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Moonfall (2022)
Qcumbers entering Hollywood?
QCumbers and Conspiracy Theorists will love this movie.
I mean, really...
As with most Emmerich films, the visuals are fine and dandy. Worth 5 points in ANY film rating.
But the WRITING and the plotholes! I mean. Come on.
Negative 3 points.
It's not even 'check your brain at the door' material. It's just utter nonsense.
Lunar Landers and nuclear weapons getting wrecked, and then being 'given an upgrade' so they work again?
It's as bad as Travolta's 'Battlefield Earth', but without the scientology background.
If only Mr Emmerich took a thousand bucks out of the SFX budget and gave it to really talented writers that weren't conspiracy theorists.
A big miss.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
You know what to expect, only less quality than that.
This movie is really not that great. Hammy acting, cheap storylines, (including Dr Strange manipulating the timeline so 3 college students can get a 2nd chance at Colllege!!!). What the hell is THAT nonsense.
And Spiderman, going to fight Dr Strange and risk the timeline again just to potentally save a few mortal enemies. I mean, it's really weak stuff. Dr Strange manipulating the timeline for stopping Thanos is one thing, but this!!!
However, of course the SFX are fine, and it's OK to see the 3 Spidermen on the screen at he same time.
Really quite average for a Marvel Movie.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
Yeah, well it is Star Wars.
Star Wars has taken a new turn with this one. From the original genius of Episodes 4 to 6, with it's marvellous cinematography, inspirational John William's score and phenomenal cast, we have now traversed the realm of 100% animation, somewhat lame casting voices, ho hum musical score and nonsensical plot. Here, we have 2 Jedi masters, Obi Wan Kenobi, and Anakin Skywalker, travelling the galaxy in search of all things, Jabba The Hutt's son. The idea being if the little ball of saturated fats can be rescued, the Hutts (who are crime lords after all!!) will allow the good guys access to the trade space lanes which will give an advantage over Count Dooku's bad guys. Being a Star Wars plot, the rest of the story should be fairly obvious.
It's hard to decipher what the producers were after in this one. It can't be just for kids, as the violence, while low impact, is continuous. It can't be for adults, who would find the animated story and plot too silly. It could only be for fans of Star Wars, begging for more canon. If that is the case, there would be many more successful stories that could have been worked on. Perhaps the Grand Admiral Thrawn trilogy would have been a better choice. Those books have merit, and possibly would have been a better choice even with the animation.
Overall... Ho hum. 5/10
God of War (2005)
Not bad for mindless drivel.
You know, in today's video game environments, there is a lot of absolute garbage out there. People releasing anything just to make a buck. Mindless repetitive car racing games, brainless DOOM type games. The days of the great Final Fantasy story lines are gone.
This game IS mindless drivel. It is INSANELY violent with gallons of blood, and there is not much to do other than to kill people.
Is is also mindlessly repetitive, with the above mentioned blood and guts and killing people about the only thing there is to do. Hovever in saying that, it is certainly a fun way to spend an hour or two. Graphically it is quite superior to many games out there. There IS an outline to a story somewhere hidden in the buckets of blood. Certainly NOT a Final Fantasy epic, but it IS a start.
If you are looking for a mindless game that has violence in SPADES, then this one is probably the one to buy. In small doses this game is actually quite addictive. But it is not for children....
Fainaru fantajî VII (1997)
The ultimate game.
If you are a parent concerned with your child's video game entertainment nowadays (non-stop blood, violence, sex and bad language), consider finding a copy of the PlayStation's Final Fantasy 7.
If your child complains that it is not cool to buy this instead of the latest Grand Theft Auto, you can tell them that this game does contain violence (continuous battle scenes and peril), it does contain bad language (A number of S*** words, and number of Damn and a number of Ass swearwords). SO the kids will think "OK violence and swearing. Might be cool after all"
If you as parents can live with the above, buy this game. It has about 70hrs of game play each time you play it. As soon as your kids put the CD's in, they will be thoroughly hooked. The FMV cinematic graphics are State of the art (for PS1). It is a game that really makes you feel for the characters thanks to the incredibly deep storyline. The music is incredible, perfectly suited for this game. No rap crap here, parents. General graphics are not perfect, but certainly acceptable, and this does not detract from the game play. Your kids will use their imaginations, and memory skills to remember the incredibly long and fantastic storyline. The only slight downer is the battle scenes can get repetitive after many hours of game play. I have never played, or probably ever will play a game that really makes you feel for the characters as this game has. All of the later Final Fantasies have tried to copy this part of the success of the game, but none of them (up to FFX-2) have truly succeeded. If your kids have an emotional bone in their body, don't be surprised if they come out of the bedroom crying their eyes out after about 40hrs of game play after witnessing probably the most poignant scene ever on a video game. This game has meaning, and will entertain probably 95% of youngsters (and adults alike) for years to come. The other 5% will probably end up in jail anyway when they turn 18. Try getting that from your Doom games or your other trash that has flooded the video game market (Grand Theft Auto comes to mind)
Graphics. 10/10 Playability 9/10 Music 12/10. Storyline 15/10 Value For Money
10/10.
