Reviews

As a Star Wars movie this is one that you can safely wait for on DVD without really missing anything. The overall story of the movie is fine which is basically a heist film that recycles Star War tropes and set in this universe which gives a back story to our favorite rogue.

Big problem with the casting though! While Donald Glover and Alden Ehrenreich are fine actors neither of them pull off Lando and Han convincingly which is a shame since there are other actors out there (I'm looking at you Anthony Ingruber) who could have performed these characters so close to the originals that we love.

Paul Bettany is great as Dryden Vos but we never get the feeling that he's as sinister as most Star Wars villains and Emilia Clark plays Han's love interest but her whole story is completely confusing at the end of the movie. Lando's personal droid L3 is the most annoying part of the movie on par with Jar Jar Binks and was an awful decision on the writer's part to include in the film. If it was intended as humor it fell completely flat and just served to annoy everyone instead. There's a cameo at the end of the movie that is puzzling since the character died in a previous movie and probably would have been better served, and made more sense, by replacing him with Jabba or someone else related to the crime underworld.

Honestly the film is mostly entertaining but not worth the money to take your family to the theater for. Wait for this one on DVD.

It's not even arousing, this film is pure comedy. The plot is this, 5 black guys sit around talking about how awesome white girls are in bed. One guy has never done a white girl and says they don't turn him on. So as each guy relates his story we go into a flashback that is the sex scene. The scenes are funny with one scene including a man eating cake off of a woman's nether regions and marveling at how delicious it is. Finally they get the one guy to take on a white girl at the end of the film. The music and lines in this movie will have you rolling. If you can locate this hard to find and out of print movie it'll be well worth an evening of hilarity. Check it out!

I had the displeasure of picking this DVD up on sale and watching it a few days later. I loved the first Resident Evil and thought it did well for a video game to big screen adaption. (A genre not known for producing block busters by any means!) In a nutshell, this movie sucked donkey balls. Apparently they decided to have this guy named Alexander Witt direct the movie. His name should actually be changed to Alexander Wittless or at least they could have attributed the credit to Alan Smithee. The direction was terrible at best and the first half of the movie was extremely choppy, with little regard to defining any characters, and featured some of the lamest action scenes that I've seen in a long time.

The movie starts off with the town of Raccoon City being quarantined due to all of the zombies escaping from the Hive facility. (Where the zombies came from was shown in the original.) Milla Jovovich is back as Alice and we find that the T-Virus has managed to merge with her body making her extremely powerful. (Does this sound like Alien: Resurrection by any chance?) Her mission? Survive in the ruins of Raccoon City and try to find a way to contain the virus all while avoiding a beast named Nemesis who is hunting her. Alice doesn't do it alone in this one as she soons recruits a small gang of moronic characters to help in her quest. (One of the dumbest scenes where she crashes through a church window on a motorcycle for no apparent reason.) After a flashy opening we are left with a weak story, laughable dialogue, acting only William Shatner could be proud of, dumb music video like action sequences, and a climactic confrontation with a creature that looks like a mix between the Toxic Avenger and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Actually, that last comment isn't being fair to the Toxic Avenger as most Troma movies are more entertaining than this bloated piece of *****. I kept asking myself: Come on, this movie isn't really taking itself seriously is it? Is this supposed to be a spoof? Is this some "fan cut" of the movie or something? Fans of the original: Stay away from this one!

I saw this last night at the local theater and was completely disappointed. What a borefest this was. This one picks up where the original, which I loved, left off and starts with a couple of teens with the tape. It seems that tape has really gotten around since the last movie and eventually it makes its way to the small town where Watts and her creepy kid retired to. (As you remember, anyone watching the tape has to make a copy for someone else to watch or they'll get killed by Samara.) This movie was extremely slow paced and only had a few scares in it. One totally ridiculous scene had our heroes attacked by a bunch of obviously CGI deer. Real stupid and not at all scary. The deer have nothing to do with this movie except as a lame attempt at being scary. I fell asleep for 15 minutes in the middle of this flick, woke up, and realized I hadn't missed anything. A friend said it was like watching paint dry.

