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Jupiter Ascending (2015)
Rather shameful show
It is as if Lana Wachovski just have started exploring her girlhood and discovered some exciting fairy tales, Cinderella being her favorite, and so she wrote some fan fiction, modernizing the storyline as much as she possibly could. At the same time Andy W. tried mixing some old and clichéd sci-fi stories into some ordinary space opera.
And then the two scripts somehow got mixed up in a drunken car accident, some pages burned, but the surviving ones were picked up by the major studio, which had terrible shortage of story-writers (who all migrated to TV series). And the execs thrown into the mix a few draft pages dropped from Terry Gilliam waste bucket.
The result is appalling - both in visibly wasted money and effort and in sheer platitude of the whole show, - it is so painfully obvious that no wrinkling and twisting the bits of paper may ever replace thought-through complexity.
May be OK for retarded 10-year-olds, though. But then, there are a lots of better movies for this sort of audience.
The Nutcracker in 3D (2010)
Simply unwatchable
This is one of those movies that are extremely hard to criticize, because to write anything truly meaningful and deep one has to watch it from the start to an end, to get the message, to touch the elements of cinematography etc etc etc.
All this I found quite an impossible task. This movie is not simply bad, but it seems to take itself extremely seriously, so to take it lightly and poke some fun at it would be like to laugh at retarded kid on a wheelchair.
Any self-respecting person simply wouldn't do that.
I tried watching honestly, and ended up getting the first 12 minutes, cringing and moaning, zooming to the middle, moaning, zooming further, another half-a-minute cringe worthy bit...
As you zoom at 4x speed, you may find some screens worth your attention, but as you slow down to a normal speed and sound and acting starts coming through... Nope. Impossible.
I would rather open up a medical encyclopedia and enjoy some garish gangrene pictures.
Thanks
Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo (1966)
Absolutely unforgettable
This is one of the rare movies that bring joy to my heart when I re-watch it once every 2-3 years.
At the basis it has a very straightforward adventure story about the treasure hunt. But it is the sophisticated embellishments that stand out - character development, brilliant acting, intelligent script and sharp dialogues, memorable score, fantastic photography, attention to historical detail, concealed humour, - the ingredients one may enjoy as a whole dish or give attention to and taste separately.
Rather disparagingly called "spaghetti western" this movie stands well above most classical westerns, which seem simplistic, brutish, witless and lacking self-awareness in comparison - all up until Clint Eastwood' "Unforgiven".
Death Becomes Her (1992)
Another underestimated classic
The characters in this movie are cartoonish indeed (that's why Roger Ebert dismissed it), but this is the whole point.
This is a sort of broad and unflattering satire on predominant attitudes in our western pop culture that may leave a lots of people offended, - if they would really understand the message.
Brilliantly acted, especially Bruce Willis who was cast against his usual screen self.
Few twists in the plot to make you feel like you are on a roller-coaster ride.
Very satisfying end, touching on the taboo subject - death and how it could be good, not feared.
The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
Just brilliant
To put it in one sentence - it is a broad satire on human condition and western society, still very modern, sharp and subversive after 25 odd years.
Casting is spot on; it is one of the very best Jack Nicholson acting performances; he carries on through the movie with terrific energy, an absolute devil, if only a small one.
Susan Sarandon as Jane Spofford is a close match. She is a true witch; it is a great pleasure to watch her unleash her heroine true self.
Cher is very good, if only somewhat reserved. Michelle Pfeiffer has quite a few good moments.
The whole female trio works really well.
Veronica Cartwright over-the-top performance as an evil moralfag is another great, if somewhat guilty pleasure.
An absolute dark comic masterpiece with a lots of re-watch potential. Very undervalued.
The Meaning of Life (1983)
Live it forever
Nearly perfect and could have been better. Still, in its slightly unfinished and a uneven shape this movie stirs one's comical imagination and damages your straight view of the world permanently. From then onwards everything around looks more or less silly, no dope required thank you very much.
Inspiring, even in the most depressing topics.
Intelligent, although riotously silly in some episodes.
Eccentric, but always bright.
Tasteful, even when treating subjects like disembowelment, projectile vomit and nude women running.
Classic.
Divergent (2014)
Lots of money peed up the wall.
4 out of 10 because it is not bad enough to enjoy it in a wrong way. Utter mediocrity of a common garden variety, political correctness and cheesy acting does not qualify.
Total waste of bandwidth if you download it illegally too. Makes you wonder in what derogatory terms film producers discuss the target audience.
Don't really think that current 13-year-olds are THAT bad.
I watched it out of curiosity - what buttons the "creative forces" behind this commercial enterprise are trying to push, but I want my time back as they managed to miss even the most obvious ones.
Meet the Russians (2013)
People just don't get it.
It is the best satire on Putin's Russia I've ever seen. Plenty of humour, but it is pitch-black and as dry as a funeral drum, so Americans don't really get it in their mass audience. Perhaps one has to be a bit British to enjoy it fully.
Well, characters are revolting.... So what? Russians are exactly like that - self-obsessed and incapable to view themselves at funny angle, which actually makes them very funny! If they were not so aggressive and poorly educated.
As a future development of the same theme I suppose the Broadway musical show will do very well, providing Mel Brooks will agree to lease the Producers format and Mr. Putin is included in dance routine.
Springtime for Puutin and Ruuuu....sssssi-a! Autumn for poor Ukraine!
Gangster Squad (2013)
Borders on self-parody, but never crosses the line
It is so clichéd and over the top with acting and characters, you'd expect a wink or two, but no! It is messy, but not so awful to become overall laughable. It is so pompously serious, it is not funny, but not deadpan serious to set you in a humorous mood. It is in a bad taste, but completely lacks audacity of a B-movie. It has some CGI and a bit of a comic book feel, but fails to exploit the theme, so it just looks fake and bombastic. It has a promising Jewish villain, but is so meek, it is not even anti-Semitic.
So what is it? I would compare it to a heap of rat droppings you discover once in a while in your own basement. Sort of a signature act of a current mass culture.