martoni64's Reviews

Season of the Witch (2011)

5/10

26 April 2015

I saw this as part of research for a project I'm doing. As that it gave me some ideas so I'm happy with that. As another reviewer points out the dates of the battles in the beginning of the film are all wrong, moved to the 14th century.

As to the movie itself: yes it's horribly cliché, yes the all-American accents are pretty irritating, and yes the end is horrible, including the cgi-demon and the "riding off into the sunset" parts. But no, dear co-reviewer that there was a plague craze and all sorts of (modern mind) ridiculous explanations abounded. And yes women were burned and killed in other ways (and then burned) in the name of witch hunting. So this is not totally unrealistic. And of course there were "witches" knowing nature medicine and being able to heal people that contemporary medicine didn't know how to treat.

As a mildly entertaining and completely forgettable film however it works. I wouldn't recommend anyone paying to see this, but if you find it on Netflix and have nothing else to do, it's not totally worthless.

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Devil's Backbone, Texas (2015)

2/10

I've seen worse

20 April 2015

Not many, but I've seen worse. It starts off promising with a son looking for closure after his father's death, bringing a few friends for a simply ceremony. He makes it all into some kind of documentary so this movie is part self documentary (Blair witch project you know) and part real time action.

Now, if the parts hinted at in the documentary part of the film actually got acted on in the real time action part - then it would actually, maybe, and quite possibly have been a decent horror story. But no, that doesn't really happen.

Either because the actors and director doesn't have necessary talent to pull it through, or because the script is bad, or maybe a combination. Yelling in darkness isn't acting, so that doesn't count towards talent. And, unfortunately, that is most that happens in the real life action part of the film. It simply gets hideously boring.

I think it would have been much, much better to concentrate on the documentary, fleshing out the story that way and make a Gothic, Lovecraftian end to it all rather than the poor action it contains. Alas it's much too late for that now ...

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Sleeping Beauty (2011)

4/10

Surreal and forgettable

7 April 2015

I have very mixed feelings about this film. While I can see the arty/surreal/dreamscape aspect of it - it never ignites any interest. One reviewer said about the main character that "In fact, there's hardly any evidence that she processes strong emotions at all. She just goes about her business. Things happen to her, and she's too reticent to shrug them off."

This gives it a kind of dreamlike quality. It's as if nothing ever hurts her. People around her can - it seems - do anything and she barely registers the act. Lucy - the main character - is a student without money apparently doing anything to stay alive including deadly boring office work, and equally non-exciting cafe duties and doesn't stop at prostitution either. All with a totally nihilistic attitude.

And this is my main problem, there is basically no reaction to anything that happens. The main character just floats through existence of life and the movie without any emotional reaction at all. It all feel surreal and dreamlike without me ever taking any interest in the main character.

Some of you might be wondering about the amount of nudity in the film, it seems to have gained some reputation in that department. There is a lot of it in the second half of the film, but it never becomes in the least anything even remotely close to sexuality or pornography - these scenes are equally dreamlike and surreal. But for those taking exception, you have been informed ...

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A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

5/10

I literally fell asleep

7 April 2015

I literally fell asleep while watching this on Netflix. I don't know if I'm doomed now, perhaps ...

Why I fell asleep. The acting and dialogue is definitely sub-par. The plot is painfully cliché complete with the dumb police not believing the teenager hysterics (who, of course are right in suspecting that something in the dreams are killing them).

Johnny Depp is in here, but if this was the only thing I'd seen of him that far I'd seriously wouldn't have considered him the actor that ha later became. In this movie he's buried with everyone else in the horrible plot/dialogue.

Better than your standard B-horror flick, but still definitely misable.

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From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series (2014–2016)

6/10

Scattered goods

25 March 2015

This isn't all awful. There are some scattered genuine acting talent among the rubble. True most of it isn't. Some of the cast is so horrible that my sons acting class (aged 7) would be able to replace the cast. Plot isn't logical, it mostly doesn't even pretend to be logical. Dialog is in part painfully awkward.

That said; while all the above firmly places this in the B-series category, it's somewhat more coherent than your standard B-movie/series rubbish. If you like the idea of Mexican ancient snakevampirebeings and cults then this might give you some entertainment. It's all utterly forgettable, but fun for a brief moment.

