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Reviews
Planet of the Apes (2001)
There Is Only One Charlton Heston.
Well what can I really say about this mess?. Except of course that they should not have bothered. The original Planet Of The Apes is a sci-fi classic with Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowell, no remake needed to be made, no remake should have been made. It looks pretty, all of Burtons films do, but it has no soul. This film is a tangled mess that falls flat in almost every respect. The lead guy has no personality, unlike Hestons gritty Taylor, the apes jump about like fleas on a dog and don't seem anywhere near as organized or likable as the originals, and the ending???.Sometimes it's just better to leave things alone, this was definitely one of the those times.
Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)
To Boldly Go Where Everyone Has Been Before
I love Star Trek on the whole. STNG and DS9 were both great series that captured our imaginations. However with Nemesis I found myself wondering if this was really the best they could come up with as the final hooray for the crew of STNG. This film feels half baked at the best of times, the story is inconsistent and all the shoot out action in the second half could not hide the fact that this is one poor excuse for a story.
A Picard clone sent to the slave mines on Remus somehow manages to take over the Romulan senate and sets out to destroy Earth for reasons that never really become clear. Partick Stewart is outstanding as always as Picard but I found myself thinking this film would have been so much grander if they had Steward playing a duel role instead of that other fellow. An evil Picard, played by such a great actor would have been a climax to a great series.
Sadly the duel role went to the screen hogging Brent Spiner as Data who manages to ham it up like never before. The rest of the crew are given little to do but stand about and spout the usual jargon. It was sad that this was end to an otherwise great series. They could have done better, they should have done better.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Why Did They Bother???.
That was the question I continually asked myself while sitting through this film. I'm not a huge fan of remakes, especially remakes of films that were very good the first time around. Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory made in 1971 is a classic film of it's time. Gene Wilder led a great cast in a movie that continues to be very enjoyable up to the present day.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with this movie as a remake, I just found the whole thing totally unnessisary. This film pretty much follows the original down the line and adds nothing more to the story. Depp is a creepy and unlikable Wonka as opposed to the quirky one played by Wilder and the all to predictable CGI fest drowns you with special effects instead of trying to create a new and interesting story.
Much like Burtons horrid remake of the classic Charlton Heston film Planet Of The Apes i came away after watching this movie with only one thought, "Whay Did They Bother"?
The Keep (1983)
What The *Beep*
The Keep would have to be one of my favorite horror books. Set in the Transilvanian Alps at the height of World War 2. It tells the tale of a ancient monster locked in a special prison, and how Germans turning the Keep into a garrison unwittingly unleash the vampire into their mists. There is history, horror, and good old fashioned story telling in this great book. Needless to say I was thrilled when I discovered a movie had been made years ago. It included some very good actors, Scott Glenn, Jürgen Prochnow, Gabriel Byrne, Ian McKellen.
However this is where the good news ends. This adaptation of a great book leaves a heck of a lot to be desired. There are so many ways that the story has been changed at it is almost not the same story, the soul is missing and I found myself wondering why the director found it necessary to change so many things, some of which seemed to be changed for no other reason than change sake. Everything from Glaeken's hair color to the eventual demise of Molosar has been changed leaving nothing but a hollow shell.They took a very good book and turned it into a very poor film, despite having some excellent actors on hand. A pity, it really is. The Keep deserved better.
Alien³ (1992)
Gets Better With Time
Actually Alien 3 gets better with time. I recently re-watched the film and I have to admit that I quite enjoyed it. This movie is very creepy and atmospheric, and looks quite beautiful in many places.. OK the story was pretty lame but the story originally done by Vincent Ward had been gutted and only a shadow remained of the original concept. It's not a perfect film by any means, they killed off Hicks in the first 2 minutes (my favorite character from Aliens)and overall the story and character development is very weak. Non the less give it another try. I hated Alien 3 when it first came out, however this film grows on you with time. A worthy addition to the Alien franchise, heck it looks like Godfather pt 1 compared to AVPR.
