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Reviews
Watch If You Dare (2018)
Shakepeare would be jealous of how much of a tragedy this "movie" is.
"Watch If You Dare" is a pathetic excuse of a horror movie that neither comes off as taking itself seriously or self-aware. What it does in its terrible 4 stories is showcase gore and pass it off as horror while completely missing the mark on what horror actually is. I felt so offended by this trash I felt inclined to write a review about it.
The first story is called 'The Stylist' and makes absolutely no sense. It doesn't explain anything about anyone or the scenario and falls into replacing any sort of suspense or intrigue with blood, rubbing into the face of the audience screaming "ISN'T THIS SCARY?!"
The second story 'Ink' is somehow even more bland, boring and nonsensical making you ask questions (if you've somehow stayed awake), but not the good kind. It makes you think who decided this was good enough not only to write, but to pitch, produce, direct and release. It doesn't tell you a story before throwing you into their cheap gore special effects that would take you out of the movie even though this doesn't have you in it in the first place.
The third story 'Foodies' is PAINFULLY long and one of the worst of the already utterly terrible anthology. The characters are painful to watch creating a boring viewing experience without gripping its viewers or creating any product worth watching. Frankly I can't think of anything more to say about this boring, boring short. It's BORING.
Finally 'Knob Goblins' felt like 4 seconds which is a refreshing change of pace because it meant this nightmare was over quickly. I actually have no idea what I watched but I thought it was funny in an extremely awkward way. This has no purpose of anything.
Overall "Watch If You Dare" is only called this because it challenges you to sit through too many minutes of terrible storytelling, directing and acting. Watch if you hate yourself.
Doctor Who: Rosa (2018)
Gripping and emotional
I usually don't leave reviews but I'm noticing on the internet people are purposely leaving negative reviews because... PC? Seriously. So I'm leaving my HONEST opinion here.
The faults of the episode lie in the villain, Krasko just isn't very compelling. But the starring and guest characters absolutely shine in a fairly griping episode with an emotional punch at the end. I recommend this.
Cool Cat Saves the Kids (2015)
When it comes to making kids movies about teaching lessons, this is the opposite of how you do it.
I don't even know where to start with this terrible, terrible film.
The production company didn't try at all in this film. There were so many visual errors I can't even count them all.
The actors were terrible and the writing didn't do any favours in teaching the "kids" some "cool" life lessons. In fact there were various loop holes and stereotyping; such as bullies having no friends and not being loved - which if anything promotes bully behaviour.
If you're a parent - please keep your child away from this movie if you want them to grow up sane.
Despite it trying to teach a good lesson - it does the exact opposite and makes everyone who watches it wish they hadn't like me.
Awful.