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Crossing Lines (2013–2015)

8/10

Great show

6 January 2015

This is a great show of how a EU FBI actually could act, I've seen both seasons on Netflix and it's a real "episode turner". Good acting, good stories (of course with the occasion logic mistake mixed in; apart from the unlikelyhood of such a unit consisting of at most 8 people) and an interesting gallery of characters. Pity season 2 ends with an enormous cliff hanger (what happens in Spain) and will the unit be able to continue? William Fichtner is very good as Carl Hickman, while on the other hand we've seen Donald Sutherland in much better roles - even if he isn't a fool in this one. The main problem is that the side characters are pretty sketchy.

All in all, a good crime series, and also of some interest in the daily politics of Europe as there is a real need of a European FBI, which this is all about (even if a miniature version of it).

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Elementary (2012–2019)

8/10

An interesting take on the Holmes vs Watson relationship

26 September 2014

So this is Sherlock Holmes in a modern setting and in New York. With a helper for recovering drug addicts as Joan Watson. They solve crimes, or rather Holmes solves crimes and Watson helps keeping him on the straight and narrow.

At first, the first two or three episodes I thought that this was another, "OK" series. A whodunit featuring a NY Sherlock and strangely enough a female Watson. And it was for those episodes, it was OK. But eventually, if you keep watching you notice that the Holmes vs Watson relationship grows, that Watsons character grows and that Holmes is his usual arrogant, super deductive, drug addictive self. But he also grows - as a human.

Even if reluctantly.

And this is what makes this series interesting and worth watching amongst the dozens of Sherlock Holmes series the world has seen. It has a human element to it all.

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Silk (2006)

7/10

Decent Asian sci-fi/ghost mix

2 September 2014

This seems to be a sci-fi/ghost story mix-up. At the start of the film the plot seems very confused and it is a bit hard to actually understand what is going on and why.

However, things improve once the main crew has been set-up properly in the film, and the action can start to take more of a single main track. The main characters are working on a new energy source that will revolutionize the world. This is somehow linked to the existence of a ghost boy in a locked room. Why and the exact role of the ghost is unclear and the main plot is to figure this out.

The acting is generally pretty good, while this is plot slowly flows on - you definitely notice this is not an US film from the pace as it all has a kind of philosophical touch to it, contemplating the relation between a mother and her son as the story unfolds.

All in all this is well worth watching, even if it isn't the paradigm changing film of the decade.

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Hemlock Grove (2013–2015)

6/10

Trying too hard

11 May 2014

There is nothing wrong with the original premise of this series. A girl is brutally murdered and found in a horrific state in a playground. We follow the investigation in the small town outside Philadelphia. A small town where no one seems normal and everyone seems to hide something.

And this is the problem. EVERYTHING is mysterious. There isn't one normally functioning main character in the series (at least not as far as I've seen). So much weirdness is piled on, that you do wonder how the town functions at all. As an example - take the entry into the plot of the wild life expert, she is so completely detached from any normal human reactions to the environment and what's going on that you wonder how she passed the examination.

It's simply too much.

Plot line and acting in itself is pasable in most cases, although nothing exceptional is the be found - with the possible exception of Bill Skarsgård as Roman.

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Warehouse 13 (2009–2014)

3/10

Horrible

25 April 2014

I heard a lot of good stuff about this show when looking for something to replace my, now ended, favourite Sci-Fi shows. So had high hopes when finding it on Netflix.

Opening episode started off fairly well half way through. Then all the flaws came crashing down on it.

* Abysmal acting * Even Less likely plot logic * Low budget effects * "Jokes" my son would have found embarrassing 15 years ago (he's 17)

Apparently it's all about some government organisation collecting arcane magic objects from all over the US. Like a brain dead love child of Supernatural and Fringe.

I could stomach 4 episodes of the rubbish in the vain hope of it actually gaining some intelligence and proper acting. It was a hopeless quest. I gave some stars, because I've (imgine that...) seen worse.

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Supernatural: Bitten (2012)

Season 8, Episode 4

6/10

Not original anymore

9 November 2012

But still enjoyable. No, Sam and Dean are not the main characters in this episode, but they are in there much more than at the start and the end. This is a third person view of a Sam and Dean case, from the persepctive of the hunted.

The main problem is not with the not-original-anymore-hand-held-home video style but with the plot logic. The reasoning of the surviving hunted is just dumb and illogical. The whole idea of the plot is actually not too brilliant either but they manage to save if from utter disgrace IMO but the overall effect of the episode.

I started out with a 8 and it got reduced to a 6 while writing this review. But it's not a 1-2 as some reviewers think.

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Alien vs. Predator (2004)

2/10

Horrible in the wrong way

27 July 2012

There are Preditors and there are Aliens in this flick. And every cliché in the book.

