ends with them in a boat heading back.
Seriously that's it! Her entire schtick in that last episode practically invalidated the entire story that was the entire series up to this finale. She's an massively horrible person and we were better off leaving her in the prison.
I've never seen a show crapped on by it's own creators and producers. The show creator (Mark Boal) directed the finale and it's clear he made the focus of the show's ending based on some miscalculations.
I mean holy mercy that was an god-awful ending. The show never had intelligent dialogue at any point which makes this falling-on-face ending so painful.
And by terrible dialogue, let me tell you: Our 2 heroes are talking to a reporter and the brother says something is classified. The husband, with a straight face says, "yeah we can't tell you because that would be illegal". Did he think the reporter needed that explanation? Did the show creators think some exposition was needed because nobody knows what classified is? Just a mindless consistency to empty words. Ugh!
Skip this show.
Monarch: Legacy of Monsters: The Way Out (2023)
What a wasted episode
For some reason they decided to spend an entire episode on the 3 most annoying characters. Anyone not Cate, May or Kentaro would be far more interesting but the show runners keep pushing these 3. Kurt Russell should be main character along with, and this will sound crazy, the Monarch organization.
But the emphasis on these 3 is confusing. They are not compelling at all. Don't give a crap about any backstory for them and they bring nothing to the story. None of them are interesting individually so collectively they are cringeworthy more often then not.
The flaw in any Godzilla\King Kong monster movies is usually the people. So in a series, they unfortunately have too much time now and spend way too long on unnecessary, forced "character development" that adds nothing.
Too many shows think spending time on a character automatically equates to adding depth to the show. Too many times it is instead a detraction and it is even more so here.
This story would hook people more if Russell's character was pushing this show. But he doesn't and these shallow characters are boring.
Get the focus right.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)
There is no doubt this is the worst Marvel show
If you can't admit that, or at least admit it doesn't at least rank with the worst, you have zero ability to be objective.
There is legitimately no plot. One episode focuses on fashion and dating. Another one on a unrelated wedding. Another one is copyright issues? I mean in when I say there was no story arc.
Jennifer Walters is constantly the dumbest person in the room. She's easily fooled, taken advantage of or talked down to condescendingly and she either doesn't get it or brushes it off so quickly.
Blonsky, Hulk, Wong and Daredevil are all wasted to incredible degrees. They are all neutered to some extent.
I'm not sure who the villain is. There are a bunch of jerks but there's nothing for She-Hulk to fight. Titian's is........weird. I guess she's supposed to be some kind of super villain but I'm not sure why or how.
And then the 4th wall crap. Its clear they think it's cute but it doesn't bring anything to the show and makes Walters more grating than adorable. They add nothing. But then they go all in with the gimmick in the finale. I mean she stops the finale to demand an amazingly uneventful ending. Seriously nothing happens. It just ends. It feels like they couldn't figure out how to end it so they used that as a basis to create a pointless finale.
Give this one a pass. I heard Daredevil was in it and I thought there might be something leading up to the next Daredevil series but you can literally skip this and be fine catching it separately when it comes out.
Disney has done what probably should've been obvious with Star Wars and Marvel. They are average-at-best stories trotting around as cash grabs masquerading as an elite IP that is a ghost of the original. New minds need to be involved.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law: Just Jen (2022)
Good lord this show is dumb
And I mean dumb in the purest sense of the word. This stupid wedding episode along with the previous episode that was about fashion and dating, feels like Sex and the City where Carrie turned green once I a while. I have no idea why she was invited to the wedding and the "drama" that happens there is nauseating.
She-Hulk does nothing and I'm beyond feeling sorry for Walter's poor situations because she lets it happen by being a push-over and just simply not that bright. She's a lawyer but it always feels like everyone else in the room is smarter than her.
I would say these episodes have done nothing to move the story along but I have no idea what the story is so far. Anyone who claims they like this show can't even tell you what the story is.
When it started with Blonsky I was looking forward to it but this strayed into something that is indescribable. Like I legitimately don't know what they are accomplishing and whey they are aiming for.
Maslany is talented and incredibly wasted in this role. Gonna finish it but expectations are massively low right now.
Star Trek: Picard: Monsters (2022)
Season 2 has gotten ridiculously boring.
Season 1 was much more enjoyable and way more engaging. Story was vastly better. Oh and it actually took place in space!!!!
Season 2 has decided to go into overkill mode with the heavy-handed, overly-philosophical, deeply dramatic (of which none are paying off) plot points that drag along.