This game is That Damn Good.
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
A good ending to the series.
SPOILERS INSIDE... SPOILERS INSIDE...
Well, the series has finished. After 30 years, the most technologically advanced film series ever is over. Life will never be the same again. The action is great, the special effects fantastic as well, the story, well, everybody knew what was going to happen anyway. Overall a thoroughly enjoyable Star Wars episode. It was good to see George Lucas pay a little homage to Timothy Zahn, the writer of the first trilogy of books after permission was given to expand the Star Wars universe in paperback form, by using Coruscant as the main planet, and also Kashyyyk, the home planet of the Wookies. Both these names (and the description of Kashyyyk) were dreamed up by Zahn and used in the movie. Good stuff. Score 1 for continuity... Just 3 things bothered me overall in this movie. 1.. In Ruturn of the Jedi, Leia speaks to Luke about her mother. Leia says she could remember her mother 'just a little bit, she died when I was very young'. Obviously, baby Leia could not remember her mother as she was about 2 minutes old when she died. This is probably the biggest continuity fault of the entire 6 film series. 2.. The TERRIBLE line in the film "Don't worry, C3P0 will be there to protect me". Padme is in danger, and she turns down a guard for C3P0 who will protect her.. Ugh. 3.. You can only throw in so many lame battle robot jokes and one liners in 2 1/2 hours of movie before they start getting on your nerves. However, General Grievious was a great inclusion when he was fighting Obi Wan. Great look.
It is a much darker film with much more violence than previous episodes. There are many decapitations by lightsaber and even images of 'dead' child Jedi trainees, having been killed by Anakin. Also worthy of note is a person being burned alive, and surviving. If your young ones are sensitive, maybe this is not the movie for them. Yet. But it WILL be the movie for you.
Overall, a thoroughly enjoyable 2 1/2 hours and an absolute necessity if you are even remotely an Star Wars fan. Score 9/10.
The Phantom of the Opera (2004)
Thoroughly Enjoyable.
CONTAINS SPOILERS CONTAINS SPOILERS....
The big screen version of Phantom Of The Opera is a delight on the big screen.
I absolutely ADORED the stage version seeing it 4 times in 2 different states. The music is fantastic, the story is fantastic and the singing was fantastic on stage. It was great to see the production able to expand, not being limited to the dimensions of the stage. There were some notable differences in storyline between stage and screen, noticeably the Chandelier drop, which occurred on stage at interval. Here it is shown during "Don Yuan Triumphant". Actually makes a bit more sense here than on stage.
Only one real downer in the movie. Some of the dubbing of the singing was quite poor (particualy in 2 spots). Also the Phantom's singing voice was a tad weak in the lower registers. Considering Christine has been 'well taught', maybe another Phantom would have worked better. However saying that, the Phantom's voice in the high register was strong and excellent, a real necessity in some of the pieces.
All the rest of the voice talent was excellent. The songs were excellent. The story was well told and sufficiently expanded for the screen. And the orchestral work was of course top notch. If you have seen the Phantom on stage, see this version. You will thoroughly enjoy it. If you like stage shows in general but haven't seen Phantom, you will certainly enjoy the movie. After all, Phantom of the Opera is the show that all stage shows try to imitate (and never succeed). If you live for Rap music or Heavy Metal music only, they use whatever small amount of brain matter you have and stay away from this. Better still, throw yourself off the nearest skyscraper you can find and do the world a favour.
SCORE 9/10.
Chicken Park (1994)
Awful, awful.
This movie was a TOTAL DISGRACE. How the hell 45 people can give this 10/10 on IMDB is completely beyond me. Without a doubt, one of the worst movies EVER.
There is a recommendation at the bottom of the page.
It should read something like this.
RECOMMENDATIONS. If you liked this movie, we recommend
PSYCHIATRIC HELP.
Fainaru fantajî X-2 (2003)
Hmmmmm.
Final Fantasy 7. Absolutely Fantastic. What an epic. Final Fantasy 8. A definate step down, but still OK for me. The card game was a good addition. Final Fantasy 9. Ok another step down. Graphics excellent as you would expect, but a step down none the less. Final Fantasy X. A step in the right direction. Blitzball got kind of repetetive however. Excellent graphics and music. Storyline just below FF7.
FFX2. Hmmmmm. I have just started this game, and I am hoping it will improve quickly. Graphics of course superb, but considering this is meant to be a sequel, it just makes no sense to me that a person who has been training all her life to be a high summoner changes to become a pop singer/ sphere hunter.
I can only assume Square has done market research into it's games and found females buying the games less than males. And I am afraid this seems to be the result. A CHICK FLICK aka Charlies Angels where the girls kick butt, and all the boys play second fiddle. This seems to be an attempt to increase sales in the 13-18yr old female section of the consumer market.
NEXT please Square. We need another top notch storyline like FF7 with the PS2's graphics.
