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3/10
Needlessly Gloomy
21 May 2021
"Anything For A Laugh" is a clear case of false advertising. Chris Farley was a funny guy. But this doc hangs a pall over every clip by sandwiching them between dour c-list performers grumbling through their memories of Farley's addictions. Tom Arnold and Gary Busey, both addled and burned out by their own addictions, can barely string two sentences together.

They never dig too deeply into the addictions either. The exact drugs he did were only mentioned once. The circumstances of his death were not described. It's worth noting that a sex worker left the apartment on the night of his death knowing he was in distress but did not call for an ambulance. If you're doing a biography, give your viewers details.

No Tim Meadows, which is baffling. They worked together in Second City as well as SNL. The whole thing seems like half an effort.
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Handy Bean (2018–2020)
2/10
Stunningly unfunny
15 January 2021
Fans of Mr. Bean are likely to be left saddened by this effort, if you can even call it that. To begin with, Bean is now pudgy and doughy, and clearly getting on in years. In fact he looks more like the Pakistani Mr. Bean lookalike than the Rowan Atkinson we remember. That alone is depressing. The shorts themselves, silly DIY videos, are absolutely dreadful. Allegedly written by Atkinson himself, but seems like it was written by someone who has no sense of the Mr. Bean character. You could remove Bean and insert absolutely any halfwit character, and it wouldn't make a difference.

Atkinson has since announced that Mr. Bean is permanently retired, and honestly, this is the best news. Don't spoil the great memories.
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Designing Spaces (2005– )
1/10
Infomercial hell
23 December 2015
While Designing Spaces is a real TV show that people are filming in Florida, it is also running an extremely sketchy advertising program behind the scenes. While probably not technically illegal, it is eyebrow raising.

Telemarketers phone up suppliers of home improvement products on behalf of the show's producer, and offer to showcase a product on the show, like a mini-infomercial. The telemarketer's sales pitch lasts a good 45 minutes. At the end of the sales pitch, a price tag of $49,700 is revealed. For a 1 to 3 minute spot. Which will be seen by virtually no one. Their viewer numbers are not available anywhere, but a 7:00 AM home improvement show on an unpopular cable channel is likely to reach somewhere in the hundreds of viewers, possibly less.

Since this network was acquired by A&E in 2009, I am sincerely surprised that this practise is allowed to continue.
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The Prisoner (2009)
5/10
Should have been a standalone series rather than an attempt at a remake
3 March 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I've seen old-series purists' reviews and I've seen new-series apologists' reviews, and I agree with both of them, for the most part. This is not a bad series. However, when you create a remake or a reboot or a continuation of some sort, you own an homage to the original. More than just a pennyfarthing bicycle hanging on one of the sets. Simply, it should not have been called "The Prisoner" if they planned to stray so far from the original concept.

I was particularly disappointed when they started the series with an escaping prisoner wearing a suit in the style of the 60s series. That suggested to me that The Village had continued to exist through the decades, and that this was just a new story in the history of The Village. Not so. This is not the original Village.

Caviezel, as others have said, was miscast. His constantly bewildered expression doesn't exactly cry out, "I am a free man!"
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That's So Weird! (2009– )
6/10
Not great, but not as bad as the other reviews would suggest
27 October 2012
I'll admit, I've only seen one episode. But it's not completely terrible. It's a show for kids, so you can't expect the most sophisticated humour. The jokes are all about how dorky your parents seem when you're a tween/teen. They do a version of Rick Mercer's "Talking To Americans" called "What Do Adults Know" that just falls flat. The most disappointing thing about the show is that they're so focused on one style of joke, they miss opportunities to be truly hilarious. But they give it a good shot, and occasionally come through with a chuckle.

Unfortunately it's still way, way behind the gold standard in kids' comedy shows, You Can't Do That On Television (also from Canada).
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LOL:-) (2011– )
10/10
Dialogue-free sketch comedy
13 May 2012
I'm always amazed when something this good comes out, because often it seems like all the good ideas have already been taken, and newer shows are simply derivative (if not outright remakes) of older shows. This show is simply made up of dozens of mini-sketches, with absolutely no dialogue. The lack of dialogue serves two purposes: It enhances the visual gags, and it allows the producer to market this show in any country in the world with no changes.

