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Reviews
How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Don't bother
What an average movie. I'm not sure why I went to see it except it was one of the more-highly rated movies at the local 2nd-run theatre and I was bored. During the 1st 5 minutes, I became pretty certain I wasn't going to like the thing; I couldn't understand the dialog because of the high level of background noise: sound, explosions, mayhem, characters yelling. Who can tell what they're saying? Even during the opening scene when we're somehow flying toward the village at night, I couldn't tell what the narrator is saying. Have we seen this formulaic tripe before? Yes: Misunderstood motherless nerdy boy who has the capability to change the world, if only his father and others would listen. Did any one see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs? Same story. The second thing was the accents of the characters: Scots were Vikings! Who knew?? Yet their children speak like modern day Americans and act like them too: cliquish, bullying brats. People are the same, century after century. The dragon, Toothless, looks nothing like a killer-turned-pet by the boy's kindness. No, he's one of the stupidest-looking characters ever; more like giant tadpole. How did he lose 50% of his tail wing? Doesn't matter; without that, there's no story. And who knew: dragons eat fish! They must be part pelican. Something else we didn't know! What an education.... I'm still trying to figure out if the dragon was telepathic or what; how else did he know where the boy wanted him to fly? How did the strategy of how to avoid the big Momma dragon (we are never really told what the big and only MEAN dragon was, except that dragons are like bees and ants: they have a queen. Wow! Lizards have Queen lizards! Another revelation! Take notes, kids!!) Yep; turns out all the man-killers are really kind-at-heart, misunderstood, over-large pets. All we ever really needed to do was walk up and pet them. Again: who knew? If only we were as wise as our children! is once again the moral. Parents are left apologizing and in awe of the kids. So much for Confucius. Finally, we learn that it's really OK after all to kill a dragon as long as it's ugly and as big as an entire city. Makes sense to me...
Zombieland (2009)
Shaun of the Dead? says who?
Who is it that loved this? The zombies? When they get to BM's house (Bill Murray), I said to my wife "this must be that slow middle part of the film". Yeah, except that most of the film is dumb and slow. At least Shaun of the Dead had some genuinely scary parts and was far more campy, while this is just crap. I'm glad I got it at RedBox for $1. What a waste! I suppose I have to write more since IMDb has a 10-line minimum, as though there are more ways to say how bad this was. Does Abigail Breslin have the best agent in the world or what? She may have been good as an ugly little kid but she continues to get movie parts based on her ability to.....?....what? Act? Be someones pathetic little sister? All the actors are playing a reprise of their other roles in other movies. Is this the same Woody we saw in Natural Born Killers? Whose idea was it to put in the scene with the hookah? Wouldn't he do the movie otherwise? Emma Stone? Is this Housebunny Meets Frankenstein? Will Jesse Eisenberg ever play something besides an awkward horny virginal nebbish? All these characters are parodies of themselves. They are the real zombies in this film.
Rachel Getting Married (2008)
Best Picture of the Year? Which year? It's no Girl, Interrupted.
Everyone who disliked this has said what I might say: the scenes which were too long or should have been left out: dishwasher-loading? What's that all about? Is it supposed to be funny? The rehearsal was a waste of time and just dumb. The after-wedding party was about 5x too long and boring. People coming out of rehab are all chainsmokers, right? And she was out of rehab just until the wedding was over, but Rachel didn't realize Kym could fill the part in the wedding party. Sure. Why were her parents divorced? Does everyone have to have divorced parents in contemporary films? What does that add to the story? What was the point of letting Kym have car keys, and what's the point of her driving the Mercedes into the brush, finally (thank God!) hitting a rock? Is that really supposed to be a suicide attempt? I hope not. And of course Rachel's pregnant. What's up with her dad's hair?? It looks like crap throughout the whole film. The whole story was sort of poorly explained; I thought for most of the film that the dead kid was Kym's son, not her brother. Why did Kym get out just in time for the wedding? And Rachel has made a friend her matron of honor, so why does it come as a surprise that it's no longer Kym's duty? Is Rachel fed up with Kym or not, since one minute she's yelling at her and ripping her, the next minute/scene they're holding each other tearfully. How about some consistency.The sound/production was very poor; I kept rewinding to try to figure out what had been said and the English subtitles weren't available for some reason; all I got was the director commentary. I was pretty disappointed after reading all the positive critic reviews.
Valkyrie (2008)
pretty good; lose the British accents in the German actors; plodding at times
If Hugh Laurie can do a weekly TV series without a British accent, these people could have done a movie without accents. Either get rid of the British ones or fake a German one. Those are better alternatives to listening to a room full of German officers speaking to people with British accents and wondering "why are these Brits helping the Germans to plot to kill Hitler?" The producers go to all the time and trouble and expense to recreate an atmosphere of Germany in the 40s and then they cast people who have the inability to make themselves seem like Germans? There weren't any English-speaking Germans for the parts? No Americans? No British who can lose their accents or speak with a German one? It bothered me for the entire film, so I don't agree with the 10-star reviewer who says it's a niggling complaint. At times it was very tense, and others it just seemed slow. Kind of strange, but that's how it came across. And why a room full of men couldn't have just smuggled in some weapons and shot the guy instead of a briefcase with an ineffective bomb? They ended up getting shot after all so why not just a suicide bomb or open fire on the guy?
