Reviews

Two actresses in the lead role who have actual acting ability, but if this was the only one of their films that you watched, you'd swear that they never even played the donkey in their primary school nativity play.

I think it's perhaps aimed at a female audience, but if so, I hope those watching aren't feminists because the portrayal of women is laughably shallow and mindless.

It's like a terrible send up of the Godfather meets a puerile idiot version of Bridesmaids that is then intersected with any of a long list of "American idiot tourist in Europe" jokes. None of which are funny or even well scripted. In fact, I have to conclude that this was written without the benefit of a director or any script writers.

Inane, stupid, irredeemable trash.

The show starts with a place and date, 1966. In the background, an F-111. That didn't even enter service until a year later and didn't come to Vietnam until 1968.

There then follows a sequence of macho macho man orders and posturing. So lame, it's beyond parody.

The Special Forces captain flies to a base to receive a special secret package. Why he can fly in and not fly back out again using the same helicopter (or even any helicopter) having collected the famous package is never explained.

Upon arrival there is more screaming authoritarianism - clearly the script writers haven't ever been on a military base. Laughably, the OC for this base is a corporal. Whose mean keep calling him "Sir". His demeanour is that of an earnest but ridiculous one pip wonder, but even so, the "Special Forces" captain does nothing but belittle him and scream at him. Whilst also addressing him as if he is in command of a 50 man detachment...

Next, a guy manning a machine gun and whizzing the iron sights around spots two US Special Forces snipers in full ghillie suits about 200M out from his position and challenges them.

They stand up and assert that they have "the package", a book marker "Secret" inside a plastic map case. When asked if the enemy (who knew that the Vietnamese marked secret documents in English?) knew that they had this document, the snipers earnestly responded that there were 8 of them, implying that 6 comrades had died (or been captured). Having not answered a straight question with a straight answer, the hitherto highly strung SF captain says he needs to arrange some "R&R" for the newly arrived hero's.

Whereupon someone (another trembling nerd engineer) accidentally discharges his weapon, causing the SF captain to drop the "Secret" documents in the mud so he can regain his title of the most screamy man in Vietnam. Another trembling nerd (for this is what combat engineers are according to this film, or perhaps are reduced to by the overwhelming machismo of the SF presence) picks it up and has a gun out in his face by one of the "sniper" team.

As the captain resumes screaming at the other corporal (one of whom discharged the gun and is made out to be far more junior in rank than the other who is again made out to be the detachment OC), I decide that the 20 minutes lost to date is more than enough.

Read this and save yourself the 18 minutes of ridiculous rubbish.

You want to like this. The story, whilst hardly new, is good and open to having so much fun with.

However, too much of the story is derivative and not even done with much or any originality. It therefore weighs very heavily on updating that story with new pace and verve but thanks to some very wooden acting on the part of one lead and some of the worst editing this side of a junior school video project, it fails.

The inconsistency of a couple of serving special operations team members being on a personal rescue mission is pretty jarring, but liveable with. It's a standard trope that is used and abused to the point that you'd think US special operations command is a country gun club.

What is not the the editing - utterly abysmal - that leaves you watching irrelevant film to connect the parts that actually drive the story forward. It's like watching one of those documentaries that endlessly repeats itself so that you can make a 5 minute story take 25 minutes to tell. An example: 30 seconds dedicated to a car driving out of a car park. Do that - or similar - every 2 minutes (or indeed, in one long pointless sequence for 10 minutes) and you cut down the need for actual drama hugely.

In doing so, you take all the drama and pace out of the production.

There are lots of decent parts - a firefight that is well done in Afghanistan, albeit unoriginal with hints of an actual firefight that led to a Medal of Honour and the dramatisation of Marcus Luttrel's story. However, if you are ex-military, look away.

The real problem is that the connections between those parts are lost in editing that would give Alfred Hitcock (indeed any director who understands the need for every part to add to the whole) a stress induced hernia.

Bad direction and editing can rarely be overcome by decent acting, but there is no hope of that here either: 2/3 of protagonists are decently acted, the other is hopelessly stiff and unsure of who they are, what their objectives are and what they are doing - honestly it's Razzie territory. As are much of the supporting cast.

Overall, watchable if you've hosed every other choice and haven't yet decided to see if things that are rated at 1-3 stars are really unfair characterisations of gems.

On the other hand, if you aren't unwell over Christmas, aren't lying in bed with nothing else to do and have something else to do, avoid.

