Reviews

This film had no idea what it wanted to be. In the end it isn't good at being any of the things it was aiming at. It trys to be a horror film but is neither scary nor solid enough to draw the audience into the film in order to engage them. The plot lacks context. We don't know where the characters come from, what motivates any of them or how we are to view them. Sometimes this works to unbalance the audience and looks stylized. Here it just comes off as a poor production dressing in artsie drag to disguise it's huge list of flaws. The acting (especially the mother character)is sub-highschool pagent level. The quarkieness of the film trys to tap into a style akin to some of Troma's releases from the 1980's (Toxic Avenger etc), but the substance, humor and acting aren't present in this film to make it or it's characters at all worth investing our attention in. These characters would have been interesting if they lived in a film that had a story to tell. You will be left wondering what the hell you just watched.

This movie was made to cash in on the success of the 2006 remake of "the Hills Have Eyes".

Not since Kurt Russell portrayed a jungle boy on Gilligan's Island has someone done such an amazing job of not looking like a primitive. The Cannibals in this movie are pathetic. They engage in what can only be described as "Ooga Booga" acting. It takes more to be threatening in a performance that simply slipping on a leather coat which was bought from a Salvation Army used clothing store, rolling in the mud, and yelling, while waving your hands in the air. The nylon wigs, and halloween makeup show more of an effort than many of the "movies" produced by this production company / video mill, but all in all there is very little meat on the bones of this cannibal film. The violence and gore will satisfy those that are purely into graphic scenes, but if you need plot or logic in order to suspend your disbelief forget it. Issues like why there are cannibal, how they got there, and why their victims arrive in the desert in the first place are not addressed. What the director obviously didn't realise is that when it comes to horror less is more. This is especially true when you have actors that are so over the top in their depictions that the cave man in the Pauly Shore film "Encino Man" seems like something put together by anthropologists in a documentary. We almost see more interaction of the cannibals relating to each other than we do the victims to whom we are meant to relate. The post-nuclear valley girl-looking cannibals brutally kill their victims and than daintily eat the body parts off a licence plate like canapays. At one point you can even hear the director tell two of the cannibals "Ok, now lick your fingers" as they gently nibble away on the flesh as if Miss Manners herself was standing off screen as a technical adviser instructing on etiquette. If you can look past the fact that the cave in which they live is lite up like a Macy's Christmas tree, you are left to wonder where the cannibals got the vanilla candles that burn in the knooks and cranies of the cave from time to time (Peir One?). Basically, what you have is a film that contains scenes of violence and brutality which are rendered ineffective by all the rest of the films content.

If jaws had you afraid to get into the water, this film will make you afraid to pee in the woods.

This is probably the roughest entry you'll find in the classic cinema-de-sasquatch genre. While it doesn't manage to be very creepy, or overtly scary, it does manage to be gory (if you can get your hands on the uncut version). Frankly, it is what it is, and if you like B-horror films of this time period, or are a Bigfootiphile, you'll enjoy it. however, if you are looking to truly be frightened, I'd move on.

With themes like castration and bestiality, it deserves a remake!

Did you ever wonder what happen the Fluffy, the sheepdog that the Brady Bunch kids owed for two or three seasons? Well, apparently he moved to upstate New York and began killing nerdy teenagers. This schlocky Yeti film is just about the campiest of the cinema-de-sasquatch genre. So you bigfootiphiles out there might want to see it purely for the novelty value. However you might find the plot familiar... a group of four teenagers arrive in a van to investigate the local mystery of a supposed "yeti". Yup, this story plays out like a cross between Scooby Do and something by Herschell Gordon Lewis. Seriously, there is the awkward guy, another guy that looks fairly butch but sings show tunes, a pretty girl and the nerdy girl, with the mousy brown hair and thick horn-rim glasses. It is all there for ya, minus only the Great Dane(who must have had a better agent). The acting is bad enough to make this truly enjoyable. The plot is all over the place. The gay subtext of the relationship between the professor, the owner of the island which the Yeti inhabits, and is mute Indian "man servant" is enough to keep you scratching your head.

What other movie contains an impromptu musical interlude with lyrics like "he'll turn your threesome into a twosome... watchout...it's the Yetiiiiiii....?"

If you like cheesy B movies this will fill the bill...

On the continuum of low budget zombie films marketed direct to video during the time frame that this was released, it is ahead of the pack. The premise works and moves the zombie theme into a new environment nicely. The film has a nice atmosphere and truly has good acting. The makeup and effects will satisfy even the most decerning zombie film conesure. Where most direct to video zombie films couldn't even get an audience to sit through them, much less get a screening at even the most remote film festival, this film would more than likely draw a crowd and have gotten good reviews. It isn't of the kind of quality that would have justified a theatrical release, but it is at the high end of video releases in it's genre.

