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chuckroddy
Reviews
Debbie Does Demons (2023)
Fails on everything but the box cover
If someone makes a movie called "Debbie Does Demons," you have to wonder who the movie is actually for. You would attract people that would enjoy watching silly shlock.
However, this movie was done by a few morbidly obese friends who don't know anything about making a film, including editing, how to set up a shot, or even how to focus. You have characters talking off screen, people constantly flubbing their lines, and clunky explanations instead of any exposition. It's just painful to watch.
There is nothing of value here. The main actress gets topless right away and after that there's nothing else to see. (In fact, it's on the disc so you can just toss it into the trash after opening the case up. )
She makes out with a monster prop for a few minutes but there's no effort to make it look like anything other than a toy she just picks up. There's no humor, action, or real story other than "a witch is trying to kill me, here are some scenes."
Watch Birdemic instead.
Death by Potato (2016)
Unwatchable
I just had a WTF look on my face the entire time. Each character is functionally and idiot and annoying, which I guess was supposed to pass for funny. I hope everyone was high when making this. There's nothing clever or funny, and the twist is pretty stupid.
Midnight Mass (2021)
Bloated, Pretentious, Slow
This could have been a good 90 minute movie, but the show is 95% one person talking for 30 minutes while everyone else stares, 4% scenes with nothing happening, and 1% everything else.
The intrigue ends after episode 3, where we entered a tired trope and everything else becomes predictable. It's like realizing it's Snow White halfway through but there's 20 more hours of dwarves singing.
There are surface levels critique of religion you've heard a million times before, and some half-assed attempts at redemption. The antagonist is the preacher woman you've met before.
If Mike Flanagan wrote a scene of someone jumping off a bridge, this scene would last 45 minutes. Of just falling.
This could have been a great Stephen King story, with a LOT of editing and perhaps an actual protagonist, there are some nice scenes but they just DRAAAAGGG.
Christians will probably not being able to sit through this, it's very disrespectful. I don't think Flanagan realizes that he has a Muslim character suffering through the stereotyping of his religion, while at the same time doing the exact same thing to Christianity. News flash: not every christian is a pious psychopath.
The Colony (2013)
Pointless zombie clone
People run into zombies in a world turned to ice. Nothing new to see here. Does not justify its existence in any way.
Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn (2020)
Barely Watchable
So start with narration, and nonsensical story, and unlikable characters.
How bad is this the writing?
There's a scene where someone does a sonic boom with her voice, and I'm thinking "So...I guess she has this power? Why didn't she use it before? "
Let's have an ensemble team that meets... in the epilogue?
I can't explain the plot. That's how incoherent this tale is.
Love and Monsters (2020)
Zombieland meets the Myst meets low effort.
So we start with narration, bad sign, and the idea that missiles launched at a meteor .... unleashed chemicals that mutated all the animals.
Whut???
Then we do exposition by "tell, don't show" as we meet a bunch of characters we then say goodbye to. All the time the third rate version of Jesse Eisenberg yammers endlessly with no charm or redeeming qualities.
After an idiotic idea to cross the wasteland facing certain death to meet his girlfriend, we meet Michael Rooker pretendsingto be Woody Harrelson.
And you shut it off, realizing that you don't want to waste any more of your life on this.
Murder on the Orient Express (2017)
Exalts Original Story
Beautifully shot, perfectly acted and adds much needed personality and heart that the original movie lacked. Die hard Christie fans will be wringing their hands, but let's face : it the original is a dry affair that seems to casually dismiss the murder. Here, the consequences of the actions take heart and there's an actual story , not just a mystery.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Disappointment. Don't understand the hype
This feels like a Rob Zombie movie.
This movie has been praised everyone of what a cinematic masterpiece it is. I was told that the story, characters, and pacing was great.
When the title exploded into flames I started having doubts. Then I saw the guy playing guitar on a flaming rig.
The movie tries to be gritty but silly at the same time. It's too silly to be taken seriously, and too gritty to be fun.
There is little dialog and character interaction, mostly it's a big long chase. To me action gets old very quickly, especially when it's the same thing over and over again. Spoiler: guys on vehicles shoot at each other, people fall off, cars crash.
Mad max is a minor character. Furiosa just isn't that interesting. Nux is the only person with a real story. He's the only one with anything going on other than fleeing or fighting. No one else really changes.
Would be an okay renter where you can pause and do something interesting, then come back to it. In the theater don't feel bad for having to get up to pee, you won't miss anything.
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)
The Unexpected Virtue of Pretension
Most movies have a basic story flow, likable or interesting characters, and a general theme or message. When a movie like Birdman breaks from this convention, it almost tries to be critic proof by wrapping itself in artiness and obfuscation.
Unfortunately, it also leaves half of the general audience asleep, bored, or angry, though it will struck a chord with some people.
