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Road House (2024)
7/10
Builds on the original
22 March 2024
First off the original is not a classic. It was critically panned then and its ratings are not better now. In terms of screenplay writing the original was written to the level of a rough sketch of a movie, a blueprint. The henchmen were practically the same mindless character, apart from the sinister boss and the cliche one good fighter who does nothing and then showboats (cue maniacal laugh).

In this movie every character is far more written. They're 3 dimensional characters or at least closer to that than the original. The setting is far far more believable. I mean seriously, who thought the setting of a farm right across the narrow river from a psycho criminal gangs mansion made sense? That was just lazy writing. Jake Gyllenhaals character has evidence of an inner monologue questioning what going on rather than just simply being reactionary. Daniela Melchior is far better cast as a nurse than the original actress who was there purely to be a sex object and a damsel. Even the henchmen in this have distinctive characters with some surprise moments and humorous dialogue. The main weak point is Conor McGregor who acts like the henchmen of the original. He's mindless and can barely annunciate a clear impactful sentence through his constant grinning. The vibe and energy of the movie is far more fun and I'd watch it again in place of the first one.
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Shōgun (2024–2026)
10/10
Calvikastimes needs to read more.
28 February 2024
Saying a series based on a novel that long predates Game of Thrones a copy demonstrates an opinion of low culture and intellect. The show he references showed gratuitous everything to satisfy people of juvenile low attention spans. This is an intelligent series with history and depth, not dependent on cheap tricks. It believes in the intelligence of the viewer. This is a beautifully made series with a wealth of culture that doesn't need to be fabricated. The plotting, the politics, the action, they all have a more layered meaning. I'm really looking forward to seeing how this all unfolds. People should appreciate quality shows like this when they grace us with their presence.
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House of Ninjas (2024– )
10/10
Excellent show
22 February 2024
I really loved this series and binge watched it from start to finish. Juvenile adults who require nothing but action to hold your weak attention spans of goldfish, this is not for you. This is at its heart a family drama. They are tied to certain rules. They are victims of their own system, which is questioned more than one both internally and externally. They are a fractured family that must unify if they are going to be ready for what's to come. The action is great and reasonably frequent, which is why felt the need to open with a barbed statement. If you cannot make it through this lovely story of family, cloak and dagger mystery to get to the moment blisteringly clever fight sequences then your brain is simply not mature or developed enough to write a credible review. The music is a good choice, contrary to what these amateurs say. The lyrics correspond well with the plot of the series and make a nice call back to old school spy series of the 60s and 70s, cause that's how this feels. It is a bit old school. It feels largely resistant to technology. It's depended on more by the enemy and their victims and followers are corrupted in this way. Our heroes are always switching it off or it fails them. They are their most connected when they leave technology behind or just break it. After all this about family connection and their increased strength as they become closer again.

I highly recommend this series to smart people and I can't wait for another season.
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The Shepherd (I) (2023)
3/10
Poor for a Disney production
11 December 2023
I don't get this weak production. None of it felt grounded in reality. The cinematography is incredibly poor for someone so experienced. The production is so low rent that nothing feels tangible, like these people in this time and place could really exist. All the shots are close up, wooden, clunky continuity, really poor research etc etc. What was immediately jarring to me was white crisp light from all the light bulbs. Even as a child of the 80's the light bulbs had a warm yellow tint. Why are they so cold, white and lighting up entire corners of the rooms? There's no contrast in the hues. You should feel like he left the warmth of his base, with the warmth and messiness of a joyful Christmas party to go out into the cold night. He's in a cold plane in a winters night and you can't ever see his cold breath. There's a warning, 'may contain use of tobacco'. Frankly for the time they're in there should have been more smoke fill rooms. As for the story, if that's really how the original story goes then its lack of depth has been exposed and they really should have tried to add more to compensate, add more creative flair, any form of creativity really. That would have been nice.
