Reviews

The American Pie series has had eight films in their franchise, four main films and four spin-offs. The four main films were successful to varying degrees and had decent theater runs.

The spin-offs were typically straight to DVD, or streaming, and were of a lower caliber.

However, even the worst of the bunch, ones such as "Book of Love" or "Beta House", were at least mildly entertaining trying to give the viewer what they know and loved about the series - raunchy comedy, nudity, a serviceable sex comedy.

"Girl's Rules" was horrible. It was not funny in the slightest. It was American Pie in title only. In fact, it was a hatchet job to begin with in which the script was gender flipped, rewritten, and made to be some sort of weird progressive film.

Woke is not funny. Using the ridiculous progressive terms of the day, having people deliver lines like "clit blocked by the patriarchy" or chastising men on their misogyny was just idiotic and way out of place.

The characters were pale shades of previous American Pie characters. Our Stifler was perhaps the most annoying of the bunch with cringe ridden deliveries of dialogue and over the top acting trying to be Seann William Scott but never hitting the mark. But watching a Stiffler grab someone by the junk and lecture them on misogyny was just so embarrassing to watch to the point of it hurting.

Kayla and her boyfriend were incredibly unlikeable and just a conveyance for progressive terminology and phrases. Michelle was the token quirky sex freak who was also unlikeable and missed all the targets for jokes to land. And Annie was just a quintessential milquetoast character trying to be Oz or Kevin but succeeding in being ten times more boring than both of those characters combined.

The secondary and tertiary characters were just painful - especially the new principal, Grant, Oliver, Emmett, and "Bro Bag" boyfriend...I guess they were really trying to start something with "bro bag" but every time they said it is just made you want to roll your eyes.

As for Ed Quinn, Barry Bostwick, and Danny Trejo...I assume they were just collecting paychecks.

The plot was predictable, the gags were stupid, there was no nudity, the raunchiness missed all marks and just came off as foul and way out of place, and the progressive parts just made the film a complete miserable mess.

And it has nothing to do with the act that the cast was gender swapped...if the cast was boys again it'd still fail because the writing and gags were awful, awful, awful.

I'd rather watch "Roadtrip: Beer Pong" or "Van Wilder Freshman Year" over this wreck of a film. Horrible.

I grew up on the stories of Robert E. Howard. I digested Conan, Kull, Kane, and Morn over and over again. I was fanatical about the Conan comics and even the pastiches like Brak and Thongor. My next logical jump was the Conan homage from the combined minds of Bakshi, Frazetta, Conway, and Thomas - "Fire and Ice"!

"Primal" kind of slipped by me. I liked Tartakovsky's earlier work but I wasn't crazy about them. I used to chuckle at "Dexter's Laboratory", especially "D&DeeDee", and I enjoyed "The Clone Wars" but I was never that big of a fan. When I first heard of "Primal" I was told it was just a story about a neanderthal. I had no idea that it was inspired by the same sources I grew up with.

So I gave it a shot. And while I liked the first three episodes, I thought what I heard must have been correct because it seemed like standard caveman fare. Now while I enjoyed the story, the visuals, and the superbly animated action sequences, I was happy I had a new show that was well done, but I figured I'd watch it and be done with it.

Then I watched episode four...and I sat there enthralled. I then immediately watched episode five...enthralled doesn't really describe my excitement as I watched it unfold! I haven't been that impressed by animation (outside of Japan) in a long, long time. Episode five really blew me away and cemented "Primal" as one of my favorites.

Those two episodes were like watching a Conan story on crack! And then it dawned on me...Spear and Fang...duh, the main characters are frickin' named after a Robert E. Howard story...his first published story about...you guessed it...cro-magnons! After that I was hooked.

The animation is very reminiscent of Bakshi. It definitely has the feel of 70s and early 80s. The action sequences are some of the best I've seen it quite sometime. Spear's movements are incredibly impressive. And the voice acting, which is little more than grunts and growls, convey a lot of emotion.

The violence is awesome. Finally, we get a show that pulls no punches. Brutal and vicious fights, gore and blood spilling all over the place, it is just top notch adrenaline.

Some reviews complained about the violence and I ask "aren't you tired of the same tame crap over and over again?" "Or gore just for the sake of edgy shock value?" The best thing about "Primal's" violence...it serves a purpose. Everything in Primal furthers the story or demonstrates a point.

Now the silliest reviews are the ones complaining of the accuracy. Those make me laugh. Where did this show say it was supposed to be accurate? From the first episode, even though it follows a standard "caveman" plot, it's obvious there are some mythological elements tossed in. And it becomes even more apparent in episode three and how the mammoths act. I for one am glad it took the turn deep into Conan territory! It's an exciting change of pace.

I highly recommend this show. If you still like dinosaurs and cavemen, crave expertly directed action sequences, healthy amounts of gore and brutality, and need a Conan fix....this is your show!

It's true that many people always say "ignore the haters", but this is one time you should really embrace that over used saying and really "ignore the haters" and watch the damn show. It's too good to pass up!

Do you know when nostalgia is fun and enjoyable? When it is done right. Fear Street is terrible. The colors and gore were good...and the soundtrack was enjoyable. That's about all.

But let us discuss the previously mentioned soundtrack. While it's enjoyable, it's wrong. If 90's teens were anything, they were definitely music snobs.

In the dying days of MTV, discussing Tool, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, STP...the list goes on, was a daily thing for the 90's teen. Standing around the lockers and snobbing out, everyone trying to one up each other with their knowledge, made for most of the time before that first morning bell! Don't deny it...you know it's true! HaHa!

