Change Your Image
Roxasneo44
Reviews
Ted (2012)
A New Low
I decided that I would sit down with my twenty-five year-old (yes, I know) brother today, and maybe even try to bond with him. Instead, he decided to put on Ted and I died a little bit on the inside.
Ted follows the misadventures of a loud-mouthed, misogynistic, homophobic, and malicious stuffed bear who just so happens to talk and still live with his original owner, That Guy. That Guy is generic and never really does anything interesting. Miraculously, he managed a relationship with the lovely Mila Kunis for four years, but even that one is still a mystery of convenience.
...And as I watched this, I couldn't help but notice how awful the writing was, too. It's like the movie was made for a twelve year-old child with no sense of right and wrong, or compassion. To enjoy something like this, you would have to be majorly baked. Otherwise, there's no hope for you as a human being. Sorry! You can roll your eyes at me as much as you want and say that I don't have a sense of humor, but you probably know that there is some truth in what I'm saying.
Ted is a repulsive, brainless comedy...Quite possibly one of the worst movies ever made. The fact that it's so over-rated disgusts me more than the millions of women who call the anti-feminist drivel, Twilight, a must see. (Self-hate, much?)
Doctor Who: Love & Monsters (2006)
Crap. Absolute Crap
I heard that people had a problem with this episode before I even got to it. However, I didn't think that I would listen to their criticisms of it. Instead, I wanted to watch the beast roll around before I skipped to the butterfly. In other words, I wanted to give it a shot before I watched another episode. But it was so bad that I had to literally continue onto episode 11.
Why was that? Because it HAD nothing to do with the actual plot and the freaking' characters! It makes me so angry that they made an episode like this! The characters were flat and annoying and the entire story is a disgrace. Whoever wrote this made the idiot mistake of producing a script so bad that it required a cast of horrible actors to accent its vulgarity -- a sharp contrast to the typical cast of, y'know, sharp actors that can do their job without sounding stupid, or ridiculous.
I know that I might be taking this a little too far, but I felt like I was ripped off. I've never had a problem with this show up until this point, not until this episode came up. It's so disgusting to even look at....Let alone think about.
True Blood (2008)
Bloody Brilliant
If you haven't seen True Blood on HBO, you've missed out on some of the greatest moments on television. True Blood, without a doubt, is probably one of the most controversial, violent, sexualized, and satirical giants on TV. If you don't think so, change the channel and see for yourself.
Within the first season, you're hooked. The characters highly unique and perfectly limned, the music is enchanting, and the actors are wonderful. I don't think that I've ever been attached to a full cast of actors before. And as for the content and the plot...I was also impressed with what I saw. Every season builds up enough suspense for an explosive season finale. With that said, it's a great show to watch for the first time, if you want to be on the edge of your seat, practically begging your TV to show you the very next episode right away. Why? Because True Blood is bloody brilliant.
Setup Squad (2011)
Pure Fun. It's a Bitchin' Time.
This is a very interesting show. I didn't really think much of it at the beginning when I watched the first episode, but there was definitely something there that kept me interested in it. Perhaps it was curiosity, and my fascination with the ensemble cast of setup workers. Or maybe, it was the clients and their success stories. (All of which put a smile on my face, by the way.)
Either way, I couldn't get enough of it. This show is simply a must-watch. Experience it for the first time, if you haven't already. It's very addicting television. And if you still have your doubts, do it for the members of the squad. I guarantee that you'll fall in love with Jonathan, want to hang with Helen, and have a bitchin' time with everyone else. The Setup Squad is pure fun.
Nowhere (1997)
Terrifically Suicidal
How ironic. I've never given out a legitimate indication of a perfect score before now. Before today. So it definitely goes without saying that I enjoyed watching this movie. It was emotionally powerful, empty, and so...stale...
It's literally nothing, but a nightmare -- an infinite melancholy of terror and confused poetry. It's contagiously devoid of the spires of purpose and self-fulfillment...dead before you can squint... It's a terrifically suicidal film that will keep you suspended in the midst of curiosity and perplexity. An absolute masterpiece.
