Reviews

man, i really enjoyed this movie, but then i tend to enjoy movies where actors phone in their performances. have you ever seen anyone look as bored as sydney pollack? how 'bout the scene where he repeatedly calls bogart a "pussy." such energy. you can tell he really wanted to say those lines.

also, i like how the way they get you to sympathize with tom is by showing him petting dogs. oh, you missed it the first time? don't worry, they use the same scene about fifty times throughout the course of the movie. it warmed my icey heart.

i also liked the relationship tom had with his male friends. being a man, i felt it was an incredibly realistic portrayal of male bonding and the kinds of friendships i have with guys. again, totally believable. it honestly felt as though all the male characters were actually ONE CHARACTER with their dialogue divided into four different speaking roles. because they all had exactly the same personality.

how 'bout that one guy, dennis? man, he is such a dude. such a stone-cold, rugged, savage dude. "i'm gonna go to a strip club and eat some meat, then get into a fight." way to tell it to 'em, dennis.

i also like how after tom and hannah got into a fight, all was resolved 24 hours later and they never mentioned it again. yep.

i think sydney pollack summed up this movie with one word (culled from the aforementioned, destined-to-be-a-classic "pussy" scene): "crap." but say it with extremely low energy, 'cause that's all this movie deserves.

first off, i don't understand why or how dane cook became so successful. there is nothing funny about him. he doesn't tell jokes - he relates "stories" with very animated facial and physical gestures. and, often, looks like a monkey. dan fogler, too, is quite possibly the most annoying human being on the planet... especially his character in this movie. he is a disgusting, misogynistic pig. i would love for lionsgate to make "hostel III" starring dane cook and dan fogler - that would be a movie i would pay to see twice. now, on to the movie itself: the concept is ludicrous and makes absolutely no sense. seriously, this film must have been written by and made for people with nonexistent IQ's... because anybody that can tie their own shoes would realize how absurd this movie is and would never plunk down $10 for this piece of cinematic tripe. to even suggest that hundreds of beautiful women could never find a decent man on their own, and would have to resort to sleeping with a d-bag like dane cook to find a husband, is an offense to women everywhere. this movie is so incredibly misogynistic... where women are depicted as clueless, desperate pieces of "t+a"... that even i, a man and non-feminist, was offended by it. and we're supposed to like this schmuck because he agrees to sleep with his overweight secretary out of the goodness of his heart and says, "i'll only think of you (when we have sex)." please. please, please, please, if there is any justice in the world this movie will make $2 at the box office and garbage like this will STOP BEING MADE! this movie is not funny - it is an insult to anyone with a brain or a heart. just see "knocked up" or "superbad" instead, to see how to actually make a comedy that is both hilarious and heartfelt.

is it possible that tommy wiseau intended the film to be a "black comedy" all along, as the posters would lead one to believe? i don't think so - to have made a film this incompetent on almost every level is nothing short of a miracle. that's right, "the room" is a miracle, part of the holy trinity of bad movies that includes "troll 2" and "dangerous men" (another work of genius), and maybe even "the apple" depending on who you talk to (but then that wouldn't really be a trinity anymore, would it?).

***SPOILERS***

the film is full of many brilliant cinematic devices. the sight of tommy wiseau's naked torso causes men and women to scream in terror, as does "pleasantly plump" juliette danielle's throbbing neck. could it be that images like these were inspired by wiseau's deep affection for the cinema of David Cronenberg?

wiseau also has a mastery of staging that is unheralded in modern cinema, as is evinced by the scene in which denny and lisa kneel on the ground with an empty chair visible in the foreground of the shot. i have a feeling that the empty chair is not insignificant, or as claudette would say, "that is not nothing!" on the subject of claudette, i feel that in addition to her "definite" case of breast cancer she may suffer from dementia as well, given that she and lisa seem to have nearly identical conversations every time they share the screen. she may want to get that checked out.

and you may want to check out "the room." it will change your life and the lives of those around you forever. in the words of wiseau, "you may not like it, but you will learn something. that's what entertainment is: the process of learning."