They go back in time which I assumed would be for a couple episodes. Now it's been 6 and not even sure what they're trying to do anymore. Most likely they just wanted to go cheap in the budget. I mean they could've wrapped up the story in past earth in 3 episodes at most. Nothing is happening. But way less special affects needed I guess.
Rios' thing with the doctor is pointless. Except to generate (or attempt to) a political point here and there.
But if you started watching this season from the end of episode 2 and on, you'd might forget this is a sci-if show.
I mean good grief, it's just scene after after scene of blah, blah, blah. So tired of Picard being clueless of what's going on and repeatedly having eureka moments like he's solving a puzzle. But not before we throw in another meandering convo on deep secrets of the universe or something.
And Raffi, definitely likable in season 1, has become fingernails on chalkboard with constant juvenile whining.
Let the grownups start writing episodes again. Cut your losses on this season and move on.
Star Trek: Picard: Watcher (2022)
Where did the Star Trek part go?
Because this episode was something else. It wasn't Star Trek but a meandering, pointless attempt at making a political statement but comes across as forced regurgitation. It was a nauseating episode.
First there's the big old meanies at ICE. They're clearly just a bunch of doo-doo heads picking on nothing but innocent and perfect angels at the clinic. That's why every ICE agent is a white, probably heterosexual man.
FWIW I worked as contractor at an ICE facility and it's nowhere close to like that. Like at all. They're frustrated with how they're portrayed and only go after bad guys. You have to do something bad to get on their radar. They do not raid clinics like this.
But even besides that, Raffi, likable in season 1, is now unlikeable in season 2. I mean I really liked her but now would be fine if she was gone.
Producers can't take 1 second from trying to shove down our throats how badass Seven is supposed to be. She feels forced is almost all her scenes. Like you could remove her and nothing about story would change. Her and Raffi together are getting tiresome.
Rios was fascinating in season 1 but has become boring which is anything but what he was in first season.
And Elnor, the most intriguing but underutilized character is wasted. I mean I would pick about any other 6 characters to get rid of first.
Overall, the story is not progressed at all in this episode but the story this season is massively weaker to begin with so that's not saying much.
The whole Guinean thing is......weird. Not much is accomplished with her but as mentioned before, that could be said for this entire episode.
Enjoy if you can.
Halo: Inheritance (2022)
It's so annoying.........
...when writers\producers fool themselves into thinking they've got a compelling character on their hands. They bought into their own creation before actually considering the big picture.
Kwan was already wearing thin before this episode but then they go and give her a whole episode? What were they thinking? Kwan's passion\bravery actually comes across as whiny teenager at this point. At least they had enough sense having Master Chief drop her off a couple episodes In because it's easy to imagine how much this character would have dragged things down.
We get an intro into some random tribe or something out in the desert but they are all-wise so they're important I guess. Burn Gorman's character was a bunch of nothing in the end.
Oh and nothing here has anything to do with the story arc for this season.
Echo 3: We Reject Your Influence (2022)
What a waste of an episode
This is one of those episodes that stops everything and attempts to do a deep character dive and give a overly dramatic, deep thinking, lots of anguish type of deal. It instead is boring and tedious. The story does not progress in the slightest. They really did pause the story to try and give us a "thinking" episode. But nothing is accomplished. You could see it coming early into it that at the end we are literally right back where we started. This episode could've been told in about 15 minutes.
We can start with removing half the dialogue between Amber and Hilde. And I mean easily half of it. Then they show more than necessary of Amber braving waterfalls and rough terrain considering it was all going to be moot.
Maybe 20 minute episode stretched to 60. We never see Bambi or Prince so the pace is mind-numbingly slow.
Do I still like the show overall? Yes I do. But this episode wasn't nearly as "powerful" as they clearly thought they were doing. An unnecessary detour. Get back to the story. Let's go.
Jack Ryan: Ghosts (2022)
Weird logic gap in episode but still good season
This might be my favorite season so far. Like the pacing and enjoying the story but.........there is a part in the climatic action scene that makes zero sense.
Ryan has idea for military convoy to leave last truck in tunnel to prevent\block suicide bomber following them trying to catch up to them. But the rest of the convoy drives away so the 2 soldiers in that last truck get out once they stop and have to run rest of way out of tunnel.
Ryan realizes they won't make it out in time, commandeers one of the other convoy vehicles as they come out of tunnel, goes back in to get them and barely makes it out.