What there is not is logic, gore, intelligent dialog, fun action scenes, and humans that grab any interest whatsoever. Honestly I don't give a [] about the humans in this flick. They are shallow, dumb and even more shallow and dumb. They all die, of course, except the heroine (of course). Good riddance.

Two scenes stand out - first the satellite find a heat source in Antarctica - in 2004 which no one has ever seen before. OK, maybe it's because of the newly "drilled" hole. Anyway you spend the first 20 minutes trying to figure out why no one has noticed it in the age of satellites. Then heroine befriends a Predator - my god that scene is so horribly cliché you want it to change its mind and kill the stupid woman already.

No, unless you are looking for self-punishment - this is something to stay well clear of. Me I just saw if for Alien completeness.

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The Happening (2008)

2/10

Umm what?

8 July 2012

Some words come to mind in relation to this film I saw the other night; logical, star acting, excellent execution of idea, logic, great special effects and logic are not any of those.

On the contrary - if someone had told this rubbish had the same director as "6th sense" or even "Signs" - I'd be convinced they'd been trolling.

Honestly this is the worst film I've had the unfortune to have seen since "Serpiente del Mar" a few years ago. Whoever payed to have this hysterically illogical rubbish produced, should have themselves forcible removed from anywhere near decision making on films. In fact is so illogical and the acting so horribly bad at times I'll try to forget it's existence. Prometheuvs seems like a marvel in logic in comparison.

I'll leave you with one small detail (others have been pointed out elsewhere) - a few months after the outbreak of whatever it was, Everything is back to normal. School buses run on schedule, traffic is back to normal and no one seems affected in anyway what so ever. Also when Elliot and Alma/Jess get separated in different houses at the end, and decide to brave the "horror" and leave "shelter" the "attack" has miraculously stopped. Also No this is enough Stay far away from this rubbish ....

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Continuum (I) (2012–2015)

6/10

Not so sure

4 June 2012

Always happy to see new Sci-Fi series. Even better if it's an intelligent Sci-Fi series. I'm not so sure about this.

Acting is awkward in part, the nerdy guy in the communication room has too much equipment and skills for no apparent reason. I mean, why would he do police surveillance? Your average computer geek doesn't.

His "familly" or whatever it is a mystery (it needs to be explained, as things stand now they simply seem tacked on) and the future womans equipment works without contact to the database it "must" be drawing it's information from (ok, I can understand space isn't a restriction - but hundreds of years?). Add to this, that the whole basic premise is pretty wacky (if not unconventional; we've seen evil corporations before). Add to this the brain numbingly stupid ideology shared by the cop from the future (free will is terrorism?) - and I'm not sure this will improve in the future.

Future (!) episodes really needs to tie this together or I predict yet another 1 season series.

From what I've seen so far I'd prefer "Life on Mars" for a "cop stuck in the wrong age" series.

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Fringe (2008–2013)

8/10

250th: It's all about John Noble

7 May 2012

What can one possibly add in the 250th review of this series? Not having read all the previous 249, but ... This is the one sci-fi series my wife will watch. It must mean something.

First time I saw this series, must've been somewhere mid-series 1, it was totally incomprehensible and confusing. The trick to understanding Fringe is to view chronologically. Start with the first episode in series 1, the continue through till the end, then (not stop but) continue on with series 2. So much in this series relies on what has gone before that you actually need to do this.

It's a X-Files on steroids with John Noble. Every other actor in this series are replaceable, except John Noble as Dr Walter Bishop. He is completely brilliant as the genius but border-line functional scientist retrieved from an asylum.

Some people have been complaining about the unrealistic science, one reviewer quoting the ultra-rapid ageing in one of the early episode as a ridiculous example of bad science. It rather shows a lack of scientific knowledge or bias towards the series as a whole as that example is a twisted version of Progeria or similar conditions. So I suspect you should see past the nay-sayers who are basing their nay-saying on limited scientific knowledge.

Series 3, admittedly was losing me a bit, I must admit, as the episodes in the alternative universe had less hold over this reviewer than the rest - but they are essential for series 4 nonetheless. All in all, this is a series well worth following if you ever liked X-files. If not, it's worth watching for John Nobles performance.

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Once Upon a Time (2011–2018)

6/10

Good start - pity it's not original stuff

14 April 2012

I am betting the writers of this have had a long hard look at the comic book series "Fables". If you like this - give Fables a try. Or the other way round. Seriously. The difference being that the characters in Fables know they'restorybook characters who have fled evil to find sanctuary in NY. Here, so far, they don't seem to know they are storybook characters at all. Apart from the main dark characters - they know all right. Mr Gold/Rumpletiltskin being brilliantly portrayed by Robert Carlyle - he caught my interest in "Stargate Universe", but here he shines.

