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Cookers (2001)
8/10
The Wonderful World Of Addiction
29 October 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Cookers is a tidy low-budget number, an excellent foray into the world of Meth addiction. Two cookers, Dorena and Hector, disappear into the wilderness with the idea to cook up a batch of high-grade meth, sell it at a huge price, and spend the rest of their lives on permanent vacation. The problem is, the cookers can't keep their fingers -- and noses -- out of the goods. As they continue to cook, they continue to use, staying up for days at a time. Paranoia, hallucinations, and petty squabbles ensue. The story pretty much demands that you buy into their addiction, otherwise it's just going to fall apart. Brad Hunt's performance as the constantly-tweaking Hector really sells the entire movie, his twitching, nervous, Meth-fueled paranoia realistically portrayed.

There are a few minor problems, however. Dorena's backstory is a little, shall we say, TYPICAL, which is kind of odd considering how well the script is otherwise. Also, the film tends to lose steam as it reaches its ultimate conclusion, as if the writer couldn't think of an appropriate way to end the film. I will note, however, that Hector's demise is horrifying, especially considering his state-of-mind at the time. And other than a few poorly-executed special effects sequences -- which could have easily been replaced with more of that bump-in-the-night suspense the film relies on most of the time -- there's really nothing to complain about, technically speaking. The film looks great despite its limited budget, though you can't go in expecting this to look like a slick Hollywood production. No, the film wears its budget on its sleeve, something you'll have to overlook if this type of thing is a problem for you. Let me put it this way: If you dug Session 9, then Cookers shouldn't be a problem.

The guy at the video store gave me a heads-up in terms of what to expect, and I'll repeat it here: "It's basically just three actors, one camera, and one house. I think the Blair Witch Project had a bigger budget, though it works on the same level." If that doesn't tell you what you're in for, then I don't know what else to do for you.

Cookers could have fumbled the ball, especially considering its subject matter. But instead of using stereotypical images, situations, and characters to dress a by-the-numbers horror film, the director has chosen to insert these tragic figures in the middle of a realistic situation, something a lot of Internet reviewers seem to have a problem with. Though the following statement may give away a bit too much, I'm of the belief that the things in my head are far more terrifying than anything in the real world, supernatural or not. Was I expecting a big pay-off? Not really. The film ended as it should, I think, with the viewer coming down from a serious mindf*ck and stepping into the sunlight for the first time in days. My hats off to everyone involved. Fine work, indeed.

Cookers, is a little flawed, but highly recommended. Keep in mind, however, that it's not strictly a horror movie. Horrifying, yes. Horror, no.

But don't let that stop you from seeing it.
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Skinned Deep (2004)
7/10
Why Do I Like It?
27 April 2005
I asked myself that question after turning off the DVD player upon my initial viewing of Skinned Deep. Why did I enjoy it? The acting is poor, the direction is shoddy, and the story just isn't there. So why did I find myself totally engrossed in this movie? Because it's FUN! From it's David Lynchian set pieces to the Henenlotter-esquire makeup effects, Skinned Deep is just plain old stupid fun. As long as you don't go in expecting anything other than a movie that's full of gore, bad acting, and stupid fun, you'll have a good time.

This is the best movie Troma never made. How Fango ended up with distribution rights is beyond me. Regardless, kudos to them for giving this film the light of day. I'm happier for it.
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Frankenhooker (1990)
8/10
Yet Another Henenlotter Gem!
27 April 2005
Trying to describe a Henenlotter movie to someone unfamiliar with the man's work is almost impossible to do. Take the premise of Frankenhooker, for example. A man mourning the loss of his fiancé -- who, by the way, lost her life in a tragic lawnmower accident -- decides to bring her back from the dead using body parts from New York City hookers. Sounds crazy, right? Well, it is. Frankhenhooker is probably the worst of Henenlotter's films, though that doesn't mean it isn't a great little movie. There's plenty of fun to be had, from the bizarre "super crack" drug to the hilarious facial expressions of the resurrected title character. Yes, indeed, Frankenhooker is a one-of-a-kind film experience.

Most horror fans probably won't enjoy this one, simply because it's one of those dreaded "horror comedies" that most genre fans seem to loathe. I, personally, prefer horror comedies to the more serious fare, though I tend to be in the minority. If you don't mind a few chuckles with your gore, then checking out Frankenhooker could prove to be a perfect way to spend an evening.

One more thing -- Henenlotter, if you're reading this, there are plenty of people out in the world who'd love to see another film from you. Stop making us wait, already!
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8/10
An Above-Average Mick Garris/Stephen King Movie
19 April 2005
Usually I don't like Mick Garris movies. I just don't. There's something about the guy's style that rubs me the wrong way. Which is why I approached Riding The Bullet with a bit of apprehension. Was this going to be another poorly-adapted Garris flick or would he manage to translate King's material successfully to the screen? Much to my surprise, he accomplished his task and then some. Riding The Bullet is effective, both in its emotion and its horror. The highlight of the movie is Jonathan Jackson, who pulls off a rather difficult role as Alan, a twenty-something college student who's hitchhiking home to attend to his mother who has recently suffered a stroke.

During his journey, he encounters a number of strange individuals, including the always entertaining David Arquette. You see, Alan's recent suicide attempt seems to have attracted the attention of those on the Other Side, bringing with it a choice that no one one should have to make. Will Alan make it back in time to see is ailing mother or will he succumb to the horrors of that long, lonesome highway?

Though the ending is lacking and ultimately rather weak, the journey to it is worth the price of admission. This is one of the few King adaptations that I've honestly enjoyed from beginning to end, and I've seen all of them. Highly recommended for those who enjoy a little humanity with their horror.
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Zombie Planet (2004 Video)
1/10
The Worst Horror Movie...Ever!
22 March 2005
I live and work in Lexington, Kentucky, the town where Zombie Planet was filmed. I'd heard about the film forever ago, from various people who claimed to be a critical part of the production. Then, for several years, I heard absolutely nothing. Imagine my surprise when I found it sitting all by itself at the local video store, just itching for a rental. So, being the cinephile that I am, I decided to give these local filmmakers a shot.

Bad idea.

Zombie Planet is overlong, boring, poorly acted, miserably shot -- and that's just the good stuff. I tried my hardest to enjoy it, which included removing my brain and setting it on the table so that it wouldn't get in the way of the horrible storyline. Alas, nothing worked. Zombie Planet is so bad it's pathetic. And the very idea that they're planning a sequel leads me to believe that the director and his henchmen have listened to none of the criticisms I'm sure they've heard. Move on, you guys. Please. In fact, refrain from film-making altogether. Or attend a few classes on pacing, storytelling, and, well, basic direction.

Otherwise, for the love of God, hang it up.
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