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greyfeatherd
Reviews
Civil War (2024)
Alex Garland = The director has no robes
Garland's work has always struck me as quietly ripping off others and hoping no one notices.
In the case of this muffled, baffling, boring hodgepodge of a movie, he's finally not aping anyone.
Instead his sad militant atheism is showing through.
A very mopey adolescent sort of non belief.
I think the very worst part was treating THE Whitehouse like it was some barely protected place instead of a building and land mass that is thought to have so many hidden halls and goodness know what down below.
It's not hidden knowledge that any POTUS would have more than a an unsafe safe room to hide in.
All of it feels hackneyed to the extreme.
I see that Alex should have relied his go to saving grace of using zombies/machines/aliens as a plot device.
So a man who doesn't believe in anything supernatural, that's how he made a career that had hidden the hohumness of his ideas.
Shôgun (2024)
Shogun is the new Roman Emperor for Sigma Bros.
Good novel , horrible adaptation for sigma bros.
Worthless modernized dialogue.
I sat quietly while my roommate played this crud in the living room.
But the line uttered after an Earthquake tremor made me write this review.
The non Japanese looking girl with heavy cosmetic surgery uttered such a dumb line that their buildings go up as quickly as they go down.
Nope that started happening in the midpart of 20th Century.
Garbage writing with violent and overly seggs-ual plot.
Only angry types of men would enjoy this series.
Probably a good reason to think if they're right for you. If you enjoy things Japan, watch the stellar Tokyo Vice instead.
Cold Meat (2023)
Just turn Snow screensaver instead
Bad acting with accents of both actors creeping in. Dialogue is painful. The only interesting creature in movie is barely seen or mentioned. Lazy reliance on drone shots. I try to find nifty little low budget films. Snow survival Movies far something I find particularly enjoy. But this was such a huge and utter disappointment. One really good Snow. Survival movie is with Emily Blount from years ago. I'm just trying to fill up the word count. Hey you can go look it up yourself seriously. The good reviews make no sense. There's so many other movies out there. Total garbage avoid avoid avoid. Finis.
Marmalade (2024)
This is not my jam
In the world of cinema, where originality is the gold standard, "Marmalade" emerges as a film that, unfortunately, falls short of striking it rich. Directed by Keir O'Donnell in his debut feature, the film aspires to weave a tale of intrigue, love, and desperation but ends up tangled in its own ambitions.
The story centers around Baron, played with a naive charm by Joe Keery, who finds himself in prison recounting the convoluted series of events that led him there. His narrative is supposed to serve as the backbone of the film, offering a mix of flashbacks that intertwine with his current predicament. However, the story is as flimsy as a house of cards in a breeze, too weak to support the weight of its own aspirations.
O'Donnell's filmmaking is undeniably dynamic, a kinetic energy pulsating through each scene. Yet, this vibrancy feels more like a facade, a cover-up for the lack of originality and inspiration that plagues the film. It's as if the movie is dressed in a dazzling suit with nowhere to go, offering nice images that, upon closer inspection, reveal nothing but emptiness behind them.
The narrative attempts to take us on a journey through Baron's life, from his childhood in a wheat field to a desperate bank robbery orchestrated by the enigmatic Marmalade, played by Camila Morrone. This journey, however, quickly becomes tedious. Each new path we're taken down feels as routine and uninspired as the last, a sentiment echoed early on by Baron's cellmate Otis, portrayed with a weary patience by Aldis Hodge.
Otis's role in the film is emblematic of the audience's own experience: forced to listen to a story that struggles to justify its own existence. The interludes between Baron's storytelling and his interactions with Otis offer brief flashes of personality and cleverness, but they are mere islands in a sea of mediocrity.
The film's major twist, intended to shock and awe, instead comes across as a momentary jolt that quickly fades into the background. It's a testament to the film's inability to fully engage its audience, relying on shock value over substance. The characters, while quirky, feel too calculated, too deliberately eccentric without the depth needed to make them truly compelling.
"Marmalade" tries to be a twisty thriller but ends up twisting itself into knots. The plot, which should be the film's strongest asset, becomes its Achilles' heel. We're led to believe we're exploring uncharted territory, only to find ourselves walking in circles, covering familiar ground.