Entry into the Big Brother House (2001)
Free to Air DISGRACE
Another one of these fake reality TV shows designed to rob the Australian teenager of 55c to vote someone off this show. The producers are making MILLIONS of Dollars off people too stupid to realise they are being legally robbed.
SPOILERS SPOILERS What happens is this. A group of people are locked away in a large house with every room being constantly monitered by closed circuit and infra-red TV. These can be monitored by members of the public who subscribe to the internet site that these bozos run. After a week, whoever you want to leave the house, you send an SMS message (at a cost of 55c) to a special number. The housemates have a say, viewers get a list to vote for, they spend their money, and off someone goes. The final contestant after some 3 months wins $250,000. It wouldn't suprise me to find out the entire thing is rigged just to keep those messages and votes coming in. ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. Hang your head in shame Channel 10.
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Part 2 of the best trilogy of all time
I have to admit, I wasn't as hooked on Two Towers as I was hooked on Fellowship. For the first viewing, that is. One thing about this trilogy, all the movies certainly requires watching at least 2 times to get all the detail. The amount of detail in each movie is simply ASTONISHING. After a second viewing, the movie grew on me, and I came to realise it for what it was. Yet another masterpiece. Casting is of course, superb. Music is superb. Everything is simply superb. Makes me want to live in New Zealand.
SPOILERS AHEAD.
This movie is suitable for persons able to sit through an HOUR LONG battle. The battle for HELMS DEEP is one of the most intense, action packed scenes ever filmed. Therefore, sensitive young children should not see this movie. If you have young kids, leave them at home and let them watch it in a few years time. This trilogy will be the benchmark in movie making for DECADES, so it will still be here when your kids grow up. While not strictly following every nuance of Tolkien's book, even hardcore Tolkien fans will enjoy the trilogy immensly. Expecting complete accuracy from book to film is not feasable as books and movies are very different forms of entertainment. A 3 hour ride in movie heaven.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
3hrs 20 minutes of movie magic.
Right. This comment is for the 0.0001% of the population who base their life on rap music, and judge how good a movie is by how many people get shot, mutilated, how much blood is spilled, how much bad language is spoken, or how stupid people behave in movies (ie Jackass). If this is you, then.... This movie is NOT FOR YOU. If you CANNOT sit in a theatre for 3hrs 20mins staying still and QUIET while a movie is being shown on the big screen with a classical music theme then GO AWAY and watch something else. Believe me, you will be doing the rest of the cinema goers a huge favor, as they will be watching the finale to the greatest movie trilogy of our time.
SPOILERS AHEAD SPOILERS AHEAD.
This movie is not suitable for young children for the battle scenes. The battle scenes are intense, and excellent. If you or your children HATE spiders, you might find yourself covering your eyes for about 15 minutes or so, as there is a HUGE one in the story. Apparently, Peter Jackson based Shelob on a New Zealand Funnel Web spider. Scary stuff, for sensitive viewers, but don't let this be the reason that holds you back from seeing the film, if you have arachnophobia. The orchestral score played during the Shelob scene adds a certain creepiness to it as well. Some of the scenes in this film can only be described as EPIC. The battle of Minas Tirith, The Lighting of the Beacons, and the Riding of the Rohirrim spring to mind. Once you see them, you'll know what I mean. Sensitive viewers may also like to bring a few tissues with them into the cinemas, as you will probably be needing them at the end of the movie. Peter Jackson has given the world the best movie trilogy ever made, and the bar has been raised for all other directors to follow suit. If they can remains to be seen. This is a movie that requires multiple viewings on the big screen to absorb all the detail. How beautiful is the South Island of New Zealand!!! The LOTR trilogy is expected to earn somewhere in the vicinity of $4 BILLION DOLLARS after the DVD run of ROTK. Not bad for a little known New Zealand director who read the book when he was young, and said " That would make a great film one day. I can't wait to see it" At 3hrs 20mins it's long but very well worth it. Thoroughly enjoyable. A masterpiece.
Rating 10/10
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Excellent viewing for everyone except young children.
WELL WELL. What a difference a few years makes when it comes to being a director! Peter Jackson (The man who gave us the aptly named BAD TASTE!) has certainly improved his directing skills I must say. LOTR Fellowship is truly an excellent movie. Shot completely in New Zealand, and cast superbly, this movie and the excellent sequels are movie masterpieces. I believe they will be looked at in awe for decades to come.
SPOILERS AHEAD
Some of the battle scenes, while not as large as in the sequels, are fairly intense and therefore, not suitable for sensitive young children. Anyone else however, should be ready for a three hour ride in movie heaven. The musical score is excellent. Great orchestral theme, highlighted by the use of some fairly unusual instruments played to perfection. The utilization of ENYA as a vocal artist in this movie is absolutely wonderful. The solo high voice as the fellowship exits the Mines of Moria is the perfect mix of visual sights, storyline and sound, one of the most effective I think I have ever seen. Peter Jackson with this trilogy, has lifted the bar of movie making to a whole new level. No wonder he is earning squillions of dollars for KING KONG. Thoroughly enjoyable.
Rating 10