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Reviews
Bathory (2008)
ANIMAL ABUSE
Crows are seen eating live rats for no reason, it's such a short shot why would they allow the rats to be harmed for that. It's not CGI. Its not a prop. It's live animals being abused, and it's not necessary at all. There's also a dog's body shown, and I find it hard to believe that they were able to train a dog to "not breathe" for an entire scene, and that body is also very much NOT a stuffed animal. I have no respect for any production that puts animals in harms way for the gratification of feeling obscenely and pretentiously artsy. I have no respect for the PEOPLE that allowed this to happen.
Dracula (2020)
A Brilliant Modernized Dracula
I think those giving this a bad review are unaware of the original Dracula and it's characters. The modernization of the story, the way they slightly changed but stayed so true to the characters, it's brilliant really. The story is engaging, interesting, and terrifying in its own little way. The poetic element discusses humanity, death, and life in such a beautiful and intriguing way. It's profoundly thoughtful, and provoked primal fear as you tangle with the claustrophobia of the possibility that we remain conscious to a degree after death. The acting is superb, the story moved at the correct pace to keep you interested, and all while following a classic story in a modern way. Many people get it wrong and try to throw an iPhone into a vampires hands to make something modern. This story does it right.
Play or Die (2019)
not an escape room movie
This is a classic. Slasher with a twist. Anyone eating it low saw escape room and decide that this couldn't hold up to it, but it's an entirely different genre in my opinion. Not great, but leaves it to the viewer to make up their mind on what's reality, and what simply isn't.
Haunter (2013)
who haunts the haunters
A ghost story about what's happening to the ghosts, not the living. Incredible, unique, and worth the watch.
Foxfire (1996)
every little girl should watch this movie
Women supporting women, how men treat us.... this is a serious coming of age tale that has never been more relevant. Don't let the "lesbian" reviews fuel you. This isn't a lesbian love story. It's so much more.
He's All That (2021)
this movie killed my cat
I had to put my cat of 22 years down the day I watched this movie. I thought the movie might make me feel a little better. Instead, it was so bad, so truly awful, and made me feel so much worse, I had to schedule an emergency therapy session. Thanks addison rae. Thanks SO much.
The Suicide Squad (2021)
better than the OG
SO rarely does a sequel end up being better than the original. This is by far, above and beyond, a huge improvement and incredible accomplishment. I'm thrilled. Best two hours of my life in the past 6 months was being absolutely captivated by this art. The cinematography, music, cgi, character backstory and development and especially portrayal.... great movie. Thank you James Gunn!
The Midnight Man (2016)
a good laugh
I laughed a couple times, if you like sort of B movie, play on your phone "horror" hour and a half wasters, give it a shot.
Into the Dark: Delivered (2020)
dumb characters ruin everything
The main character is an idiot. At every turn she can escape and simply doesn't. This movie is genuinely terrible, unoriginality aside.
Into the Dark: School Spirit (2019)
so played out
What in the Great Value Breakfast Club "slasher" is this..... it's HORRIBLY boring.
Into the Dark: My Valentine (2020)
worst one in the series
What in the dollar store scott pilgrim is this......
Into the Dark: Treehouse (2019)
the terrible reviews are from men
Seriously... it's not that bad. It's a bit campy, but the ending is fun. I didn't think people were actually looking for quality in this series, they're all pretty terrible. Men just don't like female driven movies, and they're trying to jennifer's body this so hard 😂 definitely give it a chance if you like "good for her" movies. Happy international women's day!
Josie (2018)
the HYPOCRISY
By FAR one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Not only super slow and uneventful but she condemns an innocent man to the same fate she's avenging her father for? Who approved this? Let alone signed up for the job? Genuinely embarrassing all around.
Josie (2018)
the HYPOCRISY
By FAR one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Not only super slow and uneventful but she condemns an innocent man to the same fate she's avenging her father for? Who approved this? Let alone signed up for the job? Genuinely embarrassing all around.
Underwater (2020)
just like titanic
You can't tell me there isn't enough room for two people in those pods.