Las Vegas (2003)
Paper Thin
When Las Vegas came out one review described this show as, quote "A harmless bit of fluff". Needless to say that after seeing a dozen or so episodes I think this description is right on the money. An assortment of pretty boys and strutting model types play out an assortment of paper thin stories while all the time trying to pretend they are serious business people. One dimensional characters, in a one dimensional setting, pursuing one dimensional stories. That pretty much sums up Vegas. I still watch from time to time to see if the show is trying to evolve and take itself a little serious but alas to no avail. So far.
Sleuth (2007)
Difficult To Watch
I personally found Sluth difficult to watch. And that is strange because it has two very fine actors playing the major rolls, never the less this film left me feeling very hollow once I had finally forced myself to the end. Perhaps it was the environment, I find "modern" house architecture total nonsense so watching an entire film set in this kind of environment very difficult.
Also I have very fond memories of the 1975 version that was set in a castle I believe and had far more atmosphere than this film. The film was also very predictable hardly straying from the original in story so there were no real surprises when it all came down to it. Who ever decided to set this in a modern "artsy" house should be boxed behind the ears, it ruined the entire film.
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008)
I Loved It
I have to admit that while Starship Troopers 3 may not be high art personally I loved it. Being a fan of the original it was good to see Johnny Rico back to bring some familiarity to this film. The special effects are pretty good and the overall story solid. OK it's B film, there is no doubt about that, the acting is pretty corny but it's meant to be, thats the whole point. If you liked the original Starship Troopers you will like this, I guarantee it. This film was a hundred times more enjoyable than the new X Files. Also a great theme song "It's a good day to die", very catchy.
"Kill em all"
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)
A Bit Kiddie But Still Enjoyable
This film is clearly made for children but as a 35+yo I still found it enjoyable. The animation was OK but in truth not up to the standard of some of the other major animated films. The story is once again OK but with no major surprises. I found the back chat from Anakin's new apprentice entertaining but totally unbelievable unless the Jedi Academy is producing nothing by smart mouthed kids these days.
Funny thing was that I was the only person in the entire cinema, that was very weird and produced a far greater impression on me than the film did. Lucas once again seemed to sleepwalk through the production with little new gained but what the hell, we can now sell a few more toys, and that after all is the whole point...right??
The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
Lame...Very Very Lame
Being a big X-Files fan from the first days back in the early 90's I was looking forward to this film a great deal. Needless to say I was sadly disappointed. "I Want To Believe" would have to be one of the dullest, lamest, excuses for an X-Files story I can think of. Mulder and Scully come across OK, a bit older, a bit wiser and even more down than before. Mulder is still stubborn and excited by the unknown, Scully is still self-riotous and full of herself. No, the problem isn't with the actors, its' with the story or lack there of. I won't bring any spoilers to this review except to say that when leaving the cinema with my wife (That was almost empty by the way, on a Saturday afternoon 2 days after the film opened) I said to her "What the hell was that film all about?". She simply smiled and shrugged her shoulders. That pretty much sums up the X-Files. It's a pity because I feel this will be a very lame finally to what was once a very very good show.
Into the Wild (2007)
A Difficult Lesson
While I have to admit enjoying the film as an adventure tail on the whole I found the main character of McCandless totally unlikable. Despite the directors best efforts to portray him as some kind of charming rogue or anti hero. This guy is perhaps the most selfish individual I have seen on film in a long while. He basically walks out on his parents including his sister who loved him to death, he also turns his back on everyone who is kind to him in the film so he can live like a bum for a couple of years and die of starvation in the Alaskan wilderness due to lack of preparation. And some how we are supposed to think this guy is some kind of hero?
No, I'm sorry, I have no sympathy for this kid at all. It's a great tale of adventure and exploration, but a very poor tail of forgiveness and understanding of the mistakes made by others. This brat thought he was better than society, than the rest of Humanity, and it cost him his life because in the state of nature Humans are very small insignificant things. Without our technology, without our culture and working together we are at the total mercy of nature. Humans can survive in nature, but we will never thrive in it. Also I love how this guy despises society, yet is more than happy to use society's tools to help him survive. Guns, knives, oil lamps, and blankets are not a natural state of the environment last time I checked. Watch this film if you like a good yarn about exploring the world, but don't try to emulate this unfortunate fellow, or the unforgiving wilderness will claim another victim.