House M.D.: Broken (2009)
pretty good premiere; I'd love to see more of Franke in future shows!
I liked the new season premiere and was shocked to see Franke Potente in this episode, saddened to see that it was likely her only appearance. Couldn't place the blonde psychiatrist; I remember her being the CIA person on the great show, "MI-5". It would be nice if both of these fine actresses have some part to play in future episodes. House works better with Franke than with Cuddy. She's about as neurotic as he. Sort of weak that his "demon" was gone without any struggles at all. One day he has recurring hallucinations, the next day they're gone? That's one fine psych hospital they have! Otherwise, it set the stage for an interesting season. I hope they return to more medical-based episodes and less of the soap opera. Last season was the worst.
Reign Over Me (2007)
unwatchable
What was this supposed to be? A remake of Fisher King? Why do we care about Sandler's character? What a slow, dreary, boring, who-gives-a-damn-about-these-people movie!!! Just simply painful to sit through, I turned it off before it was over. It's so obvious that Cheadle needs help as much as Sandler; like I said: can you say "Fisher King"? And how does this psychotic character function in his daily life? We aren't supposed to think that deeply, I guess. Why does Cheadle continue to give Sandler a chance to turn violent on him? If they were such good friends, how did they grow apart? If Cheadle is so in control, why does he keep seeking the advice of the shrink on the street? We are never told. That's why Fisher King was a better film on so many levels and why this just sucks. Nearly 8 out of 10 average score? I don't agree. At all. Even the top films are lucky to get such a high average rating, and this crap doesn't deserve to be in the same universe with them.
Transformers (2007)
what were you expecting??
What a bunch of whiners. Not enough plot, it's not Oscar material, why is John Turturro in it, what's up with the shaky camera, the girl is too skinny, etc. What did you expect from a mindless summer animated action flick designed for teens?? How much of a plot did Close Encounters have? Mashed potatoes, for chrissakes!? I fell asleep in that movie. Is Dustin Hoffman proud of Meet the Fockers?! I hope not; potty humor from the guy who gave us Tootsie??! Just sit back, turn your brain off, and enjoy the action and the humor. Hell, it was funnier than Nacho Libre. Nobody complained that Jon Voight was in it and he's always wide awake and shaven; how'd he manage that??
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
not my favorite of the 3
I preferred it when Bourne was thinking, not just the martial arts hero, so I liked the 1st the best when he has to use his wits & schemes with Franke Potente to learn about his past. Why she had to be killed I don't understand since the books are nothing at all like the films. So my favorite part of this installment was when he was with the British reporter, working their way through the train station despite the cameras & surveillance teams; it shows Bourne as the thinking über-spy, not just hand-to-hand combat killer. Non-stop action, sure, but that's most of what happens, so it's both the good & bad. He has money, but from where? He never eats, sleeps, or uses the toilet yet he's always freshly shaved. Maybe he IS a robot; T2 anyone?? The guy in Tangiers just about kicks Bourne's ass. And no matter the amount of fighting or wrecking cars, all Bourne ever gets is a brief limp and a couple of scrapes? Not very damn likely! And all the complaints about the "Blair-witch-esque" hand-held camera are spot on; you really can't see a lot of the action; it's just a blurry mess, wasted. Compare that to the scenes where all he has is a pen or a towel or a rolled-up magazine: great improvisation, another use of the thinking Bourne, not so much the serious, angry, take on the world Bourne we have this time around. Here he's no longer vulnerable, but feared; no longer loved, no longer human, no longer deserving of our sympathy since we learn he was a volunteer killer, which shows us that maybe the people who made him this way are not entirely to blame but they didn't go anywhere with that line of thought.
Little Children (2006)
nothing new to add but an opinion
With almost 15000 opinions/votes for this film, I can't really add anything new but I have some thoughts just the same. What does it take to get an X-rating? I didn't understand the need for the graphic screwing in the movie, nor why the wife didn't put 2+2 together: her husband's not answering the phone when the kid ought to be taking his nap, so what's dad up to?! I found the film overlong; you're really waiting and waiting for the thing to come tumbling down and Kate Winslet's character's bubble to be burst; you know it has to happen and it starts to drag at that point. The part with the "sexually oriented offender" having his own little story was strange: I thought, why are they giving this little guy's story in all this? How strange! And his blind date experience really freaked me out. Totally creepy. His mom's part was well-acted; she really puts down the guy who feels it necessary to post her son's photo all over the neighborhood, pointing out his past to him, which instantly shames him. Wow; pretty strong stuff, if a bit convenient. How he didn't know about the guy being at the pool is beyond me; every mom & kid in town was there. Which brings up another oddity: the weather is always beautiful in this town, isn't it? Every day is spent in the park & at the pool; just not credible for me. Too, so the guy looks at (well, more than that, but still...) porn on the web; that makes it OK for mom to have an affair? Umm....not really. 2 wrongs don't make a right. We know nothing about this character, nor much about Jen Connelly's either. The comedy was interesting in an otherwise very serious film.