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Reviews
Barbie (2023)
A movie with no story, and no soul
I watched this having heard good reviews, from people I knew rather than critics. Sadly from the start, right through until it's excruciatingly drawn out ending, I was bored.
It felt like it could have had potential to be an easy to watch comedy, with a gentle nod to a moral or two, instead of felt like a combination of a Mattel advert crossed with a feminism rally.
Choreographed dance routines rally aren't my thing, and there were too many of them, so perhaps in this part, it's down to taste rather than something behave about the film.
That being said, the film was truly awful. Really. Awful. God I feel angry that I watched it.
Reptile (2023)
Moody, tence, and a good watch
There's too few films with benicio del torro for my liking. He always seems to own every scene he is in, and is this film he is deftly cast and the pained and brooding detective, and you're never quite sure of his intent or scruples.
He single-handedly holds the film together, whilst also pulls cracks apart in the inevitable characters and scenes.
The other actors all play a role, with conceivable red herrings along the way rather than obvious ones.
This film feels like bit of an undiscovered gem due to its lack of publicity on the UK, highly recommend for an attentive and engaging watch.
A rare surprising treat.
Ricky Stanicky (2024)
Awful, unfunny, predictable garbage
Oh come on, who told John Cena he would make a great comedy actor?? Or even just an average comedy actor..? Or for that matter an actor? Please someone stop him!!
With Zac Effron's bizarre steroid-induced face seemingly unable to move, the only chemistry in this film is the strand of between his and Cena's gross bicep veins having a stand off.
I have to admit, I can't leave spoilers having only lasted through 16 minutes of this guff before sighing at my choice of even trying it. Fortunately there was an upgrade of watching a spider slowly crawling behind my drawers which made better viewing.
The Creator (2023)
Feels underappreciated
With really strong performances, good quality cgi and a strong story line, I can't believe such a low rating!
Maybe it lacked the cheese ball completely happy ending some yearn for, but for that it shouldn't be punished.
It's a brave direction, and a refreshingly well written and directed masterpiece, and in my honest opinion, Edwards best project yet.
Mr Washington delivered something code to his father's legacy, and a strong blood ljod to him.
This feels like a future cult classic, and should be held up against the heat scifi's like blade runner, the matrix and star wars, although slightly below overall. Brilliant.
Fool Me Once (2024)
Fooled me once with the ratings
My previously trusted wife chose this good awful monkey dump of a programme to watch, albeit bad in the average ratings and thumbs up on netflix.
I can only assume the high ratings were provided by patients in a lobotomy clinic, and the thumbs up on netflix were from viewers hoping to quickly hitch a lift away from the TV.
Watch this and be welcomed with awful acting and a plot that's got more holes than a trawler net that requires not so much a leap of faith, but more like a catapult into the next universe to believe in it.
My wife isn't going to be choosing anything to watch for a while...
The Deep House (2021)
The jagger "acting" legacy lives on
Had I realised mick jaggers son was in this, I wouldn't have bothered.
Somehow though his son mashes Mick Oscar-worthy!
80% is darkness, bubbles and "ben/tina" whilst making decisions that no human would make that are even beyond the worst horror movie scripts.
What we have here is a movie pitch, what we don't have here is a movie.
Absolutely delighted they both died, this is not a spoiler, the film is the spoiler.
This film alone should at least let us worry less about a writers strike of this is what's on offer....
Can directors please stop giving Mick jaggers son (I won't even use his actual name, as I doubt the directors / producers do either) acting jobs! He can't act!!!!
Ticket to Paradise (2022)
Just why.....? Warning, spoiler alert, this film sucks
Read the synopsis? You've seen the film!
Seen the trailer? Why did you still go see this film.
Awful plot. Dripping and oozing cheese, I would much rather watch vomit drying than this pile is clichéd nonsense!
Anyone who says it's just a lighthearted, fun bit of escapism has likely either had a frontal lobotomy or really could do with one.
I know your sounds harsh, and I'm not a hater of either of the lead actors, but surely there are a lack of ideas currently for this to have been green-lighted. Ideas such as absolutely anything else?!? I mean just how bad were the many thousands of rejected movies for this to have been produced instead of...?
Taking Lives (2004)
A good film but confusing ending
I enjoyed the film, but I was confused, who was that guy in glasses at the end of the film that Angelina killed? And where did ethan go in that train? What minute he was there, the next, there's some other guy in a baseball cap. Confused.
The Green Knight (2021)
A lead character that I just wished was dead throughout
This film tries to be moody, to draw you in with achingly long suspenseful scenes that are actually more dull than watching grey paint drying.
A king Arthur that makes the entire cast of Tenet sound clearly spoken, and a round tale not full of brave knights but seemingly cowardly faceless goons.
In what seemed like an eternity I watched this through to the very end, hoping for at least a glimpse of heroics, maybe even a battle, but no, nothing!! Avoid.
Gemini Man (2019)
Real shame, Will Smith diluted down through CGI
The script goes beyond hammy, it's a full gammon joint in offer here, with characters having all the depth of a puddle in a desert.