So the music soundtrack is way off. Some of the songs picked weren't even out in '94 and even if they were, weren't really popular at all until their video made its debut. Leigh Janik, being in high school in '94 should know this.

Let us move on to the characters. The movie is filled with common character traits and tropes of the modern day. Aside from the setting, the aggressive playlist inserted everywhere, and some Easter eggs, nothing says "This is the 90's!".

Speaking of the characters, they are unlikeable. Our "star" Deena, is extremely unlikeable. Any where is everyone? Does this town only have like five residents?

Let me throw this at you...to others who rode the bus. What bus driver let kids act that way? What bus drive would let the kids open the emergency exit? Does Janik remember the stupid and annoying bus drills we all had to do?! If one even inched towards that door the driver went insane.

The movie is plagued by dumb directing like this. The opening led us one way but the rest of the movie just turned into being like every other modern horror just with a heavy coat of nostalgia paint.

This doesn't have the feeling of fun 90's nostalgia. It didn't feel like the R. L. Stine books. It didn't feel like Scream. What it did feel like was a bunch of older executives dictating their version of the 90's with a director from that period just shaking her head and agreeing. It was really, really bad.

CW Disease is a disease that infects many television dramas who's target audience are teens and young adults. It was first discovered about thirty years ago. Though this strain, the FOX Strain, was rather manageable and somewhat tame.

However, once the mutations began, it became powerful and chaotic. Strains like the WB Strain proved too much for mankind to combat.

CW Disease presents itself in a variety of ways though it typically has several factors that are constant such as:

Terrible Writing.

Acting that induces eye-rolling, cringe, and audible gasps of frustration.

Plots that are riddled with holes.

A complete lack of common sense.

Continuity that is often changed at a moments notice for shock value.

One Deus Ex Machina after another.

No realism whatsoever.

Suspension of disbelief that requires a lobotomy.

Storylines that are so boring and predictable.

Mary Sues abound.

Extreme levels of Wokeness.

"The 100" is a STAGE 4 case.

*Updated Review*

I started the second season tonight and that sealed the fate for "Black Summer". I changed my rating from three stars to one star. I honestly and truly do not comprehend how people can call this show tense, gripping, "edge of your seat", etc.

It was bad before...the new season is even worse. The action is just ridiculous. The "Ambush" segment was one of the worst fight scenes I've ever seen. Good God, do choreographers even know how to create action sequences anymore?! Do we as an audience have to rely solely on the Asian market to show us how to craft fight scenes - be it with hand to hand or firearms?!

The nihilism is ramped up 125%. The characters in season one were bad, these characters are just pointless to watch. Any sense of realism the first season had, which was little, is gone completely. You can make any argument you want saying that during an apocalypse/disaster people would become selfish, opportunistic, spiteful etc. But this goes above and beyond the realms of believability.

Humanity - our flaws, morality, virtues, vices, and our ability to either self sacrifice or demonstrate a propensity for wanton violence are all interesting facets to examine, especially in the context of apocalyptic fiction. But "Black Summer" doesn't investigate anything other than people are utterly worthless. So what's the point of watching a show about complete, for lack of better terms, scumbags?

*Original Review*

I can appreciate the fact that the writers and directors wanted to showcase a gritty and realistic zombie series.

They ditched the never ending whiny drama of shows like "The Walking Dead" and cut out the over the top comedy and wackiness of "Z Nation". They really did try something different.

The technical bits were all solid. Hence where the three stars come from. The setting, the effects, the editing (for the most part), etc. Was all pretty darn good. Even the actors did a good job with what they were given.

But where it failed, and failed hard, was the writing and story. The nihilism was taken to extremes in parts where it made some characters downright disgusting.

For example, I don't understand people who liked Rose. In our first meeting with her she sides with her cowardly husband essentially abandoning her daughter. Where I would hope that in reality the father would have volunteered to stay behind for the sake of his daughter and wife, but no.

Then Rose's next character building moment is she abandons a helpless elderly lady. I understand that she was scared, panicked even, but actions like this lower a characters morality making them unlikeable. Throughout the series she puts herself first and if you look closely, certain actions of hers that appear altruistic are actually selfish, just furthering herself towards her goal. She's a terrible person. And the sad thing is, she's not alone in that department.

The rest of the characters all have varying degrees of cowardly and selfish streaks. But in the desire of not wanting this review to be ten pages long, I'll move on.

As for the stupidity...the characters make even the most cynical of people question the stupidity they show off. These characters push and break the boundaries of television and horror stupidity. They all routinely make the worst decisions possible. And this isn't because it is clever writing to demonstrate people not knowing what to do or being scared and panicked, no, most times it's done to further a plot element.

Let us jump back to Rose and Spears. Towards the end of the first season Spears is recaptured by the soldieries and is being led away. Rose starts following them and talking to them...now we know these soldiers, from the framing, are supposed to be the villains. But instead of being villainous, they entertain Rose in conversation after conversation where as if the situation was written realistically, they would have turned around, shot Rose twice in the body and once in the head and slipped off into the night with Spears in custody. But instead, it's all a gimmick for Rose to execute them and build more tension. It's just dumb.

And everything within the show is like that. Dumb for dumbness sake or dumb to fulfill a contrived plot point. That is what continually killed the show. You constantly cringed, yelled, and sighed in frustration during each episode saying "they cannot possibly be this dumb?" But yet, they were. The writing doomed this first season from what could have been an awesome show to a really mediocre/below average zombie mess.