The plot is so stretched out that they could have easily made this a 30 minute episode of the Ring on TV and not cut anything out. The best scenes were with Lumburg from Office Space and Sissy Spacek.

I loved the first Ring and just can't understand how the sequel could be such a dud.

Not many people know about this gem by Lucio Fulci. It's known by many titles: Zombie, Zombi 2, Zombi Flesh Eaters, and so on. The story is simple, a boat arrives in New York harbor with no one on-board except for an extremely obese zombie. The boat is own by a scientist doing research on the faraway island of Matool but he is not on the boat. So his daughter and a reporter head out to Matool to find out what happened to him. Well, little do they know that the island is cursed and inhabited by a large number of zombies. After arriving on the island with another couple who gave them a boat ride the action really starts to heat up until the fiery finale.

The style of this movie is really what makes it and that is in turn enhanced by Fabio Frizzi's haunting score. Most of the zombies in this movie look as if they've been dead and rotting for a long time, the way they SHOULD look and not with some blue makeup BS that occurs in many other zombie flicks. There are scenes in this movie that have to be seen to be believed like the shark vs. zombie underwater battle and when Dr. Menard's wife gets turned into a smörgåsbord for the undead.

Check it out zombie lovers and you won't be disappointed!

I know many people will disagree and say that "Halloween" is Carpenter's best work and that movie definitely is a masterpiece but "The Thing" has it all for me. Rob Bottin's special effects were so awesome at the time and still look good today. Who could forget Kurt Russell's strong lead character and the great supporting cast? Not only does this movie have truly disturbing gore scenes, it also has riveting action and a binding tension running throughout. The story is outstanding and definitely sequel worthy. Also, the musical score is minimal but provides just the right amount of backing in the film. It's too bad that some of the effects of the Blair Monster had to be scrapped for the final film so that the audience could see more details in it. Highly recommended. If you haven't seen this film go out and rent or buy it today.

Well I was kind of hoping for a movie set in the same period, the Victorian Era, as the book but Steven Spielberg decided to go for the modern day era. It makes sense to a degree and he does manage to pull it off. Normally I find Tom Cruise somewhat annoying but he was tolerable in this in his role as an irresponsible, divorced father. The first 30 minutes are quite a treat and the alien tripods are truly frightening as looming machines of death. The aliens on the other hand are too cutesy looking and didn't come off as the jealous and spiteful tentacled masses that H.G. Wells originally envisioned. There are some serious plot holes like where the tripods originated from as well as other finer details. The movie starts to sag around the middle and the end comes abruptly. Still, this is a decent summer action flick for a night at the drive-ins or at home in your living room.

As a side note, check out Jeff Wayne's musical adaption of "The War of the Worlds" to see cooler styled tripods and hear a memorable interpretation of the original book.

I've been a fan of the 4 for a long time and used to read the comics as a kid. Years ago a Rogert Corman version of this was made that I saw and it wasn't that fantastic. So I didn't have very high expectations for this movie. I caught this at the drive-in as a double feature with "War of the Worlds". Well, Fantastic Four turned out to be a pretty good action flick. Most of the actors fit their parts really well. Michael Chiklis was great as the Thing. Chris Evans and Ioan Gruffudd were perfect in their roles as Johnny Storm and Richard Reed, respectively. Jessica Alba and Julian McMahon weren't really right in their roles as Susan Storm and Victor Von Doom but they were acceptable I suppose.

Visual effects were top notch, the CGI didn't look too cheesy and there were some great scenes using them. When Johnny Storm turns into the Human Torch it really looks cool.

The story was fair and they didn't stay true to the comic. Dr. Doom is merely a genius in a suit, a lot like Iron Man, and doesn't have electrical powers like those depicted in the movie. Even though the story deviates from the comics it's acceptable enough and is entertaining. The characters though, are exactly like the comic. The constant banter between The Thing and Human Torch is dead on and Chris Evans provides much of the movie's humorous moments. Mr. Fantastic's egg headedness is so straight from the book.

Overall this is an entertaining super-hero movie that the whole family will like.

