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kaitlynkriley
Reviews
Home Movie (2008)
You've got to be kidding.
The positive reviews for this turd are clearly written by shills. The acting is abominable. The characterizations are incredibly inconsistent and not the least bit real. I laughed out loud when the dad showed up in a priest's collar! WTF?!?! This douchey moron who farts through the whole movie and treats his kids like crap is a man of the cloth?? And I'd love to get an actual count of the number of fart jokes they use. FART JOKES!!! What??!!?! And the mom is DOCTOR mom, child psychiatrist, but she had the most ludicrously f-ed up kids on earth and doesn't do anything about it until they're actually trying to kill HER. And there's NO STORY. It's just random, meaningless clips strung together and then the kids gradually do weirder (albeit a totally contrived type of 'weird') things. But the kids don't go from normal, happy kids to supernatural freaks. They go from weirdos to violent weirdos. It's pitiful. It's like a closet-gay jock with a drinking problem made this movie. And the "found footage" aspect is pointless, because they don't stick to the "rules" of found footage. What a relentless waste of time.
Cyrus (2010)
Are you kidding me?
This film is self-indulgent on every level. If a 15-year-old had made it with his friends, I'd understand why it's so painfully smug and precious, but these are supposedly talented adults who produced this molasses-slow, occasionally funny-ish, storyless drivel masquerading as a modern Woody Allen film. The dynamic between the three main characters takes for ever to establish (and there's nothing gained by the interminable wait) and then flames out in about four scenes. You're left wanting more of that decent 10-minute stretch, but it's bookended by frustratingly slow and stupid characters — and lame drama. The main character is really Molly (Marisa Tomei) who has completely destroyed her grown son, but still can't see it. The two males in the film know what's going on from the outset, so there's nowhere to go with them. It's Molly who has to change and grow, but her story is forgotten as the filmmakers chose to focus on the idiocies of the two overgrown toddlers played by Jonah Hill and John C. Riley. But wait, there's more. The cinematographer should be taken out behind his duplex and beaten mercilessly with a cricket paddle. His self-important intrusions into the film are so distracting, pointless and detrimental to the story as to make the whole thing detestably unwatchable. He seems to think that he's making it feel more "real", but my very real eyes don't zoom in on someone when they say something important, and then zoom in on them further when they change expression, and then zoom in further because there's no actual gravity in what the person's saying so my eyes try to create drama from nothing, and then zoom in further just to prove my eyes can zoom like a mother-f*cker, and then zoom a bit further because, hey, I've zoomed this far, why stop now. Insipid. The guy is a complete quack and shouldn't get another job in film after this. He and his camera probably sleep together in the bed that's just a mattress laying on the floor of his duplex in Echo Park.