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Reviews
Into the Dark: Uncanny Annie (2019)
This is Christopher Pike meets Jumanji and it is FUN!
If you read books, this may have spoiler-ish things in it. I was totally into this film as a horror-Jumanji, but then they started throwing Lois Duncan into it. Slowly, I realized this was closer to Christopher Pike's master teen horror (he sometimes threw the supernatural into his stories, and you never knew when it was going to happen, but it was always satisfying.). This is an "A" from me. SO FREAKING FUN.
Is it unique and amazing? Not really.
Is it fun and suspenseful? OH, yes.
Is it kind of cheesy and predictable? Yes, if you know the tropes. It TRIES to twist so hard, but I saw it all coming, and still enjoyed it.
I found myself talking to the screen and even getting upset... which means I had enough stress to be involved. The writers of this script MUST have read some Christopher Pike growing up. The end was a touch more NOES, but the friend interaction and secrets were all Pike.
Albatross (1985)
Plot translation per Babel Fish
*MAJOR SPOILERS* Babel fish translation of the plot: "Joris and Helene go in cruise in order to celebrate their tenth anniversary of wedding. During the travel there is an attack to edge: an outbreak makes to be shipwrecked the ship and the survivors find again themselves on a dispersed tropical island. Between of they is also Joris, remained blind during the outbreak, that it comes to know of the dead women of the moglie during the shipwreck. In the days of permanence on the island, it is shipwrecked nutrono of meat of albatross, captured from some of they. Or, at least, this is what they say. Joris cannot verify, but that strange taste has that meat! After some interminable days, the captain of the ship, Kurt Vogel, succeeds to put in contact with a tanker and all make return house. Also Joris returns, but it has many doubts. An evening goes to have supper in a lussuoso restaurant, company of friends, and orders meat of albatross: it eats and it understands that that one that it had eaten on the island was not the meat of the large marine bird. Returned to house, it appeals its gun and it is killed."
To translate that gobbeldy gook further: Sounds like the infamous brainteaser/story of a blind man who goes to a restaurant, orders albatross, takes one bite and kills himself. Why? The plot of the movie seems to be about a man who is shipwrecked on an island with some other people (along with some dead bodies). While there, he is fed what is called "albatross". He returns home eventually, orders albatross on the menu, and it tastes nothing like what he had on the island... and kills himself. I assume that the the "albatross" on the island was really "human" in nature. *END MAJOR SPOILERS*
Nightmare Asylum (1992)
I guess it is gross, but it is BAD too
This is a regular video movie... not a film. Pure VHS camcorder. Yes there is obvious hamburger meat, and really weird deaths (one includes a mouse-trap, and most involve power tools). This film is actually available on DVD via the Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares 50 Movie Pack. The whole thing looks like someone had a High School haunted house set available and decided to film in it (or an actual low quality wax museum... there is a wax dummies that are obviously based on Hellraiser, Child's Play and The Exorcist sitting in there). For Gorehounds, there are some Chainsaw Massacre moments, and Wizard of Gore-esquire moments... but that is giving this film WAY too much credit There are some gross out moments. Way too much yelling, and not enough terror. There are some cool cheesy 80's synthesizer score moments (totally ruined by amateur Halloween make-up). The credits will show you that the film makers did not take themselves seriously. Overall:
Really Bad acting (trying not to laugh, and sometimes trying to be humorous). Most looks like a Junior High stage production.
Not funny Bad.
Just Bad.
Really bad acting.
No nudity (a silky camisole is all you get).
"Special effects" include a Strobe Light, and the previously mentioned Hamburger (plus Spaghetti and Liver)!
**Possible spoiler*** Oh, I have to say something positive.... um, I liked the door opening sequence at the end, with its interesting camera angles... but the cheesy dream within a dream thing was, well, cheesy... but not good, fun cheesy. ***End Spoiler***
I wrote this while I watched the film... and it was filmed in a "Haunted House" called "The Devil's Dark Side Haunted House".
2 stars, for the interesting door opening sequence. Thanks!
Jewel of the Gods (1989)
Another Gods Must Be Crazy entry
Another bizarre entry in the "Gods Must BeCrazy" series. If you are obsessed with all of the Gods movies (1-5, that Zulu one, etc...), then you have to seek this one out and rent it. Otherwise, forget that you were ever here. Ha ha ha. This doesn't have the lovable bushman, but it has a Caucasians male and female character that were in the original movie. Merius Weyers played Andrew Steyn in the original film, and Sandra played Kate Thompson in the original film. Their characters are almost exactly the same in this one. It is available on DVD, but there are rumors that it is out of production (the copies that are out there may be all that are going to be made).
Youth in Revolt (1998)
Sadly, this show was never made, but there was a TV pilot...
Sadly, this MTV movie/TV show was never made... but there was a TV pilot actually made for FOX (there was even a ten part radio series in Germany)! Oh, before I go on, maybe I should tell you that YOUTH IN REVOLT is based on the book series YOUTH IN REVOLT: THE JOURNALS OF NICK TWISP by C.D. PAYNE, an extremely funny author (you can go to Amazon.com and read 100's of great reviews for this book, or go to the author's website at nicktwisp.com). The MTV show was going to be a 13 week nightly soap opera style show in 1998, but as far as I know, nothing was ever filmed (their rights are almost up, and we might see something from someone else soon). FOX's Brillstein-Grey produced pilot for Youth in Revolt was shot in 1996. Sadly, the pilot didn't get picked up, but there was a lot of buzz in magazines and newspapers about it being pretty good. It had a lot of the same cast as Malcom in the Middle, and many other fine actors (some say it had a very similar feel of Malcom too): Christopher Kennedy Masterson (as Nick Twisp), Jimmy Shubert, Robert Desiderio, Jane Kaczmarek, and many more that I can't think of. Maybe, someday, we will see the wonderful characters from CD Payne's book come to life, but for now we will just have to wait.