I had the pleasure of viewing yet another odd addition to the zombie horror genre: Hard Rock Zombies. Our movie starts out with some blond chick hitch-hiking on the highway who then gets picked up by 2 guys in a sports car, goes skinny dipping with them, and then kills them both while a man accompanied by 2 weird midgets (one of which is deformed) photographs the entire event. Then we are introduced to the main characters of our flick, a rock band, led by Jessie who is the bass player and lead singer. They're jamming at a gig and then head into a back room after the show to have some fun with the groupies. While in the back room, a strange girl named Cassie warns Jessie not to play their next gig in this town called Grand Guignol. When he asks for an explanation she doesn't give him one and leaves Jessie hanging. Problem is, they can't skip the next town because a big shot talent scout is going to be there to watch the show.

So they go to Grand Guignol anyways even though they've been warned. On the way, Jessie is fumbling around with an ancient incantation he found while playing it over a rock bass line. They show up in the town, which is composed of stereotypical local yokel folks, and dance around. Yes, that's right - dance around. See, Hard Rock Zombies is also a musical and whenever the movie takes you into a musical number it's shot like a music video. This is pretty hilarious since the music is standard cheese ball 80's stuff and the antics in the video are lame at best. Still, I'm laughing.

Well, wouldn't you know, the same blond chick from the opening scene lives there and offers to put the band up in her mansion vice the local hotel. They accept since every one of the members wants to nail her except for Jessie who is falling for the odd Cassie girl. Unbeknownest to our heroes, Adolph Hitler, Eva Braun (who is also a werewolf), and the photographer with his 2 weird midgets also live in the mansion. The town is also not happy that they've arrived and quickly pass a measure to ban all rock and roll music at a town meeting. Jessie finds out that his incantation is effective for bringing the dead back to life after fooling around with it in his room. He then records it with his bass line and tells Cassie to play the tape at their graves should something tragic happen to him and the band.

Sure enough, Adolph and his buddies kill the entire band in various ways including one scene that's an obvious tribute to Hitchcock's "Psycho". The heart broken Cassie laments at Jessie's grave and then plays the tape. Voila! Our heroes emerge from the grave, looking paler, and proceed to walk and dance around the town like robots. Yes, that's right, LIKE ROBOTS. The standard groaning, lumbering slowly, and arms straight out zombie gait does not apply here. Oh yeah, and this is set to another cool song with the accompanying music video. Groovy!

Our heroes take revenge on their antagonizers and then play their gig to an audience of one: the talent scout. Another music video accompanies this bit and it's a sentimental ballad dedicated to Cassie. Things get crazier from there. More people come back from the dead and the deformed midget sits at the dinner table and decides to eat HIMSELF. The town residents go into a panic and devise humorous ways to defeat the zombies. Finally one person convinces the rest that they need a virgin to be ravished by the zombies at midnight on a full moon so that the zombies will slumber for 100 years. Guess who the virgin is?

I won't give away the ending but the deformed midget does succeed in eating himself and Hitler's gas chamber makes an appearance. Hard Rock Zombies has gotten crap reviews on almost every site that I looked at. Well, I think that what these people were missing was that Hard Rock Zombies is not a movie to be taken seriously. This is strictly campy fun and I got quite a few laughs from it. Hard Rock Zombies succeeds as a horror based comedy, not by design, but only by serendipity.

