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Reviews
Fury (2014)
What can I say....
If troops from ANY country in the world at the times of WWII had encountered a dead tank, they would have lost a few guys before they realized the tank was still manned.
And then ANY troops from ANY country in the world would have just walked around this tank, out of reach of the MGs, and blown it to pieces with a Bazooka up the tanks hind.
Even if that tanks had been stranded in never-seen-white-people-or- firearms-before New Guinea, the natives would have realized that no MGs reach the hind of this tank.
Also, the Sherman was nicknamed as "tommycooker" (meaning a kettle to cook the brits in), because it practically exploded if you sneezed next to it.
Savages (2012)
Are you kidding?
There is a section on a Bluray or DVD that reads "alternate ending".
There's nothing worse a movie can do but to present it's viewers with an ending and then suddenly change it.
"Nah, just kidding, that's how it really ends!" What the hell?
I mean, the movie was very weak to begin with. Mary Jane dealers and the Mexicans (or Colombians or something like that) moving in? Sorry guys, but MJ is not something to make a drug movie about. You have Booze in the wise guy movies, H in the Asian movies and Cocaine in the contemporary movies. But weed? That's only good for comedy.
That said, what about character development? Not existent? Yes, I know. Sending someone to Iraq and Afghanistan for two tours makes, according to you, a remorseless killing machine out of everyone. Though why he was in Iraq when they wanted to get seeds from Afghanistan, you didn't say. As well, the best shite comes from morocco. And the other guy? Turning from third-world-Madonna to Danny Trejo and back again? Sure.
And Blake Lively... I have yet to see a movie where she deserves the title "actress". In this one, she portrayed the stereotype rich kid whose daddy didn't love her enough and so she gets into drugs (weed, the really heavy stuff) and likes to be sandwiched by a psycho killer and a surfboard-hugger turned environmentalist. Lol!
Who was the director? ah, right, OLIVER STONE! What happened to you? Golden triangle became too boring? Wanted to do a chick-flick? Jesus! Talking about idols killing their legacy.
Treasure Island (2012)
The worst adaption so far
I was looking forward to this! The great cast (Glenister, Penry-Jones, Mays, Izzard) should have guaranteed a great movie. Well, it didn't!
Firstly, what about the historical inaccuracies? Granted, they probably couldn't find a seaworthy ship from the proper era, but what about the props? Can't be to hard to find guns from that era instead of rummaging through Sharpe's prop-box. As well, what about the non-Europeans? Granted, there was the odd black fellow in piracy, but surely not on a merchant ship and definitely not as first mate! And the guys from Asia? Chinese, Malayan, Melanesian? How did they find there way to Bristol? And back to the ship: It seems that ever since Pirates of the Caribbean writers seem to think that ships requiring a crew from at least 50 (in this movie) or 200 (PotC) can just as well be sailed by one or two fellows.
And then the characters: Why, why in god's name, change them all? They have nothing to do with the novel but are just modern clichés slapped on the original characters. The rich landowner has, of course, to be a greedy, immoral bastard, because rich people are like that! The doctor is a drunkard and a coward, and then suddenly changes his character 180° degrees, so that the audience can see, that every man can change for the better when he needs to.
Long John is just a poor, misunderstood philosopher who wants nothing more than to live a life without worries, married to his sweetheart whom he saved from prostitution. Nevermind the scores of people he killed.
Even the baddest bad-ass in this movie, Israel Hands, is really only a victim, as he was pressed into service as a boy and thus can't really be held responsible for his actions.
Oh, nearly forgot: Which idiot built that stronghold five feet from the sea? The pirates really only had to bring their ship in just a little bit closer and a broadside would have blown that place to kingdom come and saved us from suffering through this sorry efforts ending.
=== SPOILERS FROM HERE ===
Well, the ending. After killing and maiming, being killed and being maimed, young Jim suddenly decides to throw the whole goddamn treasure overboard, not thinking about the debt his mother has or that they both will probably end up in the poor house or as slaves in the colonies. And the rest actually helped him. The helmsman will stay a helmsman for the rest of his life, the poor doctor won't get to marry Jim's mom and the skipper won't be able to pay the rent on his house as he doesn't get paid for that journey.
At least, that's what would happen IRL, though this movie seems to be teaching us, that throwing money away is a good thing, because you'll get money from somewhere else anyway. Sounds to be inspired by the Euro crisis.
Oh yes, and after they dropped the treasure into the waves, the captain said "let's sail to Jamaica and crew up". Someone should have spoken up and said: "Uhm, skipper, we just threw all our gold overboard. Gonna be hard finding hands of we can't pay 'em! Arr!"
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Definitely the worst Marvel out there
I do try to watch all movies to the end. This one I could not. I know its Captain "America" (or more accurately Captain U.S. of the same). Still, too much is too much. I acknowledge that this movie is in Zeitgeist and showing no "Nazi" faces, only masks. Still, killing off anyone who doesn't speak English in a WWII movie is long forgone.
That's just for my personal interests.
For the everyday-audience-flaws: Just wtf? Firstly, if CA was a dwarf b4 becoming the mean machine, please depict him as such and not just shrink the image. No small person looks like this. Secondly, the labs, weapons and such. there heave been numerous films overstating what the Germans could do in WWII. But what with all the black light? The lab of the "Hydra" looks more sophisticated than what NASA could do in 50 years from now). For the rest: gotta go, whats yourselves