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The Lions of Sicily (2023– )
6/10
Interesting but very flawed
7 November 2023
Warning: Spoilers
The history is interesting, a story of the birth of a family empire. They're a family with a hunger for success and social climbing. The series itself embodies the impatience to get to the success part. About 2 or 3 decades go by and before you know it you say goodbye to what you thought were the main characters. I mean history is history but there's a certain amount of impatience in getting through it all when we'd probably appreciate getting to know these peoples lives, there real day to day, their relationship to others in the community. My Brilliant Friend is a great example. Each season dedicated to a period in their lives. In this series it's mildly fleshed out signposted events. On top of that what's more impatient than the director is the music editor. The music has more urgency and no subtlety. This is a production that called for a beautiful, sensitive classical score. Instead what we have is low rent scores mixed with English speaking contemporary music and it just doesn't work. So many good scenes ruined by the terrible soundtrack. It's other flaws could have been more forgiven if the music wasn't so bad and intrusive.
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2/10
Devoid of genuine personality
8 May 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This movie has every cliche in the book. Cliche is fine, but so many movies have managed to put those typical romcom elements together successfully and with far more personality. This is just flat. This is supposedly a comedy. It really isn't. These hammy actors have no timing, no charisma, just nothing interesting beyond remembering their lines. Their wrap party definitely dull and humourless. The timing was so bad in this movie that some characters were written too long in some scenes. You start wondering why they're still talking and is this needed. Everything you think is going to happen will happen, so there's just no surprises. This love story is on rails. When the two many characters with zero chemistry inevitably end up together I just cringed. It didn't feel earned. They girl spouts off a really lame line. Nothing, absolutely nothing rings true.
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Buddy Games (2019)
3/10
Horrible people
30 January 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Where to start with this. Games involving these 5 guys going to disgusting levels and it's all for some horrible guy. Then again they're all horrible. They're trying to get you to root for the most pathetic out of a bunch of pathetic people. Shelly is someone who thinks hitting someone in the face with his balls is funny. He appropriately loses them which is blamed on Bender, who is living out of his dead mothers mini van and he steals from children and has sex with strangers to buy his way into the games. Josh Duhamels character somehow makes a tonne of money in 5 years and has a Olivia Munn during that time and still hasn't popped the question. He made a life for himself. He was looking like someone who could move forward in a positive way. Nope. He dumps his incredible girlfriend. The most satisfying part is her beating the crap out of him and his friends. The "heroes" sign off being that we get old when you stop playing. Yeah you can play in your adult life, but you can do that without being as depraved as these incels and living your adult life as well.
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The Shack (I) (2017)
2/10
Not Christian? Avoid
13 December 2022
Warning: Spoilers
This is Christian Hallmark therapy. God has an ego and keeps this guy dealing with grief in a place of limbo until he believes in God again, so the Stockholm Syndrome of faith.

Grief is not an easy thing to deal with and this is so mishandled by this movie. Just get past your grief cause you're disrespecting god's plan, told in righteous tones. If that message is delivered in a calm voice that makes it okay apparently.

If you're someone who loves therapy then I guess maybe you'll enjoy it or even you might have a standard. This however is like trapping the viewer in therapy as well. It would make me think again about movie, outside of Avatar, featuring Sam Worthington again.
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Aisha (I) (2022)
10/10
Brilliant and depressing in equal measure
22 November 2022
As someone from Ireland this is an important movie. As someone who has lived abroad in China there were some things I could relate to. That feeling of being temporary, being defined by your country, constantly having to justify why you're there and being the minority. That on top of having to answer the same stupid questions. All these complaints are minor compared to how my country treats these asylum seekers. It's inhumane and disgusting to be trapped in this limbo where they say you have rights, but the smug people in control get to do whatever they want, move you, take you away from the life you're building even though want to work and contribute. These people flee from the threat of abuse, death, sexual exploitation. They have to escape quickly and the countries that take them in keep them waiting around for 6 years with limit freedom and ask why they don't have this imaginary paperwork that proves they went through these things. When refugees fled Germany and France during WW2 they weren't scrutinised like this and it makes no sense that you can't just live. There has to be a better system than this.
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10/10
Made with love
13 November 2022
The director studied the source material thoroughly, visited the author and discussed the story at length before the resulting movie was made. The book alone doesn't make a full movie, but what they've added was inspired by that meeting at Ruth Styles Gannett's house. The voice cast in this are excellent, in particular Jacob Tremblay and Gaten Matarazzo who bring so much soul to their roles. The design work maintaining an illustrated book quality through out and the last act really packs an emotional punch. I see some people referring to this as a Netflix movie, like it's part of some soulless machine. It's made lovingly by Nora Twomey and her team at Cartoon Saloon, who made this during lockdown from their homes. To produce such a beautiful film where all deviations from the source was carefully considered is incredible. It took real craft and artistry to make every frame on that screen and these armchair critics need to think about that.