But the worst thing, without doubt, is the awful, in fact terrible CGI effort at creating a young Will Smith, which end up looking as realistically human as Alita, from Alita Battle Angel, or Trump as a responsible world leader. The difference being I think Alita wasn't supposed to look human, going Will Smith was. Perhaps all the blame can't being to Ang Lee but it was him who directed the equally awful CGI Hulk effort...
In all honesty I was looking for something easy to watch that didn't require a lot of thinking, but now I can't stop thinking why this movie felt so bad containing one of the best action actors of our generation...
The Irishman (2019)
Slow, bloated and lacking
I know this will goi against popular opinion, but I just felt this film relied on a tired format with ageing actors that were far from suitable for their roles. In their heyday, absolutely, but this felt more of an actor appreciation movie rather than a movie made for thr audience.
Absolutely drained out to 3 and a half hours with no real connection to any character.
It Comes at Night (2017)
Nothing comes at night!
The title suggests something comes at night the film provides no evidence of this. This is more of a slow burner look at the social interactions and fall out from some mysterious illness that is never truly explained. I know you shouldn't read a book by its cover but you should be able to gauge some insight into what a film's content may be by it's title. Can't fault the acting, but the storyline for me at least lacks a connection to any of the characters for the audience.
See You Yesterday (2019)
If I could time travel, it would be to 1hr 27 minutes ago
And I'd tell myself not to watch this tripe.
When Michael J Fox made a cameo I sadly fell into the trap of thinking this film might be ok.
But with awful acting, awful casting and as plot so thin and full of holes I could use it to drain spaghetti it was so much less than ok!
There is no ending, leaving me with the fear that someone involved in the film might have been thinking..."sequel"... please, please don't!
Time Trap (2017)
Time Crap -So bad it's hilarious, why bother with a story?
I have to issue a warning to anyone considering watching this you may get actual splinters from the acting in this tripe of a film. With a plot that surely was written by 6 year olds, and characters that are so simple that you could have written and drawn them a simple explanation of what wad going on and they still wouldn't have understood. I genuinely wanted to find the cave so I could smash their heads against the walls they were that frustratingly stupid.
The hilarity of an ending again is something so childlike that any adult responsible for it should surely be on the spectrum.
Anyone involved in this film should be banned from being anywhere near any future films. If they make a sequel, please kill the entire cast.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Jurassic turd: Fallen franchise
I think you will actually enjoy third "film" (cheap CGI turdfest) if you've recently had a frontal labatomy.
The annoying kid should have been eaten, the director beaten, an embarrassing release that is dripping in absolute cheese.
I'm going to highly recommend this to everyone I hate.
Glass (2019)
Second viewing made this an even better film
19 years in the making, and a final film I've been excitedly for and upon first viewing, I felt a bit let down.
However upon watching it again, the way this twists into an origin story is actually way smarter than I think it's given credit for. McAvoy it's brilliant again as the horde, Samuel L Jackson can do no wrong in my opinion, and Bruce Willis again is convincing as David Dunn aka the overseer.
All of a sudden I want this to open a new series of films and a new world. Superb.
Skyline (2010)
Worst film....ever!
OK, maybe I've forgotten some howlers, but I genuinely can't think of a worse film that I've watched than this awful, terrible "film".
I feel dirty just calling it a film to be honest, in doing so, I feel I've dirtied the entire film industry.
With acting that belongs to porn, and a story line that would be too simplistic even for porn, this really hasn't got a lot going for it! If you've seen the trailer, stop there, as whoever managed to make such a relatively convincing trailer from this God awful pile of trite deserves a raise and a promotion. Nay, they deserve to own their fricking company! I have ticked spoiler, well, in fact the whole film is a spoiler, but seriously, you get the crux of it, when a nuclear missile merely irritates the alien space craft, yet when our hero gets a bit angry, he manages to punch the sh*t out of a smaller version??? What???? To be honest, I only gave this eye-blistering crap one star based on the fact one alien ship bore such an uncanny resemblance to a vagina I laughed so much a had to rewind it to make sure i had seen it right! Why make such a bad film...? Because some clever bastard can sell it well enough o still make lots of money....shame on you! Please, don't endure this!!!
The Book of Eli (2010)
Excellent film, slightly cheesy ending..
They mystery of the apocalypse resulting in barren wastelands and the compulsory outlaws and cannibals is never explained, yet why would we need everything explained to us as an audience? Sometimes, as in this case, a film can ask and prompt the audience to create their own explanation, after all, its why we have imagination right? Denzel puts in an accomplished performance as per usual, and why Gary Oldman, the perpetual criminal/bad guy in Hollywood is ever so slightly hammy, it's not a bad pairing off, with the old cliché of the hero being based on morals, knowledge, strength and skill, with the villain basing his skill set purely on intelligence and man power.
The soundtrack and score is superb, one of the best if not the best this year, setting the mood nicely, and helping the film ease along it's way.
It's a film no doubt which will derive mixed reviews, as it's mixed in itself, starting off truly dark, then bordering into the comical, with an ending that isn't deserved of the movie itself (and I mean the VERY end).
All in all, in my humble opinion, beautifully made film, with Denzel Washington in typically excellent form (I can't remember the last bad film he appeared in), and I would recommend it to anyone as one of the few great films of 2010.