In the final act, the film attempts to shift gears, embracing its plot's winding nature with a newfound energy. Yet, this late-game attempt to salvage the narrative feels like too little, too late. The performances, particularly from Keery and Morrone, strive to inject life into their characters, but they're hamstrung by a script that doesn't quite know what it wants to be.
In conclusion, "Marmalade" is a film that promises much but delivers little. It's a cinematic journey that, despite its dynamic presentation and moments of fleeting charm, ultimately leads nowhere. It's a reminder that in filmmaking, as in storytelling, the substance is as important as style. And sadly, in the case of "Marmalade," it's a lesson learned too late.
Best. Christmas. Ever! (2023)
Winner for most Cringe Holiday movie ever
I tried to watch the movie for a few minutes.
Chat gpt could do a much better job.
Brand and Heather couldn't save how bad this movie is. No wonder it was shelved for years. Too bad elf on the shelf couldnt kick it into the fireplace.
Sinc ei have 600 words i need to fulfill here, let me tell you about one of the writers:
LRL one of the writers of this movie is a total creep.
I have all the receipts.
This person is the opposite of a moral and Honorable guy. This person should be writing immoral life tips on reddit, not cozy xmas movies.
I know from 2ND degree personal experience he managed to ruin lives with his trash antics.
Again, I have all the receipts and am happy to make tiktoks about it all if he wants to protest my post.
The Golden Bachelor (2023)
Real Housewives: Bachelor Edition
This show isn't about the older Bachelor, focus is on the plastic fantastic women. Rich and pampered vibes are over the top with the primarily white and blonde hopefuls.
A certain smugness and overall arrogance exudes from these women.
Entitled and clearly very pleased with themselves.
The two down to Earth ladies were passed over during the rose ceremony.
Back to the bachelor and it was cringey listening to this widowed exclaim how this evening of revolving door of older ladies was the best tiem of his life, that it was like the best Christmas morning ever.
This from a Father who was married 43 years before his wife passed.
Yikes.
Hard pass.
Emily the Criminal (2022)
not even worth writing a review for.
Lack of Plausible Motivation: If Emily has a minor criminal record already, it seems somewhat unlikely she'd be willing to dive into a major criminal activity, especially something as risky as credit card fraud. There should be a clearer transition or motivation that drives her to take this path.
Criminal Sophistication Mismatch: Emily seems to be inexperienced in criminal activities, given her minor criminal record. Yet, she quickly becomes involved in a large-scale credit card fraud scheme, which is a high-risk venture and requires some level of sophistication.
Sudden Trust: The plot does not explain why Youcef, an experienced middleman in the credit card fraud business, would trust a newcomer like Emily to such an extent that they plan to expand their operations together. This might be seen as a risk for Youcef.
Easy Escalation: The jump from being a "dummy shopper" to planning to elevate their business in a large city like Los Angeles feels abrupt. The intricacies and challenges of such an operation should ideally be fleshed out more.
Oversimplification of Black-Market Capitalism: The description suggests that the black market is simply about quick cash and illicit thrills. In reality, it's far more complex, with various stakeholders, competition, and dangers.
Moral Dilemma: There's no mention of any moral or ethical dilemmas faced by Emily. Most movies involving illegal activities will showcase some internal conflict or external pressures that challenge the protagonist's decisions.
Potential Stereotyping: The name "Youcef" suggests a possibly Middle Eastern or North African background. If this is the case and his character is solely portrayed as a criminal middleman, it could perpetuate negative stereotypes unless handled with sensitivity.
Student Debt as the Sole Motive: While student debt is a legitimate concern for many, using it as the sole reason for Emily's descent into crime might oversimplify her motivations. It could be beneficial to offer more depth to her character.
Lack of Consequences: There's no mention of the risks or consequences involved in such a dangerous endeavor. The plot would be more grounded if there were challenges, betrayals, or law enforcement pursuits hinted at or introduced.
Unexplored Relationship Dynamics: The plot summary hints at Emily being "increasingly interested" in Youcef, but it doesn't elaborate. Is this a romantic interest? Professional admiration? This dynamic could add depth to the plot but needs more exploration.
