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Reviews
Puppet Master: Axis of Evil (2010)
Axis of Evil? Axis of S***.
You don't pick up a Puppet Master movie expecting a masterpiece, or some sort of groundbreaking classic. All the same, I'd been looking forward to this one for a while. The WWII setting had worked wonderfully in Puppet Master 3 (in my opinion the best installment of the series) and I was hoping lightning would strike twice with 'Axis Of Evil'.
The first half is flawed, but watchable. Some dodgy acting, yes, but with these kind of movies that's almost part of the fun. The lighting is nice and moody, it's pretty well shot, even if the dialog resembles some sort of uncomfortable 40's racist propaganda movie. To the historical inaccuracy that others have mentioned - yes, it's pretty jaw-dropping that such an obvious mistake slipped in to the final cut. We're not talking about Arthurian legend or Biblical times - this is recent history, and anyone who made it through high school should be well aware of the time line of events.
It makes me wonder what the scenario is that caused this glaring error. Did no one involved with the film know anything about WWII? Were they aware of the mistake and just didn't think it mattered? Did they think Puppet Master fans were too stupid to notice? Whatever...it certainly doesn't show the production in a favorable light.
And yet for all these errors, I'd be willing to overlook them if there was some decent action with Blade & co. It is the fan's love for those little buggers that has sustained this franchise, and they deserve treating with respect.
Well, unfortunately the (very brief) moments in which the puppets do appear are the worst parts of the movie. The movement, the execution...it's all just embarrassingly bad. Literally. When Blade 'runs' across the screen, I guarantee you will actually squirm with embarrassment. I sure did. It simply looks terrible - like a home movie a kid made of his toys moving around his bedroom. It completely kills what little tension has been built up over the preceding 80 minutes.
I'm aware that this movie was probably made on a shoestring. Nevertheless, job #1 when making any Puppet Master movie should be making the puppets look (and move) great, and giving them some exciting stuff to do. Hire the cheapest actors you can find, film the movie outside your local mall, no one cares, just make the damn puppets look good.
Well, they didn't and they don't. Axis of Evil is a very poor movie, and moreover, it's very poor Puppet Master.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
The second best Elm Street movie
As many users have said, this is one of the best entries in the franchise, and in fact I'd go as far as to say its the best after the original. While subsequent movies would find Freddy becoming cartoonish and frankly, embarrassing, 'Dream Warriors' balances the dark, tense moments with the lighter-hearted slasher style humor very well.
It also has its own merits, rather than regurgitating the original story. Having a team of kids fight Freddy would be done to a much lesser effect in Freddy Vs Jason - the difference here being the kids are likable, and can actually act. You really do find yourself rooting for them.
The mental-hospital idea is great, as is each of the teenager's individual traits being used in their dream sequences - i.e. the nerdy kid is a wizard and so on. If you're into the elaborate death sequences, this movie has some of the best including a creepy-as-hell Freddy mannequin and the infamous 'Welcome to primetime, bitch!' head-through-the-TV scene.
In fact, one of the only disappointments in this movie is the return of Heather Langenkamp as Nancy. Don't get me wrong, she's a fine actress and its great to see her face-off against Robert Englund once more. It just seems like what should have been one of the movie's highlights is underplayed to the point of anticlimax.
'Dream Warriors' isn't without its flaws, but nor is any entry in the Elm Street series. All the same, this is a hugely enjoyable, not too gory horror/thriller flick that pretty much anyone from teens to adults will thoroughly enjoy.
The Onion Movie (2008)
Offensive, unoriginal, and hugely disappointing.
This movie sat on the shelf for 3 years, and having seen it tonight, I can clearly see why.
I've been a fan of The Onion in print for several years, and having seen the very promising trailer for this movie, expected an enjoyable, sharp movie. Instead, The Onion movie is an endless stream of p**s-poor Monty Python wannabe sketches where the aim is to be as offensive, unoriginal, obvious and mean-spirited as possible.
While The Onion is without a doubt, edgy and challenging in its magazine form, it is rarely, if ever out-and-out offensive. If re-enacting gun crimes and rape is your idea of humor, I suggest you track down a victim of either and see if they enjoy sharing the 'laughs'. Two thirds of the way through, my girlfriend literally asked that I shut off this movie in tears. I gladly obliged.
This is smug, insensitive college-boy humor at its worst, and whats more, it is woefully unoriginal and outdated. For instance, in one sketch Al Queda style terrorists repeatedly blow themselves up for comic effect. Even if this movie had hit the scene in 2005, that 'idea' had already been done to death. Another sketch lampoons Britney Spears. Circa 'Baby One More Time'. Great job guys, only about a decade out of date there.
Other 'cutting edge' material (much of which I noticed was recycled from the in-print edition') includes an unbearably smug self-referential movie critique, and predictable arch-racist jokes, delivered with a wink and a nudge that only someone who hasn't hit a comedy club in the last decade would be remotely amused by.
More punchlines fall flat here than actually connect. An arch Asian stereotype joke actually ends with "Me no rikey". Pathetic.
Oddly enough, The Onion now has a free video pod-cast that follows much the same format as this movie, that actually manages to be funny without being constantly offensive, predictable and profane. I suggest fans check that out instead and leave 'The Onion Movie' on the shelf where it rightfully remained for 3 blissful years.
I wish I hadn't watched this. Still, I can hear the smug college-boys lining up to tell me I'm over-sensitive for not seeing the funny side of brutal rape.
The punchline of the rape gag, by the way, is that the girl re-enacting the attack flinches, but 'shouldn't be able to move because the perpetrator shattered her pelvis with a baseball bat'.
If thats your idea of humor, you'll love this movie. If on the other hand, you have an ounce of sensitivity, avoid at all costs.