So, if you have no problem with a series with a concept that old time storybook character are very much alive, are continuing with they plotting and scheming, and live in contemporary Maine - too - give it a try.

For me, the characters don't really come to life. I would love to love this show, but it just doesn't happen. There seems to be some kind of distance between the show and me - there's no connection to the characters.

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Stargate Universe (2009–2011)

8/10

It's Stargate, just not as you know it

13 April 2012

I've seen most of season 1 now. And it is Stargate - just not the Stargate you've come to know and possibly, if you were a naysayer to this incarnation, love.

It's about this random (however random a group assembled at a planetary installation not on earth can be) group of people that are thrown together on a traveling spaceship far, far away. They had to escape there through stargate, when the planetary installation was attacked. They want to go home, unfortunately there doesn't seem to be a way to take control of the autopiloted ship.

And now SG fans would expect lots of planet visits, lots of alien encounters and lots of superstitious peasant populations everywhere they go - but this is not (so far) what this show is about. It's about this group of semi-random people interacting and trying to survive in an environment not one of them chose to inhabit (well apparently except for Dr Rush) and - ultimately - trying to get back home.

It's set in the SG world, they use a stargate to access planets, they work with Stargate command - but it's all of minor importance to the content of the series. I have the vague suspicion that if the series had been called something else, like "Destiny" it would have gotten a better following. Calling it Stargate - anything - gives the viewers expectations the series will not live up to. Which is a shame really, because it was brilliant. I would love to see (at least) another season.

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The Dead Zone (2002–2007)

5/10

Lacking ...

31 March 2012

Warning: Spoilers

So this is based on Stephen Kings novel "The Dead Zone"? Not so much, apart from that the character names are the same or similar. It's about a guy that falls into a coma after a traffic accident and wakes up 6 years later with weird powers. He also tries to take down a politician named Stillson. End of similarity.

The problem with this series is that it lacks coherence and continuity. At the end of series 6 you know as little about the characters as you did at the end of series 1 - which shows one of the monumental failings of the series. You simply don't care about the characters. That it lived for 6 (short) seasons is actually a miracle in itself. Sure, some episodes are actually pretty fun - but once you turn it off - ... poof staying power gone.

The second ginormous problem is continuity. There is no thread the episodes follow. The main plot should have been Johnny Smiths interaction with Stillson, at least for a season or two. Instead, the writers pile on disconnected self-contained episodes, one after another - with a scattered few episodes related to Stillson in between as an excuse for calling it based on S.Ks novel. It's not. At all. And when they do have a thread running through a couple of episodes (like the end of season 5 or Stillsons wedding) they rapidly move on to the self-contained episodes again or kill off all the characters (as in season 6). It's as if the producers didn't know what they wanted to do with the series in the first place.

The acting finally, isn't all that impressive either. At times it honestly pretty awful compared to other TV series I've been following, while plot quality varies a bit (there are the downright silly plots) but generally it's quite high standard, although a bit repetitive - probably due to the continuity issue.

All in all, it's completely forgettable. Good enough for a few hours entertainment, but nothing you care much about after you've seen it.

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Supernatural (2005–2020)

8/10

Originally a simple concept

29 April 2011

Sam and Dean are raised to hunt everything that "goes bump in the night". And Dean and his father does, until their father disappears breaking up that pair, and Sams girlfriend is murdered in the same was as the brothers mother was. Throwing Sam and Dean together into a "monster killing duo".

If this is all the series is about then I wouldn't blame you if you think it would become very repetitive very quickly. It's not. It's about father-son and family relations, friendship and everything that makes us human. All set in a supernatural, monster killing scenario - like X Files meets Freddy Krueger or something the like.

The series really picks up during season 2, in my opinion, using the whole of series 1 to set the stage for the later developments. If you don't get hooked on series 1 try to endure until series 2 and then go back for a rerun of series 1.

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In the Mouth of Madness (1994)

8/10

If you love Lovecraft

22 January 2008

This is about an insurance investigator on to find out where the enormously successful write Cane has disappeared off to. Following on clues in the paper back covers of his novels he ends up in the little town of Hobb's End. Which is not quite what it seems like.

