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evan-brandao
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On Deadly Ground (1994)
This movie will make me stop recycling
This movie is not for the faint of heart. The professional martial arts sequences are perfectly choreographed, and as a former DOD, CIA and NSA operative, I can confirm they're authenticity and am very impressed.
More importantly, if an environmentally conscious individual and hero such as Seagal believes that explosions and property destruction do not harm the environment at all, I've decided that I will no longer continue to recycle.
Cats (2019)
This movie convinced me to stop being a vegetarian
I consider myself to be a rather well travelled person, and I have seen and been to a lot of terrible places. This abomination of a film is not only one of the worst, most disturbing movies I've ever watched, but it's one of the worst things I've ever seen across the board. As another reviewer pointed out, this film ruins cinema, food, animals and quite possibly, your life. I have a cat at home, and I don't think I can ever look at it again. I'm going to need therapy, and maybe even a good attorney. What a terrible way to end 2019. Jesus
Replicas (2018)
It's like Flatliners meets Pet Sematery
Can't believe this is by the same guy who did The Matrix and John Wick. Wow.
10 Grams (2015)
The Most Aggressive Movie Ever
I am a conoisseur of terrible movies. So far, the worst movie I've ever seen was Futureworld: The city of Mass destruction. None of my friends were able to sit through more than 30 minutes of it, but I saw the entire movie; twice. This movie is probably the second hardest movie to sit through that I've ever seen. It is aggressive and disturbing on so many levels. I watched this with my father, and he was speechless. This movie ruined whipped cream for me, as well as make me realize how stupid gangsters must be, especially to go through all this fuss over only about $1300. Overall, 2/10.
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
I will never sleep in my bed again
This is truly a ridiculous movie. It was so strange that after I saw it, I truly wished my bed would devour me.
Sharktopus (2010)
Brilliant
This has got to be one of the most bizarre things ever created since the dawn of man. Not only is is strange, it's mostly downright horrible.
However, Eric Robert's performance is actually halfway descent and this is probably one of the most entertaining "so bad it's good" movies ever made. Just the fact that a movie with a premise like this exists is amazing.
Furthermore, the Sharktopus is probably one of the most intriguing and complex creatures in cinematic history. Not only did I feel a deep personal connection to the Sharktopus, I feared for it. I felt that instead of trying to kill it, the characters should have tried to preserve this majestic animal.
Overall, this is a great, though provoking film that surely will be recognized as one of the greatest films of the century. Buy this film as soon as possible and remember to always #Flex On!
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
The Most Realistic Film Ever Created
To start things off, I want to say that this is a truly amazing piece of film. If I had to only watch one movie for the rest of my life, it would probably be Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus.
This movie puts The Meg and Jaws to shame. The octopus truly is GIANT and the shark is definitely MEGA. These two beautiful, godlike creatures engage in some of the most impressive CGI fights in cinematic history.
Further, the realism is amazing. I am a marine biologist and this movie contains some of the most realistic depictions of aquatic life I have ever seen. Further, the shark in this movie is truly brilliant. Not only is it virtually indestructible, it can also somehow fly up 30,000 feet in the air, catch up to a Boeing 747 at cruising speed and be left virtually unharmed.
This movie is amazing. You haven't lived until you've seen it. Buy it ASAP.
The Gingerdead Man (2005)
I'll Never Eat a Cookie Again
I'm a huge fan of weird and ridiculous movies. So much so, that after I found out this film existed, I immediately did what most people would do: I made my local library purchase a copy so that everyone could enjoy it.
Once the DVD arrived, I watched it. This is by far one of the most ludicrous, ridiculous movies I have ever seen. Its premise is so bizarre, that it makes Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus look like the worlds most realistic film.
The only positive to this movie is perhaps Gary Busey's acting during the opening scene. It was moderately entertaining, but still ridiculous.
Furthermore, the DVD has probably the highest quality picture I've ever seen. It almost puts Blu Ray to shame.
Overall, if you want to spend an hour trying to figure out why in the world somebody would finance a film like this, I recommend you add this to your watch list as soon as possible.
Bodyguard (2011)
STUPID FUN
This movie is a masterpiece. The fight scenes in this movie put Rocky to shame. Not only does the bodyguard deliver epic movies, his shirt gets ripped off with a hose and this boosts his fighting performance to an all new level.
This is life changing fun for the whole family.
Rampage (2018)
YES YES YES
Dwayne Johnson has done it again. First and foremost, he is not a dude. He is a man. A big, beautiful, voluptuous and gorgeous man.
This film is full of life changing special effects and real life scenarios. I am a former US Seal Team 6 member (I am not lying) and I believe that this should be used to educate future soldiers in the army. You never know when a giant crocodile will assault Chicago. I will be contacting my former commanding officer, and I will suggest to him that the government study these scenarios and prepare a plan of action in case they occur in real life.
Thanks,
Seargeant *CLASSIFIED INFORMATION*
The Hurricane Heist (2018)
This movie can create world peace
I completely in awe. From the opening scene to the ultimate grand finale, this film excelled in unimaginable ways. For starters, I can truly tell that they had top, world renowned scientific advisors that confirmed the reliasm of each scene. I am a Harvard graduate, just like the great rapper Lil Pump, and I feel that this masterpiece can be used to educate this countries first responders and inspire future world leaders to solve major conflicts across the continent.
Not only did this movie affect me on a personal level, but it has inspired me to become a professional storm chaser. I have spent my entire life savings ($300) modifying my 2001 Honda Civic to protect me in my storm chasing endeavors. Wish me luck, I will need it since I am aiming to chase whatever Hurricane arises in the future.
Sincerely,
Keyser Söze
Double Down (2005)
Only a God Could Creat this work of Art
Neil is an artist, magician, visionary and god. He is the overlord of modern cinema. Watching any of his films, especially this one is better than sex. The plot, cinematography and acting is magical and very unique. Neil is also a technological genius and can use a computer more effectively and efficiently than most software developers.
Fateful Findings (2013)
Masterpiece
This movie is legendary. Neil Breen is a visionary filmmaker who is ahead of his time. One day, we will see this man win not one, but many Oscars. I got my local library to add this film to their collection and I suggest you do the same, this film deserves to be admired by all.
Troll 2 (1990)
I'm at a loss for words
The title of this review says it all. But, it's better than The Room, Fateful Findings and Cool as Ice combined. I highly recommend getting your local library to buy it, as I did. I'm sure they were thrilled to put in the order :-)
Enjoy.
The Room (2003)
True Masterpiece of Modern Cinema
Mr. Wiseau, the man, the myth, the legend. He has managed to create a film so excellent that it changed my life forever. His brilliance and skill is on par with Steven Spielberg and other Oscar winners. Only once in a lifetime does one come across a movie so spectacular as The Room. I would highly recommend this film to all.