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Reviews
The Ice Harvest (2005)
I Feel cheated.
I was in my local library checking out the DVDs when I saw this title. Hmm, John Cusack, Billy Bob Thornton and the under-rated Oliver Platt, I thought I would give it a go. "A hilarious and unpredictable thriller", "a hugely funny crime caper" it screamed on the box. "cracks with outrageous laughs and slippery twists". There was no comedy in this film. None. Perhaps the only thing that made me smile was the scene in the garage / petrol station / gas station (*delete were appropriate) buying the cheap tat for his kids. It is a story that was told far much better with "Trapped in Paradise" (similar premise), and the old "two friends double cross each other" and this film was so slow. Can I have my £1 back, please?
The Devil's Rejects (2005)
Worst film ever?
Well, it's taken a long time, but I think I have just sat through the worst film of all time. Worse than Gummo, worse than Swept Away, worse than Big Fat Liar, worse than Bully, even worse than Freddie Got Fingered (and that is something I thought I would never write).
The acting is awful, god only knows what Geoffrey Lewis is doing in this mess, perhaps he needs to give his old mate Clint a call. I know it's not a laugh a minute fest, but this is a dull piece of excrement.
I watched it all to see if it would get any better. It didn't. Crap of the highest level.
AVOID.
The Catherine Tate Show (2004)
Garbage, totally unfunny comedy
What annoys me is that I am paying over £100 a year in a TV license to fund unfunny drivel like this - the schoolgirl character ("whatevvah") is done 100 times better by Matt Lucas in Little Britain (as Vicky Pollard), and the "comedy" is just not there. Is a swearing "old person" funny? I think not. I am not one of these people who watch a programme knowing I am going to hate it, and I am not an "old whinger" (I am 39 so I am a child of the Not the Nine O'Clock News generation - that was cutting edge stuff, and even 20+ years on is still funny - will they be championing Ms Tate in 20 years time - erm, no) but to be honest I watched the second episode of the unnecessary second series and smiled once. Please BBC do not give this woman any more airtime. Unfunny drivel to be avoided.
Mojo (1997)
Rubbish
I looked forward to watching this film and then realised that any hope of a coherent dialogue between the actors was swamped by the unnecessary swearing. Now I am not a prude in any way, but to shout obscenities at each other does not a good film make. Ewan Bremner is arguably one of the worst actors in the world at this time (witness his performance in the god awful Life of Stuff) & his "Cockney" accent is almost as bad as his Edinburgh accent. Avoid. How many more of these films "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang", "Beautiful Creatures" do we have to suffer before the film makers realise that the f-word, the c- word etc does not replace proper dialogue.
Slap Her, She's French! (2002)
Is this racist?
Just finished watching the film, this movie sucked almost as bad as the title, but a thought suddenly struck me, what would have happened if they had called the film "Slap Her, She's black"? or "Slap Her, She's Muslim"? or "Slap Her, She's Not American" (heaven forbid). Now I am not black, or Muslim, definately not French. I am a white Englishman, a Yorkshireman, religion-less (if that is a word) but perhaps that's just me. Avoid.
Blood Work (2002)
You'd be "Heartless" not to enjoy this - see what I did there??!? Oh well
As a Clint Eastwood fan I looked forward to watching this film, and I enjoyed it immensely, though I "got" who the killer was about 1/2 way through. Good performances all round. Jeff Daniels gives the best "slacker" performance since De Niro in Jackie Brown. Seek out.
Blow Dry (2001)
Dodgy Yorkshire Accents Ahoy!
Enjoyable for the most part, but some of the worst "Yorkshire" accents I have ever heard. Bill Nighy excellent as usual.
When Saturday Comes (1996)
C'mon You Blades!
What more can I say?
Sean Bean, Sheffield United, beautiful downtown Bramall Lane, the legendary Tony Currie, the usual shot of Sheffield seen from our very own "twin-towers" (all that is left of a power station next door to the Meadowhall Shopping Centre), Blades, Blades, Blades!
Yes it's corny, yes it's cliched (they would play an F.A. Cup semi-final at a neutral ground,trivia fans!), but this apart is an enjoyable piece of nonsense.
Also they had to film several scenes over and over again in the "match" sequence as the crowd, made up of specially invited Sheffield United fans) kept booing Mel "Porky" Sterland (who played for the "other" Sheffield team!!!) everytime he got the ball. Priceless.
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)
explosive! (ha ha)
Lots of bangs and crashes, lots of smashed cars and explosions, no it's not my wife driving down the M1 Motorway it's Ballistic. Who cares what the critics think (I wish I could get paid to see movies). Good solid actioner, brain-out-of-gear fun, but why don't film makers give bigger parts to Ray Park. 9/10.
Threads (1984)
Sheffield history
Recently re-watched the film, and it's nice (if that is the word) to see Sheffield as it was 19 years ago (and quite a lot has changed).
The film itself is testament to the efforts done by our esteemed collegues (USA and The Soviet Union) to blow the world to pieces, and it's frightening to think how close we came to all out nuclear war.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
awful!
I'll be brief, what was Rip Torn thinking about when he signed up for this - absolute rubbish from start to finish. It's obvious that Tom Green hasn't an ounce of comedy in his body, cringeworthy garbage - That's all I have to say.