I really wanted to see this movie. My expectations were that it would be horrible. Quite horrible. I saw the movie about two months after its theatrical debut. I cannot express how much I wanted this movie to be good. Great comic series, great premise, perhaps the worst execution of anything since Ishtar.
This film was so poorly done that no one in the theater had any qualms about loudly making fun of the film. There was no level that this movie was enjoyable on. It was so horrible that it even defied mockery! I think there were only three instances where I laughed. This is definitely one of the worst movies of all time. It's almost as silly as Speed 2: Cruise Control. Many might say to give it a chance, and that it's not supposed to be realistic. Well I not only gave it a chance, I went in knowing it was pure fantasy, the historical inaccuracies are only a mild annoyance, its just the overall poorness that gets really annoying.
*** SPOILERS AHEAD ***
Here is a list of things the movie did well:
1. Dorian Gray is a pretty cool character. 2. Sean Connery has a cool accent. 3. The setting and scenes are really well done aside from the submarine. 4. The roadster is pretty cool.
Here is why this movie is so poor. This entirely excludes historical inaccuracies as this movie is an attempt at fantasy.
1. Submarine changes sizes and magically fits into a Venetian canal!! 2. Submarine is solar powered! 3. Submarine's internal design ignores basic rules of physics. Come on, the submarine has cavernous rooms that are lavishly decorated. There is even a scene where the sub gets wrecked and to fix it the men merely righted the tables. Submarines need to be structurally sound!! They're under immense pressure all the time. 4. The CGI of the submarine is laughable. LAUGHABLE! But not as laughable as Matrix: Reloaded. 5. The scenes were directed in the campiest of fashions. Not a good quality campy either. The actors were all trying to be serious and most of them didn't have enough charm to pull off the camp. Dorian Gray did a great job though and the invisible man was alright. 6. Sean Connery is amazing; but he's too old to beat people up the way he does in this film. There are a few scenes which actually make him look really good; but there are so many where it's just far too implausible. None of his fight scenes are as cool as the bar seen from The Presidio. 7. The villain is so weak. Good superhero movies depend on the villain quality. Superman/Lex Luthor, Superman/Three Kryptonians, Spiderman/Green Goblin, Bond/Goldfinger, Indiana Jones/Nazis etc. The villain in LXG is a cross between the Phantom of the Opera and GI Joe's Destro! He is an arm s dealer with a metal mask who thinks he's some sort of operatic character. There is even a part where he could easily have eluded Connery; but returned for his foolish looking mask!!! He is the most pathetic villain I've ever seen. I basically felt sorry for the actor the entire time.
8. The action was ridiculous. Superhero movies are generally cool because the director builds up to the action. This movie was action non-stop. Instead of having useless fight scenes it would have been a lot smarter for them to develop the characters a little. It was quite funny because the director expects us to know the characters from nineteenth century literature; BUT changes their personalities and timelines such that we don't really know them. Dorian Gray was so cool though. 9. The ending scene where `Africa won't let Quartermain die' is perhaps the worst scene in cinematic history!!!!
The list goes on and on seemingly to infinity. I was so bored during this movie I almost cried. This movie made me feel depressed for the next six hours it was so bad. It was horrible.
Please unless your IQ is less than seventy for the love of yourself do not see this movie. Trust me on this one.
I would recommend this movie to children under twelve and people with IQs under seventy.
I would not recommend this movie to anyone I remotely cared about.
This film was so poorly done that no one in the theater had any qualms about loudly making fun of the film. There was no level that this movie was enjoyable on. It was so horrible that it even defied mockery! I think there were only three instances where I laughed. This is definitely one of the worst movies of all time. It's almost as silly as Speed 2: Cruise Control. Many might say to give it a chance, and that it's not supposed to be realistic. Well I not only gave it a chance, I went in knowing it was pure fantasy, the historical inaccuracies are only a mild annoyance, its just the overall poorness that gets really annoying.
*** SPOILERS AHEAD ***
Here is a list of things the movie did well:
1. Dorian Gray is a pretty cool character. 2. Sean Connery has a cool accent. 3. The setting and scenes are really well done aside from the submarine. 4. The roadster is pretty cool.
Here is why this movie is so poor. This entirely excludes historical inaccuracies as this movie is an attempt at fantasy.
1. Submarine changes sizes and magically fits into a Venetian canal!! 2. Submarine is solar powered! 3. Submarine's internal design ignores basic rules of physics. Come on, the submarine has cavernous rooms that are lavishly decorated. There is even a scene where the sub gets wrecked and to fix it the men merely righted the tables. Submarines need to be structurally sound!! They're under immense pressure all the time. 4. The CGI of the submarine is laughable. LAUGHABLE! But not as laughable as Matrix: Reloaded. 5. The scenes were directed in the campiest of fashions. Not a good quality campy either. The actors were all trying to be serious and most of them didn't have enough charm to pull off the camp. Dorian Gray did a great job though and the invisible man was alright. 6. Sean Connery is amazing; but he's too old to beat people up the way he does in this film. There are a few scenes which actually make him look really good; but there are so many where it's just far too implausible. None of his fight scenes are as cool as the bar seen from The Presidio. 7. The villain is so weak. Good superhero movies depend on the villain quality. Superman/Lex Luthor, Superman/Three Kryptonians, Spiderman/Green Goblin, Bond/Goldfinger, Indiana Jones/Nazis etc. The villain in LXG is a cross between the Phantom of the Opera and GI Joe's Destro! He is an arm s dealer with a metal mask who thinks he's some sort of operatic character. There is even a part where he could easily have eluded Connery; but returned for his foolish looking mask!!! He is the most pathetic villain I've ever seen. I basically felt sorry for the actor the entire time.
8. The action was ridiculous. Superhero movies are generally cool because the director builds up to the action. This movie was action non-stop. Instead of having useless fight scenes it would have been a lot smarter for them to develop the characters a little. It was quite funny because the director expects us to know the characters from nineteenth century literature; BUT changes their personalities and timelines such that we don't really know them. Dorian Gray was so cool though. 9. The ending scene where `Africa won't let Quartermain die' is perhaps the worst scene in cinematic history!!!!
The list goes on and on seemingly to infinity. I was so bored during this movie I almost cried. This movie made me feel depressed for the next six hours it was so bad. It was horrible.
Please unless your IQ is less than seventy for the love of yourself do not see this movie. Trust me on this one.
I would recommend this movie to children under twelve and people with IQs under seventy.
I would not recommend this movie to anyone I remotely cared about.
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