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From Scratch (2022– )
5/10
The pursuit of happiness as a love story
25 October 2022
If the emotional vampire in What we don't the Shadows was a tv series this is it. It starts off pleasant but it's just hardship after hardship and eventually their future misery is just signposted. They heighten this effect by not really showing much of their lives outside their home, so you end up just waiting for their new trauma to arrive cause once they get past one you sense the next one coming along and rolling your eyes. I get it, that's life, but it's a bit one note rather than showing all aspects of life. I 'd rather not watch something again where I'm just drowning in their sad life.
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Blackout (VI) (2022)
3/10
Just play fight music
17 October 2022
This is real bad and not in a dumb fun kind of way. It wants to be Jason Bourne, but the writers are nowhere near as smart enough to make that interesting. The characters feel uninspiring to the actors at least in the parts where they had to act. It feels like they're verbalising what their character is but not really connected to it. With that in mind you just get boring dialogue scenes connecting clunky action scenes the try to make more exciting with action music, like in action b movies. I couldn't finish it. Seeing the end didn't feel worth the wait. I regret watching it as long as I did.
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Marry Me (2022)
5/10
An ego trip
23 September 2022
Where Whitney Houston had a full album to show off in the Bodyguard, Jennifer Lopez has the one song that gets played throughout the movie. A song that I only heard for the first time in the movie I was completely sick of by the end. That aside the writing was terrible in this. It's like they imagined a Hugh Grant, except only Sarah Silverman had the humour and the personality. It's also criminal to have Owen Wilson without his loveable spark. I feel sad for him throughout the entire movie. Maybe it's really just what they know better than us but show business feels phoney in movies. What rings less true is that an ordinary guy marries a superstar and gets to continue his regular job without any real experience of paparazzi or interfering journalists.
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The Gray Man (2022)
8/10
Fun Weekend Movie Action
23 July 2022
People need to lighten up. This may not be for the "high minded" but it features some likeable actors having a blast. Chris Evans makes for a great villain. Someone mentioned that the actors are doing their usual shtick. I don't think I've seen Chris Evans as a psychotic villain like this before. The set pieces are great, inventive, energetic and shot really well. The pacing keeps the movie ticking while knowing when to take a breath. You could do a lot worse than this for a fun action movie.
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Here Today (2021)
4/10
Irritating
21 May 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Tiffany Haddish's character was just too far over the top. I think it was the 5th or 6th time she interrupted him ordering food in the same first meeting I had enough. Then the allergic reaction tipped the balance.
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Derry Girls: Halloween (2022)
Season 3, Episode 6
9/10
Great episode.
19 May 2022
Had to say something when I saw someone misusing "jumping the shark" to give their pretentious opinion for an episode full of great highs and lows. With a devastating and effective ending that was done perfectly.
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8/10
Deserves more than the critics gave.
14 February 2022
I just finished watching this and saw the reviews. Yeesh, what a bunch of self involved movie snobs. The fact they're looking down their noses at Emma Watson as a former Harry Potter star couldn't be more transparent and disgusting. They're not judging this movie on its merits. One calling it a generic coming of age. That's not generic, The Tender Bar is, where the kid went through no real challenges. Logan Kerman's character is someone who feels far more genuinely socially awkward than any movie character I've ever come across. On top of that we're seeing going through where he's not just learning to open up, but his life is on a knifes edge and as he deals with a side to him left unchecked. Lerman, Miller and Watson are all excellent in this and they deserve so much more respect. If the movie industry backed more movies for these kind of actors they'd have more variety in movies than just superheroes. Nothing wrong with them, but there's not enough money behind regular movies.
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8/10
Don't watch the English dub.
25 January 2022
So much of the main characters adorable personality is lost in the English dubbing the trailer was enough to put me off. In the original Italian she has so much more appeal and this brilliant actress deserves that. She may be impulsive, crossing boundaries, but she is someone given a short time and is desperate to experience as much life as possible. Anyone who cannot get passed that well, you probably wouldn't be a Pedro Almodóvar fan either cause his movies are what I'd compare this too, if not a little more straight forward.
