watcher101's Reviews

Peter Pan & Wendy (2023)

4/10

They should have just called the movie "Wendy"

30 May 2023

What a pointless movie. I really don't know why they did this, especially since we already had the far superior and far more faithful live-action Peter Pan movie that that came out in 2003. This was... just awful. Never mind all the eye-rolling and cringy identity politic nonsense they forced in it for no reason besides the filmmakers simply wanting it there, this was just a bad movie. It's boring and completely lacks any of the charm and fun of the original. I don't see how any kids will find this entertaining or even worthy of their attention.

And yeah, let's get to the whole point of completely centering the movie around Wendy. They really should have just named the movie after her. Pretty much the whole movie focused on her while Peter was reduced to a side character with barely any more relevance than Michael or John. I think they focused more on Hook than Peter. Speaking of which, that's pretty much what Peter's whole role had been reduced to, his whole relationship with Hook, and Wendy is there to steal all Peter's thunder and clean up his mess. That's pretty much the whole movie.

So, yeah, that's what you can expect if you decide to waste your time on this. It's dark, depressing, boring, and eye-rolling. Stick to the REAL Peter Pan movie, the one that came out 1953. But if you want a live-action of it, then watch the 2003 one, because there's no contest between that one and this pile of trash. I'm actually being generous to give it a 4/10.

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Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Once & Always (2023)

4/10

Relies almost solely on nostalgia

21 April 2023

That's the sad truth. This special relies almost entirely on nostalgia to be any good. And while that may have been ok if they had put more effort into the rest of the special, it's obvious that they put the bare minimum of effort into it.

Right off the bat it feels off as they start in the middle of the conflict, explained later via flashback, which gives the special and strange feel, and from there, it depends on nostalgia to give it any worth. The acting really isn't that good, and while the TV series didn't have the best acting either, you can tell that they didn't put in much effort here since the acting in the TV series was even better. The special effects are horrible too, once again, having the effects of the TV series be even better, which is completely inexcusable since they definitely had a bigger budget than the TV series did. And that's not even counting the horrendous CGI that looks like it's out of a bad PlayStation cutscene. When your acting, special effects, and CGI is actually worse than that of a cheap TV series from the 90s, you know they're not even trying.

While it was nice to see much of the old cast back fulfilling their roles, it once more relies heavily on nostalgia to carry it. The actors lack a lot of the chemistry they had in the TV series, and when you look at past reunion specials such as Forever Red, once again, it's inexcusable, especial since they have the funds this time to make sure it shouldn't be as mediocre and the actors have much more experience, but obviously aren't really trying. And then there's the horrible newcomer, Minh, who is just all around unlikeable. Yes, we get that she's supposed to be angry and want revenge, but her character is just completely insufferable and acts like a total brat throughout the entire special that just keeps making everything worse for most of the special. That's not the actress' fault, they just made her character awful.

In short, this special was pretty disappointing, especially after the way it was built up to be the ultimate reunion special or something, that instead relies solely on nostalgia, has no effort put into the roles, an unlikeable new character, and awful special effects, and even the action isn't as good as the TV series, and it all comes to a close in a rather anti-climatic ending. If you want to kill an hour living off nostalgia, I say give it a watch, but you'd probably be better off just watching the old MMPR if you want that, you'll find it much more appealing.

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Skinamarink (2022)

2/10

May literally be the worst and most boring movie I ever saw

14 March 2023

I'm not exaggerating here. This may very well be the worst movie I've ever seen and/or the most boring. This... I don't even know what to call this. Is it even really a movie? I actually had to watch it twice because I fell asleep in the middle of it the first time from sheer boredom. It seems like they were trying to do something like Paranormal Activity, but geez, talk about a massive fail. I mean, I get the creative choice and see what they were trying to do, but it was a horrible decision that didn't work.

Number one problem, the movie is boring. Literally nothing happens in it. There's no plot, no story, nothing. We barely even have characters, if you can even call them that. Literally 95% of the movie is just shots of furniture, toys, walls, doors, etc, while you occasionally hear a character talk in the background. You can barely even call it dialogue too, since there was so little of it that I'd be surprised if the script was more than 2 pages. And they all whisper literally all the time. Half the time they talk so quietly that they put subtitles just so you can tell what they're saying. They're not even conversations, just random sentences that occasionally form a verbal exchange every several minutes.

Other than that, the movie is just different shots of the house, that's it. You literally don't ever even see the characters, you just catch glimpses of their feet and the tops of their heads every so often. Other than that, you're just staring at different angles of the house where nothing happens. There will literally be scenes that are 2-3 minutes long of just a wall where nothing happens and no one says anything before the scene changes to somewhere else.

Truthfully, this movie shouldn't have been more than 15 minutes tops, yet it was painfully stretched out into an hour and forty minutes. There is actually a scene that goes on for about 3 minutes that shows some old school cartoon scene on loop that repeats about 20 times, and then nothing comes of it, the camera just changes to a different angle. You're just waiting and waiting and waiting for something to happen, and it never does. And when anything does finally happen, and I use that term loosely, it's off-screen, so you don't even see anything.

There is just one thing that keeps this from me giving it a 1/10, and that's that it does have maybe 4 or 5 scenes, at most, that show some creepy imagery that puts you on the edge of your seat. Those scenes are effective in delivering a creep factor, but that's it. But nothing ever comes from them though. For example, there's a shot of the doorway into a dark room that shows the shadowy outline of a person inside it. The camera lingers there for about 2 minutes, then the scene changes and nothing happens. Or you see the back of a person's head and watch as they slowly fade away without moving for about 3 minutes, and then that's it, scene over, more staring at a chair or a wall or a pile of toys for another 8 minutes or so.

