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califkid
Reviews
The Happening (2008)
He's Done It Again!!!
M. Night has done it again. He's taken us on a journey to nowhere. How does this happen? It happens because he probably starts writing his story before he has his ending. The acting is terrible, and it's easy to understand why. These actors can't possibly have an idea how they're supposed to be feeling, based on this script. It should have been re-written as a spoof on eco-horror films. Bad...simply bad. Sure there's some creepiness here and there, but any first year film school student can produce a creepy moment. It's only relevant when done within a definable context and theme. The context and theme of The Happening is..."huh?" I'm going out on a limb here, willing to put my money where my mouth is, because I don't think Hollywood has any talent. It's a town of smoke and mirrors.
I am so certain that I can write a better script than any that M. Night has written, including The Sixth Sense, that I will bet any major studio executive or major producer $5,000 to be paid to their favorite charity, that I can write a scarier script with as good or better twist than any that M. Night has written. The judges can be any 3 script analysts of that executive's choosing. My email address is dhall58@gmail.com. I don't expect anyone in this town to pick up the gauntlet.
South Beach Dreams (2006)
Tight Movie
While this little film isn't groundbreaking, it certainly has its strengths: good story, nice cinematography, good music, and best of all, cute girls. I would have liked for it to be a bit more "steamy," but overall, this movie is no different from bigger budgeted dramas except they have bigger names and more hype (typically undeserving). This is a very solid effort, and would have drawn more attention with better actors. However, there are some good performances from the lead "bad girl," and some other folks performed admirably as well. I really liked the sleazy agent who kept trying to put Jolie in compromising situations. The cinematography really captures the essence and allure of Miami. Will this go down as an all-time favorite of mine? No. Was it worth the viewing? Absolutely!
The Fountain (2006)
Horrible
This story went nowhere. Sure the graphics and cinematography were very good, but big deal. It's Hollywood. If you can't make a good looking picture in this town, then you are truly incompetent. What else is truly incompetent is the writing on this boring, confusing, unemotional (unless someone you loved died in the last 10 minutes) vanity fest. Writing has such a simple formula. That Hollywood continually green-lights projects that are of poor writing quality is a testament to the fact that in this so-called business, the basics still elude most of the so-called professionals. Imagine GM making a car that just didn't start, or didn't have wheels, or didn't have lights. Yet, the so-called movie business continually produces films that don't even cover the basis of sound storytelling. HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE...and it stunk.
The Illusionist (2006)
This movie is ridiculous
Eisenheim is a consummate professional. He leaves nothing to chance in his tricks. They are well-thought out and cannot be figured out. That's why his plan to save Sophie is so ridiculous. What if the Crown Prince doesn't follow her out to the barn? What if the Crown Prince kills her in the main house? What if the drug that Sophie gives him works too soon and he collapses in front of the guard outside the barn? You mean to tell me that a drug is so precise that they know he will pass out as soon as he gets in the barn, assuming he even follows her? What if the Crown Prince doesn't kill himself in the end? In all instances, the illusion would come to a quick end. Does this sound like a plan that a genius like Eisenheim would come up with? A script that builds a plan based on several unlikely events happening is a bad script. Plain and simple. You people are suffering from The Halo Effect. Just because Norton is a great actor and the cinematography is good, doesn't mean that the underlying story is good. And from a structural standpoint, this script repeats itself every ten minutes in Act 2. I was bored during the movie, and when the great 'reveal' was made, I was just disgusted that the writer/director assumed that so many people would suspend their common sense. However, he was right.
BloodRayne (2005)
I accept his boxing challenge - Bloodrayne is horrible
This is just poor storytelling, plain and simple. Someone needs to teach Boll what the three act structure is all about, and how not to have an immediate payoff for each action. That would allow him to actually add some suspense to this nonsense. Bottom line though is that in lieu of any actual creativity in this genre, he dredges up the same ol', same ol'. Perhaps if he studied vampire lore a bit more, he could actually find some dynamics that for some reason have never been explored. Let me say this plain and simple, "I accept Boll's boxing challenge." And having said that, there must be a payoff for me when I win. He must agree to produce my script "The Chronicles of Vamien," which is a unique vampire story. And yes Uwe, I am a produced screenwriter, who will not allow the so-called experts to ruin my project again. Just reply to my email: califkid@verizon.net.
Spun (2002)
See it for Chloe
I say the movie is average, but seeing Chloe Hunter as the stripper is worth 10/10. The acting is fine, but the plot moves much too slow and there's really nobody and no cause to root for. Also the frenetic directing does wear you down after awhile.