Saw this one over at the local electronics store for $10.99 with a recommendation on the front that it was a "worthy addition to any gorehound's DVD shelf" by Rue Morgue. So I figured I couldn't go wrong on this one. I shoulda put it back on the shelf and invested in that 6 DVD "Lone Wolf and Cub" collection instead. Where do I start? OK, the plot. Well, the plot isn't much of a plot. It's in a world where zombies are overunning society and our story centers around a group of police like soldiers called the Zombie Squad. They're guarding a facility where some scientists are working on a cure for the epidemic. Meanwhile in another part of town a cult run by a guy wearing old people's sunglasses, you know those huge black ones, is doing human sacrifices and worshipping the zombie epidemic mainly because the cult leader's son was turned into one. The cultists are causing problems with the Zombie Squad and scientists over philosophical differences and that's where trouble begins. So, that's the story really. The major characters are named after famous horror directors like Raimi, Romero, Carpenter, etc. (Side note: The box claims that this film was made with the help of a LEGENDARY Hollywood Director. This is misleading. It turns out that Sam Raimi of "Evil Dead" fame merely helped finance this pile of dung.) The acting ranges from competent to "go back to the drama club... PLEASE". I mean some of these performances are just god awful bad and it's apparent why when you look through the DVD extras. There's an audition section on there where they show that everyone in the movie were just walk on's whose only requirement in the audition was to tell an interesting story about themselves and scream. No acting out any dialogue or anything. Well, you get what you get I guess. The special effects were pretty cool in some parts of the flick and lame in others. I've read some reviews that said the effects were awesome. Believe me, they are not. They're not even really that gory except for a shot here and there. Factor in that this film was shot in Super 8, a filming format not even up to stuff with an average $300 video camera you can get today, and you get the picture.

The box claims that this film was digitally remastered. I hate to break it to the film makers but transferring the original Super 8's to DVD does not constitute digital remastering. There's also a Dolby 5.1 soundtrack but it doesn't enhance the experience. I barely noticed anything significant coming from my rear speakers. The DVD is loaded with extras but they are pretty boring. One amusing extra is the "Frightvision 2000 Reunion" clip. It shows some of the original cast members and director talking about how looking back on it again they've realized what a wonderful film they made. I guess time really does make you forget. There are maybe 15 or 20 people in the audience listening to them talk one of which is some goth guy whose face says "please shoot me now".

All in all this one isn't recommended kiddies unless you are into self-torture.

I caught this on TV one day when I was bored and waiting on some people. The movie kept my attention the entire time because it was so god awful. Corey Haim in a Bruce Willis "Die Hard" type role, Alan Thicke playing a hardened police chief, Dick Van Patten as a general, and a bunch of goofy terrorists who just happen to have as super model type as one of them. How can you go wrong? The special effects are lame, especially the guided missile that looks like a rocket model kit that you build at home only on a bigger scale.

This movie is terrible, make no mistake about it. But it's so terrible that you can't help but laugh and watch to see just how cheesy it's going to get. It's actually quite entertaining.

The version I saw was titled "Croaked: Frog Monster From Hell". Well, this movie did have some funny parts in it but not enough to sustain a 90 minute flick. In between each funny part you had to bear through 10 - 15 minutes of just talking, talking, talking. The plot involves an island, a lost treasure, a little kid and the adult he becomes that narrates the movie, a scientist, and some yahoos looking for the treasure. In certain scenes in the pond where Rana lives you clearly hear an oboe playing the Jaws theme. Rana turns out to be more like the creature from the black lagoon than he does a "frog monster". I won't spoil the ending but hopefully you can stay awake for it.

I got this movie in a Troma gift box and it was titled "Video Demons Do Psychotown". Now, judging by the cover and description on the back, about 45 minutes into the movie I thought I may have gotten the wrong disc packaged in my case. So I paused it and looked at the box again. The cover featured a man in a Mohawk popping out of a TV screen and the movie description promised things like "video demons control your every move" and a "gruesome journey into a world of subliminal psychic nightmares". Sure enough there were 3 stills from the flick on the back.

In actuality this movie is a boring murder mystery flick about two college students finishing up a documentary for a film school final project. Both leads are wooden and this movie features some lame ass love scenes. There is a lot of talking and repetition none of which builds up to any kind of climax in the end. There are a total of 3 murders and about 4 or 5 love scenes over the course of 90 minutes. That breakdown right there should clue you into what a total snooze-fest this picture is.

And Troma, be a little more honest with your packaging. No one likes to be baited and switched like that and it's no wonder why this dud was slipped into the "Toxie's Top Ten" gift box.