So when I say nothing happens, I mean nothing happens. There's no plot, nothing is ever explained, you have no idea what's going on. It's just minutes upon minutes of different angles of different rooms of the houses where you occasionally see someone's feet walk by or you see the top of their head, and some dialogue is whispered every so often. That's the whole movie. The highest praise I can give this movie is that it's like the build-up scene to a jump scare that drags on forever, but the jump scare simply never comes. Yes, that is meant to be a compliment, so you can probably imagine just how bad the movie is.

And if all this boring nonsense wasn't enough, the movie just ends. There's no beginning to the movie, it just starts, and no end. It's just, here's a bunch of random scenes with some characters whispering every so often, ok movie over. Save yourself the trouble and avoid this snooze-fest.

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Return to Zootopia (2017)

8/10

Spectacular, a true sequel

19 November 2022

I stumbled across this by chance on YouTube, and I was utterly blown away. You may not expect much from a fan-film, but this truly amazed me. Granted it's mostly still shots, but they provide enough movement in there to give it life. But the story, wow, incredible. You'd think this was made by a professional movie studio with a professional writing team.

You know what, I'm just going to say it, this might be even better than the first movie, at least when it comes to the story and plot. Even the voice acting is spot on; all the characters sound like themselves. They really went all out making this. And it's feature film length too. Honestly, if you had told me that this was an unfinished sequel rather than a fan-film, I would 100% believe it. I'm telling you, ignore the 1 star reviews, because those people are just very obviously haters who dislike the movie by default because it's a fan-made film or because of the limited animation, the movie is really very good.

This is truly the Zootopia sequel we deserved. Should Disney ever come across this, if they were smart, they would hire the makers and buy it off them to make it into the official sequel. Heck, most of the work is already done, they would just need to animate it. I would HIGHLY recommend checking this out, it definitely won't disappoint.

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The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022– )

4/10

Rings of Power: no rings, but many flaws

11 November 2022

Ok, so we've all heard how flawed this series is. So as a big LOTR fan, after hearing all the negativity, not to mention all the liberties and changes to the canon and lore they did, I had my expectations set pretty low, but finally got around to seeing it.

And what is my verdict? It was "meh". It certainly wasn't the horrible disaster that some people are saying, but it wasn't anywhere near great, and was ultimately, pretty forgettable. And for a billion dollar 8 episode LOTR series, that's a VERY bad thing. The LOTR fan-base is a big one, and to not only ignore what the fans were saying, but to dump on them and put out a mediocre series, Amazon really screwed up big time. But as I said, the series was just ok in my opinion.

Excluding the change of canon and lore, there were a few main issues that really bothered me. One of the biggest ones was what was happening throughout it. While the imagery was beautifully done, there wasn't much all that great story-wise. For most of the series, nothing of much interest happens. Remember how in the Star Wars prequels one of the biggest complaints was that there was too much talking and politics. Yeah, we basically got that here too. And since there was nothing all that interesting going in, it leaves you feeling bored quite a bit, wondering when something will actually happen. But even when we do get some action scenes, they don't last long at all, and it's not all that great or entertaining to watch. In short, a lot of the series is boring, and that's a big problem.

Another issue was the four different main stories going on. We had what was going on with Galadriel, Elrond, Arondir, and Nori and The Stranger, and it really doesn't work that well. Yes, the original LOTR trilogy had different stories with different characters, but they started out together before branching off, and their stories were still connected. Here, not so much. Most of the characters don't know each other, and they're each involved with their own pretty much unrelated story. This makes the series feel disjointed, and when the series switches over to one story, you kind of feel yourself wondering why, and are waiting for them to relate/connect to each other somehow. And when they do switch over, you're kind of like "Oh yeah, this is also going on". But like I said, these are pretty much separate stories that are barely connected at all, making it a little hard to get/stay invested. And also, for a series called Rings of Power, there are literally no rings in it, like at all. The rings don't even get hinted at until the last 20 minutes of the final episode.

And now for, possibly, the biggest problem, and that's Galadriel. Don't get me wrong, Morfydd Clark did a good job for the role she was given, but they really botched up Galadriel's character. Yes, I get that this is supposed to be a younger version of her who's lacking the experiences that will make her the person we know she'll be in the future, but it doesn't feel remotely like her character. And worst of all, she's so unlikable. She's got this stuck-up, condescending, holier-than-though attitude, and she maintains it throughout the entire series. There's no real character growth or evolution, she stays the same obnoxious and unlikable person all throughout the series, and you just can't connect her to the Galadriel we know from LOTR and The Hobbit. Not to mention she's a super OP Mary Sue. How are people supposed to enjoy a series when its main character is so unlikable?

But like I said, it's not as bad as some people are making it out to be, and it has some good qualities. I already mentioned the nice visual effects and landscapes, and it has certain story points that keep you interested in what will happen next. Unfortunately, it's overshadowed by being boring a lot due to so little happening and Galadriel being unlikable. And while the series wasn't bad, it was ultimately just ok and forgettable. If this was a completely original story/series, then maybe it would be a little better than what it was. But for being part of the LOTR franchise, there's really no excuse for it turning out as mediocre as it did. It's certainly not going to stand the test of time the way the movies did, and will just end up being another forgotten series that happened.

In short, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either, and it's forgettable. But see it for yourself and decide. As for me, I'm giving it a 4/10 rating, and I consider a 5/10 to be average and a 3/10 to be unappealing.

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Halloween Ends (2022)

3/10

Halloween Ends... horribly

18 October 2022

What the heck was this mess? I honestly have no idea, because it certainly wasn't a Halloween movie. Seriously, Michael Myers is in the movie maybe 5 minutes tops. Instead, the whole story focuses on this random character that was suddenly introduced as he gets more insane and gets involved in this warped, romance. And I guess he becomes Michael's apprentice in killing, that seems to be what they were going for. Honestly, it felt like they just took some random movie idea that has nothing to do with the franchise and just tweaked the plot around a bit to make it fit into the Halloween franchise. But the presence of the actually Halloween characters feel forced and out of place, like they're not even in the right movie. If they showed the trailer of what this movie was actually about, you would have no clue that it was a Halloween movie.