So the obvious question is why didn't another vehicle in convoy stay with that last truck and just pick up those 2 soldiers and take them out with them? Could've easily given them a ride but our major plan is reliant on these guys just running?
We need Ryan to be a hero sure but seems like a dozen better ways to come up with that would have made way more sense.
Like I said still like this season and overall this episode was good, but that glaring gap in common sense drops it a couple notches to 6.
The Witcher: Blood Origin (2022)
Why do they keep doing this?
You have a bad starting point when your production falls under the category of "things no one asked for". The Witcher is a fantastic show and very loved (for now but that may change) so to try to abuse that buy trying to sell a bill of goods with a weakly made, poorly connected new show, it shouldn't work and it doesn't.
No one was clamoring for Solo, 3 Hobbit movies, 14 Home Alone sequels, The Book of Boba Fett etc. Yet so many times they try to take advantage of a well established, fairly well liked property and pour mud on it because they phoned it some aspects of the production relying (knowingly or not) on the name attached it to make it "successful".
Blood Origins is just......a whole lot of nothing. You have to have a commanding leading character which The Witcher does (or did) but very forgettable characters here. This is just weak stuff. It just begs for you to not watch it.
And I hope like myself, you get tired of reviews here that start with "Ignore the haters....." because ironically they are the ones to not take seriously. They are either trolls, blindly loving fanboys or paid plants. They're just annoying.
There is very little to find to compliment here. I mean it's hard not to like Yeoh in something but she's not given much here. The rest of the show doesn't seem worth it. Just because you already have Netflix doesn't translate to you might as well watch it. Just leave it be.
Memory (2022)
That's how it ends?
Oddly enough the actual memory issues our protagonist experiences take away some enjoyment of the movie. They're intended to add to the drama and it's a retraction instead.
Nonetheless it was still enjoyable until our hero (Neeson) suddenly decides to go suicide by cop. Why? It doesn't make sense why then and there. But before he does our other hero (Pearce) realizes he had given him a clue before his strange death. He finds a flash drive because of it only to be told it's pointless now because our hero is dead.
Well WTH was the whole point of this? So our good guys decide to take matters into own hands and take out main villain off the books. So now it feels like everything done up to that point to get evidence that our hero strangely and unnecessarily gives up life for was rendered moot. Feels like whole time was wasted.
Still give this a few stars because it's always good seeing Neeson kicking some ass. Even if it's just a little bit.
Ambulance (2022)
Dumb enough to think Michael Bay might actually change.
Bay has become beyond cookie cutter. Horrific camera movement, dumbass juvenile humor, annoying and immature characters, non-sensical action and plot, way too long run time (for the story), ridiculous direction changes etc.
He's got to have the dumbest directing style out there. If you saw Bad Boys or The Rock, then you've seen everything he's about. It's literally the same thing today. I have no idea how I even got through 3 Transformers movies.
Only thing that's can be considered change is Bay has unfortunately discovered drones. Holy crap the number of fly by shots was insane. If you took them out, might cut film by a third.
But I would say his constant abuse of cringy middle school humor does make this very hard to make it through. Not even one joke lands. But I can see Bay chuckling behind the camera every time one gets spewed out. Just dumb.
And I apologize to all middle schoolers for insulting you. You didn't deserve that.
The Operative (2019)
What happened to rest of the ending?
My rating is almost based entirely on the abrupt ending. She's meeting with her contact, leaves knowing they are being watched, he decides to try and stop them going after her by literally tackling a guy, she enters train station, they subdue him and..."written and directed by Yuval Adler". WTH?!!!
Where's the last 10 minutes of the end scene? Did the editor get away with accidentally cutting the last portion of our ending and no one realize it? Did she get away? What happened to him after being subdued? What's next? In no way was the story done being told. I kept thinking I must've missed the "to be continued" flash on the screen.
Story was okay, nothing spectacular, up to that point but holy crap. Even though this was based off a book it has a feel of one of those films that began production without a completed script and it shows in the final result.
Whatever, hardly the first film to waste good talent. Freeman and Krueger do solid here with a middling story.
Locke & Key: The Premiere (2021)
Well that's a change.
Enjoyed seasons 1 for the most part but Netflix gonna Netflix. Somehow this series evaded the woke monitors there and they clearly got the mandat to fix that. The uncle, who was in the first season, shows up again here and immediately we see he's gay. No hint of that last season. And even better, his fiancé is black so we are definitely making up for it.