Nowhere literally goes "nowhere". You're not a true critic, if you can't recognize its genius.
Resident Evil (2002)
Terrible, But Not Awful
I have my reasons. For one, Alice really bugs the crap out of me. She has amnesia, special powers, a bland personality, and a magical ability to stay alive. Apparently, she's a VERY powerful weapon. She's also the main character. ...How's that for a shocker? :o
Alice also doesn't really have much of a background story. What's interesting about a super-powered, bland, nearly invincible, amnesic Mary-Sue with no depth? Nothing. She's a waste of time and space. Leon S. Kennedy, on the other hand, ISN'T. They should have made the whole freakin' movie about him, if they didn't want it to be accurate. I would have also given to see Ada in this one, too. Goddamn cookie-cutters.
Fainaru fantajî VIII (1999)
Fail Game is Fail
Before I completely tear apart this abortion, let me come out and say that this game should not be praised at all. Whoever applauds Square for this game isn't experienced in (a) the world of writing or (b)the field of video games. Now, I've been playing RPGs for quite some time, and I know a tasteless game when I see one.
Graphics: Much like that of FFVII's style, Final Fantasy VII's graphics are 3-dimensional. However, there are still so many flawed aspects. For example, the characters are deprived of facial expressions. (2/10) Sound: The musical collection of Final Fantasy VIII veers away from the norm. Although the theme of this installment was a nice touch, the rest of the soundtrack was bitterly mediocre in comparison to that of its predecessors. (4/10) Plot: Do I really need to explain how dull this game is? I suppose so, then. -sigh- Well, after the first disk, you're left with a cheap plot. In reference to the events, I'll put them in order from 1 to 5.
1 - The supposed genius--Squall--becomes a SeeD along with his moronic friends.
2 - Squall meets his apparent girlfriend, Rinoa, and drifts away from the interverte-lifestyle little by little.
3 - After totally pwning the insipid blob (Edea) and her lackey (Seifer) Squall realizes that his job applies to murdering the sorceresses of this wretched fantasy.
4 - After beating Edea's butt again, Ultimecia controls Rinoa's fail!Mary-Suish body.
5 - Squall and friends gain control of their Sue and beat Ultimecia's butt. Yeah, I said butt again. =OOOO That's about it. The developers decided on tying in some other events . . . but that idea kinda died. R.I.P. Good idea? (1/10) Playability: Remember the Junction system? Do you ever recall the amount of time that you spent spamming your character's stats with efficient spells, such as Ultima or Aero. But to punish these actions, you must first equip your faithful GF to any of the characters. How long does this process take again? Fifteen to twenty minutes at least.
In fact, the Junction system is so time-consuming that you resort to actually turning off this game after this process is completed. The gameplay isn't stimulating, as well.
Value: Relatively low.
Overall Rating: 1/10 I hope that this review will fix the crappy rating that this game scored. :D
Fainaru fantajî V (1992)
Eh...
I wasn't impressed at all. The first couple of hours of gameplay were a joy, though. My only complaints are the plot and characters. Bartz is too insipid for his own good, and Ex-Death proves to be a rather sharp competitor in the lame characters' department of FFV. I also thought that the whole Lenna and Faris-thing was too convenient. In fact, almost everything about this game ran on convenience. It's ludicrous to think that any Final Fantasy game ever did, but this game goes to show you that even good video game developers can fail at originality.
Here's the plot in a nutshell: The crystals of the world shatter and it is up to four 'chosen' heroes to solve the wretched mystery. As it turns out, an evil mage by the name of Ex-Death is the primary cause. When the envious mage destroys all of the world's precious delights, he is set free . . . only to terrorize our heroes in a craze of his own faulty ego.
The supposed protagonist (Bartz) decides to vanquish this absurd-excuse for an antagonist after having most of his home swallowed up by the N-Zone holes that were leaked. Said character garners up his pride and fights alongside his loyal deputies: Faris, Reina, and Krille. All of which share the same ambitions. In any case, they rid the world of its evil dyer and descend back into shadows.