Next (2007)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Is it over yet?. Yep, that was my feeling as Next staggered to it's less than exciting ending. To say this is a lame movie is an understatement. Cage plays a guy who for reasons we never find out about can see 2 minutes into his future. Except for this one girl he has the hots for, he can see her more than 2 minutes into the future, for reasons we never find out about. Anyway while Cage is looking all mopey and droopy and trying to snare the love of his life who looks about 30 years younger than him he is chased by FBI agents who are trying to stop a nuke going off in good old USA by a bunch of faceless, nameless terrorists types who want to set off a nuke because.... well for reasons we never find out about.
Anyway the entire last third of the film is a poor mans excuse for the Matrix with Cage doing lots of speeding about and dodging bullets Neo style and is a total waste of time as it turns out it didn't happen anyway. The audience is left wondering what the hell just happened and why they wasted good money on this nonsense. Cage used to make some pretty good films a while back, those days are long gone.
2 out of 10.
Dune (1984)
Strange And Compelling Story
I have to admit up front that I have never read Dune so I was looking at this film from a purely movie goers perspective. Having recently re-watched Dune after many years I have to say that I was very impressed. This film has a strange and other-world feel about it that really draws you into the world of Dune. The story is obviously very complex, perhaps to complex to tell in a 2 hour movie but the director does his best and on the whole makes a very good film adaption.
The cast is outstanding and watching the manifestation of Paul from wet behind the ears Duke's son to the leader of a vast and destructive army is very compelling. Also when you consider this film was made back in the 80's the special effects are very good with only the fighting shields looking dated. On the whole I felt this was an excellent film, now I all I need to do is go back and read the book to see how close to the spirit it came to the original work, pretty close I feel. Dune is definitely recommended.
The Kingdom (2007)
Good Film, Bad Ending
Up until the last 20 minutes I was really enjoying The Kingdom. I think the film had done a fine job of showing the huge cultural differences between the US and Middle East nations, where even the smallest thing can be taken as an insult or cause a huge misunderstanding. It was doing very well in showing how vastly different these two cultures were and how things can go wrong so easily, and the need to tread carefully when dealing with other cultures.
However all that was destroyed by the Rambo style shootout at the end where a handful of FBI agents overcome and kill dozens of Arab fighters despite the fact that the Arabs had the high ground and had the Americans vastly out gunned and outnumbered. Pity as I felt this film was trying very hard to show something that many Americans don't seem to grasp, cultural awareness. Alas that opportunity seems to be lost.
Cloverfield (2008)
Better Than Expected
I must admit that I went to see Cloverfield not expecting to much. The old American city gets trashed has been done quite a lot over the last few years.However I was happily surprised to find myself quite riveted to the screen as events unfolded. However let me say this, Cloverfield has not one shred of originality in it. The old "Monster attacks city" has been done countless times in the old Japaneses Godzilla films, and the hand held camera work is a direct rip off of Blair Witch. Non the less the story was very intense, the effects very good with even the CGI monsters looking very real, and all the young actors turned in solid performances. Cloverfield may not be original in any sense of the word but it is a very well made movie from a familiar style of film.
6 out of 10
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
Not Bad At All
Actually I think that AVP is not a bad attempt at such a film. The characters while unremarkable are fleshed out pretty well in most cases. The trouble of course is that there are to many people in this film. The reason Alien worked so well is because there were only 7 people in the whole film and as such you could spend some time on them. When you have large number of people running around and getting killed it's impossible to feel anything for them.
Anyway on the whole this film was OK, not great but OK. The visuals were good with the Aliens and Predators looking as mean as ever, the pyramid was dark and atmospheric and the introduction of Lance Hendrecson as Weyland certainly gave the film a great deal of credibility. I have just come back from watching AVPR and believe me this film is a masterpiece compared to the latest attempt to continue this shrinking franchise.
6 out of 10
I Am Legend (2007)
Fantastic
I went into I Am Legend expecting to like this film. Being a big fan of the 70's version with Charlton Heston The Omega Man I was hoping that this version would hold up as well. I wasn't disappointed. Will Smith does a fantastic job of portraying a man trying to survive in a world gone mad. His performance is even grander when you consider that he has to carry almost the entire film single handed. Almost 90% of this movie is with Smith on his own with no one to talk to but his dog.