Our main character is a washed up actor trying to put on a play why being haunted by his comic book movie success. 30 minutes in we meet his daughter, who spells out completely how pathetic his attempt to be relevant, covering all the bases of his character. We've now hit our climax. The rest of the movies is just him trying to get through the play and gain critical success. This is where you really start to feel the 2 hour running time, wondering if anything else is really going to happen, and if the voice in his head is real.
Probably the most interesting segment is when the voice in his head starts hovering behind him and becomes an actual birdman, breaking to a scene of the city being menaced by a destructive monster, complete with explosions and a commentary of super hero movies. This where the movie breaks the fourth wall and tells the audience it would rather be seeing this, rather than "depressing philosophical sh*t." But does putting a lamp on the problem solve the issue that we're watching a depressing, unlikable character lament his existence? We're practically watching a drunk, angry guy in a bar rant into the wind. At the end we're clued that this is all in his head.
No dash of pretension would be complete without a rant against critics. Our strawman is a woman who vows to give a bad review because she hates the artist, as opposed to the play being the garbage that it is.
We wrap up with multiple endings where at any point the character may or may not have committed suicide, leaving a "Jacob's Ladder" style perfect life extension.
Plodding through go nowhere stories and go nowhere characters can work for some people if there's more to enjoy. 2001 had cinematography, and Birdman gets by with a single-shot gimmick. Film students will love this, most people won't care. The humor will work for some, but it's style is dry and subjective. You'll laugh at the "smells like balls" line or you won't. Some people will love the anti-super hero movie theme, but conventional story telling exists for a reason, and for each "Transformers" there's also a "Guardians of the Galaxy."
This film is loaded with so many meta jokes that it no longer becomes a story. Either it's a pretentious cinematic rant by and for actors only, or it's an ironic commentary on pretentious commentaries. Or it's vague enough in its themes that it tries to have it both ways.
But mysterious intentions doesn't equal genius. The genius is putting everything in a closed box and have everyone project their own ideas into it. But when people who praise something all seem to be seeing something completely different, perhaps the piece is not as solid as it seems. Maybe we're just seeing shapes in clouds.
If you want to see an arty film, go for it.
Postal (2007)
Can't even call this a movie.
The film used was high quality. That's where the quality ends.
Bad acting, dialog, script, editing, music ... Everything! There are worse movies out there, but they are rare no-budget features shot by people on drugs.
The movie tries very hard to shock, but unfortunately doesn't know anything about comedy. If you laugh because someone said a bad word, then perhaps this movie would be for you. Other people are going to actually want a joke.
Edgy humor can be very funny, but it has to be humor. Just killing a kid isn't funny.
The DVD has Boll boxing a 17 year old kid and pounding the hell out of him. That's the extent of class for this feature.
Steel Toes (2006)
An uninteresting chapter in the Skinhead Saga
The movie is fairly well acted and produced, however the movie lacks originality, warmth, and anything that would make the tale necessary to tell.
Forgiveness is the primary theme, but never fully explored. The interesting plot points, such as the Lawyer's family shunning him for defending the skinhead, are left unfinished.
The ending leaves you feeling downhearted rather than uplifted. The skinhead's change of heart is hard to take seriously.
The character's motivations needed to be explored more. This seems like an empty "After School Special."
Jericho (2006)
Should be called "Let's kill each other over supplies"
The main weakness of this drama is the lack or originality and creativity. Most plots points just revolve around people killing each other for supplies. The bad guys are basically black and white, and everyone outside the town of Jericho is evil. It's evil white guy conspiracy all over again with unrealistic black ops.
The good guys aren't likable. The sound track is god awful and cheesy, and highlights the cheesiness of the speeches.
There also seems to be a "hit you over the head" political commentary. The show tries to be a conspiracy nut left wing theme in a rural right wing state. The overtness hurts the story telling and makes some scenes sound more like political speeches. Subtly is lost.
In the end, you just hope everyone dies.
Scratches (2006)
Lacking
This game is the reason why Adventure Gaming is dead. The puzzles are... they're not really puzzles, they're frustrations. There is no "game," just random things you need to click on to get the story rolling.
There is no motivation to guide the player, other than a wild goose chase for problems you can't solve. The tradition design of making a player think through clues doesn't exists. More than likely you're going to resort to a walk through.
The story isn't bad, and the music is rather creepy. However, overall the game just frustrates and bores.
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
over-hyped, annoying, boring. It's revenge of the nerds with no revenge.
If you miss this movie you have missed nothing. Ignore the buzz, it is not well deserved. Most of the jokes fall flat, half of the scenes have no point to them, there is no plot, and the only likable character is Pedro, who barely speaks. Unfortunately the movie picks up only when it reverts to tired stereotypes (mexican gang members.) As seen as a drama, the movie captures a more realistic feel. The characters seem mostly real until Napolean overacts. I'm sorry, nobody walks at a 45 degree angle, though many of his other mannerisms seem reasonable.
There will be scenes that are just odd. For example, he takes an action figure and drags it at the end of the bus while tied to fishing line. We don't know why. And the scene just ends. Huh? It's revenge of the nerds with no revenge.