The style is often similar to Mr. Bean or Benny Hill, but with a definite French sensibility. One striking aspect of the show is the use of exotic filming locations, such as The Grand Canyon, or a beach in Morocco. It would have been simpler to use green screens, but the authenticity of the sets demonstrates passion. This show rises above simple sketch comedy into the domain of art.
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The Protectors (1972–1974)
4/10
All style, no substance
25 February 2012
It's unmistakably a Gerry Anderson show. But what works in Captain Scarlet (half-hour format, colourful props, outlandish action scenarios) utterly fails when you attempt it in live action. The stories are all terrible--I would even venture to say that they are below the level of quality found in Captain Scarlet. I watched as much of the series as I could handle, but couldn't get all the way through. Maybe it improves after season 1. I wasn't willing to stay with it that long. When you compare it to other shows in the same genre from the same era, such as Mission: Impossible or The Man From Uncle, it just doesn't hold up.
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Knightriders (1981)
9/10
Renaissance Faire on motorbikes
30 October 2011
I had no idea what I was getting when I first watched this movie. It was on "The Late Late Show", the nightly b-movie screening on a local cable station.

The production values were low, which was not surprising given that this time slot was usually dedicated to Samuel Z. Arkoff or Roger Corman films. Given that I could ignore that failing, I was treated to an excellent interpretation of the legend of King Arthur.

What struck me about this film is the sincerity and heart with which all of the actors delivered their roles. It's the kind of effort that makes shows like Babylon 5 successful. No one-dimensional acting here (aside from a remarkable appearance by Stephen King). You really grow to like and understand each of the characters. Even the "villain", played by Tom Savini, has perfectly understandable reasons for everything he does.

The low budget actually helps the overall atmosphere, since a travelling Renaissance Faire-on-motorbikes is bound to have virtually nothing to their name, and need to improvise everything.

I've watched it probably once every couple of years since I first saw it. I never get tired of it.
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1/10
A potentially good idea, as badly executed as possible
25 September 2011
"Morlocks" are a race from H. G. Wells' "The Time Machine". When I see this in the TV listings, I'm thinking SyFy has come up with a fun new spin on the story. But other than the fact that time travel figures in to the story peripherally, there's no similarity at all. Even for SyFy, known for its dreadful production values, this is an all-time worst.

The CGI is so bad it would have been embarrassing in the 90s. Today, it's unforgivable. The director (if they actually had one) gave up even having the actors pretend to fire their guns and just animated muzzle flashes on them--even on the guns that weren't aimed at the enemy.

Things like breaking glass and tanks busting through walls look like they were animated by first-week film school students who just started learning CGI.

David Hewlett shows that he is perfectly capable of playing the exact same character in everything he does, as does Robert Picardo.

I have no idea how I managed to watch the whole thing. But at no point did I consider my time well spent.
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Hyperdrive (2006– )
9/10
Stick around for series 2
5 June 2011
I gave the show 9 out of 10 overall, but the first series should really get only a 7. Much of it was awkward and forced, although still funny. Series 2 had better stories, better jokes, and the cast were more comfortable in their characters' shoes. If series 1 doesn't quite click with you, at least give one episode from series 2 a go.

I didn't see Hyperdrive in its original run, so I knew series 2 was the end. I really wish they had continued the show for another couple of years. It felt like it could have gone on quite a bit longer.

There seems to be something about sci-fi, whether it's comedy or not, that leads networks to cancel it before it really gets rolling. I don't know why they even give it a chance if they're not going to let it run its course. I suppose we should be thankful for the little we get.
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10/10
Plenty to make you laugh
26 October 2010
Some of the humour is a little lowbrow, but there's just so many quality gags in this movie, you can't help but laugh. I can watch this movie over and over, and never get tired of it. I think the one thing that keeps bringing me back is the amazingly talented cast they put together for this movie. Forgetting Jim Belushi, you've got Charles Grodin, Mako, Star Trek cast members Gates McFadden and John DeLancie, Thom Sharp, and Hector Elizondo. Oh, did I mention Loryn Locklin in a bikini? Man oh man.