Good for them I guess? Anyhow another......odd scene is we here thumping in the house only to find out the youngest is trying to move a couch through a doorway by himself (because he found a key that gives him super strength) but it doesn't fit and for some reason he keeps trying to ram it through. Clearly we supposed to see the "fun" of the scenario of a kid lifting a couch by himself but all I could think was "hey stupid, how about turning the couch for a different angle or something?" No he just hits the doorway about a dozen times. There is magic in this show so maybe he thought it would magically get wider? Whatever.
Anyhow, one episode in season 2 and it's clear to see we're done. Hopefully we'll see Netflix let a show be what it needs to be and not push its agenda onto it forcing awkward pacing.
The First: Collisions (2018)
So done with the frickin daughter!!!!
Why are they spending so much time on her?! Six episodes in and she's served no purpose. We get it, she's messed up and our main character has home issues (like literally every main character created today) but she is nowhere near worth the amount of time they've taken away from our actual main story to give to her. This isn't adding incredible emotional drama, it's abrasive to watch\hear at this point. She's become fingernails on chalkboard.
Let's actually figure out Mars for a change and let her go to the background where she was meant to be. Instead they've put Mars to the background and I'm not even sure what is trying to be accomplished with that anymore.
This is after they literally spent the whole previous episode on their past including what happened to the mother\wife. Then this episode immediately starts with more daughter drama. The drill test at the lab and the boss's conversation with the reporter are way more interesting.
There's only 2 episodes left. Get the focus right.
Oh and Sean Penn is pretty buff now apparently.
The Goldbergs: The Rose-Kissy Thing (2021)
Losing it's way.
The actual Adam Goldberg left the show couple years ago and it just shows. It seems like Beverly has regressed and is getting harder to watch. Despite her terrible antics she ends humbling herself somewhat in the end........until this one. She bullies the school principal (yes again because I guess that's not old yet) to a poor awards show to involve non-athletes so Adam will be recognized so SHE will be recognized as that what the athletes. At no point is that ever pointed out and in fact Murray even "advises" Adam to remember she is always doing things for him.
That's just it, this is entirely selfishly motivated. She forces this so she will be recognized and Adam is merely a means to her own self-centeredness being satisfied. She's arrogant and never gets held accountable.
Losing George Segal definitely hurt the show but it's clear the original Adam is gone (no more original home videos). It's lost charm and getting harder to root for these guys.
Midnight Mass (2021)
Worth a watch
I kept waiting for this show to get stupid and veer away from its point but it seemed to stay on track. It still left me with a couple questions (why is Bev still doing what she's doing at the end, why is Father Paul suddenly questioning everything when it it seems it's going exactly the way he directed it) but it kept a good pace and story developments fit in overall picture. The sheriff seemed to spend more time defending being a Muslim instead of bothering to check on issues. This is a small island town yet the fact a few people are missing doesn't even register a slight finger lift to do anything. I still think it was a good character, just too slow to react to situations a sheriff should clearly look into.
But again a very intriguing story and good characters to move it along. I recommend.
The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: One World, One People (2021)
Our "epic" finale is dedicated to a preachy lecture?
This probably represents the current state of Disney today better than anything. This series should have been an absolutely thrilling series of action and impactful character decisions but they killed that to get an unbelievable bore of a speech by Wilson. Thankfully he had the cliche white men in power to throw it to. What a waste of a final episode.
Our main antagonists set off bombs that killed innocently killed civilians and felt zero affect by it but Disney has Falcon hold her lifeless body at the end as if she's the victim. She was no victim. Regardless of her cause. I mean are you out of your stupid mind?! At no point did I ever feel she was just a poor victim of life circumstances. She needed to be stopped and they decided to make Sharon Carter appear a bad guy for doing what Wilson was gutless to do. Never got a feeling Wilson was worthy to take the shield. Bucky deserved it more.
At least the way Disney played this series out he did. Felt forced that Sam just HAD to be it. So poorly written.
Shadow in the Cloud (2020)
What the turd was that?
This is one of those where you don't even know where to start. From the ridiculous fact that she dangles outside of a B-17 for a decent chunk of time while holding a package that has a baby in it and they are at least a few thousand feet in the air. Then there's a ridiculous thing where she falls out of a plane but luckily a Japanese zero blows up below her that blast her right back in the plane. Luckily this causes not even a scratch on her. This is one of those things where you swear you can't make it up and yet they obviously did. But then you realize there's a reason no one else has made it up because it's so dumb ass you don't even know where to start.