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Abduction (I) (2011)
2/10
Painfully bad
22 December 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This is more than just a poor Taylor Lautner. Everyone is bad here and that's down to a horrible script with dialogue no human being would say. I feel like this was transcribed through Siri. If the script is bad there's not much any actor do but damage limitation on their career. The fact that the lead "action hero" along with his girlfriend come out of this absolutely spotless, no a hair out of place, no bruise or scratches speaks volumes on how everyone failed here. There are some talented actors here wasted on such a dumpster of a movie.
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5/10
Passable entertainment
30 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Talk about phoning it in! The movie starts out with Kristin Davies, giving what must have been 7 minutes of screen time to why she ends up in Africa alone. It was like a few short minutes of life happening to her all at once and Davies gives a moment to being affected by it. It's just a quick transition to landing in Africa. The staging then of how she meets Rob Lowes character is ridiculously contrived; have her at a table right next to the bar of this upmarket resort so he can walk straight in a door a few steps over from the bar and oh he notices her and starts talking. There's just no realistic sense of timing. It's not too long before she has to catch a plane and he's there as two characters played by Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones and the pilot from 6 Days 7 Nights. What follows is cringy lines lifted off save the elephants/rhinos. I mean I care about what's happening to them but these lines are word for word. They're using these words to say there is a serious problem with poaching without showing a lot and have as a back story as to why she's there, but all these elements barely connect to create fully formed characters or story. The ending is predictable a real non event cause their no genuine chemistry, humour, drama or sense of peril that is going to make you feel glad they made it.
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From the Vine (2019)
6/10
Easy watch
18 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
It's neither terrible nor reaching for great heights. It's just an undemanding, chilled movie with some quirks. It's a little frustrating with Joe Pantoliano's character. There's barely a moment where his character can speak for himself and with the various quirky moments of talking to plants, things coming to life in his mind and daydreaming there's not much follow through in his arc. That's down to the writing. The movie sleep walks in that sense to it's resolution with people gradually getting on his side.
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Halloween II (1981)
3/10
Sam-hain?!!!!!
29 October 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This movie barely feature a character that felt in any way written. The killing of a 17 year old in a ridiculous car crash and explosion barely seems to matter. Most people seem unaffected by a psycho killer on the loose and the deaths are ridiculous. As an Irish person I really lost interest when it came to the interpretation of Samhain (sow-n) as Sam hane. Samhain is an Irish word to celebrate the end of the summer harvest and the beginning of winter. This Celtic festival is the true origin of Halloween. Donald Pleasence says it means the devil. It doesn't. A word misappropriated by British Wiccan culture who can't even pronounce the word.
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10/10
Epic
27 October 2021
Not since The Last Airbender and Legend of Korra have I seen an animated series of this scope and quality. The design, the 3d modelling, lighting and textures, full animation, it's like a very long epic tale of movie level quality broken up into a series. What's also is wonderful is this Mesoamerican blend of mythology. As someone from Ireland, not majorly familiar with those myths it doesn't quite hit the effectiveness of that until the final episode and makes it all the more powerful when you get it. Don't pay attention to the wrapped cotton wool parents here giving the series low ratings for violence. This is enjoyable for all ages. It's cartoon violence that is no worse than slapstick and there's a lot to learn from this series.
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Midnight Mass (2021)
5/10
Increasingly grating
27 September 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I just finished episode 5 and I'm exhausted. After the 4th I started worrying about how much they had to say. Just endless speeches and I'm waiting for anything to happen to interrupt them cause I got the point 5 minutes ago. Then when they're finished talking at length they still drag out the scene by staying in that damn room. It's like them getting out of there is going to give me air. I not sure I have the patience for the last 2 episodes if they're just going to talk me to death.
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8/10
A lyrical lesson
27 September 2021
To be bored of this is misunderstand what this is. It is an old myth. The director was inspired to make it while making a diorama of Willow, but this was never intended as a light and cheerful adventure. It is an unwitting self reflection in the form of a quest. To not give away much by the end it's a story more essential for the soul than it is for your sense of joyous adventure.
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