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The Lodge (2019)
Massive disappointment !
I can't believe how utterly rubbish this was film was. Ide waited so long to see it but wish ide spent those 2 hours counting how many blades of grass there are in my garden instead.
Awful boring characters, stupid storyline and I actually feel a bit depressed now.......it's that bad !
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Brilliant but traumatizing for a true fan !
Having grown up with this franchise, which is only 1 year older than me, has been an absolute pleasure.
New Hope, Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi are the only one's you ever really need to see imo.
The prequels are just rubbish and were unnecessary to the saga.
I hated The Force Awakens because they killed off my childhood hero Han Solo, unfortunately The Last Jedi didn't fix that.
The Rise Of Skywalker also didn't but it absolutely blew me away. I sobbed through half of it whilst also in awe of how the story ends.
Any true lifelong fan will find it slightly traumatizing and a complete rollercoaster of emotions, but will also commend what they have just seen.
47 Meters Down (2017)
Blows The Shallows out of the water !
When you consider the amount of crap shark films that keep popping up it's pretty wise to be cautious about watching any........this one however is more than worth a watch........and considering ide never even heard of it until I stumbled on it filled me with dread as I pressed the 'play' button. Thankfully I was pleasantly surprised.....for me it knocked socks off that tripe The Shallows........there is plenty of shark action and it really keeps you on the edge of your seat with the sheer terror and suspension involved. I never go into story telling in my reviews as that's what trailers are for etc, but far as im concerned it's a solid and believable tale that in all fairness could have been done way before now with a bigger budget and better actors. If you can grit your teeth for the first 15 mins and ignore the ott and annoying acting of one of the girls then you should enjoy this film........don't want to spill anymore........enjoy......and I really don't care if you find this review useful.......just saying my piece ;)
The Shallows (2016)
Ridiculously over rated and ...........
......to compare it to Jaws in anyway is an absolute insult. CGI shark that you only actually see in total for around 2 minutes of the film is quite lame, I just don't understand how people are so impressed with it. The seagull is actually the star of the show here and I was routing for him more than Nancy ! Some of the sharks behaviour was completely ridiculous........when has a great white ever jumped out of the water onto a pile of rocks for its prey ?! Just a completely unbelievable story that could have been so much better overall. On a positive note the cinematography was good as were 6 mins of the film........the other 80 were very disappointing.........don't rush to the cinema for this one, borrow someone's DVD if they buy it !!!!!!
The Conjuring 2 (2016)
OMG.....modern day 'Exorcist' with extras
I am a massive horror fan and have been waiting many years for something that could even come close to the classics like Exorcist....Omen...etc etc.....boy did I find it in this one ! I was absolutely floored at how anyone was capable of creating such genuine heart stopping tension and fear within in a film these days but Mr Wan I salute you !!!! Im not one to go into telling the story of a film as that's what the trailer and synopsis are for......just know that this is an outstanding film for this genre and age and please ignore the trolls trying to defame it......it's fantastic and I hope others enjoy it as much as I did and are also eager to see number 3 !!!
Creed (2015)
Didn't have high hopes.....but........
OK so im a massive fan of the Rocky films and my favorite is IV (4)......yes I hear the drones.......but hey each to their own ! V was just an insult full stop but I did hold a bit of a soft spot for Balboa as it could have been a lot worse but it satisfied just about.....So then Creed came along and much as I thought it was gonna be garbage it just wasn't to me.......the general feel of the film made me think it wasn't an insult to the originals, it had respect for them in it's brief flashbacks, didn't play on them......copy them.......it was a fantastic credit to them in the modern way which a lot of modern sequels are unable to do these days !!! Im not going to give anything away here, apologies if that's what your looking for in a review......all ill say is Creed is well worth a watch to any true and original Rocky fan !!!
Dancer and the Dame (2015)
Poor attempt at a K-9 rip off - how bloody rude !!!!!
OK so first off K-9 is my all-time favourite film and the reason I find myself living with numerous of these ridiculous creatures aka German Shepherds.......so obviously im going to be a lil biased........however from the moment I saw the trailer I just knew this 'film/waste of a chunk of my life' was never gonna be Oscar worthy but had to give it a go as there was a Shep in it.........never a good reason to watch a film granted but still......I gave it a go.......