Then there's the gremlin. Which I think is the focus? Or it's the horrible treatment she gets from the crew? Or maybe it's the baby. Who by the stays relatively calm despite the all the bullets they plane gets riddled with, despite the case the baby is in being thrown and shaken about despite the plane shaking all over.
What's weird for me is I think the most pathetic and annoying part is the horrible music used for this. It's bizarre EDM or something. Absolutely does not fit this film at all. Detracts from what is going on. If that were the only thing wrong maybe it'd be salvageable but my god this thing is a dumb crapfest.
Just makes your eyes bleed. And not the good kind.
Mr. Mercedes: You Can Go Home Now (2018)
WTH is this show doing?
Season 1 had an interesting dynamic despite some bizarre, unnecessary, dragged out side stories\characters (seriously who didn't see the electronics store manager getting offed from episode1) but 2 good leads made it work.
But in this episode, we have a suicide. Why? Because this nurse has a ........psychic connection with the comatose mass murderer? What a stupid story. Of course this followed a detective playing with the killer's penis in hospital bed because he could (killer could see this happening in his mind apparently) and then killer pleasuring himself after getting nurse to feel herself up after establishing this psychic connection. Sorry he was pleasuring himself in his mind because he's still a coma this whole time. Who thinks this crap up?
Gleeson is the reason I started this and by far the only reason I sticking with this season. So weird right now. And not the good kind.
Loki: For All Time. Always. (2021)
This is what happens when you let writers overthink.
So much sitting around and just talking. I've seen too many shows get too cute with the all-powerful being villian type instead of genuinely writing a compelling figure. About 2 minutes into hearing He Who Remains ramble I wanted him to shut up. Meanwhile our heroes just sit there. Literally.
But the writers dragged the scene out acting like this know-it-all was interesting to watch. He's a joke and not the good kind. Annoying and nothing else.
I would prefer these Marvel shows to stay grounded somewhat and that seemed like the case with Wandavision and Falcon & Winter Soldier. This series just goes into the bizarre and this episode, especially everything with Mr. Remains just feels like filler when clearly it's not meant to be because they just talk fancy about time and variants without really getting anywhere.
It feels like they let the story get away from them. They had to keep going and it just got way too huge to contain.
Loki, with the perfectly casted Hiddleston, was primed for a more engaging adventure but it seemed to be more interesting in being a surreal (not the good kind) and not comprehensible.
The Shape of Water (2017)
Arguably most overrated flick in Academy history
My only compliment is visually it looked good at times but that's it. Really hard to get into the story and no characters to really cheer for. Including Elisa. I'd argue it's a ridiculous story to enjoy. To moronic to genuinely get into.
Now I have to admit I have a bias against Del Toro as I feel he ranks as one of the more overrated directors out there. Pacific Rim has the dumbest dialogue but looks great, Pan's Labrynth wasn't near as compelling as people wanted it to be but did have some cool set design, but I do like the Hellboy movies but mostly because they are visually sweet (picking up a theme here?).
But The Shape of Water doesn't fly as Academy material as it's mostly going through absurd motions. It was hard to care about what happened next. Not sure how\when I was supposed to get invested in it.
And if you didn't see how it was going to end for Elisa a mile away, you might too dumb to be able to offer a genuine analysis of this movie. Or any other probably.
Jupiter's Legacy: All the Devils Are Here (2021)
Hate it when shows think they have a compelling character.
Yeah already done with Chloe. Was before this one. Tired of the cliche battling-personal-demons character. It's not interesting. Feels like another streaming superhero show where they most the time not doing superhero stuff. Whether you check Netflix, Prime, HBO Max, they work way too hard to make sure we are aware how all their characters have flaws. But it's being done to death. At this point if they actually perform superhero acts, it would be something pretty cool. And apparently unique. Whatever you do, less of Chloe please.
Out of Blue (2018)
Try to stay awake
Obviously Clarkson's character is supposed to be the typical world-weary, battling-personal-demons, seen-it-all detective but you spend the entire time feeling like she's going to fall asleep. Need a cattle prod to get something from her. She's an odd character and not in a good way. At one point she's at a strip club and climbs up on stage and starts doing a dance I guess. It's so weird looking. It makes no sense. You never get invested in her character even though it's obvious you're supposed to.
He direction is odd and slow paced. More than one scene feels like it could have been skipped.
And it seems like Jackie Weaver apparently can only play batty old women now. Just awkward scenes. I mean what was up with that nose honk?
Just don't.