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Reviews
Assimilate (2019)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers was Already Done
There's nothing wrong with creating a derivative film or re-imagining or remaking an old title, but to do so without an ounce of originality is beyond disappointing. This movie isn't inspired by "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" it *IS* "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". Dead copy, different actors. No original ideas, no original scenes, if it happened there, it happens here.
Let's see we have:
1. Pods
2. Copies appear fully grown and nude
3. Copies must kill the person they are copying
4. You can "pretend" to be a copy and it works
5. When a copy realizes you are human they open their mouths wide and shriek
6. The heroine is trying to find her little brother
7. The heroes get separated from their friend, when they meet him later he is a copy
8. Copies shamble around expressionlessly like pod people from IotBS
The only "new" stuff in this movie is the updating of technologies and the addition of cheap jump scares and found footage (e.g. the worst that modern horror has to offer.)
What a wasted opportunity! :-(
Lost in Space (2018)
A Do-Over That Needs a Do-Over... :-(
So my wife and I binge-watched Lost in Space on Netflix on April 14, and unfortunately I can sum it up in one word--boring. It was really bland. They took a lot of liberties with the story, which I suppose is okay, but they lost a really important point -- in the original storyline, the Robinsons had only each other and Robot to rely on, they were a family in isolation. In Season 1 of the reboot, the Robinsons crashed on a planet with something like 100 colonists. Erm, this is Lost in Space -- not "The 100". And some of the storylines feel very derivative of that other series (which also went south for me after a while).
At the end of the first season the Robinsons are finally separated from the rest of the colonists to some distant location in the galaxy, which basically came across like "remember that show you thought you were getting? Well you'll finally get it next season."
That aside the show moves at an unbearably slow pace, relies far too much on last-minute deus ex machina plot devices, and seems far too enamored of the "X is trapped in Y and running out of Z" plot. This exact plot is used far too many times in the series:
1. Judy is trapped in ice and running out of air.
2. The ship is trapped in ice and running out of fuel.
3. Maureen & John Robinson are trapped in tar and running out of air.
4. John Robinson & Don West are trapped on a piece of space debris and running out of air.
5. Everyone is trapped on a dying world and running out of time.
Notice a theme? Clearly the thing that has run out already is "new ideas".
The visuals are really good, and the actors are talented and capable, but sadly the writing is dull, unimaginative, and inept. And for me that makes "Lost in Space" a do-over that needs a do-over. And that's depressing to me, because I was looking forward to it.
The Descent: Part 2 (2009)
A halfway decent movie ruined by a ridiculous ending...
You'll find much of this movie as tense and exciting as the original. And then the ending will come and you'll wonder if the director swallowed a handful of stupid pills on the last day of shooting.
The ending ruins the picture. I recommend that when you watch this film, stop playing at 30 seconds before the end and pretend that was the end. At least that will be a coherent conclusion.
Otherwise this was a fun film, and if you don't care if the film ultimately makes sense, and you enjoyed the first Descent, you may well enjoy Descent 2. It recaptured a lot of the desperation, paranoia, and claustrophobia of the original film.