BOY did I wish I hadn't as far as being an avid film watcher......but I do have to give considerable kudos to the adorable Princess who is the only character worthy or any credit.......perhaps that's because she doesn't actually say anything, she just does her cute and cheeky German Shepherd thing.......as they do ! Poor plot, terrible acting, Billy is no Dooley and bless Princess but she's no Jerry-Lee........even in the 'bar scene'........seriously why......it's such an obvious rip as is the 'handcuffed to the car' one and the 'get in the car challenge' and the 'sniff in the warehouse' etc etc.......gee's Hollywood/ripoffwood c'mon......why not name it 'K-9 Rip-off' tsk tsk !!!! If you would like to watch this film anyway I suggest simply putting it on in the background of a knitting fest, starting to pay attention at aprox 30 mins and then turn away at any scene that doesn't involve Princess !!! It's a shame really that the poor dog was subjected to appearing in such trash, I hope for her sake she has moved on to better things !!!!!!
Savaged (2013)
I Spit On Your Grave with a twist.........
I stumbled upon this film during my weekly search for horror, scares and gore.....I found all three in this one, was pleasantly surprised, and glad I did after all the tripe we seem to get these days.
If this is to be classed as a 'B' movie, then it's up there with the best of them. For an extremely low budget, the cast and crew have done an amazing job and as an extreme hater of 'CGI', what little there was was believable and very effective to the point of stomach churning and grimacing !!! I don't want to give much away in terms of the plot as the storyline doesn't need much elaboration but if your seeking a good revenge style horror then this is a film for you...........and if you ever thought a horror film couldn't pull at your heart strings then think again !!!
Jurassic Shark (2012)
The WORST film ever made - FACT !!!
Now I have watched 1000's of films over the years and quite a few terrible ones.......but this film takes the biscuit in being bad.
From the first scenes of two girls chatting they use phrases such as 'you spaz' and 'what the f'......I just knew it was going to go downhill from thereon.
Terrible over-the-top acting, poor filming/photography, lame storyline and effects that could have been done using an 'etchasketch' pad !!! To sumarise.......think of the worst film you have ever seen, times it by ten and you are still not even halfway there on how diar this was ! It doesn't even deserve a 1/10..........it makes 'Jaws the revenge' seem like the best shark film ever, if you have seen that you will understand what I mean.
Srpski film (2010)
Absolutely disgusting, unnecessary and in NO WAY art or entertaining!!!
Now I LOVE my horror, gore, video nasties, scary stuff etc and have watched pretty much everything there is out there........I heard about 'Serbian Film' and have to admit like most people with my kind of film interest just HAD to see it ASAP purely to see if it lived up to the hype. Well I wish I hadn't now wasted those 2 hours of my life for many reasons. 1) The storyline is basically 'past-it porn star signs up for a snuff film' 2)The film drags and drags on and then there is a disgusting scene blah blah.............. Now if you want to watch a man assisting a woman in the birth of her baby and then straight away drop his pants and start raping it infront of her whilst it screams uncontrollably you seriously need help. That should have put you off even reading any further but if it didn't the main actor finds himself viciously raping his own son who has been drugged........I really am not going to say anymore. If stuff like this attracts you to a film then you have major issues......I don't care about the 'dialogue, the pretty scenery, the atmosphere' blah blah as this film is DISGUSTING and Unnecessary :( I snapped the DVD the minute after ide finished watching it, then put it in a bin bag.....in next doors bin !!!!!
Eden Lake (2008)
Wow - NEVER felt like this after any film I've seen..........
Erm.........what can I say.......wow ??? OMG ??? eurgh ???? I've seen 1000's of films, all the 'banned nasties' etc etc.......and nothing comes close to this in my book........Perhaps its because its original.....or very realistic to this current day.......either way I don't know whether I want to cry, scream, shout, be sick or what as I am that shell-shocked at what I've just seen !!! Long story short, young coupe set out for a romantic weekend and come across a bunch of louts with horrifying consequences. There are some stomach churning scenes of BRUTAL violence and some adrenalin pumping moments that just made, even me (a gore fan) squeam at the thought.