I've been so thoroughly entertained by this movie through so many watchings for so many years, I can't in good conscience score it any less than a 10.
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RoboCop 3 (1993)
1/10
Waste of time
31 August 2010
I don't usually give only one star to a movie that's reasonably well-produced, but I have to make an exception for this one. They spent a lot of money making everything pretty, but they forgot to write a script, hire talented actors, and install a director who can tell when everything's going into the toilet and make some changes.

For the premiere they had a stuntman in a Robocop suit fly in on a jet pack (actually a wire and some bad pyrotechnics). I should have known from there that it would be awful. The smell of desperation was in the air.

If you liked the first two Robocop movies, do not see this movie. Like all the Highlander sequels did, this will soil your memory of the original.
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Passengers (2008)
3/10
Does awkwardly what's been done before
13 August 2010
Warning: Spoilers
I started out thinking this was going to be a re-hash of Millennium (1989). It actually ended up being a re-hash of Final Approach (1991). You can figure out what's going on by about halfway through the movie, and from that point the build-up to the climax is just tedious. Too many red herrings, too many scenes that just drop off when you're expecting more. The ending is just as disappointing as the rest of the movie.

Not a date movie, not in any way a group movie, and if you're into watching movies by yourself, do yourself a favour and see Final Approach instead.
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Misfits (2009–2013)
10/10
Flawless Execution
7 August 2010
Science fiction shows usually suffer from poor writing and awkward acting in their first season. They take a season or two to really get warmed up. This cast just clicks from day one. It may have something to do with the age of the cast. They're young enough to take sci-fi acting seriously. Older actors tend to make it look campy. Take Doctor Who for example, or even Torchwood.

And the writing is so crisp and imaginative it's hard to believe this guy has no writing credits before 2005. Howard Overman is sure to be a well-known name in British broadcasting for years to come.

BAFTA award well-earned.
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2/10
Absolutely worthless
14 September 2009
I want to give this movie only one star, but then I remembered that there are movies like "Rosalie Goes Shopping" that really set the standard for bad cinema.

For most of this movie, the plot is completely absent. For about an hour in the middle of the film, they might as well have showed me the sports scores and highlights. After the characters were introduced, nothing of any interest or consequence happened. I was bored.

The ending was ridiculous. It made no sense at all. Why did I just watch this whole movie, if the ending had nothing to do with the rest of the film? I'll watch almost anything Bruce Willis is in. He's a pretty solid guarantee of an enjoyable movie. Not so in this one. It's his worst performance since "The Whole Ten Yards".
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City Hunter (1987–1991)
10/10
Equalizer gets the anime treatment
26 March 2009
For anyone who has seen the American TV series "The Equalizer", this series will be quite familiar. The plot is simple. As with The Equalizer, a former assassin has retired to a city apartment where he rents out his services to people in dire trouble who can't help themselves, usually without receiving any payment for his efforts.

Where City Hunter differs is the addition of absurd humour. Kaori Makimura, assistant to Ryo Saeba (aka City Hunter), acts out her jealousy by producing 100 tonne hammers out of thin air, and using them on Ryo when his libido gets out of control. Considering that Ryo will only take on female clients, that's always.

City Hunter is one of the few anime series that can be enjoyed equally by male and female viewers. Like any series, it has its weak episodes. But when it's good, there's nothing better.
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Passchendaele (2008)
10/10
Finest war epic ever made
17 October 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I was seriously concerned when I learned that this movie was being made. It's one of the most important moments in Canadian history, and done wrong it could be a total disaster.

I needn't have worried. The movie was made with such graphic realism and cinematographic excellence that I find it hard to believe it was made by such relatively inexperienced filmmakers. At least, inexperienced in filming an epic.

Paul Gross is absolutely outstanding. Completely divested of his corny mountie character, he portrays the tall, strong soldier that every recruitment poster promised they'd make you. At the same time, he's a believable and compassionate romantic lead.