And as I said, Michael is pretty much not even in the movie at all. He's basically been reduced to a background side character with little to no involvement with the story, but he needed to be shoehorned into the plot in order to make it a Halloween movie, but even then, only as an afterthought. And he came across as a weak and feeble person and an additional side villain rather than being the scene stealing slasher he's meant to be. And after everything they built up in Halloween 2018 and Halloween Kills, none of that is addressed and amounts to nothing. They told a completely different, unrelated story involving Laurie and her granddaughter, and then just randomly threw Michael into the movie at the end for one final minute long showdown with Laurie because they needed to, and even that was underwhelming. And if all that wasn't bad enough, the characters aren't even likable. I mean, sure there's Laurie and her granddaughter, but even they're not that appealing in this one. And all the kill victims, they're either random characters you care nothing about or unlikable characters you want to see killed off.

As a movie in itself, it was "meh". As a Halloween movie, it was an utter disaster. This is easily the worst movie of the entire franchise. Yes, even worse than Halloween Resurrection and Rob Zombie's Halloween 2. What an insult to the series and a horrible way to send Michael off and conclude the story. They told a story that wasn't Halloween with Michael occasionally popping up in the background for only a few minutes of screen time and then going out like a chump. Should you see it? Sure, why not, if for no other reason than to conclude the Halloween story, a story that practically doesn't even feature Michael, but don't expect anything even remotely close to great, and don't expect a payoff from anything built up in the previous movies.

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The Batman (2022)

5/10

Batman's amateur year?

22 April 2022

I enjoyed the movie overall, but it does suffer from some pretty big flaws. I don't want to come across as bashing it, because it was a good movie, but the flaws really stand out.

The lighting for one thing. I know Batman is supposed to be a "dark" franchise, but they do make things a little too dark, literally. That's a production issue though, which can be overlooked. As for the movie itself, perhaps the biggest problem is with the Batman himself. Don't get me wrong, Pattinson did good for what he was given, but this Batman felt rather, how should I say, amateurish, I guess is the best way of putting it. Like he was JUST starting out as Batman, but the movie portrays it that he's been doing it for awhile. While he does come across as intimidating, as he should, he also feels uncertain and lacks confidence. He does good with the beating up the bad guys part, but the whole superhero and detective part, he felt like he was lacking in. He's good at Riddler's riddles only when the plot demands it, but makes lots of mistakes and overlooks rather obvious details about things. Even in the movie itself, he and Gordon are mocked for making stupid mistakes and not figuring out certain things which should be obvious, even mockingly being called "the world's greatest detectives". Even when Batman was just starting out, it still feels like he should have been more competent and more sure than how he was portrayed.

Batman aside, there's also the other characters. Bruce Wayne himself comes across as a sadder and broodier version of his Batman persona, even more unsure and lacking confidence, but Bruce Wayne is supposed to be portrayed as the nice but spoiled playboy, that's the image he's meant to portray to throw people off his identity as Batman. There even comes an important point regarding his father, but that's immediately brushed off and resolved like 5 minutes later, almost making it feel pointless. Catwoman's character felt lacking as well, and she didn't really feel like Catwoman. Plus, the romance between her and Batman felt incredibly forced and almost came out of nowhere, and there was, like, no chemistry between them. Batman/Catwoman are one of the greatest, if not THEE greatest comic couples of all time, but I just wasn't feeling it here.

A lot of the plot feels, shall we say, convenient, especially when we learn of how the Riddler was planning things out. Without giving away any spoilers, when you learn of Riddler's plan, it basically means that Batman and even the plot itself had accidentallied itself throughout the movie, and then at the end of it, I'm not sure if we're supposed to take away that Batman won or lost. To me, it felt like he lost. Maybe that's what they were going for, but it leaves you feeling wanting. And the whole thing with the copycat Riddlers and his social media helpers felt dumb.

And, of course, they just couldn't resist getting political. I don't mean political in the sense as there were political plot points that moved the story along, I mean they introduced current real world political stuff in the movie for no reason other than to virtue signal. Catwoman at one point even goes out of her way to say "All people care about are the privileged rich white men". It's like, why do you have to bring that SJW crap in for literally no reason? There was no reason to make such a comment, and if it was absolutely necessary, she could have just said "rich elites" or something, but no, they had to include a nonsensical white supremacy theme. It was stupid and pathetic.

So like I said, while I did enjoy the movie, it has flaws that stand out pretty hard. If you can overlook them, great, but they definitely affected the movie for me. I still enjoyed it, but I'll take Batman vs. Superman over this one.

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Far and Away (1992)

9/10

One of my favorite movies

26 February 2022

First, let me say that I'm not really a fan of Westerns, and when it comes to Romance movies, I could take them or leave them. This movie though, wow, just wow. I watched it on a whim, and I'm very glad I did. This movie is stupendous. Funny, heart-warming, emotional, dramatic, heart-breaking, and just all around excellent. I actually thought it was based on a novel, it certainly had the feel of one, but I was surprised to find that it wasn't. The story is great, the characters are excellent, and it's just an all around great movie. This is one that's definitely worth your time that I consider right up there with some of the great classics.

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Encanto (2021)

4/10

Not impressed

30 December 2021

I heard good things about this movie, so I was prepared to really enjoy it going in. Unfortunately, I really wasn't impressed with what I saw. The animation was nice enough, but I couldn't really get into the story and found most of the movie to be kind of boring. It wasn't bad, it was just "meh".