...That was it, basically. Although, I'm missing a couple of key ingredients to the story, that's pretty much it. In relation to its predecessors, Final Fantasy V takes you through another horribly drawn-out crystal scenario. The only thing that makes this installment unique is its rewarding face, Galuf. Galuf--who happens to be only of my favorite video game characters of all time--is a majestic alien to that of Terra.
Unlike the rest of the cast, Galuf wins at doing just about...well, anything. His death is quite epic, and so is his legacy. A good character is an understatement in this case.
- All-in-all, I would say that the playability of this game is moderately fair. The battle system is rather recycled, but I did like the classes. These aspects of the gameplay suggest that FFV was an experiment more than anything.
Rating: 3/5 *I recommend this to anybody that wants a challenge. The difficulty is quite astounding, really.
God of War II (2007)
Fantastic!
As a first-timer, I've never really played a God of War game before. This will be the first of many for me. I absolutely enjoyed every last aspect of the gameplay down to the plot line, as well as the character development. Nothing is extensively flawed, which is a nice touch for a change, and I'm already experiencing the bitter seduction of God of War III.
...At times, especially after beating the games, I feel rather drawn to the plot line. Perhaps it's the warped view on Greek Mythology or the addicting gameplay. Or maybe it's both. Either way, this makes this incredible sequel an instant smash. I hope to see where the plot goes when I fight my way through Mount Olympus in the next installment.
Halloween II (2009)
"A Bloody Good-Time!"
Rob Zombie's slasher 'Halloween II' tames a lot of the story's dynamic account of symbolism. It also rehashes much of the characters. Like Laurie Strode, for example. Zombie breathes life into this hopeless blob of a character. Much like Michael, Laurie is destitute of realism. She continuously blacks out on and off during this entry of the series.
What I love about this movie is just how genuine, or acute the characters had seemed. Rob really fleshed out the dialogue, as well. By that, I don't mean the excessive use of the word 'f**k'. There were some pretty witty lines in there that really had me going for a while. He also scored some points with me on how frantic the characters appeared.
...I'm not going to spoil anything for you all, but I will tell you that it didn't blow. However, this movie isn't a normal Halloween film. It's so . . . unique that your typical fangirl (or boy) would protest about any given aspect. Such as the OMFG!LAURIE'S EVIL! theme of this symbolic film. Everyone describes this as being most off-putting, which isn't true at all.
You don't bounce back from a freak accident like it's nothing... People don't seem to understand that. This, thus, characterizes H2 as an innovative step in the right direction. Halloween was being dumbed down with each horrific entry after another. After I watched H2O, I nearly panicked and lost all faith in the series altogether. Halloween: Resurrection butchered the franchise, too. Those films as a whole were a mistake, and I feel as though that Zombie actually put an end to the path that Halloween was leading.
This also leaves me to say that more half of the people on this site are wrong about Rob Zombie. He's not a money-hungry fiend that wants to murder John Carpenter's compelling story. He's an artist . . . one who objects to milking a similar style . . . And that's why Halloween II had a gritty feel to it. It was his own vision; something that no one had ever touched before.
Rating: 9/10
Pros:
- Amazing Story - Fleshed-Out Characters - Symbolism - Drawn-Out Dialogue - Screwed-Up Slasher Scenes
Cons:
- Poor Acting - A Horrid Fanbase
(It's true. Whether you like it or not, the Halloween fanbase really has gone to hell. I love the majority of the films, with the exception of H20, Resurrection, and the Curse of Michael Myers. H2 and the original are two of the best entries in the series. Whoever disagrees with these statements obviously didn't understand the substance in this movie.)
I recommend this to anyone who enjoys Rob Zombie films. Although, I'm not much of a Rob!fan, I do adore his take on the Halloween series. If you disliked his remake, then I strongly suggest that you don't view this movie at all. However, if you love gore and guts and whatnot, then go ahead and pick up this title. You'll probably like it. Maybe not . . . But, y'know, it's all about taste--in my opinion.