OK the zombies looked a bit CGI but CGI creatures never look as real as solid creatures, and OK the ending is a little soppy, a bit like the ending of Blade Runner but overall this is one great film. The scene where Smith has to put his dog down, his only friend left in the world after she is infected with the virus is truly heartbreaking. It;s good to see that Hollywood can still produce fine films when it puts it's mind to it.
I am Legend, 9 out of 10.
AVPR: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem (2007)
A Pity
There was a time when Alien films were taken seriously. Back in the late 70s and mid 80s Alien and Aliens made movie history as two of the best sci-films made to date. Alien as a classic scary house horror and Aliens a fast paced combat action thriller. Sadly the Aliens of today are mere cannon fodder in the latest summer popcorn flick thrown out by FOX still trying to cash in on a once classic series.
The film looks fine. Both the Aliens and Predators are well done and certainly look the part, there is only one small problem. ...there is no story....none. The Humans come and go and die so fast that you can't keep track, and so many are killed off that you can't possibly feel anything for them. The whole film feels like a bunch of separate scenes about a bunch of people who don't even know each other all tacked together and made into a film.
To FOX. Do yourselves and the rest of us a favor. Hire a couple of writers then actually produce a "story", something for your wizz bang special effects to actually be built around. Don't be so wasteful of two great creations that you have made. The Aliens series is long dead despite the fact that the film has been screaming out for a decent follow up to Aliens (made back in 1986). Lets go back to the planet of the aliens and find out why that crashed ship was found in the first film. Try a little class and stop turning a once great creation into a popcorn summer flick that will be forgotten in 3 Months time.
Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement (2007)
Not Convinced
Having just watched Endgame I thought I would share a few thoughts with you all. Firstly the doco is well made, most of Jone's work is. And it certainly covers an interesting topic. However I must confess that it failed to convince me in any way that the "elite" whoever "they" are are planning to wipe out 80% of humanity while they live on forever in paradise, it all sounds like a b-grade sci-fi horror film to me.
For one thing as I pointed out earlier Jones fails to even tell us exactly who the "New World Order" are. He continually uses vague words like "The Elite" and "Them" and "They" so Its impossible to know exactly who he is talking about. He also fails to gave any evidence at all as to how exactly 80% of the worlds population is to be wiped out, how the rest are to be herded into huge cities, or how the elite are going to live forever. He just gives us a few jingles about genetics.
It's hard to know if Jones is onto something or if the guy is just paranoid. I consider myself to have an open mind, however an open mind still requires facts, Jones fails to deliver. I will however continue to watch the power brokers around the world and will certainly keep an eye open for any major calamity heading our way. If Jones wants to convince free thinking informed people that Armageddon is just around the corner he is going to have to do a lot better than this.
Lions for Lambs (2007)
Time To Think
Lions for Lambs is an outstanding film. It's funny but in most ways this is not an anti war film despite what many on the right may feel. The movie takes place in three parts focusing on American soldiers fighting in Afganistan, an American senator trying to sell the latest offensive to a news reporter, and a college professor trying to bring the spark of interest back to a talented but disinterested student.
All areas focus on the so called "War on Terror" and the various implications that it has for those in America and around the world. The film does not criticize the armed forces in any way, on the contrary, American service personnel are seen as brave and self sacrificing. The main aim is taken at two particular groups. Firstly the white collar chicken-hawk politicians who despite never having fired a shot in their lives are more than happy to send brave men and women to their deaths in distant lands.
The other shot is taken at the American people, who seem so disinterested in the fact that thousands of their fellow countrymen are dying in foreign wars and are only focused on their self obsessed middle class lives. The main message of Lions and Lambs is this. Don't be fooled by propaganda and spin coming from politicians and the mass media, show some interest in your nation and the battles she has chosen to fight and for god's sake become informed about why this war is being waged and for who's benefit.
Bottom line, if you support Bush and co you will hate this film, if you are against the war you will like it. For me, I was simply interested in the message it is trying to portray about using your own mind and not becoming a sheep. that message has come through loud and clear.
Is America listening?, I hope so.
