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You've Got Mail (1998)
Awful movie about awful people that aged very poorly
This is a movie about two people who are having an emotional affair with each other while they are already in relationships with other people. They both know what they are doing is wrong, they wait for their partners to leave before checking their email and sneak around behind their backs. It "all works out in the end" and the partners they were cheating on were not hurt and everyone lived happily ever after. In real life these emotional affairs that start over the internet are extremely hurtful to the other partner, and a movie that romanticizes it is disgusting.
It's also shown to be even worse with age. It came out at a time when the Internet was still sort of a new thing, and the idea of meeting people online was weird and shameful. Half my friends who are married met their partners online.
The rampant AOL product placement was particularly hilarious considering that company barely even exists anymore except for the 30 senior citizens who think they need to keep paying for it to get email.
District 9 (2009)
Disturbing but great film
I have rarely been as uncomfortable watching a film as this. I spent the first half wanting to get up and leave; not because I was bored, but because the cruelty and violence portrayed was so vivid and real.
That a movie can have such an effect is a credit, I think, but it went to places that made me feel uneasy. I was worried that nothing could possibly be OK in the end and that I'd leave feeling depressed.
I'm glad I stayed till the end. I can't say whether or not I liked the ending, I can't even say if I really "liked" the movie to be honest. All I can say is that it was a powerful movie that really made you think and feel, and I'm glad I saw it.
The X Files: I Want to Believe (2008)
This movie is a huge "F you" to all the fans of the show
They led us on for the better part of a decade with the suspense of finding out the Truth. They took plot lines and story Arcs and built them up and promised us they would eventually make sense and then just dropped them.
We never got a real ending to the series. We never got our answers. So all these years later, this movie finally comes up, and I'm thrilled. I think, finally, they have a chance to tie up all the lose ends! To explain what was going on, to give the fans some closure.
I was mistaken. This is just a 2 hour long throwaway episode. No answers, no closure, nothing. Just a terrible plot (though I can't fault the acting) that neither resolves or addresses anything of relevance to the series.
You do get to see Scully pull up some top secret experimental medical research... off of a casual Google search. She then proceeds to perform dangerous surgery based on the hour she spent looking at her Google printouts.
Everyone involved with this stinker should be ashamed. If you're going to try and milk the last bit of cash out of a dead franchise, at least have the decency to give us the ending you were too lazy to think up 6 years ago.
Kung fu (2004)
Stay Away
This movie was so bad it hurt my brain. The plot made absolutely no sense. None. At all. Don't even bother trying to understand what's happening. The character's personalities just jump around randomly, they don't so much develop as the writers just forget everything and start from scratch every 10 minutes, I swear everyone in the film has multiple personality disorder.
I guess it was supposed to be funny, but, well, it wasn't. There was a lot of goofy slapstick humor and that was it. I've never been a fan of slapstick myself, but this was poor even for the genre. Not to mention there were elements which were decidedly not funny, like when a bunch of bullys beat up a little deaf mute girl, then beat up and pee all over the face of her would be rescuer. That isn't funny. It isn't made to be funny, but it doesn't go on to illustrate any moral or other meaning either. It's just sort of there for no reason, messing up the already horrid flow of the movie.
There's a lot of horrible CGI effects every couple seconds, and a ton of Matrix on a budget fight scenes. I'm not sure how long it actually was, but it seemed like it went on forever, I kept thinking it was about to end and it would take another random plot twist. I saw the dubbed version, and while I would normally never judge anything by the dubbed version, I don't see how this train wreck could possibly be improved upon. A 7.8? Seriously? I give this movie a 2, and that's only because I felt bad for the ice cream girl.
Vampiyaz (2004)
One of the worst movies I have ever seen
I rented this because the title and box art just screamed "bad movie" and I was not disappointed.
For blood effects, I noticed a wide variety of food products, including strawberry jam, red kool aid, and katsup. Gun shot effects, as the previous user put it, look as though they were made by poking holes through the film. Vampire are people with plastic vampire teeth. This movie looks like it was made with a camcorder, they can't keep the camera from wobbling and it's enough to make you feel sick.
Acting is absolutely horrible. Dialogue probably wasn't scripted, but improved... badly. People screw up their lines and the camera keeps rolling as they repeat them two or three times until they get it right. In dialogue scenes outside where they cut back and forth between two people's faces while they talk, the background noise is different each time and there is a delay before each person talks so you can tell the conversation is segmented.
There is a lot of completely random crap throw in, a guy eating a fly, a guy stirring up a bowl of blood (katsup) with a rubber severed hand and licking the blood (katsup) off the rubber fingers.
There is a Deus ex machina every five minutes. Amulet that makes vampires invincible. Vampire killing task force. The main character is really good at cracking safes, and it just so happens that everyone in town uses the same exact safe.
I can't list everything that was wrong with this film, because the entire film was just a complete disaster. If you love the art of bad film as much as I do, you'll love this one; rent it with friends. No nudity though, which is a shame because there were a couple really cute girls. This was in my top 5 list of the worst movies I've ever seen. I hope they make a sequel.
Team America: World Police (2004)
Better than the previews would have you think
Team America, as some of you may have noticed from commercials, was made with marionettes (I would like to point out that when I spell checked I found that I had spelled it right all by my self). Puppets. I had several friends not go to see the movie because they thought a movie made with puppets would be horrible. I have to admit, I had my doubts, the previews didn't look all that great. But, it was made by the makers of South Park, Tray Parker and Matt Stone, who are more or less responsible for my sense of humor as it is today. To say I trust them to make me laugh would be an understatement.
My trust was not betrayed. Team America made me laugh harder than any movie in recent memory. Tears rolling down my face, having difficulty catching my breath, doubled over in my seat kind of laughter. These puppets go where no puppet has gone before, and do things no puppet has never done before. I'll just leave it at that.
As with most of their major motion pictures, the film features an awesome soundtrack, mostly performed by Parker and Stone's band, DVDA (100 points if you know what that stands for), with such songs as America, F**k Yeah!, which turns out to be really catchy after a while.
As per usual, they don't really take any sides so much as trash everything and everyone while injecting loads of tasteless humor in every corner. The movie has lots of violence, profanity, explosions, sex, blood... and puppets. It should be seen by all.
I just read somewhere that they actually had to cut a lot out because the MPAA wanted to give it an NC-17 rating. I stress that this is a puppet movie that almost got an NC-17 rating. I love these guys.