If you love H P Lovecraft, the icon of Gothic horror stories, you will probably love this film. Just about everything seems like a homage to Lovecraft from the title, to the almost direct quote when someone say that Cane writes as if it is not fiction, it is as if it is real (I think it was paintings in the Lovecraft novel), to the general atmosphere, to the hinted at creatures, to the ending... BTW I am not too pleased with the ending, it seems to be missing something not quite sure what though.

If you, on the other hand, like gore fests, lots of action, naked bimbos and brain dead coppers, then keep well away. This is not for you.

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Mulberry St (2006)

7/10

Great stuff

20 January 2008

This is a low budget movie. Now there are low-budget and low-budget. This is very well made out of "only" 60K (apparently) USD. If you can stand the idea of people turning into murderous rat-beings, then you would probably like this flick. It has a quite realistic feel to it, and the fact that everything is shot using a hand camera makes it quite documentary in style. The fact that a large part of the film follows the tenants of a NY building surrounded by these "rat-beings" makes it also quite claustrophobic. Good acting as well, all around - where the actors really build a relationship to each other and the audience.

A very well used 60K and if you like horror movies, the chance is that you'll not want to miss this one.

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Threshold (2005–2006)

5/10

Not getting anywhere

27 December 2007

You've seen this before (Invasion, 4400). Bunch of people gets infected by extra terrestrial "stuff" starts acting strangely and another bunch of people investigate.

Unlike "Invasion" (which was also dropped) this gets nowhere. Threshold (the other bunch of people) turns into some kind of government agency tracking the affected first bunch of people with a ridiculously small crew, with a sometimes stupid strategy (when suspecting widespread sabotage/contamination of food supplies, water supplies should be of vital importance to protect, no?; when putting together a thinktank - why have only 1 of each specialist on the job?).

Also each episode is pretty repetitive. Infected person gets detected, Threshold catches him/her/it. And the characters are very two dimensional, but perhaps they would've developed given more time - although 13 episodes should have been time enough to get *somewhere* with these guys. The only one I actually liked was the Dr Ramsey character.

Worth a look, don't expect too much though.

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The Sea Serpent (1985)

1/10

If you like sock puppets

16 July 2007

and abysmal, over-the-top acting, you might enjoy this rubbish flick.Apparently atomic bombs makes life mutate in about a day or two (or according to other viewers, wake them up). Or so it seems. And apparently massive atomic explosions off the coast of Spain doesn't make anyone ask any questions at all. Coming to think of it, the plot doesn't make sense in any way whatsoever (why would evil sock puppets attack lighthouses?), so the nukes going off for no reason at all doesn't stand out too much.

OK, getting past this, and the fact that the "monster" is a glorified thing you make of socks in kindergarten, you may actually be able to stand this. But for once the complete lack of gore doesn't help, leaving the monster attacks in all their naked rock-bottom-budget "glory".

I doubt you'll be able to watch this though, so better stay well away.

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Eureka (2006–2012)

8/10

Take 1 part SF, 2 parts X-files and a dash Twin Peaks

24 June 2007

and you have (the start of) the recipe for Eureka. This is a X-files/SF/TP mix of a series with a lot of humour and good acting.

An US-Marshall is bringing his daughter (as it turns out, although you almost guess it at the start) with him to LA by car. And they get stranded in the small town of Eureka, which isn't quite like all the other US small towns. (This is where the Twin Peaks-bit is evident). Apparently there is an extremely advanced research project housed in the vicinities of Eureka - which to a great degree affects the whole town. And a lot of strange things happens around its citizens (the X-Files bit). Including the use of obviously future technologies like portable fusion reactor thingies (the SF-bit).

I'll be hooked if the rest of the episodes can keep up the quality of the first two. Only if I got to live with Sara it would be all great... If you like any of the above series you might want to get hold of a DVD of the first series (only in region 1 at this time though :( )

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Nightbreed (1990)

7/10

Wonderful twist

25 May 2007

Warning: Spoilers

It's a horror story alright. But perhaps not as you know it. The real monsters in this flick are humans. While the monsters, are human and prey. As weird as that may sound I see this as "Monsters Inc" for horror film fans.

Sure, the effects are of a std horror film, the monsters are there as in any monster based film, the gore is there as well, there even is a slasher in the shape of Dr Decker (played by David Cronenberg; I see flash of Cillian Murphy as Dr. Jonathan Crane in Batman Begins here - or is it the other way round?). And it is Decker &c who are the bad guys. The monsters want mainly to mind their own business, warding off intrusive humans more or less misguided, wanting to join there society.

By the end of the film you actually grow to like the quite little monsters (and the dog) - not perhaps what you had expected from the first few scenes....

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