I figured I'd comment on this movie after watching it again last night on the eve of the new Fantastic Four movie that just hit theaters. Well, this movie is good if you'd like to have a laugh and see just how far super-hero movies have come over the years. Most of the actors do a decent job except for the guy who played Johnny Storm, who is annoying as hell, and the actor playing Dr. Doom, who is just to campy to be respected as a bonafide villain. The special effects are OK for the time. (Some of them are a little cheesy like Johnny's cartoon flame and Reed's rubber arms.) Also, the plot was a little thin. It revolves around a machine that harnesses the power of a comet called Colossus. Well, this machine led to Dr. Doom's and the Fantastic Four's creation and also factors into the finale. Dr. Doom also intends to sap the Four's powers and imbue himself with them. There is a subplot with a guy named the Jeweler who steals the crystal used to run the machine and abducts the Thing's girlfriend for no apparent reason.

Don't get me wrong, this movie is not so bad that it's unwatchable. It's just cheesy and will get laughs out of you instead of invoking suspense and adrenaline rush. Some of favorite laughs were when the Thing leaves the crew and walks the city, the giant four logo coming towards the scene, every scene where Dr. Doom tries to be threatening, scenes with the Jeweler's cronies, the scenes where the doctor tries taking blood samples, "The diamond is a fake! AAAHHHH!!!!", and the 2 scenes were characters say "I love you!" Me and my girlfriend got a few laughs out of the movie. If you're a comic fan, or just a fan of super hero movies, it's worth checking out but just remember that this isn't a serious, dark, or dramatic super hero flick.

Bought this at the local Wal-Mart for $7.50 last week. I'm a big fan of H.G. Wells' book and Jeff Wayne's musical plus I wasn't too giddy about the Spielberg/Cruise adaption so I thought I'd check this out. I never heard of Pendragon pictures or even knew another version was being made. So I saw it sitting there on the shelf at a low price and thought I couldn't go wrong there. I figured it'd be a low-budget, made-for-TV movie type of flick with suitable special effects, music, etc. Boy was I wrong! The acting wasn't so bad with the exception of a couple people. The main character has the fakest mustache I've ever seen. Was it so hard to get a professional looking one or for him to grow one? The special effects, let's not go there kids. These effects look like rendered cut scenes from a circa-1995 video game. 2 scenes that come to mind as extremely bad are when a person gets stepped on by a martian tripod and the scene where a woman gets her blood sucked out by aliens. Pathetic. The musical score wasn't so bad but it was so overplayed that halfway through this 3 HOUR movie I was begging for a scene with no soundtrack and wanted to smash the composer's keyboard. Editing is an art lost on this director. You know, some scenes don't need to be as long and we don't need a lot of shots just showing a guy walking around.

All in all, I picked this film up with no expectations or pre-conceived notions and I was really disappointed.

I first saw this when it came out back around 1992. It's a good thing as WB sued the company who produced this due to some copyright violations. (I've heard they used sound from "Batman Returns" in the movie and Cal Jammer was wearing a commercially available Batman suit on the cover.) THe movie was recalled and destroyed. But, there are some copies still existing including the one I own. Basically this is a porno spoof of "Batman Returns." THe unique thing about this porno is that the performers actually act well and make the comedy of it all worth a watch. Cal Jammer plays Bruce Stain/Splatman very serious, just like the actual character. Madison does Catwoman as psychotic and aggressive. But the BEST performance is by Tony Tedischi who plays the Pornguin. This guy steals the show and also participated in a couple good sex scenes including a 6-some with the 2 women, one of them Ona Z, getting DP'ed by 4 guys. This movie spawns a number of one liners, who could forget the Mayor's assertion of "Poppycock!" when callers phone in crime reports? This is one flick you'll have to track down and see if you like porn, super hero's, and parodies.

I've seen quite a few local movies from area film makers, the majority of them being quite laughable at best, and "Daddy" is certainly one of the better efforts. This movie details the tale of a girl's abusive, her aided murder of him, and his subsequent rise from the grave to take vengeance upon his daughter and her co-horts. The acting is well done for a low budget movie though the special effects could have used a little more oomph to them. The story is also good and even features cameos from local people in certain scenes. (This movie includes my favorite "guy as a dog catcher" scene - $1 to Phil's Dad.) All in all I'd recommend this to Capital District residents or anyone that wants to check out a local product that's actually entertaining.