Zombie film fans will enjoy this one...

This is a perfect example of the kind of "back yard" produced zombie films made during the time frame in which this film was released. I guess the idea behind this kind of film is that it doesn't really matter what the quality of the product is so long as you have a DVD box cover which looks glossy. A film like this may have earned the film makers a passing grade in a community college, film school class somewhere, but if so, it was just barely a passing grade.

The acting is horrible. Whoever told these people that they were funny lied to them. Watching this cast act is as uncomfortable as watching 38 year old men play Dungeons & Dragons in their parent's basement. Booms with microphones drop into scenes, tomb stones look like the foam props that they are, the zombie makeup looks like a high school play. You know exactly what you are in for with this "movie" when the opening credits begin to play. They look like the kind of computer animation you'd expect to see on the display board of a pinball machine as it flashes the word "tilt".

This one isn't even "funny" bad. It is just bad. The film maker should have just given a copy of this to his parents and saved the rest of us our time and money.

The screen play and slightly higher production values seen in this zombie flick are the only things that set this film apart from the hoard of other "back yard" produced zombie films which flooded the market during the time period of it's release. While it is true that lovers of George Romeros zombie films will see many welcomed and familiar themes and plot elements in this production, the bad acting reflected in the entire cast's performances drag this film's impact and quality to a sub-par level. Sometimes bad acting can be humorous and endearing, here it is just bad acting and leaves the film with a flat feeling.

Only serious lovers of zombie flicks will feel that they got their moneys worth out of this one. Any movie that has this kind of stilted acting, coupled with zombies that find a wobbly pile of boxes an unmanageable obstacle deserves a rating of 3 out of 10.

This film is currently available via the good folks at Something Weird Video. It is without a doubt the worst porn film ever made. Somewhere John waters is green with envy that these would-be stars slipped through his fingers. In fact, if ever radical Christian conservatives want to truly turn teenagers off to sex, this is the film they should show them. At first, you'll be horrified to be witnessing this naked hillbilly, trash, couple pawing each other drunkenly. The overweight, beehive-wearing, leading lady twangs and drawls her way through a tirade of improvised insults and personal attacks with her drunken male costar until you almost forget entirely that this couple are attempting to make a sex flick. This film is so bad it is awesome. Sure to be like nothing you've ever seen before.

Sure to convert the straightest of heterosexuals to a full blown kinsey 6 within only one viewing.

Even die-hard Edith Massey fans will have a hard time sitting through this clumsy snore-fest. While it is true that Edith's trademark delivery of even the simplest lines work in the John Waters movies that made her a cult star - this film's juvenile script and fifth grade dialog leave her with nowhere to go. Her brief screen time is wasted on a film that has all the charm of an extended stay waiting in lines at the department of Motor Vehicles office.

The story (if you can call it that) centers around a nerdy teenager named Steve Awesome (Brad Greenquist), who is selected by a lack-luster group of scientists to be transformed into a bionic man. For reasons we don't care, a group of Russians (played by a handful of drama school drop outs) take the chief scientist's (Edith Massey) daughter captive. Most of the intervening time is spent watching the not-so-bionic man stumble from one boring location to another in poorly edited (and preformed) slapstick. There is a disjointed subplot concerning a fairy godmother, which has nothing to do with the rest of what is going on, super imposed into the film. It does however give the writer an excuse to bring the film to a merciful end. By the time the credits roll, they read like a written confession.

It is easy to see that the writer/director (Scott Apostolou) is a John Waters fan. However, at the time that this was made, he neither had the: life experience, sense of humor, or talent to pull off whatever he was going for. In the end you have a film lacking any of the humor, campy-ness, irony, or shock value that inspired it. This film makes attack of the killer tomatoes look like Citizen Kane (and I don't mean that in a good way).

Do yourself a favor; if you need a fix of Edith Massey re-watch her in one of John Water's films, watch her screen test audition in the special features of the DVD release of `Lust In The Dust', or even catch her in Robert Maier's 14-minute documentary `A Love Letter To Eddie'. You'll get more Massey-bang for your buck.

Its a Special Kind'a camp. I guess you'd have to call it deco-camp, where gray is suddenly a pastel color!

Watching Carol Channing in this film is like driving by a car accident between a bus load of muppets and an ice cream truck... overly sweet, cute and Horrifying!!! You simply can't look away.

If your miffed at the use of yellow-face actors in this film, take a moment to imagine what a crime it would be to cast real Asian actors in such ridiculous depictions of their race.

This one is required viewing to earn your pink card in gay-camp cinema 101.

All in all, fun.