The attention to historical detail is admirable. Take for example Major Bingham, the half mad British recruitment officer, whose character is a brilliant metaphor for the British high command under Field Marshal Haig (even bearing a passing resemblance to same). Haig is commonly believed to have ordered Canadian troops to perform suicidal missions in order to preserve the lives of British troops sent to less hazardous battles. This film's Major Bingham ruthlessly recruits Canadians who should have been medically excused, to serve and die in the army.

This is a film every Canadian can be proud of, almost as proud as we are of the real soldiers who fought and died in the trenches in The Great War.
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El mundo del Lundo (1996 TV Movie)
9/10
Why isn't this still being broadcast?
3 August 2008
El Mundo del Lundo was great! It took the basic idea of Mystery Science Theater 3000 a step further. MST3K ran awful old drive-in movies and made sarcastic remarks about them. El Mundo del Lundo did full voice-overs and sound effects. Their film footage was not limited to feature films; they also did military recruitment films, TV shows, ads, and about anything they could get their hands on for free or cheap.

For example, and old black-and-white western becomes a drama about modern day west-coast gangsters. I couldn't help but crack up laughing when a cowboy backing his horse up makes a beeping sound like a garbage truck in reverse.

The creators are the same people who made the sci-fi show Lexx, so you can sort of get an idea of their sense of humour.

Apparently it's similar to a show called Mad Movies, which I have never seen.
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4/10
Complete fiction based on one historical figure
22 August 2006
As long as you go into this movie with the understanding that it's not going to contain any historical fact whatsoever, it's not bad.

It's on par with Sam Raimi's "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys", as far as plot, acting, humour, and production values are concerned. You'll see the similarities at several points. Most of the fight scenes are not as good however and the film suffers from that.

Jack Palance commands the screen as well as ever, and at no time do you have the impression he's giving anything less than his level best. Same for Oliver Reed. The problem is that their strong performances make square-jawed Don Diamont's less-than-stellar acting skills seem even more awkward. Perennial bit player Cas Anvar was very good as well, playing a character much like Salmonius in the aforementioned Hercules.

If you enjoyed the low budget swords-and-sorcery movies of the early 80s, you're probably going to enjoy this show as well. It's actually a shame they attached the Marco Polo name to it. It really has nothing to do with Marco's life, contrary to the expectations of most of the people who will want to watch this movie.
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4/10
Unspeakmanably awful
18 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
There's not much to redeem this movie. But when you see Jeff Speakman and William Shatner on the cover, you pretty much know what to expect. Cheese, and lots of it.

Chris Lemmon was actually passable as a bad guy, despite being the worst actor in the entire world. Charles Robinson (Mac from Night Court) was also very good.

One of the best scenes is the schoolbus car chase. Although we're meant to believe they're driving across town, they are clearly just driving up and down the same street over and over, passing--and crashing into--the same cars repeatedly. There are only about four cars in that scene other than the bus and the bad guys.

The car chases were very impressively overdone. Each time a bad guy's car rear-ended another car, it would take flight as though launched from a catapult. The bus was hit broadside, and exploded like it was packed with dynamite. Then it blew up again a bit later.

The music was remarkably terrible. It's like they just picked random pieces for each scene, and turned them up even louder during the quiet scenes somehow believing this would add to the suspense.

Overall, I have to give it a 4 just for cheese value.
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Global Frequency (2005 TV Movie)
8/10
Died before its time
21 July 2006
For those who don't know the background story, this pilot episode was never meant for public eyes. It was dropped by the network, as many other series are, after only the pilot episode was produced. However, a DVD screener of this show somehow made it out of the studio, and was uploaded to the Internet. It has now been downloaded millions of times and continues to be downloaded a full year after its initial appearance. Just search for it on the torrent sites.

It diminishes the enjoyment of a show somewhat to know there will never be another episode. That being said, this was an outstanding pilot.

The special effects were extremely good for a pilot. When I think back to other pilot episodes for similar series such as X-Files, The Collector, and Supernatural, I'm amazed those shows ever got out of the gate. Global Frequency makes a much better first impression.