Perhaps the biggest problem I had with the movie was that a lot of it seemed forced. Particularly the music numbers. Disney is known for having great songs in their movies, and they're usually really good and flow very nicely. This time though, the songs felt incredibly forced, like they realized that maybe they should have a random musical number thrown in at this particular moment, so they scrapped the bottom of the barrel to put together a song that felt very forced and was completely unnecessary outside of them seemingly trying to fill some sort of song quota, so they just shoe-horned a bunch of songs that were mediocre at best and barely flowed at all. With songs being as big and as iconic as they are in Disney movies, this was a major let down. Rather than moving the plot along or adding an entertaining value or adding to the plot, these songs just felt unnecessary and forced into the plot.

Several of the plot points and issues that needed to be resolved felt forceful and unnecessary as well. Even the ending felt kind of forced and unearned as well, and came across as rushed, borderline axed even. Overall though, I found myself feeling bored with what was happening and just wanting it to end. Maybe it was just me, but I didn't find this movie to be anywhere near as good as people are making it out to be. At the very least, it's definitely overhyped. I'm sure that part of the problem was that I set my expectations too high, but even if that was the case, this movie still fell well below what I would consider to be impressive.

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The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

4/10

Dodge this

30 December 2021

As a big Matrix fan of the original trilogy, I was hyped up to hear that a new movie was coming out. Then the bad reviews started coming in. Then how bad it did in the box office came in, then it was declared to be a flop, then it was announced that any potential for any future movies were lost as a result of the movie's poor performance. With each bit of negative news that came out, my hopes came crashing down. So when I finally saw it, my expectations were as low as they could possibly be.

But even with such low expectations, I can still safely say that the movie was bad, like really bad. First, they spent so much time simply reenacting scenes from the previous movie, or simply showing flashbacks from them. Then they threw in a bunch of stupid plot points, several that went nowhere. Lots of things that happened in the movie are never explained, and a good deal of things are left completely inconclusive and never resolved, major plot points at that (my only guess is they were planning a sequel, that's the only explanation for how much was unresolved and unexplained). The action is average at best and not impressive at all. And the story is boring, if you can even call it a story at all. Yes, it had some identity politic stuff and things of that nature in it, but not much, and nothing that really impacted the plot or brought it down, but the movie itself was just bad. It felt like they found some random fanfic that a fan wrote and decided to make it into a movie. And then, after all that, the movie just ends, leaving everything up in the air and unresolved. It's immensely unsatisfying. You're constantly waiting for something to happen, but barely anything does, and what does happen is unimpressive.

I'd say skip this one and keep the fond memories of the original trilogy where the series should have ended and was perfectly wrapped up. But you decide. Red pill or blue pill? Do you want to stay in the perfect fantasy world where the series ended after the third movie, or do you want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes... and then spend your time digging out of the mess? I'd say take the blue pill this time, because what you see is not worth destroying the greatness the original trilogy gave us. But as the Matrix keeps portraying, it comes to choice. Just be prepared for disappointment if you go forward with this one. I give it a 4/10 at most, and that's me being generous. For a comparison, a 5/10 based on my rating system is mediocre IMO.

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Cats (2019)

4/10

It at least improves over the original.

24 August 2021

Well, I finally ignored the bad reviews and sat through this, and what can I say about it? Well, it at least improves over the play. Yeah, the CGI was a disaster, there's no getting around that; they tried something, and it didn't work, and unfortunately, most people can't seem to see beyond that. But the movie and story itself, an improvement in every way. First, it actually has a bit of a story. The original play, it was basically one cat after another appearing and singing about their one defining feature, and that's it. This, while it does that too, at least expands on things and gives more characters actual character rather than being a one song appearance character.

The story and character of Victoria and Mistoffelees are really expanded upon, especially Victoria, who is now the main character, as is their relationship, and Macavity and Grizabella a little bit too, giving more depth to their character and investing you in them and their interest a little more rather than them just appearing for a single song and dance, and then they no longer matter. Instead, they actually take part of the plot and the overall story and have more to do with things, especially Victoria, who even gets her own song and helps out Grizabella instead of just being another background character. For example, instead of Mistoffelees' song just being an introduction for and about his character, the scene is given more depth where he's trying to gain his confidence to save the day while the others support and encourage him. It also introduced him earlier and established he was magical back then rather than have him be a deus ex machina like in the stage musical. Little details like this go a long way. They actually do the "show, don't tell" rule for all of the characters to show what they're like rather than the play that only sings what they're like and doesn't show it.

Of course, overall the movie still isn't much of a story, but at least it's an actual story instead of one random song and dance strung together by another for something that pretends to be a story like the wayt the actual musical was, so it feels like there's actual some kind of stakes or plot to follow. When it comes down to it, story and characterization plays the biggest part of a movie, and this at least has that with some of the characters, which the play doesn't (excluding Grizabella). In the original, the only character you really feel anything for is Grizabella, but in this one, you can feel at least a little bit for some of the other characters, which is an improvement over the play.

Obviously, the movie was still a flop, and the CGI did not work out, but if you compare it to the original, it improves over it in almost every way, which is at least some kind of win. Not that I'll be watching either of them again, but I'll take this over the original any day.

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The Grudge (2019)

2/10

Pure garbage

17 June 2021

Both the original and the first remake were just ok in my book, but when I heard that the people responsible for Evil Dead and Don't Breathe were doing a new remake of The Grudge, I was excited. After seeing it though, I felt nothing but disappointment. Not only was this movie completely boring, it was pure trash with barely a story. It was basically just random events vaguely strung together by people who were pretty much "infected" by the grudge to form a barely coherent story. Even Kayako, the iconic grudge ghost, is barely in it, and only makes a handful of cameos. No, really she has like 2 minutes of screen time total, if that, and her involvement in the story itself is pretty much non-existent, basically only serving as the catalyst to get things going, then that's pretty much it for her. And the meowing kid gets even less time than she does. As for the movie itself, it just suddenly ends. It's just like, boom, it's over, with a completely axed ending that doesn't even feel like an ending. And if all that wasn't bad enough, it wasn't scary at all, and I was bored out of my mind the whole time, just waiting for it to hurry up and end. Don't waste your time with this rubbish.

