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Arthur's Whisky
Arthur's Whisky (2024)
1/10
Horrendous, creepy mess
14 January 2024
When you have the conceit of a middle aged Asian man trying to date a girl who looks about 14 and are supposed to accept that as a viewer as being 'charming' you know this is a seriously misjudged pile of garbage. Who thought that would be acceptable? Top it off with the usual modern message pushing (the only white male characters are shown as buffoons) and a complete failure to entertain and you have the result of one of the worst films I have ever had the misfortune to view.

Save yourself the outright pain of this abomination and go and find an older film to view. Painful, horrendous, creepy mess. The makers of this film should be ashamed.
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Haunted Mansion
Haunted Mansion (2023)
2/10
Pointless, joyless... stick to the ride
8 October 2023
Disney seem utterly incapable of making worthwhile entertainment. Wasting a decent cast (who sleepwalk through the whole film) the whole affair is pointless, tedious filler for the struggling Disney+ channel. Never has a film company lost the plot so comprehensively in the history of Hollywood. Time to go back to core values and hire some decent writers who want to entertain the audience rather than push 'the message'. Cannot understand why Danny deVito agreed to be in this mess. Two stars only for some decent CGI. Do yourselves a favour... go and ride the attraction as this has more charm and invention.
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The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022– )
3/10
Dull but looks nice...
13 September 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Whilst I don't expect this review to be published.as it contains a negative perspective but wow... this is so dull. The main character of Galadriel is so unlikeable and behaves like a spoilt child, the Harfoots are randomly multi-ethnic but have Irish accents whilst the evil Orcs are all white and Cockney (seriously?), you can see the storyline a mile off and the script is unfocused and boring. On the positive side... it looks nice with the sweeping visualisation of the different locations.

Can we just return to making entertainment that entertains? Compare to House of the Dragon which has a driven and interesting plot and great performances from the cast.
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A Violent Man
A Violent Man (2022)
8/10
Fairbrass Oscar Nomination!
21 July 2022
Not sure why the overall score is low whilst the reviews score high but this is a very serious film with a thought-provoking script about the nature of violence. Fairbrass is utterly convincing and it's about time he was given a role in a bigger budget movie.
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Obi-Wan Kenobi
Obi-Wan Kenobi (2022)
3/10
Embarrassing
8 June 2022
An Obi Wan series that makes the titular character a useless dopey stooge who has to be saved by some random woman character (who?) and an insufferable 10 year old girl. Full of plot holes and stupid script choices this is the end. It made us laugh out loud how stupid it is, we have just laughed our socks off watching Ep3 with the kid hiding under the coat and no-one noticing. Disney has killed Star Wars.
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Total Recall
Total Recall (I) (2012)
6/10
Total Don't Recall
2 June 2022
Far less of a remake as the film changes focus and setting but it pales into comparison when matched against the original. Admittedly acceptable as an action film in its own right but lacks the nuance and dense plot of the original. Definitely doesn't leave you guessing about what is real or not real! One bonus point for Kate Beckinsale as she is smoking hot as usual.
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The Convent
The Convent (2018)
4/10
Wonky, Shonky, Wobbly, Shlocky
2 June 2022
Uninteresting and with terrible CGI effects scattered amongst some fair practical effects. Atmosphere is okay, pacing less so. Incomprehensible plot. Gains a couple of stars by having the mighty Michael Ironside (albeit for literally about two minutes; was he just here on holiday?) and Clare 'Hellraiser' Higgins.
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Candyman
Candyman (2021)
4/10
Incomprehensible hogwash
30 April 2022
Dull, muddled, not scary and pointless. Yawn. Remember when films were entertaining and not forcing 'the message'? I fail to see how Hollywood will survive unless they remember what constitutes a good story, acted well and directed with vigour.
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The Wheel of Time
The Wheel of Time (2021– )
1/10
Like many on here...
5 December 2021
I watched the first ten minutes and gave up. What a steaming pile of woke hogwash. Awful, go and do something more entertaining like de-fluffing your navel instead.
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Howling III
Howling III (1987)
2/10
Furry Pouch
10 November 2021
Where else could you see a were-marsupial give birth to a little rubbery baby that crawls up her hairy bush into a pouch! Or an ending with Dame Edna / Barry Humphries realising she/he is in one of the worst films ever!
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The Green Knight
The Green Knight (2021)
2/10
Tedious
3 October 2021
Tedious, slow-moving, uneventful, pretentious claptrap. Huge waste of time, money and talent.
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Us
Us (II) (2019)
1/10
Whoa... what a stinker!
10 November 2020
Unintentionally funny and about as scary as Sesame Street. Incomprehensible rubbish of the worst kind.
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Lovecraft Country
Lovecraft Country (2020)
2/10
Inexplicably rated at 7.3?
17 September 2020
An incomprehensible, scrappy and utterly ludicrous series that drags so much each hour feels like three. Awful.
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Zombieland: Double Tap
Zombieland: Double Tap (2019)
2/10
One of the worst moves EVER
1 September 2020
Tedious, unfunny, boring and pointless. Talented cast being utterly wasted. I literally cannot believe the good reviews on here are not being paid for or posted by studio bots.
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Psycho II
Psycho II (1983)
8/10
Ludicrously underrated!
29 July 2020
With a plot that keeps you guessing and a wonderful performance by Anthony Perkins this film is a worthy sequel and hugely underrated. Cleverly directed by Tom Holland, the film builds to a wonderfully twisted ending that gives a genuine chill and an iconic image to boot. Watch it!
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The Dead Don't Die
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
1/10
What the hell is this?
16 July 2020
I couldn't work out if it was horror ( it isn't scary), comedy (it isn't funny) or satirical comment on society (no valid points are made). Truly horrible but not in a good way, may be one of the worst films ever made.
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Amazing Stories
Amazing Stories (2020– )
6/10
Stick with it...
25 March 2020
Yes Episode 1 was dull and Episode 2 was utterly awful but wait... Episode 3 is actually quite charming and has that Spielberg vibe. And great to see Robert Forster in one of his last roles.
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Mary Queen of Scots
Mary Queen of Scots (2018)
3/10
Historically Inaccurate Tripe
30 December 2019
Now as this is based on fact and involves real historical figures the filmmaker has a duty to uphold facts. Unfortunately the plot and casting disregards so much the film is reduced to fantasy drama. Astonishing! Go and read a book instead.
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Ad Astra
Ad Astra (2019)
6/10
Visually stunning but utterly tedious
25 September 2019
This film looks great but it is ultimately tedious. You watch and wait for plot development but you don't receive resolution. In fact the only interesting parts of the film have nothing to do with the development of the story. Take a blanket and have a snooze.
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Rambo: Last Blood
Rambo: Last Blood (2019)
8/10
Don't listen to the Critics!
24 September 2019
The film is fun and an entertaining popcorn flick. Flies by like a mongrel hybrid of Taken and Home Alone. Compared to the critical love for Ad Astra which barely kept us awake this was insanely fun with the cartoonish but still gory violence. Warning may have been directed by Donald Trump.
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