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Honeymoon (2014)
9/10
Smart, slow-burn indie horror that deserves more love
25 May 2015
As a 30+ year fan of horror films of all stripes, I don't quite get what some reviewers don't quite get about Honeymoon.

I wanted to catch the film when it was featured at the 2014 FantAsia Festival but couldn't make either of the two well-received screenings, but at long last saw it recently and was not let down by the positive buzz I had read. This is a film that crafts its central two characters well and evolves at a deliberate pace that makes the payoff pack an unsettling punch that will stick with you long after the credits roll. There is smart foreshadowing at play throughout that inattentive viewers may miss, but for those who pay attention, this is a doubly-rewarding watch.

The first act introduces newlywed couple Paul and Bea, Brooklyn free spirit-types who head out for an affordable honeymoon at Bea's family cabin somewhere across the Canadian border in late spring, when the weather is still transitioning and tourist season has yet to pick up at the lake where they're staying. The pair enjoys wedded bliss for a day or two, but a bright beam of light shining into their window as they're sleeping one night reveals something unusual is afoot... The next day, they encounter a former childhood friend (and possible flame) of Bea's at a nearby restaurant he is attempting to open for the season. Clearly distraught about something, the friend's countenance softens when he recognizes Bea, but he then quickly sends her and Paul on their way when his pale-skinned, raccoon-eyed wife emerges from the shadows. Though Paul teases Bea initially about her past with Will, that all changes after she disappears in the middle of a following night, only to be found by a panicked Paul standing naked, trance-like, in the woods a short ways off from their cabin. Back indoors she insists she's fine, but clearly something is off. As her behavior and mental function grows increasingly erratic, Paul does his best to find answers to what, exactly, has happened to his wife...

Honeymoon is not about gore effects (though it does have one memorable sequence in that regard) or jump scares, but it is a very well-written film with a heavy sense of foreboding that does a great slow-burn en route to its climax. Both characters are real and fully realized, and despite being faced with an incomparable situation, Paul behaves in a completely believable manner - in fact, he may be one of the few protagonists in recent horror film memory where it's tough to second-guess his decision making at any stage. Remember that feeling you had when you discover alongside Wendy what Jack's been typing in The Shining? You'll enjoy a very similar shiver at one point through Paul's eyes here. I can appreciate that when the "why" behind what is happening comes to light, some viewers may feel the film takes an unjustifiable turn, but I don't have an issue with it - saying more would steer into spoiler territory, and I think with a film as original as this, you are better off simply giving it a chance and deciding for yourself.

For my money, Honeymoon is one of the better horror films of the current decade, irrespective of budget.
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Preservation (2014)
5/10
I'm confused
6 August 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Preservation opens with a series of shots trailing an old 4x4 making its way from suburbia into the wilderness. Eventually we move inside the cab of the truck to eavesdrop on the conversation of the driver and his companion in the passenger seat, who comes off as a sociopath giggling at an online video of a cat being flushed down the toilet, and recalling how he knocked over an oil can as a kid and splashed the contents all over his father, but thankfully the driver - his big brother - protected him and always had his best interests at heart.

So let's stop right there and see if you're with me up to this point, four or five minutes into the movie. Knowing only a few details about the plot coming into this, we can safely assume these are going to be the killers who stalk the nice people, right? Especially when they take guns out of the car and reminisce about shooting small animals when they were younger, correct? In fact, no! These are your central characters/protagonists, ladies and gentlemen, which takes what would have been a fairly pedestrian thriller down a few notches to fail territory, in my view. Preservation features such largely despicable characters that you in no way root for anyone in the whole affair, be it these two aforementioned brothers, the wife of one of them whose attraction to such a loser you can simply not fathom, nor the eventual real antagonists who make their presence felt with an incomprehensible combination of stealthy brilliance and clumsy stupidity.

There is a critic review floating around here somewhere that compares Preservation to Adam Wingard's You're Next, suggesting each one may have its merits but that Preservation is ultimately the superior, more intense film. Let's put that notion to rest right now: You're Next might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it is miles more accomplished than Preservation, a derivative, illogical, and ultimately lazy effort whose script is about as subtle as a swinging butt of a rifle to your head.
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1/10
An absolutely wretched attempt at comedy with no redeeming value
19 March 2009
Have you ever watched a movie and become so entirely disgusted with it that you literally begin to resent the actors who are featured therein? Well, I can't say it's happened to me a lot - if ever! - but I ejected Strange Wilderness from my DVD player feeling actual anger toward Steve Zahn, Justin Long, Ashley Scott, and the incredibly overrated Jonah Hill for having participated in what is simply one of the most mind-numbingly awful films I have seen in many, many years.

How this film has even managed to rate in the 5/10 range on IMDb is mind-blowing; its script is on the level of what you might expect from first-year students working on a campus television station - inane attempts at humor that are likely only amusing to the cast and crew, incoherent editing, a "climax" relating to the hunt for Bigfoot that is nothing short of appalling, and an epilogue/closing sequence that is on a par with the worst sketch from SNL - scratch that, make it MadTV - that you have ever seen. The difference with first-year students is that you can excuse the fact their production is amateur hour; writer/director Fred Wolf, who has ostensibly contributed some valuable ideas to SNL over the years and is obviously well-connected to the Happy Madison/Sandler crew, is an experienced guy who apparently has abhorrent judgment about what's funny when left to his own devices.

Avoid this at all costs - even if you enjoyed "dumb comedies" as I did like Happy Gilmore, Road Trip, Step Brothers, Jackass, Tommy Boy, Deuce Bigelow, etc., believe me, this movie will leave you absolutely nauseated at how rank it is.
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