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Wrong Turn (2021)

3/10

This wasn't a Wrong Turn movie

15 March 2021

This was most definitely not a Wrong Turn movie. It wasn't a sequel, a remake, or even a reboot. This was an original movie with the Wrong Turn title slapped on it so it could ride on the series' coattails. The Wrong Turn movies are about mutant, deformed, inbreed cannibals that hunt down hikers. This movie was about escaping from a backwoods cult. It has no connection to the other Wrong Turn movies whatsoever. They should have just called it "Off Trail" or something. There is literally no reason to call it a Wrong Turn movie or connect it to them in any way, because it's not and has no connection. It's like, imagine if you went to see a sequel to Ridley Scott's Alien movies, and instead of Xenomorphs, Face-Huggers, and Chestbursters, we got something like Independence Day. Yeah, they're aliens but it's most definitely not part of the franchise and has nothing to do with it. But if using another series' popularity wasn't enough, it wasn't even that good of a movie. I mean, if you want to kill about 2 hours, then I'd say go ahead and watch it if you want, but I wouldn't even recommend it. It's not scary, does nothing new, special, or creative, and is ultimately completely forgettable.

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Raya and the Last Dragon (2021)

5/10

Would have been much better as a series

15 March 2021

It was pretty good, but it suffered from a major flaw, and that was not enough time to establish everything. Raya literally jumps from one location to the next, quickly accomplishing her goal, and gaining a new party member. But the problem with this is that everything happened too fast, and the relationship and the bonds of the characters don't really develop enough for them to really be that meaningful. We don't get enough time to get to know anyone or feel much for them, yet they're supposed to be the heart and soul of the movie. The characters' arcs are rushed too and we don't get enough development on them, instead they just shove each of them into their roles without really having any story and are told they're super close, but we don't see or feel it. It kind of reminded me of what they did for the Avatar: The Last Airbender live-action movie and how quickly everything was just mashed together. Even Raya, the main character, doesn't really have enough time to develop. I mean, don't get me wrong, the story was good and it was a decent movie, they just didn't have enough time to do things the way they needed to be done or explore the land, the lore, or get to know the characters. This would have worked so much better as a TV series where they actually had the time to explore the characters and the places, and get to know everyone and establish a connection and get us invested, but instead it was just quickly mashed together into something that, while enjoyable, is ultimately forgettable. Maybe someday they'll remake it as a series where they can do things properly, it would definitely come out a lot better.

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The Last Broadcast (1998)

1/10

One of the worst movie's I've ever seen

4 January 2021

What the heck was this? I've seen mockumentaries before, and they've ranged from good to bad, but this, this was utter trash. You go in expecting it to be like the Blair Witch, with people intending to make a documentary, but then for something to happen and the movie to play out, but no. The entire movie is a literal documentary (a VERY poorly made and filmed one too) of a fake murder. It was like watching a horribly made show on the history channel of just these people talking about very poorly filmed and badly acted scenes on recovered footage that isn't the least bit scary. Imagine watching a documentary about a news report about an episode of Mythbusters, that's basically what this is. Nothing about this movie was scary or entertaining in the least, and when it was over I was left wondering what kind of stupid, boring nonsense I just wasted an hour and a half of my life on. There is literally no movie here, and I can't believe anyone actually liked this garbage. Avoid at all costs unless you want something to bore you to sleep at night.

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Dead Calm (1989)

9/10

So Much More Than Meets The Eye

21 November 2020

This is easily one of my favorite thrillers. It's a pretty simply concept, but excellently executed, and very well acted. Not only is it a great movie on it's own, perhaps the most intriguing thing about it is all the hidden symbolism and innuendos. Really, the movie is full of subliminal messages. They may be hard to see if you're not looking for them (I didn't even recognize them myself until someone started pointing them out to me), but once you start looking, you'll begin to see them, and every time you watch, you'll find more and more that you didn't notice before. The director very cleverly includes a lot of symbolism to convey much more than the simple story the film shows on the surface. Through the use of colors, object placement, and even simple things that happen and how they happen, you can see the hidden symbolism and work out the meaning behind them and what they represent, especially before, after, and during the highly controversial sex scene.

Now, I've come across people who claim that this is simply reading far too much into things, but I have also come across several others who have picked up on these same in innuendos and hidden meanings that convey far more than what meets the eye and events that can be interpreted in many interesting ways to tell more of the story than what the movie shows. And while reading too much into things is a possibility, the more of these symbolic innuendos and hidden meanings you pick up, the likeliness of them just being a coincidence or being things that are being read into too much becomes less and less likely (especially with the way they connect), and you'll begin to piece together the hidden meaning behind things (not to mention the more people who pick up on them also dismisses the claim that people are simply reading too much into things). Seriously, start to look for meaning for things, even in simple background items, and you'll begin to pieces things together.

It really is a genius level of filmmaking and storytelling within the story, and it does it without actually saying anything, but cleverly leaving the symbolic breadcrumbs for you to follow that you'll pick up over multiple viewings to understand what's actually happening without it even being shown to you. And while they will most likely evade you the first few times you watch it, once they're pointed out, you won't be able to un-see them, even if you do try to dismiss them as people reading too much into things. But even on its own without all the symbolism and hidden messages and meanings, this is still a great suspenseful thriller all on its own. As a movie itself, I'd give it an 7/10, but for the brilliant filmmaking of being able to convey so much more through symbolism and innuendos, I bump it up to a 9/10.