To create a more believable and gripping narrative, the plot might benefit from addressing these potential issues and inconsistencies.
Follow Her (2022)
The 10s all must be high on something.
The amount of dull and montone reviews dolling out 10s to clatrap make me think somebody hired their buddies to write them.
The current and sole 1 star review on here is the only honest seeming one.
The writer/actress of the film clearly is in her 40s and looks tired, while the so called psycho dude is clearly much younger and very hot. (The actor himself is late 30s but appears much younger next to Dani Barker)
Her character clearly is supposed to be late 20s. I am all for fibbing your age, if you can pull it off.
But this was just cringe.
Also I couldn't enjoy the movie after her character referred to Chappaqua NY as "Upstate NY." It's 30 miles away from NYC.
Ironically enough Dani herself seems more clueless than the character she has written. The way she portrays herself across social media and linkedin for the last 14 or so years is hilarious.
To wit "AboutAbout
Dani Barker is a dynamic director, writer and performer whose talents are displayed in her recent feature film FOLLOW HER, directed by Emmy award winner Sylvia Caminer and shot by Academy award nominee Luke Geissbuhler. Follow Her had its world premiere at Fantasporto in 2022 sweeping the top awards and earning Dani Best Actress along with Best Film and Audience Award. Next up, Dani is slated to direct the feature psychological horror In the Cracks with producers Dan Slater and Erin Boyes.
In addition, Dani has been the visionary behind other projects that she helmed, scripted and starred in, including Starvival, the Unprofessionals, which she produced, wrote, and played the lead; and Squirm, produced for Canada's OUTtv. She has an equal affinity for high drama and low comedy and has established herself as an integral member of the Vancouver film community."
Poorly acted by Dani, 1 star for Luke's abs.
Influencer (2022)
If you pirated this movie, your review is meaningless.
If you watched this on your little phone and it was the pirated version, your review has no meaning.
The sound design is a big part of the overall experience and only exists on the shudder authorized copy.
I got to watch it in my home theater and it was a great viewing experience.
So creepy and entertaining that I watched it again the next night with my roommate.
I picked up on little clues and it showed how the movie was well thought out.
Cassandra as CW is a diabolical and haunting character.
The ending was so perfect and disturbing.
This movie is sticking with me unlike 99% of films I watch.
Cocaine Bear (2023)
1 Star for the late great Ray Liotta
1 Big fat star for Ray,
This movie is utter garbage and I feel like the reviews are padded with fake high ratings.
There is nothing to rave about here.
The CGI was incredibly bad. Guess Banks was to scared to direct with a trained bear on set. Instead making it all poor quality CGI is so pathetic.
I'm afraid there's something wrong with her that she thinks this was worthwhile.
At least it was free via free peacock we get because we have internet via xfinity.
But now I have that sucky feeling where you suggest a movie and swear it will be good and then everyone is disappointed.
Go find the real stories about cocaine bear on youtube.
Way more entertaining.
Clock (2023)
Well done, but glad I don't have to watch it again.
This was actually very well made.
I also didn't see any reviews talking about the Jewish aspect.
Last weekend was a scary and entertaining movie also about Jews and pregnancy. The Offering. Also on Hulu.
I have to remind myself that a lot of Americans aren;t that familiar with Hebrew customs but growing up it was all around me as my Grandmother's best friend and my Mother's neighbors were all Jewish. I grew up eating roast beef with bermuda onion and chicken fat sandwiches on rye bread with seeds.
So for me it seems very natural.
But for the casual red state movie watcher this movie may have been too much for them to either handle or appreciate.
Yes, women are made to feel less that human and of any worth if they opt to not have kids.
So the dehumanization aspect works well in this storyline.
I really only am posting this review to point out the meaning of the ending.
The main character has already DIED when she is idly lying on the rock looking at the fish crawling onto the land. That represents acceptance by her deepest ancestors going back. Something that he Dad said he didn't get when he had bad dreams with all the ancestors visting him.
A good movie, deeper than people are giving it credit for.
Sharper (2023)
As sharp as a butter knife
Might have been semi tolerable movie to while away the hours but the last 30 minutes ruin it.