I felt violated after watching this film hence why I gave it 10 out of 10 and I doubt i will ever feel this way about a film ever again. After wanting to recommend to friends, I also felt guilty to put them through watching it.............a MUST SEE.....but NOT for the faint hearted.....you have been warned lol :)
The Woman in Black (2012)
VERY disappointing - Don't believe the hype !!!!
I gave this film a 3 out of ten and that is being generous for my standards. I don't comment on a regular basis but just had to say my piece 'out there' for people to see. Having waited months since seeing the first trailer I was so excited to get hold of this film and when I read the reviews on here - well I thought all my Christmas's had come at once........how wrong I was :(
There is a slightly eerie atmosphere within the small village where events keep happening but as far as anything else is concerned I felt like I was watching a PG film. The few 'jumpy' scenes were predictable and there just wasn't enough to the film in general.........oh and it takes an hour to even start to get going.
I feel very let down with this film, if you want to see something scary watch Insidious !!!!!
K-9 (1989)
My favourite ever film - unbeatable !!!!
Never in my life have I seen such a great film !!!! I spent years trying to find an original copy after wearing out my version that I taped off the T.V. My local stores all told me that it was out of print and I had no chance of getting it - well I finally managed to and it now takes pride of place on top of my t.v set. This film is hillarious and a must for any German Shephard (Alsation) lover. Having one myself kinda makes me a bit biast but who cares - this film really is fab. Mike Dooley is an undercover cop who is always getting into trouble is paired up one day with the lovable Jerry-lee (Alsation from the police pound) from there the journey embarks with many a laugh as they investigate a drugs bust. Miss this at your peril !!!!!! Its definatly an 11 out of 10 :o)
Dog Soldiers (2002)
Fantastic...........Well recommended............Fab
How anybody can slate this film goes beyond me - it is the best low-budget, unknown actors and british film for decades !!!! It is original, scary, boasts great effects and keeps you glued to the screen for every second. Six soldiers are on a training excercise when they stumble upon an operation by the SS that seems to have gone horribly wrong, all of a sudden werewolves appear and ...........im not going to sit here and ramble on about the whole film - watch it for yourself and don't take any notice of people that slag it off - it is an ace film and well under-rated - definatly one for the horror fan !!!!
Rosso sangue (1981)
Better than Anthropophagus........
Contains Spoilers After months of searching I finally managed to get hold of an uncut version of Absurd in u.k format. What an utter disapointment, I spent most of my time laughing at the cheesy effects - all fair and well due to the age of the film though. Unfortunatly not a lot turns my stomach and im far from easily scared so this film really didn't live up to all the hype I had heard about it. There is some quite graphic gore like a nurse getting a drill through her head (quite close up) and even better a man with a bandsaw going through his skull. Towards the end there is a scene where the killer puts a womans head in the oven and turns it on but it is dragged out for about 20 mins and just spoils the whole film entirely. The only other scenes of gore are a young girl getting a pick axe through her head but not in any detail and the killer getting a compass poked in his eyes. The final scene is of a young girl hacking off the killers head with an axe and presenting it to her family when they finally return home stating "theres no need to be scared anymore" and then the film ends abruptly. Maybe I am too young to appreciate this film entirely but its definatly not one I would rush out to buy/rent etc as to me it was a big disapointment. :o(
Antropophagus (1980)
Terrible..........
How anyone can say this is better than its sequal "Absurd" goes beyond me. I saw this film (uncut) straight after Absurd and kept wondering when it was actually going to start - there is one initial scene where a guy on a beach gets a meat cleaver through his head (extremely unrealistic effects) and then the next "excuse of gore" is a head in a bucket which is so pathetically unreal I nearly split my sides with laughter !!!! The so called famous fetus eating scene is about the only thing that could atract anyone to watch this film and even that is poorly done. The whole concept behind the idea is definatly sick if you sit there and think about it but the effects really are poor and as for everyone talking about suspense and quality music - oh dear, I don't think you watched the same film as me. There is far too much cheesy greek "plate smashing" music, too many scenes done in the dark - to the extent where you can't actually see half of the film - and just no need to watch it - not even out of curiosity !!!! Trust me, do not waste 90 mins of your life watching this one - it is dire !!!!