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Texas Chainsaw (2013)

4/10

Possibly the worst character development in history

13 November 2020

Warning: Spoilers

Most of the movie was just ok, though nowhere near it's predecessors. However, the development of Heather's character was so ridiculous that you can't buy it no matter how much you stretch you suspension of disbelief. After watching Leatherface brutally murder her friends and boyfriend, and then chase her all around with a chainsaw and try to kill her, she learns that the Sawyer family was a clan of murderers and cannibals who have been sadistically killing people for years, if not generations, but that they were wiped out in a shootout with the cops after they resisted arrest. However, the literal second she finds out she's Leatherface's cousin, she immediately and without hesitation accepts herself as a Sawyer, instantly forgives Leatherface for everything he did (including the murder of her friends and boyfriend) and seeks to protect him and cover up his murders while becoming perfectly ok with everything the Sawyer family did. What more, she even declares that the cops that killed the Sawyers in the shootout are the real murderers. That would be like you finding out you're related to the Manson family and immediately becoming ok with everything they did and trying to defend them while claiming that those that brought them in were the ones in the wrong. It's so unbelievable it's ridiculous. What more, she even joins in on Leatherface's murderous ways, including luring in and allowing him to murder her adoptive parents, who admittedly, she did not have a good relationship with, but still, and is perfectly happy to be Leatherface's guardian and protector while hiding and cleaning up his murders. It's so outrageous and stupid that it's laughable.

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Cruel Jaws (1995 Video)

2/10

Total copyright infringement. How were they not sued?

7 November 2020

Ok, first let me say that this movie stole from Jaws in pretty much every way possible. The plot is exactly the same as Jaws from the beginning up to the point where they go searching for the shark. No really, it's literally the same: as shark attack happens, the sheriff wants to close the beach, the mayor convinces him not to because it was just a boating accident and they need the summer tourist money, another attack happens, this time involving one of the main character's kids, they catch a shark but it's not the same shark (straight down to the shark expert saying how the bite radius doesn't match the victims and they need to cut it open to know for sure, but the mayor won't allow it because it's not the time or place), to another attack happening and then everyone goes after the shark (though they do try and force in these ridiculous subplots). They literally took dialogue from the script for Jaws and just reworded it, but it's exactly the same. Hell, there's even a moment where they try to catch the shark from a helicopter, and someone says "We're going to need a bigger helicopter." Even after that, they still copy the scenes, even blowing up the shark. Now, if this was a parody/spoof that would be one thing, but the movie plays it off as serious.

But we're not done with the copying yet. There are literally over a dozen scenes in the movie (I stopped counting after that many), where the footage of the shark is literally straight out of Jaws and Jaws 2. No, seriously, they took scenes from Jaws, and zoomed in a bit, but they are the actual scenes. And then other scenes of the shark feeding are actual stock footage of sharks being fed, like they just took some shots out of Shark Week and stuck them in the movie.

Oh, but we're still not done with the stealing yet. Even the music is stolen. They stole the Jaws theme and gave it a remix. You can so obviously tell that it's still the Jaws theme music (the first 10 seconds of the music weren't even remixed at all, it's the actual Jaws score). But not just Jaws, they also, for some reason, used the Star Wars theme. No, really, they took the theme for Star Wars, did nothing with the first 20 seconds of the score, and then remixed the rest, but even the remixed portion is still recognizable as Star Wars, but the first 20 seconds are the exact score of Star Wars.

And if all this copyright infringement and theft wasn't enough, the movie is absolutely horrible and boring. The scenes with the shark are boring and lame, the acting is atrocious, and none of the characters are likable or believable. Even the scenes with the shark attacks are a joke. It's just people splashing around and screaming, and then they just obviously submerge themselves, and there's not even any blood. Oh, and what more, they keep saying that the shark is a tiger shark, but it's very obviously a Great White they used. The movie is 97 minutes, but it's so dull and boring that it feels twice as long.

So seriously, how did this movie get made, and how were the people who made it not sued for copyright infringement? The plot is so identical to Jaws that it's like a horrible remake, and they have literal stolen scenes and music from Star Wars and Jaws in it. Do yourself a favor and skip this boring trash, unless you want to laugh at the stupidity of it.

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Mulan (2020)

3/10

Disney, what are you DOING!?!

4 September 2020

Warning: Spoilers

Uch, it was bad. And I had high hopes for this one, at least as an action film. But nope, it was an all around mess. First of all, it's Woke (of course it is), but that's only the start of the problems. Sometimes they have lame fighting styles, other times they just randomly throw in something out of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and not in a good way, but it's all really boring. They also took out all the interesting characters, like Mushu, Shang, Cricket, Mulan's grandmother, Mulan's 3 army friends, and instead we get these pointless nobodies who have little to no role other than simply being there. They even gave Mulan a sister, but she adds absolutely nothing; you can take her out of the movie and it changes nothing. Oh, and there's no Shan Yu either, instead we get these two generic, boring villains with no character. And let's not forget the inclusion of chi and actual magic and witchcraft. And, of course, Mulan is an overpowered Mary Sue who, even as a child, was performing moves that would put Jackie Chan to shame. I mean, why not give her actual development in training and stuff to show her becoming a good fighter when you can just make her super OP Mary Sue right off the bat, right? The acting itself is bland, and even the dialogue is horrible. Everyone talks in these tone-deaf monotone voices with no emotion in them. You really feel nothing for any these characters. The movie has none of the charm of the original, and they don't even have any of the songs. Seriously, the movie is an utter disaster, and completely boring. They would have been better off doing a shot-for-shot remake like they did with the live-action Lion King. Get your act together, Disney, you're sinking your own ship.

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Harley Quinn (2019– )

7/10

Starts with a bang, ends with a whimper

27 June 2020

This show is great. It's hilarious and action packed. It may be Woke, but it's Wokeness done right, because it doesn't feel overly-pandering, and Harley isn't some flawless Mary Sue. If you're looking for laugh out loud comedy while watching one of DC's best anti-heroes and her new crew violently kick their way to the top with hilarious results, this is the show for you.