Kiss of the Damned (2012)
too artsy for some
Very artsy, not unlike melancholia, so if you're not into that, it's not for you. I like the flip on the usual vampire power dynamic with the women leading the forefront. It's a good movie, just seems like people wanted a big hollywood production, rather than an indy feeling film that is slightly quirky and portrays vampires in a unique way.
Bit (2019)
men can't see past the surface, they're too shallow
Men really hate movies that empower women. If this movie was male centric or had the women in tiny bikinis bowing to men's will, they'd all look past the "b-movie" aspect and give this 10 stars. It's not high budget, but the writing and dialogue is well done, and the sfx are actually pretty good considering that. You can tell this is a movie about women, for women, by women. Clearly, men can't handle that and just like with birds of pray, wonder woman, and jennifer's body, they all threw a little tantrum and gave this a low rating. Because i'm able to look past the surface, this movie is pretty deep.
Mom and Dad (2017)
nepotism won't buy you talent
I cannot believe how embarrassing nick cage is. You can tell during his monologues that he really thinks he's just absolutely serving an impressive and talented performance. It's genuinely embarrassing.
My Dead Ex (2018)
Very Cute
This just got put on Netflix, and i really hope it gives it a brand new life. that's how i saw it, and i fell in love with it. really hoping we get more seasons.
Hubie Halloween (2020)
cant believe this was made in 2020
I thought we left using disabled people as a tool for comedy in lieu of lack of actual comedic talent in the 90's.... i cant believe we allowed another happy madison movie to exist in 2020. it's stale, and quite frankly, the world is a little too PC now for this type of "humor" to work. it got old dude.
The Old Guard (2020)
devils in the details
This movie is incredible from casting to execution. actor actor has an old world look, like they were the pinnacle of beauty in far reaches of the world
in times long passed. each character has depth, and backstory, and the actors
portrays millennia of knowledge so subtly and with skill. the leads being strong women, the love interests being a gay couple, it's so progressively beautifully in a way that feels normal and yet somehow exceptional. the music is largely female artists as well, which is cool. even their fighting styles, are poetically personal to their character or relationships. even the juxtaposition of making an immortal character suddenly mortal, you are right back in the fear of them dying - it's a great tactic that this movie used. in so many "immortal" stories, you lose that fear and the story becomes banal. but to have such strength in "will they actually wake up?" or seeing andy walk into battle with the attitude of an immortal but the wound of a mortal.... that's magic.
the devils in the details my friends. this movie has it. kudos to the script writer, and writer of the original source material. it's a rare. and it's beautiful.
Straight Up (2019)
there's someone for everyone
An incredibly powerful story of soulmates who don't fit societies expectations of what a relationship should look like, and they could not care less. i think it's a really fun look into how relationships don't need to be inherently sexual in order to work, sometimes, you're soulmate is just your soulmate and how you choose to spend your time with them is magically and perfectly your own. this is a love story, but not the kind you grew up with, and that's what makes it perfect.
1BR (2019)
annoyingly mediocre
If you can't write a horror movie or thriller without killing an animal for a (in this case failed) shock value, maybe you shouldn't write one at all. the whole cat thing is grotesque in the sense that it really served no plot purpose, wasn't scary, wasn't surprising. so why do it? the rest of the film that follows from that point on is boring, predictable, and bland. i have to dig deep to find the true meaning of cults or white males oppression over women. even then, it feels like looking too deep, trying to find sharks in a kiddy pool. also, Naomi Grossman is embarrassingly terrible in this. I expected better from her, having been familiar with her work in AHS. now, every time she's on screen it reads awkward and lifetime movie network level acting. kept pulling me out of the story. however, the ending redeems itself slightly. it feels rushed slightly, but overall brought the story back for me a little.
Enola Holmes (2020)
what's young girls need
This is adorable. it's exactly what i would have wanted to watch as a kid. nancy drew, enola holmes, bad ass chicks who use their brains and don't do as their told.
good for them. (:
The Cave (2005)
the descent is better
If you wanna watch this EXACT movie, but actually GOOD, opt for the descent instead.