No one with as "little" as 50 million is going to give a crap if some rando threatens to expose them.
Since Lithgow's character was of sound mind when he updated the will, the will stands. Also someone with 9 billion isn't going to notice or care if 350k goes missing.
And if they did they wouldn't write their offspring out of the will, they would put in all sort of terms for the will to satsify that their spawn would do better handling the money.
Really suggest an insult to anyone's intelligence.
Also a lot of reviwers keep claiming that super rich would vet and investigate people before dating them.
If Madeline and Max were smart enough, pass all background tests of course.
Plus as long as they've already gained entry into the society no one will start looking into them.
The writers clearly haven't been around rich people when it comes ot inheritances and legal trouble.
Luckiest Girl Alive (2022)
From The Main Line IRL and also a trauma victim
I thought this movie was just going to be a time filler, but as medicore a production as it is, the ideas and events in it are haunting.
The protagonist killed her friend so I can't relate to her on some level.
But it interests me that it was supposed to take place in Bryn Mawr.
Tiny details are off, but I won't quibble too much. There are either Haverford, Lower Merion, or Radnor police, but no Bryn Mawr Police.
The clothes are way off for what Preppy kids wore in 1999.
The Rite Aid is in Ardmore strip mall, not tony Suburban Square.
And it's never kosher to pick on schloarship kids.
And debutantes get raped as much as someone from an average family.
I find it beggars belief that Ani would land a healthy, nice, handsome, and rich man. Honestly that is miracle. And to have her dump him to go work at the NY Slimes was so disappointing.
Studies show that moving on from trauma by creating a new you actually works the BEST.
I have been toying with outing everyone who has harmed me finally. But watching this movie has convinced me to do whatever I need to to find a quality guy like Ani's fiance and just get legal revenge on the downlow.
Ani's revenge is clearly pathetic and pointless and doesn't serve anyone.
Women aren't dumb, we don't need another woman's story to know that many men are horrible sex pests and rapists from 15 to 95.
Living well IS the best revenge and is eye-opening to see this character reject a perfect life. What a better and healing change than to switch continents with a lovign partner to support you all the way?
Don't be Ani, care for yourself first. Go for the best life after creeps try to ruin your life.
Significant Other (2022)
I've seen everything and this goes in the fail pile
Just scanned the glowing reviews. I assume they were written by 14-15 year olds. No insult to kids, but this movie is so incredibly dull and dumb.
I usually like the two leads in other films.
Based on the previews I thought I was in for a treat.
Thought it was a bad sign when it instantly telegraphed an alien event within first 30 seconds of the movie.
Next up I was confused how Jake Lacy suddenly seems like a sad middle aged man while Maika is youthful as ever.
It felt more like a kidnapper or Dad dragging a girl to the woods than a romantic couple on fun camping weekend.
Just all in all dreadful.
If you want a good flick with Maika check out the indie film Bokeh.
Eat the Rich: The GameStop Saga (2022)
The 0ne star reviews are F0S. Kek.
Followed all of this as it unfolded on 4chan and reddit. Notice how none of the one stars admit that this was one big joke. There was no righteous indignation by the main players at being personally impacted by the 2008 financial meltdown. Just some average or below average intelligence FOMO chasers. This series is way too kind to the majority of people caught up in WSB.
And the fact that so many are on here clutching their pearls is hilarious.
The fact is is that WSB was a product of the pandemic and people with too much tiem on their hands.
"WallStreetBets users' trading style closely resembles gambling more than investing, it is worth exploring the boundary between investor and gambler. Statman (2002) investigated the shared kind rage of those who trade stocks and those who play the lottery. He
WallStreetBets suggests that regular stock trading and playing the lottery are rooted in 1) belief that we're above
average, 2) lofty financial aspirations, 3) motivation by fear and hope, and 4) an enjoyment of playing the game. Additionally, Mizrach and Weerts studied trading activity in an online
chatroom where they claim that the traders in the chatroom "ignored many of the lessons from their finance classes" because "they trade very frequently" and "made no attempt to diversify,"
much like the WallStreetBets subscribers."
Reboot (2022)
Pure Cringe
I like half the cast and have been a fan of their work in many other productions. Roommate is watching this long after I would have given up on it.