But there is a bit of a downside. The first season is excellent, as is the the first half of the second season, unfortunately though, halfway through season 2, it devolves from an awesome action comedy to a melodrama with only a few chuckles here and there. It's a real shame because they had a truly entertaining show that they reduced to what was practically a teenage drama revolving around a love triangle. But even though it started out on a high note and went from great to "meh", most of it is still very entertaining and is definitely worth the watch, especially if you enjoy crude humor. I would at least recommend watching the first season.

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Swiss Army Man (2016)

2/10

Incredibly stupid and boring

1 June 2020

I don't get the appeal with this one. I saw it on a recommendation, and really wish I hadn't. Ok, yeah, it has some psychological aspects to it, which can be appealing, but the stupidity of the movie ruins any good qualities it has. For an idea of what you're in for, the main character literally rides a corpse he found like a jet ski being propelled by the corpse's farts (not kidding), uses the corpse as a never-ending water fountain he drinks from, causes the corpse to develop an erection, which is then used as a compass, oh, and let's no forget about the subtextual themes of necrophilia. Yeah, there's dumb stuff like this throughout the whole movie. And while you can debate that not everything actually happens was real and some takes place in the main characters mind, it doesn't take away the sheer stupidity of what we're seeing. Maybe it would have been better if it had been strictly about the guy using the corpse to communicate with in order to cope, but all this other stuff they threw in ruins all of the good qualities the movie has. I really don't see the appeal and can't believe it's gotten as much praise as it has.

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Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

5/10

It was "meh"

10 April 2020

While enjoyable for a movie, it falls way short of Star Wars standards. To be blunt, the movie was a pointless cash-grab. First, it was hard to even get invested in the characters, as it was obvious that none of them would survive since none were in any of the other movies. But perhaps the biggest issue the movie has is that it literally revolves around addressing a so-called plot-hole of A New Hope (something that isn't actually a plot hole if you think about it.)

So, yeah, we all know about the Death Star flaw in A New Hope. Shoot a rocket down a shaft until it reaches the core and the whole station goes boom. This is the apparent issue that so many people had a problem with that they even going so far as to call it a plot hole. Apparently, it was such a big deal that Disney made an entire movie centering around it, but to me, it was never a problem. The flaw, while having big consequences, was so small and so outlandishly impossible to use against the Death Star that it took a space wizard to pull it off. Think about it, a single exhaust port only two meters wide required a small ship to fly down a trench full of guns to fire a torpedo in such a way that it makes a perfect 90% angle at the exact right moment and then travel down a thin shaft in a perfectly straight line, all while a moon sized battle station is expelling gas and exhaust, which should have pushed the torpedoes out if anything, or at least disrupt their straight line course. This movie makes it so this design flaw was intentionally built into the system, but that's far from believable. The shot was literally impossible to pull off unless you were a Jedi, which makes the whole idea that the flaw was actually an intentional trap built into it completely ridiculous and even more outlandish. That's not a trap, it's bait to a slaughter. This just made the whole plot of Rogue One completely stupid and pointless to me.

However, this movie did give us that awesome Vader hallway scene. That alone made this entire movie worthwhile, even though it was a complete cash grab. Although that scene does now make the whole fight between Vader and Obi-Wan in A New hope seem that much sillier in comparison. I know this movie has gotten a lot of praise, but other than the Vader hallway scene, it was completely unnecessary, and I almost wish it didn't exist, as the trap rather than flaw in the Death Star's design is, quite frankly, really stupid.

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Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

10/10

The best of the series, no matter what anyone else says

10 April 2020

Warning: Spoilers

This is it, the best of the series, and the original conclusion to the saga. It took everything great about the previous movies and brought it to unbelievable heights. I could go on for hours about what makes this movie so good, but I'll try to keep it short.

Of course, there are those that have their complaints about the movie, some even saying that it's the worst of the original trilogy, and I'm left wondering if we even saw the same movie. Some people complain about the whole beginning with Jabba, and how it almost made it feel like two different movies, or that the first part was more of a prologue. That's a fair point, and I can sort of see that, but I didn't mind it, and actually found it very entertaining. It was a nice change of pace from what we've seen of Star Wars. And I loved the creativity and the creatures and stuff we saw. In fact, when I was much younger, this was my favorite portion of the movie because of all that. Not anymore, obviously, but I still find it highly enjoyable. And it also served to show us how strong Luke became as a Jedi since Empire.

A lot of other people complain about the fact that the rebels needed to destroy another Death Star, calling it a rip-off of A New Hope, but that didn't bother me either. I don't remember people complaining about similar premises in other movies. For example, no one said anything when another Terminator had to be stopped in T-2. No one said anything about James Bond needing to stop another terrorist organization. No one said anything about another big car race in the numerous Fast and the Furious movies. Etc, etc. So this complaint is just a stupid nit-pick to me. Especially since the stakes have been raised a lot higher and the climax was much greater.

And then there's the Ewoks. This was also another complaint that a lot of people had where they whined about how a bunch of primitive teddy bears took down the empire. I never had a problem with this, and it seems that people keep forgetting that they didn't take down the empire, this was just a very small portion of the empire's army, and there was also rebels fighting along side them. And despite the Ewoks primitive way of life, they had home-field advantage and superior numbers. It's just like how an army of ants can take down a much larger, much deadlier enemy like a tarantula or a scorpion with their overwhelming numbers. The whole thing also delved into the technology versus nature trope, but this was before that theme was used to death over the years. Overall, I didn't really have any issues with the movie and consider it a masterpiece. If I did have one real complaint though, it was suddenly revealing that Leia was Luke's sister. That really came out of nowhere, and it made a few other scenes between them from the previous movies a little... weird.