While not deviating too much from the comics, the show needed a more familiar base. So much of the pilot is spent introducing Sean Flynn, a police officer suspended from the force, who accidentally stumbles upon this secret network by finding one of their phones. Sean is decent, but not a very bright guy, so all of the science fiction elements of the show require translation into layman terms. This would have ensured a broader appeal than just comic book geeks.

What I found to be a real departure, and a refreshing change, was the fact that Miranda Zero--a woman--runs the show. Action/adventure shows (particularly those touching on science fiction) rarely feature a female lead. Tilting the scales even further, the two other starring characters, Kate Finch and Aleph, are both women.

Taken for what it is, it's certainly not science fiction's finest hour. But it's easily as good an hour of entertainment as anything on TV these days. The fact that you're not even supposed to see it makes it even more appealing.
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City Hunter (1993)
9/10
Reasonably faithful movie adaptation of an animated series
6 September 2005
Warning: Spoilers
No major plot giveaways here.

The original Japanese story of Ryo Saeba bears similarities to the American live-action series The Equalizer. A man who formerly made his living working as a mercenary and assassin for a secret government organization leaves his job and turns to helping those in serious trouble who cannot help themselves, to appease his wounded conscience. Except Robert McCall never bragged about his erections. The City Hunter animated series was immensely popular despite using the same formula in every single episode.

The City Hunter movie assumes that the viewer already knows something of the animated series. If, for example, you didn't know that Ryo was agonizingly poor and hungry in the later episodes of the animated series, then several of the food-chasing scenes lose their humour. Same is true of the fact that Ryo will take absolutely any private-eye job that involves spending time with beautiful women, and will refuse any job that doesn't.

Other features from the series are: Ryo's cohort Saeko Nogami, a gorgeous police detective who takes perverse pleasure in using her feminine wiles to coerce favours out of him; a one-off character who is able to throw playing cards with deadly force like throwing stars; Ryo's trademark red Austin Mini; Kaori's hammers.

With today's CGI, the mandatory scenes in which Kaori mashes Ryo with a gigantic 100-ton mallet would have been much better. They ended up being clumsy and unfunny.

The plot is very typical City Hunter fare: Ryo is hired by a powerful businessman to find his runaway daughter and takes the job against his will. Meanwhile, the cruise ship he follows her to is taken hostage by a gang of mercenaries.

The movie adds a couple of elements not present in the series, namely martial arts, and adult-oriented toilet humour. These are pretty standard for Hong Kong movies though, and help explain why it was a smash hit at the box office in Hong Kong.

There are quite a number of very memorable scenes in this movie, particularly one in which Ryo and Saeko team up for a fight. Ryo swings the armed Saeko around to shoot enemies in all directions, and then does some ballroom dancing with her when they're done. In another scene, Bruce Lee coaches Jackie through a fight in a movie theatre. The fight in the arcade... I'll say no more--you just have to see it.

If you're looking for serious butt-kicking, this is not the Jackie Chan film for you. This film is for the Airplane/Naked Gun crowd with a taste for action.
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Earth vs. the Spider (2001 TV Movie)
9/10
The Fly meets Spiderman
17 June 2005
In the genre of b-rate, made-for-TV, monster movies, this is as good as they come. The dialog and directing are surprisingly good. There is a definite David Lynch influence as Quentin begins his transformation, but it's all so flawlessly executed that the whole thing is quite enjoyable to watch.

Dan Aykroyd and Theresa Russell added star power to the credits, but only Aykroyd's presence really benefited the film. Though still looking 35, Theresa Russell turned in what was probably her worst performance to date.

One of the last films produced by Samuel Z. Arkoff before his death. He was responsible for bringing us some really great (if somewhat cheesy) horror and action titles in the 1970s: the Dr. Phibes and Slaughter movies, Futureworld, the original version of The Amityville Horror, and the 1977 remake of The Island of Dr. Moreau. Anyone who enjoyed those old movies should certainly get a kick out of this one.
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