As someone with connections to various areas of film production this is not my cup of tea. I tried to view it from how the average Hulu viewer would. Nope, it's still completely boring and predictable.
This felt like worse than homework. Detention perhaps? Just so happy this episode was over.
I would rather watch Wee Man play paddleboard with his p.een than watch any more of this dreck.
Why do the reviews now have to be 600 characters?
Just NOPE!
The Black Phone (2021)
Tremendous Movie
Such a good movie. A lot of heart in this movie. Ethan usually picks projects carefully and I was rewarded by opting for this very entertaining little flick.
Several twists, big thumbs up!
Resident Evil (2022)
Fun for what it is
I absolutely LOATHED Andrew Dabb when he was the showrunner for Supernatural.
I have watched all Resident Evil movies and went in knowing this tv show would be different.
I enjoyed myself. When I saw Dabb worked on it, I was shocked.
But unlike the fanboys reviewing boming this series, I have an open mind and admit it's quite fun.
If I can get over my hate of Dabb, then fanboys can try and watch this without getting their tiny skivvies in a bunch.
Only Murders in the Building (2021)
Bunny Folger is completely absurd.
The ultra preppy apartment of Bunny Folger would never be inhabited by a swearing yonkers prole of a woman.
Blythe Danner would have made sense, not this imposter.
Makes the show very strange to see Old Money Manhattanites repped like this.
Martin Short must see things through a veyr strange lens/lense.
Maggie (2022)
On the brink of WW3, fun is good.
Fast moving and fun show. Lively banter and pretty people / settings make for a relaxing escape from a very stressful world outside.
It appears people who I can guess are hateful are giving it low scores. Sad. Don't push your anger on others just trying to relax.
The Northman (2022)
Be wary of anyone who enjoyed this
I would've stopped watching 20 minutes in, but alas roommate is hogging the TV. Snoregoreman movie is so violent, depressing, and boring. I WAS big fan of the filmmaker's other works but now I'm very bitter after watching this. Now I'm scared of my roommate who thinks this was a great film.
The Batman (2022)
The perks of watching this at home on HBOMax
Free to watch with HBOMax subscription.
Glad I didn't pay a penny for this crud.
I always think that if a movie is absent all humor (including gallows humor) that it is poorly made.
This movie is dull and horribly made.
If you like Zoe Kravitz go watch the fantastic little gem that is KIMI.
Way more suspense and entertaining than this stinking movie.
Like Rob? Then go watch any other movie than this one.
He' a worse Batman than Clooney.
I was looking forward for 2 years for this film.
But I knew within a few minutes it was going to suck.
So long.
Glad I could just walk around my house or jump on the computer when I got bored.
CAN NOT imagine playing good money to see this and then being stuck in a movie theater for hours.
Nice to have 100 inch projector and professional stereo at home.
Just skip this terrible movie, you will save yourself so much time.
Fresh (2022)
Wrong casting
Why wasn't Armie Hammer cast? I mean he is a real life wanna be cannibal.
This movie is not any good but it's hilarious to read all the sad marvel fans who are upset by Bucky eating human sushi.
Yellowjackets (2021)
The 10s and 9s are not reaI
So disappointed watching this utter tripe.
Really disgusted.
Also the music choices are wrong and several songs outdated by 1996.
The present day actresses young counterparts LOOK nothing like them.
Totally different looking faces/eye/hair color/ AND personalities.
Just a nasty and depressive show.
Could have been good as a black dark comedy, but isntead just depressing.
Succession (2018)
Would have worked as limited run instead
Watching Season 3, episode 1 and am bored silly.
This show was more entertaining when there was nothing else going on during Quarantine.
Any American who has been around professional, high level acheivers and/or the Upper Social Classes must cringe at all the swearing.
This simply does not happen on a regular basis.
It's wearying.
Even the most dreadful people irl nearly always have some glimmer of a redeeming characteristic.
And it makes for good story-telling because one is angry at feeling warmth toward otherwise miserable characters.
The paucity of any characters with even a teensy bit of wit or charm makes this an exercise in boredom and stulifies any possible enjoyment.
1 star for memorable opening tune.