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andrewpgillies
Reviews
The Nun (2018)
I had checked out within the first 10 minutes.
This movie was so cliched that I was almost immediately aware of how sore my ass was.
It seemed like they wrote the script by listening to Judas Priest records backwards.
One of the worst films I have ever seen, and I am a life-long MST3k fan.
To be avoided like re-fried radioactive dog-eggs.
Altered Carbon (2018)
If Blade Runner was a 90s Skinemax movie
This show is absolutely gorgeous visually, but I thought that the script was a bit off.
Characters seem to do things because they set up an awesome action set piece, not because it matches their goals and motivations.
I was in up until the end of episode two, but I found myself thinking "this is kinda dumb".
I will probably watch the rest of it, since it is so pretty, but it feels a bit "ooh, look how dystopian everything is".
Dr. Moreau's House of Pain (2004)
what were they thinking?
As I said to the person I watched this film with at 3 am on the Horror Channel, 'I hope the one guy getting his jollies to this film is enjoying it, because there has clearly been some money thrown at this film!'
I am amazed that enough people who were competent to make a medium budget movie thought that this film was a good idea.
I can't believe that actual legal tender was thrown at something that, surely, only about 100 people worldwide would find erotic.
Of all of the films of the 1940's, I don't think that there could have been a worse choice for porno adaptation, this era of filmmaking is ripe for pornographic-plundering;
Assablanca? That could work.
A Beef Encounter, the plot just writes itself!
A version of The Stranger where Orson Welles sits on his hand for half an hour prior to visiting Rosie Palm and her five lovely daughters? A bit niche, but surely it has broader appeal than this?
Honestly, if I had $300,000 riding on people being turned on by my adaptation of a movie, you can be damn sure that I wouldn't gamble on people being turned on by cheap looking manimals, and (SPOILER ALERT) a lady with the worst fake breasts I have ever seen!
I give it 3 points for being so incredibly stupid that it becomes good!