But lets talk about the best portion of the movie. The big climax. I've always been a fan of a big, epic climax, and here we get not one, not two, but three of them. The space battle to destroy the Death Star, the ground battle on Endor to destroy the shield generator, and the light saber battle with Luke and Vader. That's a three way battle taking place at the same time, each one unique and epic. Actually, we even get more than that, as there's also the internal battles going on with Vader and Anakin, and the struggle between Luke and his temptation to the Dark Side. Seriously, what more could you ask for? And it all comes to a head at the same time with Han and Leia destroying the shield generator, Lando blowing up the Death Star's main reactor and then racing for the exit, and Anakin coming back to the Light and killing the emperor. Speaking of which, you know I've got to talk about this scene. One of the greatest scenes in movie history in my opinion. Luke accepting what he knows will be his death and completely rejecting the Dark Side, the emperor unleashing a power we've never seen before, and then Anakin's redemption when he casts off his identity as Darth Vader and comes back to the Light. Oh, I could watch this scene a 1,000 times and never get tired of it. Actually, I probably have.

This movie really has everything. It takes all the great stuff from the previous films, rises it to new levels and new heights, and delivers us an epic and awesome movie that leads to a climatic finale that few movies can even come close to before bringing the saga to a satisfying conclusion. From my first time seeing it until now, Return of the Jedi always has been, and always will be, the greatest Star Wars movie ever made, and one of the best movies in history of film, no matter what anyone else says. I don't know what else to say but thank you George Lucas for not just this near-perfect movie, but for this series as a whole.

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Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

10/10

2nd best in the series

10 April 2020

Even prequel haters will admit that this is the one that stood out from the others, and for many reasons. For one thing, this was Star Wars as we've never seen it before. The fall of Anakin Skywalker. We all wondered how he became Darth Vader, and we all knew it was going to happen, but I don't think anyone was prepared for what we got. This movie was not only dark, it ended in complete tragedy. To see the Jedi getting wiped out, witnessing Anakin's fall from grace, his relationship with Obi-Wan and Padme falling apart, the Empire rising. It was all very bold, despite us knowing that it had to happen, and the movie did a good job of setting things up for A New Hope very well.

Anakin's fall to the Dark Side was especially well done, and in a very believable way, and despite all the horrible things he did, you can almost understand. And while some people said that Anakin went all in to the Dark Side a little quickly, I viewed it that once he made his decision to do whatever it took to save Padme that he would really do it whatever it took, so he went all in. He knew he couldn't go back on his decision once he made it, and had no choice but to push on ahead, otherwise it would have all been for nothing. He was focusing entirely on saving Padme, not realizing that he was becoming more and more corrupt, and falling deeper into the Dark Side. And after Padme's death, he had no one and nothing left except Palpatine and his goal of conquering the galaxy since he had turned his back on everything and everyone else. And yes, some of the dialogue is cringy, but the acting is really good, especially the scenes where the characters didn't speak and simply relied on their expressions.

But lets get this out of the way. Padme's death. Yes, I fully agree that the whole 'she lost the will to live' thing was stupid, but I don't think that's actually how she died. Childbirth is complicated and can be dangerous. Even the healthiest of women can die during it. Anakin predicted her death in childbirth, so we already knew it was, at the very least, going to be a very rough one. And after everything that happened leading up to it, she just gave up on everything, and that was why she died in childbirth, not simply because she lost the will to live. Medical experts will even confirm that people who are sick or injured who just give up will have their chances of survival drop significantly. And while I hated seeing a once strong female character brought down to this state, the circumstances make it somewhat understandable. Her husband fell to the Dark Side, betrayed everyone, and killed a bunch of children, the Jedi were wiped out, the senate was completely under Palpatine, a Sith Lord's, control, everything had just fallen to ruin. It's enough to break some of the most strong-willed of people.

But whatever flaws the movie has, the rest of the movie more than makes up for it. And lets not forget the most epic of light saber fights in the whole series. The battle between Anakin and Obi-Wan was more than awesome, but then we also got Yoda versus Darth Sidious. To be fair though, yes, the way Anakin was defeated was a little anti-climatic, but what they had given us during the fight more than made up for it. Everything in this movie took everything about Star Wars and cranked up the intensity and drama to levels we never saw or expected to see in the series.

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Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977)

9/10

The one that started it all

10 April 2020

This was it, or introduction to the Star Wars universe, where we met one of the greatest villains of all time. I'm still on the fence of whether I find Darth Vader or Joker to be the better villain though. But this was it, the movie that was so groundbreaking that it changed the movie industry completely. The movie that Disney Studios initially turned down, only to buy the series for six billion dollars decades later. Bet they're still kicking themselves for that. Like most fans, I prefer the original version with the practical effects before George Lucas went back and added all those unnecessary and pointless graphics and scenes, like that horrible addition of Jabba, and the same goes for the rest of the trilogy. Han shot first by the way.

I had a rather unique experience when watching A New Hope for the first time. I watched it a few years before I saw Empire for the first time, so I was much younger than I was then. I don't remember why, but my father showed it to me in segments rather than a whole movie, so I initially thought it was a TV series like Star Trek until I was older. I still enjoyed it immensely though, even if I wasn't really sure what was happening throughout it plot-wise, and it will always hold a special place in my heart for introducing me to this world.

Of course, the movie has its flaws, just as all movies do, and some scenes haven't exactly aged well, such as the fight between Obi-Wan and Darth Vader, while seemingly really awesome when I first saw it, is basically just two old guys tapping sticks together. It really doesn't hold up well, especially when you compare it to the light saber fights in the later movies, particularly the prequel trilogy. And speaking of flaws, it seemed that so many people had a problem with the flaw in the Death Star, even going so far as to call it a plot hole. Apparently, it was such a big deal that Disney made an entire movie centering around it, but to me, it was never a problem. The flaw, while having big consequences, was so small and so outlandishly impossible to use against it that it took a space wizard to pull it off. Really, there's not much else I can say about the movie that hasn't already been said. It's just a great movie, and no matter which version of it I watch, I'll always find enjoyment in it.

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