A complete piece of meaningless fluff and yet epic, fun, foxtrot uniform charlie kilo India echo A1!

I really enjoyed this, even if at 46 I'm not the demographic. Or maybe be I am - rock died about 1999.

The story is simple, but avoids easy tropes - the fluffed band that are the competition aren't the obvious "popular" monsters.

It reminds you why rock speaks to the teenage conditions, entertains you, here and there makes you laugh uncontrollably out of the blue and ends with a feel good that isn't bought off with saccharine ease. It earns your appreciation every bit as much as it worked for your enjoyment throughout,

Enjoyed this on the whole, but found too many pieces jarring:

The antagonist is wholly unbelievable as such and his acting to be something other than a mewling, pathetic wretch is laughable.

Too many obvious faults where there is just a lack of thought on the script writing.

Characters act inconsistently consistently

There is too little relational development between key characters who, it is claimed, foster a profound relationship. How do they get there? It goes from irritating each other to profound love with scarcely a pitstop to change tyres.

That said, it's enjoyable and interesting enough to get past those flaws and provide some light entertainment.

The original Mary Poppins was and is magic - practically perfect in every way. Against that standard, I'd question the idea of a reboot because the standard against which you are being judged is one of the greats. A defining film of magic for a generation of children in the golden era of children's films from Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang to Bedknobs and Broomsticks.

If that is the standard - and it should be to deter such lazy productions that simply reboot classics without adding to them - then this film is a colossal fail. In its own right, possibly a 6/10. If I am being excessively generous.

If you have the time and the inkling, watch the original and see a masterpiece of children's and family film that needs nothing more or less to be a joy.

Feels like all the story was left out and you are left with a series of lost pieces that are associated but not linked. The action is a mix of realisticish - the close in work - and utter rubbish - most of the gun work. It really wouldn't be so bad if there was connective tissue to bind it into a solid 6. Without it, 4 is generous.

The first season was utterly marvellous. Put aside the silly premise, it was a beautiful, thought provoking story with some lovely human and comedic touches.

The best TV series I have seen. An easy 10/10. My hopes for season two were high. My disappointment was epic.

At best, season two is a cynical attempt to derive the last cents from the creative stone. The outcome is so poor as to devalue the whole. Net score is 7/10 as an average of the two seasons.

Watch series one. Do not ruin greatness and end your viewing there.

Right from the beginning, this show challenges you, thrills you and asks questions of you. The only reason I didn't give it 10/10 was the slight oddity of the Thomas Janes story arc. It felt like a distraction from the real story: humanity's struggle to recognise humanity in those of other tribes. How quick we are to find the gaps and how slow the connections.

Add in "hard space" with real thought given to how life in space might be and it's one of the all time great TV shows. No big names in the cast allows the ensemble to mesh and grow as the series does.

The sense that it ends at the perfect point is to be applauded: too many show have tried to flog the last cent from the creative well and in so doing devalued the corpus.

The fact that 85 minutes of this did not end up on the cutting room floor is tragic.

Not evern a giggle at how bad it was. You know when a film is so bad its funny. This is a rung below that. It isn't even laughably bad, it just 90 minutes of life robbery.

I'd like to have made some joke about how bad this film was, but the assault on my brain was so grievous I am left with single words.

Appalling.

It may not be a strong enough word.

Short hand: humanity is being wiped out. What is left is fighting amongst themselves to befriend the aliens or wipe them out with a super weapon.

That's as logical and deductive as I can be. The rest is one giant brain evacuation. It doesn't even have visual effects to pander to those who can switch their brain off for long enough to just take in the sights without question.

Oh, and minor spoiler: it does not get better.

So comedically stupid in so many places and unapologetically so.

The story starts out pretty well if somewhat weirdly with a World Cup match being interrupted by soldiers from the future. That's about as good as it gets from a mental perspective. At this point do not seek answers. Do not aspire to some degree pseudoscience.

From this point forward, lobotomise yourself and make ready for a visual feast with some entertainment, unless of course, your brain is to power back up again during a lull while a pretence at a storyline is concocted. Then you are back to wondering how stupid you are to be watching something so stupid it defies belief.

The return of some visual dopamine may succeed in suppressing your brainwaves and this can again be enjoyed for a short period.

By the end you will wonder at how stupid these studios think we are and if we are indeed so stupid as a race, whether we are worth saving.