Sunshine (2007)
Not Impressed
It's hard to think back to a time when there was a good sci-fi horror/thriller. Perhaps we need to go back to Ridley Scott's "Alien" for a genuine look at how such a film should be made. Sunshine comes nowhere near the levels of Alien, and that film was made back in the late 70's.
A miss matched, bumbling and very young group of people(seemingly way to young for the importance of their mission) set out to save Humanity from our sun that had decided to burn its-self out several billion years before it's supposed to. They manage to make almost every mistake in the book ranging from going wildly off their mission parameters to not realizing there was an intruder running around on their ship.
I failed to connect with any of the crew in any meaningfully way and as such failed to feel anything for them as they all passes away in a variety of colorful ways. It was worth a try but Sunshine ultimately fails the test of being a true sci-fi horror or thriller.
Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
Die Hard or 007
I have to admit I am a big fan of this series, well the first 2 at least. However the latest installment of John McCaine saves the world is a bit to much even for me. This guy puts James Bond to shame with the death defying feats and body count he accumulates. The trouble is of course that is not what made the first film such a classic.
Bruce Willis plays his character as well as always but in truth the first die hard was about an ordinary man caught up in extraordinary circumstances. By sheer force of will, luck and guts he gets through the ordeal, just. However watching Willi's character in this film you felt you were watching a superhero who regardless of the impossible odds placed against him would emerge with a cocky one liner and save the day without a problem. For me that is not what this movie should be about, if I wanted James Bond I would watch the dozens of 007 films.
Transformers (2007)
Boy Was This Film Bad
This review contains spoilers.
I have to admit, I should have not expected anything more. This film is based on a kids show all about giant robots that turn into cars. However I went along hoping to be surprised by something new....I wasn't. The first 15 minutes is quite good with the attack on the air base and the soldiers and Pentagon trying to figure out what these hostile robots are all about.
However things go all downhill from there. The final 2 plus hours boil down into geeky boy trying to get laid by impressing tarty girl (who is obviously in the film far more for her look than her acting ability) getting caught up in some robot war simply because his great grandfather accidentally discovered one of these things in the antarctic ages ago.Toss in a few fed guys who don't know who's side they are on, a few soldiers who are always in the wrong place at the wrong time, and of course the cute geeky computer nerd girl and a fat black guy for comic relief and you have one hell of a rotten film.
The cgi was OK but to be honest since the last hour of the film is all shot at break neck speed and very close to the action I coudn't tell the bad bots from the good ones. Anyway after a very looooong battle sequence the goodies win for no particular reason, the geeky guy gets the tarty girl and all the others simply vanish never to be seen again.
A great film if you are 15 with raging hormones and only think about hot cars and girls, otherwise don't bother.
King Kong (2005)
OK Film Way To Long
Peter Jackson needs a good editor. That was the primary thing that was spinning in my mind as I left King Kong. Yes it was a pretty good film, good cast, excellent effects and naturally beautiful to look at. But the film is waaaaaayyyy to long. You could have cut over an hour out of this feature and still had a good movie. I honestly felt that Jackson was fulfilling some boyhood fantasy of making Kong the way he felt is should be made instead of thinking of his audience.
Kong himself was OK but in truth I felt no emotional connection with him as I did with the 76 versions. His supposed connection with Anna seemed more like a giant monkey playing with a new toy, something different he had never seen before. I felt that there were no genuine feelings between them.
All the effects with the dinosaurs and especially the T-Rex's was totally unnecessary and did nothing for the film except to extend its already bladder bursting length to almost painful proportions. Even my wife who is a big Kong fan turned to me three quarters way through the film and said "Enough already" I think that pretty much sums it up.
4 out of 10
The Village (2004)
A Letdown
**Spoilers**
I had to admit that the trailers sucked me in. Being a big fan of Unbreakable and Signs I was very keen to see the Village. On the whole I enjoyed the movie, it was well crafted and all the actors gave great performances.
I guess that I felt let down with the fact that the monsters "the ones of who we never speak" don't actually exist, they are just a huge con- job created by the village elders to stop the other villagers pushing the boundary of their world. And since the movie was sold on the sole fact of a monster that never even existed in the first place spoiled a otherwise excellent film.